1:35!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 16, 2015 11:32 AM Subscribe

The Force Awakens, Teaser Trailer #2
posted by Lucinda (562 comments total) 35 users marked this as a favorite

I've got the stupidest fucking grin on my face
posted by Think_Long at 11:36 AM on April 16, 2015 [30 favorites]

I am cautiously optimistic that we may, in fact, be home.
posted by maxsparber at 11:37 AM on April 16, 2015 [17 favorites]

1:35 is exactly when I stopped caring.
posted by eamondaly at 11:37 AM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Man, Chewie is looking old!
posted by blue_beetle at 11:37 AM on April 16, 2015 [54 favorites]

Having just eaten an extra strong curry, this title resonates deeply within me. Literally.

Also, Han: lookin' good, sir.
posted by Wordshore at 11:37 AM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh that opening desert shot. You're like, "Oh, some kind of structure in the sand," and then you're like "THAT'S NO STRUCTURE"
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 11:37 AM on April 16, 2015 [105 favorites]

I'm currently at work. I told my boss about it just hitting the web and he pulled me into the back office and said:

"This is officially work-related, load it up."
posted by Fizz at 11:38 AM on April 16, 2015 [77 favorites]

Fine, trailer. You include a shot of the ruins of a crashed star destroyer on Tatooine, I'll agree to be excited about this movie. I think that's a fair deal.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:39 AM on April 16, 2015 [60 favorites]

My inner 8 year old has never been so excited.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:40 AM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

I am in first grade again.

That Star Destroyer crashed i the desert may just be the single greatest Star Wars image I've ever seen.
posted by bondcliff at 11:40 AM on April 16, 2015 [48 favorites]

My God, it's full of Star Wars.
posted by New Frontier at 11:41 AM on April 16, 2015 [45 favorites]

Holy shit are the protagonists a woman and a (black!!) guy who is a defector from the Empire?

Also that Lawrence of Arabia show of the landscape features revealed to be a downed Star Destroyer looked awesome. I love the idea of the emblematic parts of the original trilogy becoming artifacts.

Also Jedi Leia. Jedi. Leia.
posted by griphus at 11:41 AM on April 16, 2015 [44 favorites]

Apparently not Tatooine? I'm fine with that. The ruins of a crashed star destroyer on "Jakoo." Wait "Jakoo"? Seriously? No nevermind, I'm still excited.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:42 AM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

OK, so it no longer seems like a fan film. But it has a thing that I hate, at 1:27, where the CGI camera zooms in very quickly. It bothers me not just because it's inconsistent with the visual language of the series, but also because a camera quickly adjusting its zoom in the middle of a shot is something you almost NEVER saw in a movie until maybe a decade ago.

It's like the CGI "water on the lens" thing, a weird computer trick to remind the audience that a camera is there and they're watching a movie. Why would any filmmaker want to break the illusion like that?
posted by incomple at 11:42 AM on April 16, 2015 [19 favorites]

2 Tat 2 Ooine
posted by griphus at 11:42 AM on April 16, 2015 [28 favorites]

Tired: JJ Abrams sure loves him some lens flares
Wired: JJ Abrams sure loves him some long shots of enormous spacecraft sitting incongruously on a planetary surface
posted by the phlegmatic king at 11:44 AM on April 16, 2015 [30 favorites]

They had me so firmly at the destroyed Star Destroyer that I didn't even mind Harrison Ford continuing to cash in on his old fame.

Gimme.
posted by sparklemotion at 11:44 AM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Is that the kid from Attack the Block???

It is! Holy shit! Yes please, more of this.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:44 AM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

I love the idea of the emblematic parts of the original trilogy becoming artifacts.

Quit being so mean to George Lucas.
posted by borkencode at 11:44 AM on April 16, 2015 [34 favorites]

What, they think they can include a Wookie giving a single grunt and were all going to go gaga over that?

Okay, yeah, nailed that.
posted by el io at 11:44 AM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

damnit damnit I'm at work and can't load up anything! BOOOOO.
posted by suelac at 11:45 AM on April 16, 2015

Alternately something about Harrison Ford and "It belongs in a museum."
posted by borkencode at 11:45 AM on April 16, 2015 [16 favorites]

But for real, it's weird to feel excitement, not weariness, about a Star War
posted by the phlegmatic king at 11:45 AM on April 16, 2015 [21 favorites]

I just poodood my bantha briefs.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:45 AM on April 16, 2015 [17 favorites]

But it has a thing that I hate

Joy?
posted by bondcliff at 11:46 AM on April 16, 2015 [46 favorites]

What if this wasn't an utter disappointment? I hadn't seriously considered the possibility. What's that thing that's the opposite of pessimism?
posted by Sing Or Swim at 11:46 AM on April 16, 2015 [24 favorites]

You prefer another trailer, a nostalgia-evoking trailer?! Then name the franchise!
posted by petebest at 11:47 AM on April 16, 2015 [44 favorites]

I think I may have been born without the Star Wars gene. I saw the official teaser and was like, yeah, there's a movie I would probably sleep through.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 11:47 AM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Quick, where are my action figures, we must act this trailer out on the living room floor! (But where is Admiral Ackbar, did I miss him?)
posted by mittens at 11:48 AM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

That crashed Star Destroyer is, like the shot of a frantic John Boyega in the first trailer, a giant shot across the George Lucas bow.

This is a creative team that shows some fucking emotion.

The movie may still yet suck. But goddamn it'll actually have feeling.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:48 AM on April 16, 2015 [43 favorites]

I feel like I should be good enough to not be knocked the fuck over by the nothing-but-nostalgia Han Solo segment in that trailer, but I am clearly not. Whoa.
posted by ignignokt at 11:49 AM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

Why would any filmmaker want to break the illusion like that?

You do know J.J. Abrams is directing this movie, right?
posted by longdaysjourney at 11:49 AM on April 16, 2015 [15 favorites]

But it has a thing that I hate, at 1:27, where the CGI camera zooms in very quickly. It bothers me not just because it's inconsistent with the visual language of the series, but also because a camera quickly adjusting its zoom in the middle of a shot is something you almost NEVER saw in a movie until maybe a decade ago.

As those things go, that single zoom in isn't egregious. At least it doesn't also rack the focus in and out, which I seem to recall was a favorite effect on Battlestar Galactica.
posted by schoolgirl report at 11:49 AM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

It bothers me not just because it's inconsistent with the visual language of the series, but also because a camera quickly adjusting its zoom in the middle of a shot is something you almost NEVER saw in a movie until maybe a decade ago.

