Our hero is armed with tampons

February 4, 2015 9:28 AM

Now you can shoot enemies with tampons on your phone, any time you want. In Tampon Run, a young lady fires tampons at her enemies instead of bullets.

The projectile tampons were inspired by a 2013 abortion vote in the Texas State Capitol; as women entered the building, state troopers confiscated their tampons, claiming the women might start throwing them. At the same time—under Texas law—people could keep their guns.

posted by still_wears_a_hat (36 comments total)

If you wound someone you also staunch the bleeding. I will forward this idea to the Canadian Armed Forces.
posted by srboisvert at 9:32 AM on February 4, 2015 [6 favorites]

still_wears_a_hat: "state troopers confiscated their tampons, claiming the women might start throwing them."

How fucking barbaric is this nonsense.
posted by boo_radley at 9:50 AM on February 4, 2015 [11 favorites]

Oops, that should have been in quotes.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 9:54 AM on February 4, 2015

I once threw a tampon at a car. It was wrapped, I assure you.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:57 AM on February 4, 2015

Man, tampons are great. I always keep one in my survival kit. You can use them on nosebleeds, start fires with them, lots of great stuff. I have also been able to save the day for ladypersons when they needed one.

It is also worth noting that toxic shock syndrome from tampons has been greatly reduced after some super-absorbent brands were pulled from the market.
posted by poe at 10:04 AM on February 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Kills enemies dead. Period.
posted by davebush at 10:04 AM on February 4, 2015 [8 favorites]

Can't wait until this game is available for Android.
posted by suelac at 10:11 AM on February 4, 2015

Reminds me of the Ewok Gun.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:27 AM on February 4, 2015

In 1975 or, so when I was about 4, my Mom had the neighbors over for tea. They were chatting quietly in the front room. Maybe they were talking about Jimmy Carter running for president. Who knows? It was definitely some kind of boring grown-up stuff. Grown-ups were boring.

I was in the linen closet looking for anything that might look interesting when I found a box labeled 'Stayfree Sanitary Pads". The things inside were white and about an inch thick. They were obviously bumper pads of some sort. What other use could they possibly serve? They even had an adhesive strip so that you could attach it to whatever part of your body you wanted to protect from bumps. I exposed the adhesive strip and stuck it on my forehead.

I was invincible. I used my new-found power to run through the house, bonking my head on every possible surface as I shrieked with delight. I ran into the front room and yelled "Look, Mommy! I have a bumper pad on my head!" as I bonked into more stuff. She and the neighbors stared at me, mouths agape. It wasn't until much, much later that I discovered the true purpose of my bumper pads.
posted by double block and bleed at 11:02 AM on February 4, 2015 [40 favorites]

Boy, was I embarrassed.
posted by double block and bleed at 11:05 AM on February 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

At least if you'd bumped your head the blood wouldn't have gotten all over the place.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:15 AM on February 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

LOL men.

I've always thought it was hilarious how so many men can sit around and talk in repulsive detail about virtually any other type of effluvia, about porn and masturbation, and all kinds of stuff, but any reference to menstruation, no matter how oblique, l would send them all to their fainting couches.

There was a minor wharblegarble going on for a while on tech sites for some reason where men were complaining about tampon commercials on TV. I pretty clearly recall Slashdot as being a major vector for that, so I just went full troll for a while and talked about periods whenever I could. My real masterpiece, sadly unappreciated and apparently now lost to the mists of time, was a fairly extended network security discussion where I explained a bunch of different concepts through analogies to various methods of controlling and containing menstrual fluids.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:43 AM on February 4, 2015 [44 favorites]

L7 got there first.
posted by ThatFuzzyBastard at 11:53 AM on February 4, 2015

"Look, Mommy! I have a bumper pad on my head!" as I bonked into more stuff. She and the neighbors stared at me, mouths agape.



Why did they not start laughing until tears rolled down their cheeks and they could barely breathe, finally wheezing to a halt, only to start again when one of your bumper pads slowly came unstuck and flooped on the floor?
posted by louche mustachio at 12:12 PM on February 4, 2015 [11 favorites]

My real masterpiece, sadly unappreciated and apparently now lost to the mists of time, was a fairly extended network security discussion where I explained a bunch of different concepts through analogies to various methods of controlling and containing menstrual fluids.

I am sure I speak for much of Mefi when I say that we would love to see this explanation if ever you found it again.
posted by jeather at 12:18 PM on February 4, 2015 [19 favorites]

Had a cat who routinely wandered down the hallway into the living room of our apartment with one of my girlfriend's (wrapped, unused) tampons in his mouth, like a dog with a bone.

Only when we had guests over, of course. Great ice breaker.

For a while, no hiding place was safe. He'd find a way to grab one and then proudly display his catch to the crowd. Eventually had to lock the darn things in a hanging cabinet in the bathroom.
posted by zarq at 12:19 PM on February 4, 2015 [9 favorites]

Dunno. That stuff never bothered me. I never winced slightly while picking up sanitary supplies for the ex and they called for a price check.

Yeah, menstruation's a thing. So is breathing, eating, and posting online.

And?
posted by Samizdata at 12:23 PM on February 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh fun. Here's my witless boy-child tampon interaction story: I stuffed a bunch of them in my mom's super expensive shampoo and conditioner when I was around 7 or so. No reason.
posted by boo_radley at 12:23 PM on February 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

This all leads inevitably to pyschokinetic school massacres, but go ahead and play if it's that important to you.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:54 PM on February 4, 2015

It wasn't until much, much later that I discovered the true purpose of my bumper pads.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:02 PM on February 4

I'm shocked that everyone else has too much taste to suggest an eponysterical here.
posted by howfar at 1:02 PM on February 4, 2015 [8 favorites]

Dunno. That stuff never bothered me. I never winced slightly while picking up sanitary supplies for the ex and they called for a price check.

