We have no plan

November 6, 2012 6:58 AM

You loved Battlestar Galactica (but you may have been iffy on the ending), and you may have enjoyed Caprica, so now, coming soonish, in the most confusing way possible, is the long delayed Blood And Chrome. A web series, a sequel, a prequel, and movie and/or a DVD. Something like that. Probably starting this week.
posted by Mezentian (94 comments total)

Ronald D. Moore is not involved with this project, for those who are curious.
posted by helicomatic at 7:04 AM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

This reminded me that while Caprica seemed to have some promise, I couldn't allow myself to get into it unless I knew that it came to a coherent ending (cancelled after one season would have been fine, as long as that season _ended_ right). So I checked out Wikipedia, which doesn't seem promising:

On October 27, 2010, Syfy canceled the show, citing low ratings, and pulled the remaining five episodes of the series from its broadcast schedule

People who actually watched Caprica: should I (who thought 1970s BSG was cheesy as hell, but loved new BSG) bother?


Also this Blood and Chrome thing? Makes me miss Space: Above and Beyond
posted by sparklemotion at 7:06 AM on November 6, 2012 [5 favorites]

Caprica takes a while to get going, but once it does, it's like OMG this could interesting. Then they canceled it.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:08 AM on November 6, 2012 [9 favorites]

You loved Battlestar Galactica

Hmm, that's weird. Let me check my notes... no, there seems to be some mistake.
posted by IjonTichy at 7:11 AM on November 6, 2012 [8 favorites]

this sounds like spartacus galactica
posted by elizardbits at 7:12 AM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

I had high-hopes for Caprica. But, I felt like they dumped way too many story arcs into the mix far too soon, and things got muddied and soapy. It was like they were throwing everything the writers had on the wall, hoping for something, anything, to stick. And then it was cancelled.

Plus, it seemed like they were revising BSG canon to fit the drama. But, that's probably just me.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:13 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I watched Caprica last week, and I agree.
Slow start, gets interesting, cancelled.
But they went out with kick-arse class. And it pretty much made sense.
The acting is solid, even if the cast are very CW, and characters go missing for no reason.


Caprica has good ratings, but SyFy seems to have done something in the inexplicable season break thing. Like Stargate Universe.
posted by Mezentian at 7:15 AM on November 6, 2012

I loved BSG and thought Caprica was a total bore.

I can't imagine this Blood and Chrome thing could be any good. I was initially way more excited about the concept than Caprica's, but SyFy puts out quite a lot of crap with seemingly no reservations. If they have such grave doubts about this one that they haven't been willing to air it even with a strong base of potentially interested BSG fans, that says a lot.
posted by something something at 7:15 AM on November 6, 2012

this sounds like spartacus galactica

Yes, but I saw no blood, boobs or sweaty man-chest with that green screen. Blood and Chrome may have to rely on plottish things.
posted by Mezentian at 7:21 AM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Don't tell me it's a web series. Remember that New Caprica web series that made it seem like someone had kidnapped Aaron Douglas's family and threatened to kill them if he acted well? 'Cause I do.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:28 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

The trailers for this Blood and Chrome thing look pretty good, but you can't trust trailers. Still, it can't be any worse than Snakes On a Train or Sharktopus.
Seconding the shout-out to Space: Above and Beyond. That was a science fiction show done right.

Something the Syphilis Channel wouldn't know anything about any more if it ever did in the first place.

( Yes, I'm being juvenile, but you tell me what the name of that network reminds you of )
posted by KHAAAN! at 7:28 AM on November 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

The big problem with both this and Caprica is that we already know where it's going to go. The thing that made BSG gripping was the uncertainty. Here, we already know how it ends.

That being said, I'm totally watching this, if only for the Explosions! In! Space!
posted by suetanvil at 7:32 AM on November 6, 2012

Presumably this Blood and Chrome thing sucks? Because that's the only way to explain the production limbo it's been in and the confusing and bizarre airing schedule.

It's a shame that Moore went through all this trouble to reboot BSG and then it came to nothing. I thought The Plan was OK thanks to Dean Stockwell, but making a "movie" out of the sweepings of the cutting room floor is never a good idea. And Caprica: Emo Teen Robot was just unwatchable.
posted by Nelson at 7:35 AM on November 6, 2012

I'm not feeling ready to revisit the BSG universe with an iffy production.