I think I first saw it in Firefly and I thought it was really well used there. One of the commentaries mentions it's also used in Attack of the Clones, so maybe that's when it got mainstreamed.
posted by kmz at 11:49 AM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

SO EXCITED I'M JUST FAVOURITING EVERY FUCKING THING IN THIS THREAD!! FAVS FOR ALL!!! MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU ALL!!! ALWAYS!!
posted by Fizz at 11:49 AM on April 16, 2015 [71 favorites]

As those things go, that single zoom in isn't egregious. At least the it doesn't also rack the focus in and out, which I seem to recall was a favorite effect on Battlestar Galactica.

Oh yeah, BSG used that a lot too. Makes sense since Zoic did effects for both Firefly and BSG and quite a lot of the aesthetic transferred over.
posted by kmz at 11:50 AM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

That Vader helmet crushed in such a way to look like a skull. Damn I'm excited for this.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:50 AM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

Melted, surely? From the pyre?
posted by Wretch729 at 11:52 AM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

NO THAT IS OKAY HAN SOLO YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOW ME YOUR VACATION PICTURES WE FOLLOWED YOU AND CHEWIE ON FACEBOOK WELCOME HOME
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:52 AM on April 16, 2015 [38 favorites]

I watched episode 1 last night; dear lord that was a bad film.

I am going to watch episode 1 again before I see 7 - because STARWARS.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 11:52 AM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I hope Vader stays dead and doesn't come back as a Helpful Force Ghost in god forbid the guise of Hayden Christensen.
posted by griphus at 11:52 AM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

suelac: "damnit damnit I'm at work and can't load up anything! BOOOOO."

Man, I don't wanna... you know... whatever, but you are missing out, my friend.
posted by boo_radley at 11:52 AM on April 16, 2015

Oh my god, they're going to sell so damn many BB-8 toys.
posted by kmz at 11:53 AM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

My heart was broken by the prequels, though the Clone Wars series was good enough to make me reconsider, but then: JJ Abrams, oh no.

But then this trailer. Does any straight girl who saw the original series when it came out ever get over her Han Solo crush?

Apparently not.

I am afraid to hope for true Leia badassery.

So clearly it's Luke talking in the voiceover. To...his son? Or dare I hope, his daughter?

(or maybe a niece or nephew?)

Or...some unrelated new padawan?
posted by emjaybee at 11:53 AM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

I really hope this doesn't turn into a passing-of-the-torch old cast/new cast feel good buddy film like Star Trek Generations.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:53 AM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

HYPE LEVEL: GET
posted by zombieflanders at 11:53 AM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Huh. That actually made me give a damn about the movie. Right from the opening shot.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:53 AM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Also JJ Abrams hear my prayers and retcon out midichlorians. Literally everyone is willing to pretend those scenes didn't happen.
posted by griphus at 11:53 AM on April 16, 2015 [27 favorites]

kmz: "Oh my god, they're going to sell so damn many BB-8 toys."

OF COURSE THE BALL THING IS CALLED BB. FUCK
posted by boo_radley at 11:53 AM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

But for real, it's weird to feel excitement, not weariness, about a Star War

I KNOW! I've never really considered myself a huge Star Wars fan (just a little one...), but when the music kicks in at the beginning, my cheeks just started to ache.

I was disappointed with the J.J. Abrams Star Trek reboot, because fundamentally what he liked about Star Trek was not what I liked about Star Trek... but I get a strong feeling that when it comes to Star Wars, we might be on the same page.
posted by muddgirl at 11:54 AM on April 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

I'm just glad I'm not the only one who started a little cynical, a little apprehensive, and then went "oh, fuck yeah" when the pan reveals the downed Star Destroyer.

Because: Oh. Fuck. Yeah. I didn't know I needed that image until now.
posted by nubs at 11:54 AM on April 16, 2015 [27 favorites]

As much as I like Harrison Ford (and his body of work), when I see this older Han Solo, it's...not an older Han Solo, it's an old Harrison Ford. Probably the same for Leia and Luke. I don't know how they could have solved this.
posted by Auden at 11:54 AM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

What if this wasn't an utter disappointment? I hadn't seriously considered the possibility. What's that thing that's the opposite of pessimism?

A new hope? Enthusiasm strikes back? Return of enjoyment?
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:54 AM on April 16, 2015 [19 favorites]

Star Wars was never my thing but I'm now pumping my fist and shouting SPACE OPERA SPACE OPERA SPACE OPERA
posted by The Whelk at 11:54 AM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

pleasedontfuckthisuppleasedontfuckthisup
posted by Happy Dave at 11:54 AM on April 16, 2015 [15 favorites]

Christ, they really know how to poke you right in the feels, don't they?
posted by Katemonkey at 11:54 AM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

I suspect Luke may be talking to his niece.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 11:55 AM on April 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

The 1st trailer softened my defenses. This one is 2 proton torpedoes to my reactor core.
posted by firemouth at 11:55 AM on April 16, 2015 [15 favorites]

but I get a strong feeling that when it comes to Star Wars, we might be on the same page.

I think Star Wars was almost much more about the spectacle than Trek ever was, which I think Abrams excels at. Probably a pretty good match.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:55 AM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

After the complete banality of the prequels I didn't want to get excited about this, but, damn, that trailer worked on me. It's great to see Han again--he was the best part of the original trilogy. You whippersnappers can just shut the hell up until you manage to do the Kessel run in 12 parsecs.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 11:56 AM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

Crashed X-Wing....nice touch....interesting formation in the backgr.......

OH.

HELL.

YES.

We are home.
posted by eriko at 11:56 AM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

If memory serves, Harrison Ford once said he wanted Han Solo to die in Return Of The Jedi.

Would love to ask him what he thinks of this state of affairs now.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:57 AM on April 16, 2015

Atom Eyes: "What if this wasn't an utter disappointment? I hadn't seriously considered the possibility. What's that thing that's the opposite of pessimism?

A new hope? Enthusiasm strikes back? Return of enjoyment?"

Yoda's parliamentary rules of intergalatic trade disputation resolution?
posted by boo_radley at 11:57 AM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

Running through my head is the phrase "omg STAR WARS IS BACK" and then remarking how I'd never really felt like that, which is saying something considering I came of age when the prequels were coming out. I am excite.
posted by Gordafarin at 11:57 AM on April 16, 2015

Now I want to watch Lawrence of Arabia.

