I Asked For Spaghetti O's and You Gave Me Spaghetti, Take it Back"

September 23, 2011 8:34 AM

Lawrence Russell Brewer, convicted of the dragging murder of James Byrd was executed Wednesday by the State of Texas. Before his execution he requested a last meal of a triple-meat bacon cheeseburger, three fajitas, one pound of barbecue and a half loaf of white bread, pizza meat lover's special, one pint of 'homemade vanilla' Blue Bell ice cream, one slab of peanut butter fudge with crushed peanuts and three root beers, which went uneaten. On the complaint of a legislator, Texas has halted all special pre-execution "last meals", going against historical tradition. Here are some famous last meal requests.
posted by Xurando (54 comments total)

I got a solution. Just get rid of the death penalty. Eliminates the need for last meals altogether.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:36 AM on September 23, 2011 [44 favorites]

Yeah cuz that 150 bucks the last meal costs far outweighs the 200 grand a year the state has to pay for putting some schmo to death. Penny wise, pound foolish.
posted by spicynuts at 8:37 AM on September 23, 2011 [15 favorites]

Ugh, Texas. It's like your state government is always on the lookout for new and improved methods of douchebaggery.
posted by elizardbits at 8:37 AM on September 23, 2011 [7 favorites]

At a different forum or blog (I can't remember which one), one commenter posed a simple solution, one that most states have already implemented as policy: set a reasonable cap on the allowable expense of, say, $20 or so.
posted by The Confessor at 8:43 AM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

So if a legislator complains about the death penalty, will they end that too?
posted by Dr. Zira at 8:43 AM on September 23, 2011 [5 favorites]

Death and Texas.
posted by schmod at 8:44 AM on September 23, 2011 [5 favorites]

Good.

The "historic tradition" makes it seem to outsiders as if executing prisoners is not as barbaric as it is. It has become a voyeuristic curiosity, as the "famous last meal requests" link shows.

Screw that. The state is killing people by lethal injection. Don't try to pretty up that shameful practice or turn it into a spectacle.
posted by zarq at 8:44 AM on September 23, 2011 [4 favorites]

Meh. This is nothing. This is always carried out at the prison level. It's not like the Governor clears all these requests or something. I'm pretty sure guards and wardens who've spent ten or fifteen years with some of these guys--most of whom have mellowed out considerably in that time--are going to make sure their nominal friend gets a damn cheeseburger if that's what he wants before they have to watch him die.
posted by resurrexit at 8:44 AM on September 23, 2011 [7 favorites]

From the final link: the story of Philip Workman requesting a pizza, but then requesting that it be given to a homeless person instead, is really quite touching.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:44 AM on September 23, 2011 [5 favorites]

I find it rather remarkable that people who know they're about to be executed have any appetite at all.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:44 AM on September 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

I guess you could take one bite of everything, or something.
posted by delmoi at 8:45 AM on September 23, 2011

If you eliminate the veneer of leniency, perhaps more Texans would publicly oppose it.
posted by zarq at 8:45 AM on September 23, 2011

Since there's such a death fetish, they could eBay the uneaten portion of the last meal and recoup the costs.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:45 AM on September 23, 2011 [4 favorites]

This is like the 10th last meal mefi post. Just sayin'.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:47 AM on September 23, 2011

“As far as any regrets, no, I have no regrets,” Brewer says. “No, I’d do it all over again, to tell you the truth.”

Fuck that guy.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:47 AM on September 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

I find it rather remarkable that people who know they're about to be executed have any appetite at all.

Well, the fpp does say he didn't eat any of it.
posted by saulgoodman at 8:48 AM on September 23, 2011

I think that acquiescing to the insane demands of death-row inmates is a gross misuse of taxpayer money.

Wait, did I say "death-row inmates"? I mean "asshole legislators." Sorry.
posted by griphus at 8:48 AM on September 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

End the death penalty and there will be no more last meal requests. Done and done . . . .
posted by birdhaus at 8:49 AM on September 23, 2011

Since there's such a death fetish, they could eBay the uneaten portion of the last meal and recoup the costs.

I was thinking vacuum desiccation of the remains.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 8:50 AM on September 23, 2011

Dear Nice Texans,

Sorry, but we are going to rag on your state a whole bunch over the next few months. It's only because we are really scared that many people seriously want to make your governor, Rick Perry, the president of the United States. We are going to find any different, bad thing about Texas that we can, and try to make it stick to Gov. Perry, and hope that will dissuade people from voting for him.