In 10-15 years time, there is going to be yet another version of BSG. Might just watch that.
posted by flippant at 7:39 AM on November 6, 2012

you may have been iffy on the ending

"Iffy" doesn't even begin to describe what I was on the ending. After checking in (and out) on the series run, I decided to give the finale the ol' college try. Big mistake.

I checked my watch at twenty minutes, when I realized that the three women on the couch talking about a wedding weren't going to stop anytime soon.

This is not hyperbole, by the way. The first TWENTY MINUTES of the series finale of the epic space adventure with robots, spaceships, lasers and science fiction concepts galore was three women sitting on a couch talking about a wedding. For TWENTY MINUTES.

Even Lorne Greene couldn't have done anything with that.
posted by Aquaman at 7:42 AM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Weddings are important.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:46 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why does it always have to be prequels? If they really wanted a happy and engaged fan base, they'd just shoot a complete do-over of the last 2+ seasons of the series. Make it an ongoing thing, a promise to the viewers — every two years, we'll come up with another different way to fix the plot that we wrecked so badly the first time. All this has happened before, and all this will happen again.
posted by RogerB at 7:49 AM on November 6, 2012 [11 favorites]

Right, the neo-Bechdel test. (1) Must have at least two female characters (2) who shoot laser beams at each other (3) over something other than a wedding.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:49 AM on November 6, 2012 [11 favorites]

Why does it always have to be prequels?

Right?! Who doesn't want to see Galen battling away in ancient Scotland.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:53 AM on November 6, 2012 [5 favorites]

I don't know how to feel about thinking the prior comment was a Dragonslayer reference.
posted by KHAAAN! at 7:58 AM on November 6, 2012

Presumably this Blood and Chrome thing sucks? Because that's the only way to explain the production limbo it's been in and the confusing and bizarre airing schedule.


Actually, the quality of a program often has little to no bearing on Syfy's scheduling choices. Some factors that are relevant include:

-What they think will get them an M18-34 share as cheaply as possible
-What they think the advertisers want
-What the boys over at Discovery/History/Spike are doing
-Which genres fit neighborhoods in Vancouver that have not yet been used as shooting locations
-Billy Zane
-The transit of Venus
-Shapes made by drops of human blood in a bronze dish full of water
-The current price of potash on the global market
-Focus groups
-What a five-year-old thinks is cool today (but not in a neat "Axe-cop" kind of way)
-The pattern made by a bunch of scattered tarsal bones
-Cylon focus groups
-What was foretold in the scrolls of P'nesh
-The weekly average barometric pressure
-Honey Boo Boo (for some reason)
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:58 AM on November 6, 2012 [21 favorites]

I hated what I saw of Caprica, but I loved Battlestar and was perfectly fine with the ending. (I like letting storytellers take me places in an uncritical fashion. I was an English major, and may be burned out for life on critical analysis of anything.)

My problem is, if there is no Chief, it's going to be tough to convince me to watch anything Battlestar-related. Galen Tyrol was my one true love.
posted by Coatlicue at 7:58 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I could never remember "Blood and Chrome", in my head I always referred to this as "BSG: Fight and Frack".

Which would probably be better.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 8:01 AM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Who doesn't want to see Galen battling away in ancient Scotland.

I am holding out for a two-hour miniseries consisting entirely of Doc Cottle raging about the lack of penicillin as he powerlessly watches all the remaining colonists die off.

"BSG: Fight and Frack"

Fracking and Punching, surely.
posted by RogerB at 8:04 AM on November 6, 2012 [5 favorites]

My fantasy BSG re-boot is just Kara Thrace, Gaius Baltar, and Saul Tigh drinking in various dive bars together.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:13 AM on November 6, 2012 [23 favorites]

Is Gaius really there? I mean, can both Kara and Saul see him?
posted by alasdair at 8:19 AM on November 6, 2012

Is Gaius really there? I mean, can both Kara and Saul see him?

Of course they can. Gaius was a real person. He was Space Jesus. It's Starbuck -- Alien Angel -- that we might be unclear about. But, clearly, both Baltar and Tigh are both able to see her (and drink with her).
posted by asnider at 8:26 AM on November 6, 2012

(Either that or Baltar and Tigh are both experiencing a shared delusion, along with half of the Galactica's crew/residents, which actually kind of makes more sense.)
posted by asnider at 8:27 AM on November 6, 2012

My fantasy BSG re-boot is just Kara Thrace, Gaius Baltar, and Saul Tigh drinking in various dive bars together.