Fool me once, shame on me, fool me freakin' three times,

I'm still gonna go watch this.

posted by alex_skazat at 11:57 AM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

Crashed Star Destroyer: OK this is cool

Burned Darth Vader mask: Yes, awesome

Artoo: Fuck it could be possible that JJ Abrams is not, in fact, the literal worst

Millenium Falcon: My god maybe I'm not dead inside after all

Han Solo line/Chewie growl perfectly and shamelessly calibrated to go off like a thermal detonator right in your nostalgia cortex: Goddammit trailer, fine, you win, I'll go cry in the bathroom now
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:57 AM on April 16, 2015 [61 favorites]

What if this wasn't an utter disappointment? I hadn't seriously considered the possibility. What's that thing that's the opposite of pessimism?

Yeah, no. I've seen Abrams' work before.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:57 AM on April 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

As much as I like Harrison Ford (and his body of work), when I see this older Han Solo, it's...not an older Han Solo, it's an old Harrison Ford. Probably the same for Leia and Luke. I don't know how they could have solved this.

I think JJ Abrams is using the Interstellar relativity mod in this version of Star Wars.
posted by Nevin at 11:57 AM on April 16, 2015

In that brief shot of Han Solo we get such an powerful sense of time having passed based just on how much his vest's sleeves have grown.
posted by cortex at 11:58 AM on April 16, 2015 [20 favorites]

Did anyone else notice the lighting on the Pommel Guard Sith in the first trailer and Vader's helmet in this trailer were v. much alike?
posted by griphus at 11:58 AM on April 16, 2015

I am going to lose my goddamn mind when I see grizzled old Luke Skywalker light up his green lightsaber one more time.

Also, was that second downed ship (the one the MF flies into) an upside-down SSD?
posted by entropicamericana at 11:58 AM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

I loved it until the Han/Chewie scene. That just seemed gratuitous - like that stupid Christmas Shoes song that was written strictly to be the worst thing ever.

Other than that, total grin fest over here. SUPER EXCITED for these three new heroes!
posted by jillithd at 11:59 AM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Oopsie.
posted by Wordshore at 12:00 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Saw the whole thing a few minutes ago and agree with everyone about the coolness of new young protagonists, Jedi Leia, the LoA-style crashed ship and, of course, 1:35. Watched it again to cue up 1:27 (yeah, a little tired, but not a dealbreaker) and found myself tearing up a little as the darkness of 1:34 turned into 1:35.
posted by maudlin at 12:00 PM on April 16, 2015

I suspect Luke may be talking to his niece.

Going to be especially weird when we find out he's talking to his lightsaber. Old Luke is a bit of a hermit, like someone he once used to know....
posted by Fizz at 12:00 PM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

Dogfighting inside the downed Star Destroyer wiped me out. I'm 8 again. Count me among the cynics who is now irrationally excited.
posted by stevis23 at 12:01 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

What do you know? They are all a lot thinner!
posted by eriko at 12:01 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Also, what the hell has Chewie been doing to look so good? Damn, son, what is your secret?
posted by Katemonkey at 12:01 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Would love to ask him what he thinks of this state of affairs now.

~ Mr. Ford checks his bank account. Counts the zeros. "It's all good!"
posted by Thorzdad at 12:01 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

I fully expect young Han Solo to ask old Han Solo what to do in a totally predictable Abrams reboot yawner.
posted by phaedon at 12:01 PM on April 16, 2015

Setting aside the question of whether this is going to be awesome or not, I believe that those making the movie genuinely know what we think would make it awesome, and are attempting to do that. Now it's just a matter of pulling it off. For the last three movies, the execution was off, but also the vision for what it should be. I think the vision is in the right place here, from what I can tell.
posted by SpacemanStix at 12:02 PM on April 16, 2015 [15 favorites]

HAPPENING LEVEL: IT'S
posted by hellojed at 12:02 PM on April 16, 2015 [34 favorites]

Melted, surely? From the pyre?

Nerd.

No, you are right, of course. I realized it as soon as I posted.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:02 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

"The Force is strong in my family... my father has it..."
posted by Auden at 12:03 PM on April 16, 2015 [34 favorites]

Well, if anything JJ Abrams bought pizza for all the people lined up outside the Star Wars Celebration, where they released the trailer..
posted by zabuni at 12:03 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Wasn't that his line from RoTJ when he's talking to Leia on the bridge?
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:03 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

*meep*
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:04 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

"The Force is strong in my family... my father has it..."

I noticed that, too, Auden. WTF was that about?
posted by sutt at 12:05 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

As much as I like Harrison Ford (and his body of work), when I see this older Han Solo, it's...not an older Han Solo, it's an old Harrison Ford. Probably the same for Leia and Luke. I don't know how they could have solved this.

You're in luck: Jar Jar hasn't aged a day.
posted by glhaynes at 12:05 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

FACT: the X-wing and star destroyer are crashed on Endor, which went desert after its ecosystem was destroyed at the end of Jedi.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 12:05 PM on April 16, 2015 [24 favorites]

I really liked that Star Destroyer in the sand bit, too.

It reminded me a lot of the Imperial ruin porn that is in the Dark Empire comic series which is pretty excellent in its own right, as far as 11 year old me remembers.
posted by kbanas at 12:06 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

BTW, that BB-8 roly poly droid from the first trailer?

It's apparently a practical effect, not CGI.
posted by sutt at 12:06 PM on April 16, 2015 [16 favorites]

Oh snap, Harvey Korman and Beatrice Arthur at 1:21.
posted by dr_dank at 12:07 PM on April 16, 2015 [27 favorites]

Mark Hamill's voice gave me tingles.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:07 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

The Force is strong in my family... my father has it...

I just noticed the present-tense on this (and the "my sister", so Leia's not dead yet) too. And it's not the same recording as in RTJ, Hamill's voice is older and the clause at the end "you have that power too" is added here.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:07 PM on April 16, 2015

You stop that, dr_dank.
posted by emjaybee at 12:07 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

"The Force is strong in my family... my father has it..."

I suspect the present tense is being used b/c he's still alive in the force with Obi Wan, Yoda, I think Qui-Gonn, etc.
posted by griphus at 12:08 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

You whippersnappers can just shut the hell up until you manage to do the Kessel run in 12 parsecs.