Because, honestly, we're a little desperate. We don't understand how anyone could seriously think Perry would make a good president, so straight-forward debate looks to be ineffective. We're flailing around a bit.

So, preemptive apologies. We know there are many kind, good, compassionate, open-minded, and delightful people in your state. It's just that, like I said, we're a little desperate.

Sincerely,
Non-Texans
posted by benito.strauss at 8:50 AM on September 23, 2011 [22 favorites]

Like Ironmouth said. (must . . . read . . . all . . . posts . . . before . . . responding . . . .)
posted by birdhaus at 8:50 AM on September 23, 2011

Seems to me they could have spared the lethal injection, and just made him eat the last meal. Same difference.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:52 AM on September 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

They might be feeling a little loopy in Texas these days. Have you seen the drought map lately?
posted by Melismata at 8:53 AM on September 23, 2011

Why is Obama not combating the fatcats from the last meals industry?! How can we expect him to fix the economy if we have soon to be dead innmates ordering too much food?!
posted by tittergrrl at 8:53 AM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

But that's a much less nice way to have a state body murder someone!
posted by shakespeherian at 8:54 AM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

A "death row chef" was on NPR this morning saying that whatever the inmates request, he has to try to recreate out of whatever the prison kitchen's got. For example, if a guy asks for lobster, the best he'll get is frozen pollock. So all of this hysteria is over some imaginary world where a prisoner is served a sumptuous banquet that costs $100s, which never actually happens. This order to halt last meals is all just more bullshit posturing and hot air.
posted by chowflap at 8:55 AM on September 23, 2011

With about 250 human beings being put to death by the State in Texas over the last year, those last meal expenses really add up.
posted by The White Hat at 8:55 AM on September 23, 2011

Last decade, that is.
posted by The White Hat at 8:55 AM on September 23, 2011

...aaaaand now that I've RTFA, I see it says it in there already. Sheesh.
posted by chowflap at 8:57 AM on September 23, 2011

Now I heard the warden say, I had one more day.
One last meal before they led me away.
And he said - if we ain't got it, We'll go out and get it.
You don't have to go 'til we come back with it.
So I said...

Give me two dinosaur eggs over easy.
Fried kooka-bird, not too greasy.
Mosquito knee , black-eyed bees.
An' a little bitty bowl of buttered bee-balm beans

A sabre-tooth tiger steak
A whole hippopotamus, well baked.
Two cross-eyed catfish
and some wavy gravy in the left hand dish

Now go, and get my dinner. Go,
and get my dinner.
You ain't got it?, go out an' get it.
I ain't goin', til you come back with it.

A captivating cup of crocodile dill.
A purple watermelon and an alligator pill.
A bottle of mellow mountain mist
An' a female banana I can't resist

Now go, and get my dinner. Go,
and get my dinner.
You ain't got it?, go out and get it.
I ain't goin', til you come back with it.

A heavy hunk of jelly and a fried rainbow
A rainwater cocktail and a breeze a la mode
A barbecued brick of chocolate ice cream
Bring me a plate of stewed moonbeam

Now go, and get my dinner
Go, and get my dinner
Hey Mr warden, gotta have my fill
I can't go without my last meal

(I'm just gonna recycle this every time this subject comes up.)
posted by Floydd at 9:02 AM on September 23, 2011

Brewer ordered the over-the-top meal, prisons spokesman Jason Clark reported, but didn't eat a bite.

The food later was discarded.

To be perfectly frank about it, it would have been 'discarded' regardless.
posted by Capt. Renault at 9:05 AM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

That "douchebaggery" has kept our state in better shape than others in this economy.

God Bless Texas
posted by BuffaloChickenWing at 9:10 AM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

"If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent Texas and live in Hell” General Philip Henry Sheridan, 1866
posted by photoslob at 9:11 AM on September 23, 2011

Remember the Star Trek TOS show where they lined up to be killed as "casualties" in a war fought by computers? Texas is just like that except the line is longer.
posted by tommasz at 9:12 AM on September 23, 2011

Wait.

He demanded a whole bowl of fried okra and then didn't eat any of it?

Bastard.
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 9:16 AM on September 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

That "douchebaggery" has kept our state in better shape than others in this economy.

Federal Largess kept Texas okay in this economy. Except, of course, the 27 Billion dollar deficit.

Because everything's bigger in Tejas.

Dear Mexico.

We were wrong. Texas is yours. Sorry about that.