And every 5th episode, Col. Tigh gets punched in the face and makes those ridiculous video-game-boss-esque DOHs that he makes so well.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 8:31 AM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Thus far my only experience with this show is that I watched the first episode (didn't really grab me) and then this weekend I played the Battlestar Galactica board game with some friends; say what you will about this show, but it yielded a game in which you can play a character who:

- Is the Admiral
- Has nuclear weapons and can deploy them
- Can declare martial law and award the title of President to whomever happens to be Admiral (which, again, was me)
- Is a raging alcoholic

Between that, and trying to figure out which of us was secretly a robot spy, it was basically an episode of Sealab. Probably not what the creators intended, but a very good time.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:38 AM on November 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

trying to figure out which of us was secretly a robot spy

Alias is a show about spies!
posted by neuromodulator at 8:43 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Caprica was 5 episodes of content stretched very thinly across a season and a half of adults acting like teenagers and teenagers acting like children.

Blood and Chrome has very little to do to improve on that.
posted by Revvy at 8:43 AM on November 6, 2012

I thought the ending of Caprica was actually decent. It was a slog, no question, but towards the end they started improving somewhat.
posted by Rhomboid at 8:46 AM on November 6, 2012

The big problem with both this and Caprica is that we already know where it's going to go. The thing that made BSG gripping was the uncertainty. Here, we already know how it ends.

Man, that's the worst line. People go out in record numbers to see the latest action flick. You KNOW the good guy is going to win, but it's still enjoyable to watch the process. To say nothing of re-reading or re-watching a favorite story, which, y'know, a lot of people do. Knowing the ending - even the EXACT ending - is not some kind of dealbreaker.
posted by curious nu at 8:55 AM on November 6, 2012

As a follow up to my earlier comment, here is a list of programs (taken from the i09 comments) that Syfy has actually aired. Again, these are not made up:

Alien Apocalypse
Android Apocalypse
Chupacabra: Dark Seas
Dinocroc
Dinocroc vs. Supergator
Dinoshark
Fire Serpent
Flu Bird Horror
Frankenfish
Grizzly Rage
Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Komodo vs. Cobra
Lake Placid 2
Lake Placid 3
Lake Placid: The Final Chapter
Malibu Shark Attack
Mansquito
Mega Piranha
Mega Python vs. Gatoroid
Mega Snake
Piranhaconda
Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys
Sharktopus
Skeleton Man
Stonehenge Apocalypse
Supergator
Zombie Apocalypse

This list is by no means exhaustive.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:01 AM on November 6, 2012 [6 favorites]

I enjoyed Mansquito, but I appreciate that not everyone can get into hard SF.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 9:04 AM on November 6, 2012 [6 favorites]

Chupacabra: Dark Seas

Wait, there's a Chupacabra movie with Jonathan Rhys-Davies AND Giancarlo Esposito?

That sounds FANTASTIC.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:09 AM on November 6, 2012

Chupacabra 2: Return to Chupacabra Lake
posted by thewalrus at 9:14 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Jersey Shore Shark Attack

Caught a few minutes of that the other day and what the fuck. I have no idea who it was even aimed at.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:14 AM on November 6, 2012

As a follow up to my earlier comment, here is a list of programs (taken from the i09 comments) that Syfy has actually aired. Again, these are not made up:

Alien Apocalypse

Alien Apocalypse is AWESOME if you play the drinking game I invented (note: self-link; hopefully that's OK in the comments; if it isn't, then mods please remove the link). All of those obviously fake beards...you'll be drunk in mere minutes!
posted by asnider at 9:16 AM on November 6, 2012

Grizzly Rage

It is with a very deep sense of personal shame that I must reveal having seen this atrocity because of reasons.
posted by elizardbits at 9:23 AM on November 6, 2012

In 10-15 years time, there is going to be yet another version of BSG. Might just watch that.

You won't need to wait that long.
posted by octothorpe at 9:27 AM on November 6, 2012

Anonymous Rex. I get to link this twice in a week!
posted by curious nu at 9:27 AM on November 6, 2012

That's not shameful. Otoh, if you liked it...
posted by P.o.B. at 9:27 AM on November 6, 2012

The White Skull's list failed to mention Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus. How could you not watch this? Plus it starred Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas.