I have just now, just this moment, decided to abandon my "but a parsec is a unit of distance!!1" pedantry and assume that this refers to some sort of competition between Kessel Run pilots about who can best optimize their wormhole usage, Interstellar-style, to do the run covering the least three-dimensional distance.

I'm sure I'm not the first one to think of this but I, personally, am now coming around.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 12:08 PM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

not an older Han Solo, it's an old Harrison Ford.

MAKEUP!! we need more scoundrel, STAT
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:08 PM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

Yep, BB-8 is real.
posted by maudlin at 12:08 PM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

Setting aside the question of whether this is going to be awesome or not, I believe that those making the movie genuinely know what we think would make it awesome, and are attempting to do that. Now it's just a matter of pulling it off. For the last three movies, the execution was off, but also the vision for what it should be. I think the vision is in the right place here, from what I can tell.

At long last, these may be the ~~droids~~ film we were looking for.
posted by nubs at 12:09 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

There was a summary of story notes someone (allegedly) inside the studio had posted to io9 about the overall direction of the new SW movies and they seemed really ...good? Just as a bulletpoint of ideas? And what that means is the chrome stormtrooper with the cape is most likely Gwendolin Christie's character

Which is awesome.
posted by The Whelk at 12:09 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Hmm.

"The force is strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. My sister has it. You have that power too."

Has. Not had. Has.

C3P0. We've seen Luke, R2D2, Han, Chewie. We've heard Leia explicitly called out. Where's C3P0?
posted by eriko at 12:12 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Goosebumps and tears. Goosebumps and tears.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 12:12 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Stuck at work until 7pm won't be able to download and rewatch over and over in detail until later this evening. Arrhghghg..
posted by Fizz at 12:13 PM on April 16, 2015

I'll hold off being excited until I actually see the movie.
posted by George Lucas at 12:13 PM on April 16, 2015 [39 favorites]

If you guys want to channel your wookie-filled excitement, might I suggest participating in this lucrative contest?
posted by Theta States at 12:13 PM on April 16, 2015

Wait so is this what's left of Endor?

That'd explain why the Rebel alliance weren't welcomed as the new hotness, after destroying a planet and all
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 12:13 PM on April 16, 2015

Stuck at work until 7pm won't be able to download and rewatch over and over in detail until later this evening.

Just watch it in the bathroom with the sound turned down like I definitely did not do.
posted by griphus at 12:14 PM on April 16, 2015 [20 favorites]

The franchise lost me after Episode 1.

I do believe they may have won me back. Outstanding teaser, that.
posted by davelog at 12:14 PM on April 16, 2015

Wait so it this what's left of Endor?

I was joking, but actually after thinking about it a bit I wonder if they might really be doing that.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 12:14 PM on April 16, 2015

And what that means is the chrome stormtrooper with the cape is most likely Gwendolin Christie's character

Ok, ok, ok. I've been avoiding news/tidbits/whatever about the new film because, you know, trying not to build expectations or hope or whatever, but:

Are you trying to fucking tell me that Brienne of Goddam Tarth is in this? You better not be shitting me.
posted by nubs at 12:14 PM on April 16, 2015 [24 favorites]

o/ $$$$$ Disney !!!!
posted by echocollate at 12:14 PM on April 16, 2015

The 1st trailer softened my defenses. This one is 2 proton torpedoes to my reactor core.

The third will make you evacuate in your moment of triumph.
posted by condour75 at 12:15 PM on April 16, 2015 [41 favorites]

Nerd.

posted by Rock Steady

Yup...
/me cartwheels around Rock Steady with a grin thiiiiiis wide. StarWars!

the phlegmatic king - I was actually imagining that whatever dark place the sith guy is running around on was the ruined forest moon of Endor, spurred on by griphus' comment about the lighting, because that's where the helmet would be isn't it?!

I'm optimistic about JJ Abrams on this because my biggest complaint about how he handled Star Trek was that he tried to turn it into Star Wars. This is not a complaint I anticipate having for this film. Star Wars is already an action adventure fantasy with quasi-religious overtones. You do you, JJ!
posted by Wretch729 at 12:16 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

Also, what the hell has Chewie been doing to look so good? Damn, son, what is your secret?

I believe Wookies have a really long lifespan, something like 400 years ?
posted by Pendragon at 12:16 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Goosebumps and tears. Goosebumps and tears.

gonads and strife
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:16 PM on April 16, 2015 [16 favorites]

I can't believe Abrams thought this was a good idea for the new movie. I mean, I like the cantina scene as much as anyone, but those creatures don't look real at all.
posted by mullacc at 12:16 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh my god, they're going to sell so damn many BB-8 toys.

My brain refuses to acknowledge that droid as a practical effect even though I know it is. That's some damn good work.
posted by jason_steakums at 12:16 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

What if it's not Han Solo, though. What if it's Indiana Jones? That's just the kind of thing J.J. Abrams would do.
posted by oulipian at 12:17 PM on April 16, 2015 [17 favorites]

The 1st trailer softened my defenses. This one is 2 proton torpedoes to my reactor core.

The third will make you evacuate in your moment of triumph.

How did you know "Moment of Triumph" is my nickname for my pants?
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 12:18 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

Shiny chrome stormtrooper armor has a lot of potential to raise their survival rate when laser bolts just reflect right off it back at you.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 12:18 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Endor turned into a barren waste? Ee chee wa maa!
posted by emjaybee at 12:19 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

CheesesOfBrazil: "How did you know "Moment of Triumph" is my nickname for my pants?"

well u named your tumblr that so it was prty clear
posted by boo_radley at 12:20 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Next step: Reboot Episode(s) I, II, III
posted by blue_beetle at 12:21 PM on April 16, 2015

emjaybee: So clearly it's Luke talking in the voiceover. To...his son? Or dare I hope, his daughter?

(or maybe a niece or nephew?)

Or...some unrelated new padawan?

