In Case of End Times, Please Press Play

September 12, 2011 2:30 PM

So the Rapture has happened and you have been Left Behind. Don't worry. Pastor Vernon Billing's got your back, with this handy VHS guide to help you through what to expect. (SLVimeo)
posted by TheOtherGuy (12 comments total)

Vernon Billings was a fictional character in the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins, who coincidentally are the executive producers of this little video.

Flagged as yet another weaksauce lolxtians thread.
posted by Gator at 2:42 PM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

I don't give a damn if you are Death. Keep your fucking pale horse out of the left lane unless you're passing, bub!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:42 PM on September 12, 2011

I would survive for as long as I possibly could so that I could go around and release as many domesticated animals as I could manage, because these assclowns appear to have forgotten them. Don't worry, critters, I got your back.
posted by tumid dahlia at 2:43 PM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Flagged as yet another weaksauce lolxtians thread.

I dunno. As far as lolxtians goes, the whole eschatological angle is pretty compelling.
posted by GuyZero at 2:47 PM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm going to be a Rapture Jew. It's like a Sabbath Goy but instead of turning on the fireplace, I get a bunch of commemorative plates, pick-up trucks, Precious Moments figurines and whatever else it is that doesn't come up with the Raptured.
posted by griphus at 2:50 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Don't worry, critters, I got your back.

Yeah... me too... That's why I'm breaking into all these abandoned homes; to release the pets.

No, I have no idea how that TV and silverware got into the back of my car. It's a mystery! Truly and again, we see that the Lord is continuing to work in mysterious ways!
posted by quin at 2:50 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think the series of analysis and deconstructions of the Left Behind series by my favorite Evangelical Christian blogger, Fred Clark, are better, and more insightful.

http://www.patheos.com/community/slacktivist/2011/08/07/left-behind-index-i-posts-1-50/

Link to the index of his first 50 posts deconstructing Left Behind.
posted by sotonohito at 2:54 PM on September 12, 2011

I love that there are still credits at the end, like the left behind are going to really care who made the video in the midst of worldwide catastrophe. Not surprised to see Tim LaHaye on there though.
posted by brenton at 3:02 PM on September 12, 2011

"We believe that God will not hold a child accountable for a decision that must be made with a heart and mind fully cognizant of the ramifications."

I'm pretty sure this is not supported by biblical facts.
posted by yeolcoatl at 3:03 PM on September 12, 2011

I'm pretty sure this is not supported by biblical facts.

Since when do facts get in the way of what Christians believe?
posted by xedrik at 3:06 PM on September 12, 2011

"Hello Faith. If you're watching this tape, it can only mean one thing. I'm dead. And our noble campaign to bring order to the town of Sunnydale has failed. Utterly and completely. But on the other hand, heck, maybe we won. And right now, I'm on some jumbo monder in the Richard Wilkins Museum surrounded by a bunch of kids sitting Indian style and looking up at my face filled with fear and wonder. Hi kids!"
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:16 PM on September 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Man, the Mayor was so awesome.
posted by kmz at 3:27 PM on September 12, 2011