Also, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid starred Debbie Gibson and Tiffany.
posted by nooneyouknow at 9:31 AM on November 6, 2012

I refuse to watch any new TV series unless they post a very large completion bond that is payable to viewers if the series is terminated early. I'm tired of being the wall they throw shit at. I can wait for DVDs or streaming of the complete series. I am in no hurry.
posted by srboisvert at 9:34 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Chupacabra: Dark Seas

I have not seen this and am really curious what a chupacabra has to do with seas, let alone dark seas.
posted by nooneyouknow at 9:35 AM on November 6, 2012

They get no more chances from me. Caprica started out soapy, got promising, and was unceremoniously dumped in favor of the rest of SyFy's shittiest shitty ghost shows and man-TV and CGI monster crap.

On the good side, I've been largely driven back to books.
posted by sonascope at 9:41 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

You know the more I think of BSG and Caprica, which really was just a Mad Libs BSG soap opera, the more it reminds me of one of the various YA books I have reacquainted myself with. The thinly veiled Christian rhetoric makes you feel duped as if there was some kind of bait & switch, except you have no one to blame but yourself.
posted by P.o.B. at 9:42 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've always suggested to people that they watch the last half of the last episode of Caprica to save themselves the time. It had some interesting ideas, and I can't fault the actors involved, but it just wasn't very good. It always left you with the feeling that the book was much better -- except there was no book. They could only stretch a show with no likable characters so far.
posted by Catblack at 9:55 AM on November 6, 2012

All this has happened before. All this will happen again.
They should do a prequel with Kobal and the first Earth. A cyclic mythology allows for a LOT of prequel and sequel material.
posted by th3ph17 at 9:59 AM on November 6, 2012

The way I see it there are a few different Gaiuss. There is Real Gaius and Angel Gauis. Just like there is Caprica 8, all the other 8s, and Angel 8.

The only parts of Caprica I like were the New Cap City bits.They should focus on that part, a worldwide MMO in "virtual reality". I posted some ideas for it a year ago. Somebody make that shit happen already.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:59 AM on November 6, 2012

The way I see it there are a few different Gaiuss. There is Real Gaius and Angel Gauis. Just like there is Caprica 8, all the other 8s, and Angel 8.

Good point. I forgot about Angel Giaus/The Holy Space Spirit.
posted by asnider at 10:08 AM on November 6, 2012

What I want to know is if there are angel versions of everyone. Why should here be an Angel Giaus and not an Angel Cally. Maybe there is an Angel Cally and she is just chilling up in heaven, totally uninterested in what is going on.

Show makes no fucking sense.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:17 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

As curios_nu pointed out upthread, people do indeed willingly and frequently pay to see drama where they know the outcome because of the genre and/or tropes.

I think the major difference with a Prequel Tv show is that it involves a different level of viewer engagement - days/months instead of hours - and also that knowing how character X came to become character X is often disappointing to majority of the fans of the show mythos, and really fans of the show mythos must be who execs are aiming at with a show that is solidly in Prequel territory.

As much as fans might ask for it, those kind of analysis of a characters past often disappoint.

I wasn't enthralled with the final season of Battlestar Galactica (the reboot), but I damn sure enjoyed the overall journey of the show. Snippets of seeing a young Adama fighting in the first Cylon War were interesting, but not enough that I would want an entire series (or mini series, or webisodes) detailing with what he had to do or the choices he made in order to become the final incarnation of the Admiral that I felt so much for throughout the Battlestar series.

The SyFy channel stopped being about quality genre entertainment a long time ago. Obviously the economics of trash won out. Occasionally there are gems amongst the swirling rubbish, but not often enough, and when it does appear the same viewers who would previously have championed those shows now won't commit to them for fear of getting burned - by cancellation - AGAIN.
posted by Faintdreams at 10:22 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

a few different Gaiuss

Gaiuii?
posted by sparklemotion at 10:23 AM on November 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

Gah - took too long to edit my original comment:

Warehouse 13 appears to be the only original successful show that SyFy has left (which they also produce instead of buying in from another channel a la Lost Girl), and for reasons I cannot fathom they have cut the latest season of that clear in half with the final 10 episodes being shown with something like a SIX. MONTH. GAP. between episode 11 and the start of the season.

[No, No. I am not best pleased at the unreasonable mid-season hiatus]
posted by Faintdreams at 10:28 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I actually loved the BSG ending...except for how they ruined Kara Thrace.
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 10:37 AM on November 6, 2012

Regardless of your opinions on the new Battlestar Galactica (I liked it, pretty much, even the ending, pretty much)...