He's talking to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
posted by tzikeh at 12:22 PM on April 16, 2015 [29 favorites]

Yknow the prequel trilogy, despite its well-documented and frequently commented-upon flaws, had more than a few significant redeeming qualities and moments of awesomeness
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:24 PM on April 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

I will agree to the fact that there are diamonds in that turd. That scene where Boba Fett picks up his dad's severed head and presses it to his own punched me right in the heart.
posted by griphus at 12:25 PM on April 16, 2015

... like burning lava man! And Samuel L Jackson! And Natalie Portman!
posted by jillithd at 12:27 PM on April 16, 2015

Episode 1 also gave us the very excellent Podracing game for the N64
posted by hellojed at 12:28 PM on April 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

If memory serves, Harrison Ford once said he wanted Han Solo to die in Return Of The Jedi.

Yep -- he felt there was nothing more to do with the character at that point as far as storytelling went. While that may hold some truth narratively in the original trilogy, it doesn't necessarily require DEATH as the only option.

Would love to ask him what he thinks of this state of affairs now.

LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU HAN SOLO BETTER NOT FUCKING DIE
posted by tzikeh at 12:29 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Yknow the prequel trilogy, despite its well-documented and frequently commented-upon flaws, had more than a few significant redeeming qualities and moments of awesomeness

You could just as easily turn that around and say "Remember all that dumbass shit that wasn't the amazing-special-effects stuff like lightsaber duels and pod races and space dogfights?"
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:29 PM on April 16, 2015

YES! Podracing!
posted by jillithd at 12:30 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Atom Eyes: What if this wasn't an utter disappointment? I hadn't seriously considered the possibility. What's that thing that's the opposite of pessimism?

This brought to mind a recently discussed episode of Avater: The Last Airbender

Sokka: You want me to be like you, or totally honest?
Katara: Are you saying I'm a liar?
Sokka: I'm saying you're an optimist. Same thing, basically.

posted by filthy light thief at 12:31 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

The lack of exciting, high-stakes space dogfights was probably my biggest complaint about the prequels, actually
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:31 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I really like the part where all the teleporters malfunction and they get sucked into a big orange wormhole.
posted by newdaddy at 12:32 PM on April 16, 2015

sio42: Also I have a December bday so crosses fingers it's released near my bday for extra joy space fun.

You're in luck! Wikipedia currently lists a December 18, 2015 release date in the US.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:32 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

If memory serves, Harrison Ford once said he wanted Han Solo to die in Return Of The Jedi.

Would love to ask him what he thinks of this state of affairs now.

To be fair, career arcs are career arcs. When he was filming ROTJ, Ford's last three movies had been The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Blade Runner. These days, his last three releases are supporting roles in Ender's Game, Anchorman 2, Expendables 3. The last genuinely enjoyable movie that he headlined was probably The Fugitive, which was 22 years ago now.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:32 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

o/ $$$$$ Disney !!!!

I will admit I bought some Disney stock with my IRA contribution this year. They're going to make so much money from this IP, just buckets. My nephew is turning 4 this year and is crazy about Star Wars and he's never even seen a movie or any of the animated spinoffs, just played with Lego sets and his best friend's toy lightsaber. I wish I could be there when my sister finally gives in and lets him watch the movies - he'll be incandescent with excitement.
posted by longdaysjourney at 12:32 PM on April 16, 2015

"The force is strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. My sister has it. You have that power too."

And note that the person Luke is talking to may not be related to them... he says "my" family, not "our" family.
posted by eriko at 12:35 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

I wonder where home is. Han is from Corellia but that was never in the movies so I can't imagine anybody gives a shit about that.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 12:35 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

GOD I'VE MADE THE JUMP TO HYPERNERD.
posted by eriko at 12:35 PM on April 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

I wonder where home is. Han is from Corellia but that was never in the movies so I can't imagine anybody gives a shit about that.

He's gotta be referring to the Millennium Falcon.
posted by sutt at 12:37 PM on April 16, 2015 [33 favorites]

I wonder where home is. Han is from Corellia but that was never in the movies so I can't imagine anybody gives a shit about that.

The Millenium Falcon, then?
posted by jillithd at 12:38 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

My theory is Chewie is a Jedi, but he doesn't use a lightsaber because he can't stand the smell of burnt hair.
posted by eriko at 12:38 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

I wonder where home is. Han is from Corellia but that was never in the movies

Dude, if this is a joke, forgive me, for my nerdness has overwhelmed me to all subtlety and nuance. But Han is standing in the Falcon. HAN is standing in the FALCON. That is home. That is his home.
posted by nubs at 12:40 PM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

I am not a Star Wars fan. Yet I started to happy-cry when I saw Han and Chewie. Well played, trailer.
posted by kimberussell at 12:41 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

HAN is standing in the FALCON. That is home. That is his home.

With my misty-eyed reaction to seeing them in the trailer, I think it's mine, too.
posted by sutt at 12:42 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

I'm holding out for the reviews.

I've been taken in before.
posted by kyrademon at 12:43 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

The only way I would watch this or any other Star Wars Trilogy sequel is if they got Bruce Campbell to play a middle-aged Luke Skywalker, and he's basically Space Elvis holding court in intergalactic bars.

Yaaaaah, Imma Luke Skywalker, I blew up the Death Star, hooooah, Darth Vader was mah daddy gimme another beer, pass me a peanut butter banana Ewok sandwich hoooooah ahooooah!
posted by delfin at 12:43 PM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

Please Please Please don't suck. Please?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:44 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

OK, the engine nacelle the Falcon flies into has gotta be that of an SSD, or at least a cruiser of comparable size. The SSDs had an extra flat hull segment protruding out of the central nacelle cluster, just like this shot appears to.

Plus, if you think about the scale of a regular ISD--recall in ESB when the Falcon attaches to the back of the bridge--the engines probably wouldn't have been large enough to HEY gimme back my lunch money...please
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 12:44 PM on April 16, 2015 [21 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?
posted by Thing at 12:45 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

HAN is standing in the FALCON. That is home. That is his home.

apparently I still have enough of an eight year old in me to want it to be mine too
posted by nubs at 12:45 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

I wonder where home is. Han is from Corellia but that was never in the movies so I can't imagine anybody gives a shit about that.

He's gotta be referring to the Millennium Falcon.

IIRC Han has no scenes on the Falcon in ROTJ (he looks at a matte painting of it and warns Lando not to, er, scratch the painting, I guess). If nothing else, this is the first time Harrison Ford has been on the interior sets of the iconic ship since about 1979.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:46 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

......you know what

I will bet you a sezarc cocktail at the bar of my choice there is a subplot involving a stormtrooper and a Jedi padawon having the Leia/Han relationship.
posted by The Whelk at 12:47 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

I'm really angry at this trailer because it made me excited about this movie, and I have never enjoyed a single Abrams film or TV show.