Pretty much my reaction. My wife used to apologize for sending me out for them, eventually she learned I just didn't care.

Now condoms...there's something to get embarrassed about.
posted by lhauser at 1:05 PM on February 4, 2015

Girl-children can be witless too. I saw a machine in a public restroom that was selling 'feminine napkins,' and they sounded just wonderful. I could just imagine having a beautiful feminine napkin, probably soft and scented, maybe with little embroidered flowers on it or something, so I was really mad at my mom when she wouldn't get me one. I just didn't think it was fair that I was going to have to use stupid BOY NAPKINS all the time because she wouldn't cough up a lousy five cents in the interest of my gender performance.

I think I made some pretty good arguments, but none of the (many) people I presented my case to seemed to take my side. They laughed! LAUGHED!
posted by ernielundquist at 1:06 PM on February 4, 2015 [23 favorites]

Here's an interview.
posted by Shanachie at 1:07 PM on February 4, 2015

"Can't wait until this game is available for Android."

Androids don't use tampons - they use drip trays...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 1:11 PM on February 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Stupid jokes aside, this looks kinda cool. Although I'm assuming the 12yo element of my gender is making judgements about girls only being able to make girl games, or some bullshit about them needing help from professionals (obviously XY professionals) to make the mobile version. Assuming they can get past the girl germs coating the whole subject...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 1:18 PM on February 4, 2015

Upon further reflection, this needs to be one of those phone AR games.

Cut me off in line? SUCK ABSORBENT JUSTICE, EVILDOER!
posted by Samizdata at 1:18 PM on February 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Pretty much my reaction. My wife used to apologize for sending me out for them, eventually she learned I just didn't care.

Now condoms...there's something to get embarrassed about.

Only time that ever happened was when I was buying them for an underaged friend and his pastor walked in the drug store.

Him, not me.
posted by Samizdata at 1:20 PM on February 4, 2015

One take on men buying tampons for women.
posted by ocherdraco at 2:19 PM on February 4, 2015

Once, at a drug store, they gave me a little pink plastic case as a giveaway. I stuffed it in my pocket. Then, on
the subway home, I remembered the case and took it out. It looked cute. I shook it. I fiddled around with the catch. THWACK! Ten tampons exploded out of the case, flying across the aisle and hitting the man opposite me, who responded with a blank look. Tampons rolled off his lap onto the floor.

Then I had to scrabble
about the aisle, snatching up the tampons before they rolled under the seats.

I'm not easy to embarass, but man! Damn you, drug store!
posted by Omnomnom at 2:20 PM on February 4, 2015 [8 favorites]

One take on men buying tampons for women.

How delightfully homophobic.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:25 PM on February 4, 2015

It is ridiculous how buying tampons is such a shameful thing for most girls (I'm saying 'girls' rather than 'women' because I am thinking particularly in terms of teenagers or younger women - and because the developers of the game are 16/17) - possibly part of the reason many of the men here can say they don't have a problem with it is that they at least don't have to worry about the assumption that it indicates them being on their period, with all the associations of an irrational mental state that carries? Because I think that is part of it, along with the 'gross, vaginal blood' factor obviously.
posted by an opinicus at 6:27 PM on February 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I think that this does not go far enough. I want blood! Clots! And your shooting power should cycle regularly from zero to light, heavy, back through light to zero. Also needs power hits like Midol and chocolate bars.
posted by jfwlucy at 10:30 PM on February 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

I have 6 sisters, buying tampons is a rite of passage.
posted by clavdivs at 11:14 PM on February 4, 2015

Just in case it isn't clear, you can actually play it online here. I managed to get 100 before I entered a dry zone (ha ha) of no tampon box refills. Sad.

I agree, it totally needs a bit more complexity and different kinds of enemies. Like, you upgrade to super tampons for more damage - 1 super tampon can take out two tampon robbers. Or if the enemies themselves were blood clots or something that would be cool, and would keep the gore factor of traditional shoot-em-up games. Definitely need power-ups in the form of chocolate, junk food and sodium naproxen. Maybe sanitary napkins as shields. Oh yeah, and a difficult enemy: the false alarm. You stock up on power-ups and bring out your tampon guns and turns out no, not this time.
posted by Athanassiel at 11:37 PM on February 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I never had to think about tampons until I was 10. I let myself in after school and the house was strewn with bloody bits of god-knows-what and the dog was in guilty mode, hiding behind the couch. I couldn't figure it out. I called my sister's name. She should have been home by then. Dog wasn't bleeding so who was? Started searching the house with the fire poker at the ready and the hair on the back of my neck standing up and then I called the police because I could see from the landing a trail of this bloody stuff going right up the stairs all the way to the bathroom and I was not going up there alone. Logical explanation was that something had torn my sister to shreds, right? 911 operator asked me to hang on to the poker and get behind the couch with dog. Dog was quaking and absolutely looking beside herself by then. I held her tight.

The cops got there quick with revolvers drawn and the neighbors came running and everybody laughed. Sister was asleep. Nobody knew exactly what to say to me, they just started cleaning it up. Told me everything was fine. Mom came home and flipped because there were two police cars in the driveway.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:33 AM on February 5, 2015 [9 favorites]

Interview: Incredible game called Tampon Run designed by teenage girls at camp
posted by homunculus at 5:01 PM on February 5, 2015