...the repeated slandering of Sharktopus needs to stop.
posted by infinitywaltz at 10:39 AM on November 6, 2012

I lost interest in BSG, except for the soap opera aspect, after I realized there was one question the show was asking "Do robots have souls"

They could have pulled SG:U into some sort of shape. I rewatched it recently and the thing that bothered me the most was that after being trapped on a ship and all that running around Eli was still "fat nerd" archetype. When are we going to get more nerd archetypes besides Dennis Blunden wiseass fat nerd and Arvid Engen nebbish nerd.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:42 AM on November 6, 2012

I found Caprica to be very well-paced once I realized that the trick is to skip every scene with Amanda Graystone in it.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:50 AM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Warehouse 13 appears to be the only original successful show that SyFy has left

I watched through the first season and enjoyed it, but then there was the big season finale and I was like "oh fuck right off" and never went back. I was surprised earlier this year when I found out it is still playing.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:55 AM on November 6, 2012

Presumably this Blood and Chrome thing sucks? Because that's the only way to explain the production limbo it's been in and the confusing and bizarre airing schedule.

Syfy occasionally produces some quality web content. Check out the delightfully retro Mercury Men.

Not sure what was going on with the scheduling, though.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:12 AM on November 6, 2012

Having lived in Vancouver, I had a locale-based bonus with Caprica. Early in BSG, as Sharon and Helo wander through the depopulated Caprica City, they pass through the atrium of a distinctive building (which is in fact the central library in Vancouver) and come out through the doors on the far side. 58 years earlier in Caprica City, when Graystone and Adama meet for the first time (sorry, no wider shot), it is outside the same building. It was probably totally inadvertent, but I like that we might infer that the characters from two different shows have visited the same places.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:16 AM on November 6, 2012

"Iffy" doesn't even begin to describe what I was on the ending. After checking in (and out) on the series run, I decided to give the finale the ol' college try. Big mistake.

I checked my watch at twenty minutes, when I realized that the three women on the couch talking about a wedding weren't going to stop anytime soon.

This is not hyperbole, by the way. The first TWENTY MINUTES of the series finale of the epic space adventure with robots, spaceships, lasers and science fiction concepts galore was three women sitting on a couch talking about a wedding. For TWENTY MINUTES.

By curious coincidence, I just watched the finale of BSG last night. DVD still in the machine, as a matter of fact.

Just popped on the scene in question (it's actually a baby shower, but I won't quibble over that). The scene is one minute, 45 seconds long.

So, yeah, hyperbole.
posted by the bricabrac man at 11:16 AM on November 6, 2012 [6 favorites]

And Caprica: Emo Teen Robot was just unwatchable.

I remember watching the first episode/pilot and how it ended with cc:ed Zoe being trapped in the cyclon body and thought - Good Lord, how cool is that! They are actually taking on some interesting SFnal themes, about AI and how it might develop, that could grow into investigations about the nature of personhood, the limits or lack thereof of AI and the responsibilities of creator to created that BG had skirted around but ultimately avoided in favour of quasi-spiritual mulch.

But then it turned into the Caprica: Emo Teen Robot and a succession of plot points that only worked if everyone in the universe was a gibbering buffoon with no communication skills. Plus the plot development that monotheism was a known human thing the cyclons had borrowed from some OTT terrorists made their 'Otherness' and presence in BSG retrospectively less interesting.
posted by Sparx at 11:42 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

The scene is one minute, 45 seconds long.

It just feels like twenty minutes.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:54 AM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

KHAAAN!: "Seconding the shout-out to Space: Above and Beyond. That was a science fiction show done right."

For highly trained pilots they seemed to spend an awful lot of time acting like infantry.
posted by the_artificer at 12:12 PM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

BSG: Loved the Sci. Hated the Fi
posted by blue_beetle at 12:16 PM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

For highly trained pilots they seemed to spend an awful lot of time acting like infantry.

They're Marines. Every man a rifleman.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 12:41 PM on November 6, 2012

Skip the whole thing, do a Buck Rogers reboot.
posted by Brocktoon at 12:49 PM on November 6, 2012

They already did. It's called Farscape and it's really good.
posted by P.o.B. at 1:04 PM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

I wasn't enthralled with the final season of Battlestar Galactica (the reboot)

I sure wish Moore had called it something else. It gets really old having to always specify which Battlestar Galactica you're talking about.

My only major problem with the BSG finale was when Lee Adama decided to do the whole "we're going to throw all of our technology into the sun and start over as cavemen" thing. That's crazier shit than anything Baltar could've pulled when he was in charge. Seriously, how did Adama not realize that that decision would probably lead to the colonists lynching him? Once people have known modern medicine and plumbing, they're not going to give them up without bloodshed.