This is going to end... poorly.
posted by selfnoise at 12:47 PM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

At a guess, you set it down as gently as possible under the circumstances, and then let sand blow over it for thirty-odd years.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:48 PM on April 16, 2015 [22 favorites]

Just watched the first two trailers for Phantom Menace, for contrast. At least in the second one there are all these moments that suggest an awesome story/movie. The ominous military ships coming over the hill. "At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi..." "Kill them... all of them". Obi-wan vs. Maul lightsabres. Qui-gonn's talk with Amidala. The podracing clip. I remember the feeling of excitement to finally see more of the universe I first saw in theatres back in 1977. The teaser poster, with baby Anakin's shadow forming Darth Vader's outline promised so much, and it was all there, in potential.

But then there's all these other bits that don't quite measure up. Gungans, Jar Jar, baby Anakin, Amidala's weird accent. A friggin' trade dispute? Hells, I thought they were talking about a war, not a business negotiation. And all that potential ended up being wasted.

So now I'm watching these two trailers. And I'm seeing some very encouraging signs. There's going to be some great moments in this movie, guaranteed. But it's going to come down to the glue that puts it all together, the actual story. And that could be total crap.

Maybe Leia is dying, and decides to send her daughter off to find her brother, and gives her the last lightsabre used by her grandfather, Vader. A Sith wannabe hears about this famous relic, and because his own efforts at building a lightsabre have been unstable at best he chases her down. Meanwhile Luke hires Han to help him retrieve some important file still in R2, who's rusted out in a junkyard, and Han discovers the old Falcon mothballed there and he takes it for one last joyride before it's melted for scrap, with the authorities chasing him down. And... ugh. It could get really bad.

So as much joy as I can wring from this trailer, and it certainly feels like it will have fun bits, this could still be Episode 1 Redux.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 12:48 PM on April 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

Next step: Reboot Episode(s) I, II, III
posted by blue_beetle at 3:21 PM on April 16 [+] [!]

Screw that. Next step is just continuing to pretend that horrible shit never happened in the first place and if you want to keep going, how about we explore more original stories.

Tell stories that have nothing to do with this small band of rebels. Off the top of my head, lets do something entirely about a young storm-trooper or lets do it from an alien point of view or anything but those same people. And I know that the books have explored this territory. And while I'll always have a special place for these particular rebels and the Skywalker family. I'm also quite willing to let them go and move on to something different or better.
posted by Fizz at 12:48 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is going to end... poorly.

So...you're saying you've got a bad feeling about this?
posted by nubs at 12:48 PM on April 16, 2015 [36 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

Maybe lens flares helped deflect some of the impact.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:50 PM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

HAN is standing in the FALCON. That is home. That is his home.

He's acting like it's been a long time, maybe the Falcon has been on display in some museum as a relic of the war, and then he steals it, and then someone yells at him that it belongs in a museum.
posted by jason_steakums at 12:50 PM on April 16, 2015 [29 favorites]

and then he steals it, and then someone yells at him that it belongs in a museum.

And then he crash lands on a golf course?
posted by nubs at 12:51 PM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

Also please no time travel or somebody important dying but coming back to life through the power of love or friendship or whatever

Please JJ Abrams please
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:52 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

Also please no time travel or somebody important dying but coming back to life through the power of love or friendship or whatever

Umm....they do have a name, they're called Midi-chlorians.
posted by Fizz at 12:54 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

prize bull octorok: "Also please no time travel or somebody important dying but coming back to life through the power of love or friendship or whatever
"

"Leia Multipass"
posted by boo_radley at 12:54 PM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

Unibody construction and crumple zones behind the bumper.
posted by bondcliff at 12:54 PM on April 16, 2015 [41 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

At a guess, you set it down as gently as possible under the circumstances, and then let sand blow over it for thirty-odd years.

Maybe lens flares helped deflect some of the impact.

Sorry, the correct answer is "Use the Force."
posted by Llama-Lime at 12:54 PM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

I'm really angry at this trailer because it made me excited about this movie, and I have never enjoyed a single Abrams film or TV show.

I'm on the same page as you.

And then I think: Most of George Lucas's films also sucked major space balls. Somehow, though, he made a few that were classics.
posted by kanewai at 12:55 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yeah, like Willow!

Maybe the Star Destroyer was in dry dock and the supports failed
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:56 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

What if it's not Han Solo, though. What if it's Indiana Jones? That's just the kind of thing J.J. Abrams would do.

The Indiana Jones/Han Solo crossover has been done.
posted by nubs at 12:56 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I imagine day one of storyboarding this film Abrams walked in and said "We're going to do this Ralph McQuarrie painting, and this one.. and this one.."
posted by nickggully at 1:00 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

I thought Chewie was getting his own sitcom.
posted by Catblack at 1:06 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

If the shields held out until just before impact...

Oh I am such a nerd.
posted by nickggully at 1:08 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

So that's how I felt as a kid when my dad told me there were two more VHS tapes to watch.
posted by Slackermagee at 1:10 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

Elon Musk is on the case!
posted by Theta States at 1:10 PM on April 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

Also please no time travel or somebody important dying but coming back to life through the power of love or friendship or whatever

"If we all hold hands, we can bring JarJar back, through the power of love!"
*Everyone holds hands*
*Glowy bullshit around dead JarJar*
"Meesa not dead"
*Huey Lewis and the News "Power of Love" starts to play*

edit: I hit post mid-comment
posted by hellojed at 1:10 PM on April 16, 2015 [21 favorites]

Maybe it's a big sandcastle the Skywalker/Solo kids made with their force powers
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 1:10 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

George Lucas: I'll hold off being excited until I actually see the movie.

I thought you would have told us to wait for the remastered version, because nothing is perfect until the 100th edit.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:13 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

I've got the stupidest fucking grin on my face
posted by Think_Long at 11:36 AM on April 16

I thought there was no way the trailer could live up to this comment. I watched the trailer. I was wrong.
posted by 4ster at 1:16 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Imagine growing up on Tatooine and ghost-Yoda and ghost-Kenobi keep popping up to give you advice
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 1:16 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Yknow the prequel trilogy, despite its well-documented and frequently commented-upon flaws, had more than a few significant redeeming qualities and moments of awesomeness

If you remove all the dialog, Jar Jar, Watto, most of the scenes with Anakin, and rework the way Darth Maul died like a total chump, that could be a good start.
posted by Foosnark at 1:18 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Rescue a franchise? In our era of snarkery?! I think you overestimate their chahnces.
posted by petebest at 1:21 PM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

Imagine growing up on Tatooine and ghost-Yoda and ghost-Kenobi keep popping up to give you advice

QUI-GON: DTMFA

YODA: Eat that, I would not. Left out at room temperature too long, it was.