-Real America.
posted by eriko at 9:16 AM on September 23, 2011 [5 favorites]

Here's my solution: no last meal, and no other meals - full stop. The death sentence is carried out by starvation. This will save $$$ and also food. And toilet paper. And we can buy a thinner coffin for the perp. All-round savings is what we are talking about here. In fact, don't even PUT these guys in prison! Just superglue their mouths shut and let 'em run around miming in pain until they drop dead. If you're worried about them gettin' up to no-good while on the lamb, we'll superglue everyone on death row to everyone else. Now you have a thousand-strong mass of silent, starving criminals stumbling this way and that as the ravages of hunger weakens them and drives them slowly insane. Then when they all die, just light a match and have a heap-big bonfire night around the gluey corpse-mass. And sell tickets to that shit. Now we have not just saved $$$ but also MADE $$$$$ AND some ¢. That is the kind of hard core fucking policy wizard I am, so vote #1 quidnunc kid and make crime start working for YOU.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:19 AM on September 23, 2011 [4 favorites]

I'm sorry, did you really just say that?

On preview, exactly. Federal largesse, immigration, and resource extraction. Coupled with gutting the social safety net.

And now I see everybody's piling on. Can't type fast enough.
posted by postel's law at 9:20 AM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

God Blessed Texas!
posted by stbalbach at 9:22 AM on September 23, 2011

It has become a voyeuristic curiosity

I'm pretty executions have been like that ... well, as long as there have been executions.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:22 AM on September 23, 2011

Here and here are some recreations of actual last meals chosen by Death Row prisoners.
posted by kamil_antosiewicz at 9:26 AM on September 23, 2011

Christopher Hitchens:

"Since then no country has been allowed to apply for membership or association with the European Union without, as a precondition, dismantling its apparatus of execution. This has led states like Turkey to forego what was once a sort of national staple. The United Nations condemns capital punishment-especially for those who have not yet reached adulthood-and the Vatican has come close to forbidding if not actually anathematizing the business. This leaves the United States of America as the only nation in what one might call the West, that does not just continue with the infliction of the death penalty but has in the recent past expanded its reach. More American states have restored it in theory and carried it out in practice, and the last time the Supreme Court heard argument on the question it was to determine whether capital punishment should be inflicted for a crime other than first-degree murder (the rape of a child being the suggested pretext for extension)."
posted by mattbucher at 9:28 AM on September 23, 2011

But don't suggest that Texas isn't part of the "real america".

On the other hand, it's open season on Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia...
posted by localroger at 9:30 AM on September 23, 2011

I'm pretty executions have been like that ... well, as long as there have been executions.

Oh, well that's all right then.
posted by FrereKhan at 9:30 AM on September 23, 2011

...on the lamb... I like it. All sorts of confusing associations with guilt and innocence in that sentence.
posted by SixteenTons at 9:30 AM on September 23, 2011

Sorry, but we are going to rag on your state a whole bunch over the next few months. It's only because we are really scared that many people seriously want to make your governor, Rick Perry, the president of the United States.

Also, some of the increase in scorn will be motivated by that whole Red River Rivalry thing coming up. Also some of us are still freaked out by that giant spiders nest you had a couple years back and some are just jealous we can't get original formula Dr. Pepper outside your borders. But yeah, nationally, the extra derision is mostly due to that guy who's running for president of the country he once flaunted succession from to rile up his base.
posted by midmarch snowman at 9:33 AM on September 23, 2011

It just goes to show you, one bad apple can spoil it for everybody. This is why we can't have nice things.
posted by scalefree at 9:36 AM on September 23, 2011

Like last meals?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:36 AM on September 23, 2011

I'll stop messing with Texas as soon as Texas stops messing with me.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:38 AM on September 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

It looks like every online source I can find indicates that Texas is 75-80% Christian, so I suppose the question is "what would Jesus do before he killed somebody?"
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:39 AM on September 23, 2011

But don't suggest that Texas isn't part of the "real america". Because it is, it has been for a long long time now, and it's just fucking ugly to make snarky comments suggesting you'd be happy to see some part of our national union depart for either self-rule or to join another country.

To be fair, Perry started it.
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:40 AM on September 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

Line dance?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:40 AM on September 23, 2011

FWIW If I were on death row I'd order my reaally big last meal the day before execution. (Think about it)
posted by Gungho at 9:42 AM on September 23, 2011

Spitbull, that would be the case if those debates made a difference. But there are a lot of middle-of-the-road people who prefer Perry over Obama because he appeals to them on a personal level--they'd rather have a beer with them. You would be appalled by the number of people who make their decisions based on this kind of specious bullshit.
posted by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on September 23, 2011