SyFy is being dicky about Blood and Chrome because they hate geeks so, so much. Seriously, once you realize just how much they hate geeks, a lot of things suddenly make sense.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:23 PM on November 6, 2012

BSG: Loved the Sci. Hated the Fi

Wait, what? What Sci? The robots were indistinguishable from humans at the molecular level but could stick quarter-inch plugs into their arms!
posted by IjonTichy at 1:53 PM on November 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

while watching the last Caprica episode, i came to the realization that i think the whole world is a sim. That is why the 'angels' are there, that is why everything is cyclic. players are leveling up.
posted by th3ph17 at 1:55 PM on November 6, 2012

Skip the whole thing, do a Buck Rogers reboot.

I'll wait here, you think on that after you've watched SyFy's Flash Gordon reboot.
posted by Mezentian at 3:04 PM on November 6, 2012

The robots were indistinguishable from humans at the molecular level but could stick quarter-inch plugs into their arms!

Also, you're not super strong until you know you're a Cylon, at which point you, a tiny female political aide, suddenly gain the ability to swat a member of the deck crew ten meters down a launch tube with the back of your hand.
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:21 PM on November 6, 2012

Also, you're not super strong until you know you're a Cylon, at which point you, a tiny female political aide, suddenly gain the ability to swat a member of the deck crew ten meters down a launch tube with the back of your hand.

That arguably makes sense. If they're supposed to blend into human society and have no idea that they're Cylons, it would make sense to do something to impair their mad cyborg skills so they don't give themselves away.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:27 PM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also the whole "All Along the Watchtower" music thing makes sense because the writers were fucking high.
posted by Nelson at 3:50 PM on November 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

While crazy, the All Along The Watchtower thing was brilliant when I saw it.

And, it was only seeing Caprica that the Opera House made sense of any sort.
I believe that if Caprica had been paced better, and run longer, we would be hailing it as a classic.
But I also think that of StarGate Universe.
posted by Mezentian at 5:09 PM on November 6, 2012

I sure wish Moore had called it something else. It gets really old having to always specify which Battlestar Galactica you're talking about.

I avoid this by just not talking about the original series very much.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:18 PM on November 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

They already did. It's called Farscape and it's really good.

Oh? Who was Twiki in Farscape? No Twiki, no Buck Rogers. 1812 doesn't count.
posted by Brocktoon at 5:20 PM on November 6, 2012

Saying Buck Rogers can't exist without Twiki is like saying that Buck can't exist without Hawk, or Battlestar without Galactica 80.

Philip Francis Nowlan did not create Twiki, he's not that important.
posted by Mezentian at 5:49 PM on November 6, 2012

Seriously, how did Adama not realize that that decision would probably lead to the colonists lynching him?

Rewatching BS:G reboot, I find most events are perfectly explainable when you connect the dots and realise that Galactica was a punishment assignment. The incompetent, the drunks, the mentally imbalanced, the corrupt, and the talented-yet-discriminated-against-minorities were sent there by the Colonial Fleet command as a way to quarantine their most annoying and threatening officers and crew on their least important, most redundant ship.

The plot is really about Lee Adama deciding whether he'll be an incompetent, washed-out has-been like his father, or take his life in a positive direction and stop associating with the hand-picked-to-fail crew of Galactica. In the end, he fails, and celebrates his failure by condemning humanity to suffer through hundreds of thousands of years of technological rebuilding.
posted by kithrater at 6:26 PM on November 6, 2012 [6 favorites]

The Battlestar Galactica That Never Happened...
Found this on youtube, and I figured there might be folks who have not seen it.
Richard Hatch's The Second Coming, with actual Apollo and Boomer.

That seems different to the one I remember before. But, if you don't like new BSG, that might ease the pain.
posted by Mezentian at 2:53 AM on November 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I wasn't "iffy" on the ending of BSG. I bailed before I had the chance to. It was the end of Season 3 that made me realize that they were clearly making it up as they went, not much made any sense anymore, and I really didn't care about any of these people.
posted by Legomancer at 4:48 AM on November 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just popped on the scene in question (it's actually a baby shower, but I won't quibble over that). The scene is one minute, 45 seconds long.

So, yeah, hyperbole.