OBI-WAN: You must join the Coast Guard, if you're to come with me to Alderaan.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:21 PM on April 16, 2015 [42 favorites]

Defecting foot soldier of the new regime on the run with .. hm, Leia's padawan daughter? Escaping Darth Revan with the aid of a couple old scoundrels and new squadron of X-Wingers? Or something kind of like that except not at all? Whatever, this looks like a great time at the movies. I'll bet they never mention midichlorians and that hardly anyone notices.

... Jacen said we should come exploring the Old Ship with him tomorrow. He said the panels further in aren't all smashed; that sometimes doors open if you fiddle with them! You've gotta come see! Jacen says he found this weird little dome; looks like a pressure hold but it's hardly big enough to haul anything in and nowhere near the cargo bays, besides. He thinks there's a treasure in there but he can't read any of the letters on the panel ...
posted by EatTheWeek at 1:22 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

Maybe it didn't crash violently? A somewhat controlled descent?

You know, much like Harrison Ford's recent adventure.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:26 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

But it has a thing that I hate, at 1:27, where the CGI camera zooms in very quickly. It bothers me not just because it's inconsistent with the visual language of the series, but also because a camera quickly adjusting its zoom in the middle of a shot is something you almost NEVER saw in a movie until maybe a decade ago.

Not to worry. Christmas 2016 will have the approved "Lucas Special Edition" and you'll never see that again.
posted by TDavis at 1:26 PM on April 16, 2015

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

Maybe it was in a lead-lined refrigerator?
posted by delfin at 1:30 PM on April 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

Imagine growing up on Tatooine and ghost-Yoda and ghost-Kenobi keep popping up to give you advice

ghost-Yoda is watching you masturbate
posted by Existential Dread at 1:33 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

I do have a question after watching th first teaser and now this one: why is John Boyega so out of breath, like he's constantly running from someone or thing!?!
posted by Fizz at 1:33 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

why didn't the eagles just carry han solo to mordor
posted by poffin boffin at 1:34 PM on April 16, 2015 [44 favorites]

The things from Attack the Block are still after him.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 1:34 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

There was a summary of story notes someone (allegedly) inside the studio had posted to io9 about the overall direction of the new SW movies and they seemed really ...good?

link plz?
posted by Rock Steady at 1:35 PM on April 16, 2015

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

Star Destroyer fuel can't melt durasteel beams.
posted by Guy Smiley at 1:36 PM on April 16, 2015 [20 favorites]

If the upcoming roster of new creative talent on Star Wars movies continually knocks it out of the park and shows that Lucas' involvement is not essential to the franchise and indeed, the series largely succeeded when others involved could filter out many of his tendencies, it will prove that Starwars Georg is an outlier adn should not have been counted.
posted by jason_steakums at 1:36 PM on April 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

Even if it sucks, and I know it's probably going to suck, I'm grateful for the version of the movie this trailer projects into my head.

I'm kind of surprised by that. I thought I was about a decade past even thinking about giving a shit.
posted by brennen at 1:37 PM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

Argh!
posted by Faintdreams at 1:38 PM on April 16, 2015

Imagine growing up on Tatooine and ghost-Yoda and ghost-Kenobi keep popping up to give you advice

Hey, young padawan. It looks like you're trying to create a spreadsheet. Would you like some help?
posted by dvrmmr at 1:39 PM on April 16, 2015 [31 favorites]

Somebody say "force ghost?"
posted by entropicamericana at 1:41 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

why didn't the eagles just carry han solo to mordor

I bet eagles in Star Wars have some awful species name like Corellian Beakwings
posted by jason_steakums at 1:41 PM on April 16, 2015 [20 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?

If I hear this in the theatre there will be a fistfight.
posted by The Hamms Bear at 1:42 PM on April 16, 2015 [14 favorites]

From about 0:50 to 0:56 ("...my sister has it..."), that looks like Anakin's original lightsaber being passed on (from mother to daughter?). That's the blue one that Obiwan gives to Luke, the one last seen falling into the clouds on Bespin.

Right before that---"I have it"---(presumably) Luke pats R2D2 with his mechanical hand. A nice foreshadow.

Is someone collecting Skywalker family artifacts? Or just Vader's? It this part of a Sith plot, or is it Leia?
posted by bonehead at 1:42 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Obviously the Star Destroyer was pursued and they set it down gently and hastily tried to bury it to hide
posted by jason_steakums at 1:42 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

STAR DESTROYER FUEL CANNOT MELT STEEL BEAMS SEE MY YOUTUBE FOR MORE INFO.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:43 PM on April 16, 2015 [15 favorites]

I am not optimistic.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:44 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Starwars Georg

I hate you and I hate myself for favoriting you.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:46 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Wouldn't a Star Destroyer in such good condition already be salvaged and turned into some space pirate's flagship?
posted by FJT at 1:47 PM on April 16, 2015

Paging Ron Perlman.
posted by LobsterMitten at 1:47 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Apparently not Tatooine?

Obviously not. The Jawas would have stripped that sucker down for scrap in no time.
posted by Kabanos at 1:48 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

Did you see that chrome Stormtrooper? Fascists always have the best uniforms.
posted by cazoo at 1:49 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

Darth Revan

I _thought_ that Sith looked familiar! Apparently it's supposed to be some guy named Kylo but I'm just going to keep calling him Revan. (Might log in to TOR and run some dailies... feeling that itch again, haven't logged on in a few weeks.)
posted by kmz at 1:49 PM on April 16, 2015

It's been parked there like two days. A big old sandstorm buried it.

Why is it leaning so drastically? Defective kickstand.
posted by Iridic at 1:50 PM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

why didn't the eagles just carry han solo to mordor

Hmmm. To mordor walk, one simply does not.
posted by eriko at 1:51 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

It's been parked there like two days. A big old sandstorm buried it.

Why is it leaning so drastically? Defective kickstand.