What? No. We might be talking about different things. When I sat down to watch the final episode on TV the night it was broadcast, it was literally 20 minutes before anything other than a conversation on a couch was happening. Did that get edited for the DVD release?

There's no way I am mistaken about this. I was looking at my watch every two minutes thinking, "there's no way this is going on this long, is there?"
posted by Aquaman at 7:53 AM on November 7, 2012

By coincidence I'm watching it for the first time now - I'm up to episode four of season two, and I have to say it's perfectly clear right now that they're making it up as they're going along, and have been since the middle of season one. It seems very fragmented (which I suppose is a side-effect of the way in which series are written, and doesn't help long stories like this remain coherent). I only caught random episodes before, so now I see why they mostly seemed to be about people running around in forests (not very spacy, is it, Forests?)

At one point, it looked like something interesting was happening - the characters who increasingly had an affinity with Cylons (Baltar; Starbuck with her raider; various Sharons with various boyfriends) suggested that it was going to move away from the usual manichean gunfight into something more fluid. As I write, though, it's gone back to the usual militarism, though with a spicy side-order of "Military Coups are bad, m'kay?" which they've even managed to de-tooth by giving the takeover to the drunk rather than the saintly admiral (currently, as I'm sure you'll remember, spending entire episodes asleep, which must be money for old rope for an actor).

I am enjoying it, though mostly for the performances. Also, I'm holding out for the possiblility that they come across a freighter containing millions and millions of triangular pieces of orphaned paper. What is their problem with corners?
posted by Grangousier at 11:05 AM on November 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I find most events are perfectly explainable when you connect the dots and realise that Galactica was a punishment assignment. The incompetent, the drunks, the mentally imbalanced, the corrupt, and the talented-yet-discriminated-against-minorities were sent there by the Colonial Fleet command as a way to quarantine their most annoying and threatening officers and crew on their least important, most redundant ship.

Battlestar Australia
posted by banshee at 2:31 PM on November 7, 2012 [5 favorites]

Ron Moore’s Outlander adaptation will air on Starz
posted by homunculus at 9:10 PM on November 7, 2012

Ron Moore’s Outlander adaptation will air on Starz

!58008
posted by Mezentian at 3:03 AM on November 8, 2012

So, now that Blood and Chrome is actually available, is it any good? Will it be a waste of my time?
posted by asnider at 3:31 PM on November 9, 2012

I'm waiting for the full movie, I think.
iO9 seemed to like it.
posted by Mezentian at 9:11 PM on November 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

So, I've just finished watching the whole of the main series of Battlestar Galactica, just now. That's a lot of hour, and my head is spinning slightly. Some thoughts - I've not gone trawling for other comments yet, so excuse me if none of these are original (and I'm sure none of them are), but dumping it on the end of this thread is a pretty good way to get it all out of my system:

• I'm now fairly sure that long running television series aren't a very good way to tell an epic story - the result ends up being a bit patchy to say the least. Also, on television they talk all the bloody time. The primary way of conveying anything seems to be the Extended Portentous Lecture. I spent a lot of the last episode shouting "Shut up and get on with it!" even though they didn't and they didn't.
• A lot of the editorial decisions seem to come from rather bloodless decisions that conform to television's expectations and logistic necessity (which I do understand, but feel the strings are often a bit obvious). For example, the way that secondary characters - Three, Callie, Gaeta, Dee, etc - are winnowed out towards the end because there's only so much time in the finale for tearful farewells. Also, there were a lot of episodes that could be dropped completely, as they only exist to hammer home a point that's already been driven forcibly in on numerous other occasions. In fact the series could be edited down considerably and be a lot better. I'm not going to do it, though.
• I might be giving the impression I didn't like it - may I point out that you don't watch over seventy hours of something over two weeks if you're not enjoying it.
• They should have called the bar on the hangar deck Bottle Store Galactica.
• Speaking as a devoted and persistent moral and physical coward, Gaius Baltar is the second main character on television I've felt a deep affinity with, after George Costanza.
• Baltar is usually right, isn't he? Not always (and probably not about the God Stuff), but very often.
• I actually don't mind the God Stuff - any imaginary universe has a bunch of rules built in to it and the God Stuff is fairly central to this one, so I just go with it. Angels, Centurions ... it's all just narrative furniture, really.
• Although I haven't sought out much comment on the series, I did stumble across this article from Commentary magazine, which made me laugh a lot, though not intentionally. I immediately decided that anything that annoyed people like that as much as that had, had to be axiomatically good.
• The Cylons are a lot nicer than the humans, on the whole. Also they're more inclined to keep their word than humans, who are keener on over-reacting, running around like a Muppet Show panic scene and blowing shit up.
• Especially Laura Roslin. I'm not sure I'd trust her as far as I could spit her wig. She's probably the most treacherous character in the whole series.
• Cavill isn't nice, but he is, at least, consistent. Moral codes are a kind of programming, that's why the machines are better at it.
• Yeah, Mark Sheppard is incredibly cool.
• I have a theory that they wanted The Song to be Tomorrow Never Knows, but they couldn't get the rights, so they settled for All Along the Watchtower. It really should have been something with a better or, at least, more memorable melody. It amused me to imagine that The Song might instead be:
• I Palindrome I by They Might Be Giants
• Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple
• Itsy, Bitsy, Teenie, Weenie, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini by Brian Hyland
• The Birdy Song by The Tweets
• The (prehistoric) conclusion is, of course, hugely reminiscent of the end of the first series of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.



• Further to which, when I saw Sam on the CIC in his bath, I immediately thought of the captain of the B Ark.



• When you watch enough episodes back to back, you really want to find the person who made all those short, violent idents for the production company right at the end of each episode and slap them about a bit.



• I think I Palindrome I would be quite good, actually. In keeping with the tone of the show, in fact. And I'd have liked to see one of the Final Five intoning "One day mother will die and I'll get the money" in a Meaningful Way.



• So, one time Gaius says "Who are the final five?" in an offhand way, and suddenly it's their proper name, like a superhero team or hip-hop crew? "The Final Five in the house! Represent!"



• I could have spent a lot more time with the Cylons and especially with the Hybrid. Perhaps I just like women in baths spouting nonsense. The Cylon ship sequences pressed the same button for me as the Black Lodge sequences in Twin Peaks, and I felt the same impatience when the show cut back to the tortured young lovers.



• Is it just me, or did the episode immediately before the introduction of The Song feature a lot of references to classic rock songs? I spotted several, but can only remember someone saying "Don't stop believing".



• The third most thankless role is probably Dee, I think we can agree about that.



• It would have been nice if they'd thought out the whole gods thing - there are all sorts of parallels to classical mythology that don't quite work. I like the idea of Baltar as Hephaestus and Caprica Six as Aphrodite, for example. The writers definitely seem to have leafed through a book on classical mythology, even if they then only used it to prop up a wobbly table or something.



• Only two animals on the whole fleet, as far as I can tell: a cat and a dog. And they kill the cat. And then they give the dog to the person who was supposed to be looking after the cat. If they got humans and machines to breed, perhaps they could have done the same thing with the cat and the dog, created a whole species of cat-dogs. But no, they had to kill the cat. You see what I mean about humans?



• The second most thankless role is certainly Simon, the Black Cylon who's a bit rubbish and doesn't get to do much of anything really.



• Yes, there's a pattern here. See also the Black Market episode - "Hey, look! There's a black guy. He must be a crime lord or something!"



• That really was a terrible episode, like something that had crawled in from the dying embers of Starsky and Hutch.



• Say what you like about Tom Zarek, he did finally get the Quorum of Twelve to shut the fuck up.



• The most thankless role in my opinion is Lee. I realise that's an odd thing to say given that he's one of the main characters, but it must be a bit soul-destroying to turn up for work for five years and be that squeaky clean all the fucking time even when the character's drunk off his ass, openly disobeying orders or visiting prostitutes. I refer you, again, to the Black Market episode. Jamie Bamber's accent is very good, though, and he does give it his all, whatever "it" is.



• Tricia Helfer and Grace Park are quite extraordinary, especially Helfer. And Lucy Lawless. All the Cylon women, in fact.



• Obviously, Starbuck is fab too, though I do personally consider bad-assédness to be a highly over-rated virtue, there's a lot more to her than bad-assédness.



• Of course, if Hera is the Mitochondrial Eve, that means that even though the Human Race comes from Africa, the Human Race is actually white. And a bit Chinese. There was a black woman, but she shot herself.



• The thing is, I'm convinced that this stuff isn't intentionally racist, they just don't think very hard. It never ceases to amaze me the beautiful, intricate, ornate things that clueless people are capable of.



• Over seventy hours. Gods!

I'm grateful for having had the opportunity to do this post. It's very therapeutic. I return you to your regular programming.
posted by Grangousier at 6:15 AM on November 13, 2012 [4 favorites]