It was booted. The parking ticket is gonna be a motherfucker.
posted by grubi at 1:52 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

The turbolasers on Star Destroyers were supposed to have megaton-range weapons, so obviously something engineered to carry a lot of those would have no trouble staying intact in a crash.

I remember when the original Phantom Menace trailer came out, my entire workplace shut down as everyone and their cubemate tried to download the thing. Then the audio was completely goofed on all copies. Oh, the anticipation we had, even talking about the company renting a theater to watch it as a group. Then it came out and... nothing. Not quite the Memory Hole, but close. (Still, that was a hell of a trailer.)

As for Revan, KOTOR made me actually like Star Wars again, so we'd better see a cameo by our favorite assassin droid.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:53 PM on April 16, 2015

and then he steals it, and then someone yells at him that it belongs in a museum.

And then he crash lands on a golf course?

Nah, the President (of the New Republic) grabs him and yells, "Get off my plane!".

OK, quick, someone throw out a Bladerunner or Fugitive reference...
posted by GhostintheMachine at 1:53 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

My favorite thing about Star Wars threads is that I start remembering dumb/awesome Star Wars stuff I hadn't thought about in years like that time Luke Skywalker had a clone named Luuke because repeating a vowel was totally the naming convention for clones in the Zahn books
posted by jason_steakums at 1:55 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

That wreckage instantly reminded me of one of my favorite childhood books, Spacewreck: Ghostships and Derelicts of Space.
posted by Kabanos at 1:56 PM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

Regarding BB-8 being a physical effect: "It would be better for the sets, the actors, for the look of it, if it were being performed."

THAT IS THE CORRECT GODDAMN ANSWER
posted by Punkey at 1:56 PM on April 16, 2015 [40 favorites]

OK, quick, someone throw out a Bladerunner or Fugitive reference...

Han: I didn't kill my Wookiee!

Adm. Ackbar: Ah don't care! This is a trap!
posted by Rock Steady at 1:57 PM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

Based on all the comments about the crashed star destroyer, I'm afraid this movie isn't going to be very realistic.
posted by marxchivist at 1:58 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

The opening pan stitched for dual monitor set-ups.

New photos of the new cast.
posted by entropicamericana at 1:58 PM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

hey can we finally get to the bottom of what the fuck is up with the sleeves of Admiral Ackbar's uniform tunic, when combined with his big Popeye forearms?
posted by the phlegmatic king at 1:59 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

As for Revan, KOTOR made me actually like Star Wars again, so we'd better see a cameo by our favorite assassin droid.

I, too, would love to see IG-88 make an appearance in the new film! Not sure what that has to do with KOTOR though
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:00 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

That crashed Star Destroyer is, like the shot of a frantic John Boyega in the first trailer, a giant shot across the George Lucas bow.

Yes, and it's a terrific and exciting image. Of course, for those of us who have been obsessively playing SWTOR for the past several years it's not exactly new. . . but I'm not sure if that makes it more or less exciting.
posted by The Bellman at 2:00 PM on April 16, 2015

Man, Chewie is looking old!

I don't know, I expected more gray. Maybe it's Just For Wookies® hair dye?
posted by Kabanos at 2:01 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

kabanos, someone on Twitter just mentioned Spacewreck in response to the trailer! Maybe the cinematographer also read Spacewreck.
posted by ignignokt at 2:01 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

I remember being excited by the early episode I trailers because Tatooine and lightsabers and wow back in the Star Wars universe, but none of them gave me this big stupid grin or goosebumps like that crashed star destroyer reveal shot. Or Luke/Han/Chewie, but that's just predictable nerd nostalgia.

The prequels were a dreadful combination of bad writing/direction and action scenes that were technologically interesting and impressive but really kind of sterile/clinical at best, or just kind of silly at worst. "I have an idea! What if in this duel one guy fights with a light saber in each hand!" "I know! We'll give Yoda a tiny lightsaber and have him hop all around sounding like Fozzy bear!" "Hey, what if this stupid coughing droid holds four light sabers and just spins his arms really fast!"

GhostintheMachine: OK, quick, someone throw out a Bladerunner or Fugitive reference...

It's a trailer designed to provoke an emotional response.
posted by usonian at 2:02 PM on April 16, 2015 [14 favorites]

Also please no time travel or somebody important dying but coming back to life through the power of love or friendship or whatever

Please JJ Abrams please

The Star Trek crossover is almost **implied** in this trailer. can't you pick up all the little Trekkie-only clues. I don't know what everyone else heard @ 1:35, but I distinctly heard,

KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN
posted by alex_skazat at 2:03 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

GET OFF MY LIGHT FREIGHTER
posted by griphus at 2:03 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Mark my words: this is going to be so much better than any of George's movies, folks will finally see the light and gain the perspective that many of us who have worked for the man have achieved from the inside.
posted by dbiedny at 2:05 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

usonian: "I know! We'll give Yoda a tiny lightsaber and have him hop all around sounding like Fozzy bear!"

That was the absolute best part of the entire prequel trilogy. Rarely have I ever felt that much glee, that much elation while watching a movie.

I grew up being a little scared of Yoda, this tiny, decrepit figure that purportedly had so power throughout his life and we see him complain about how weak Luke is (and raise an X-Wing out of the swamp) and die. Seeing Yoda grasp his lightsaber in the first place awoke such feelings; seeing his absolute control in that battle was like nothing else that trilogy produced.
posted by mountmccabe at 2:09 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

Well, as long as we're suggesting crossovers, I like to think the line spoken at 1:23 is "Come with me if you want to live."
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:10 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

This.
posted by Wordshore at 2:11 PM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

I will agree to the fact that there are diamonds in that turd.

Ow.
posted by The Bellman at 2:12 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

I'm as irrationally excited as anyone (it turns out I am still an easy mark even though the last Star Wars thing I really enjoyed was KOTOR), and lacking anything else to add to the thread, I've decided on this: The complicated EU explanation for why it's sensible for Han to say, "I'll see you in hell."
posted by sparkletone at 2:17 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I knew it was going to be one of the original cast members at 1:35 based on the title, but I was sure it was going to be Luke based on the voice over. Then when it was Han and Chewie, I almost lost it. Because they're best friends and they've been having adventures together all this time.

Also, robot metal Luke Hand on R2D2. Also, also Leia with lightsaber. Also, Also, Also Millenium Falcon action.

I DON'T WANT TO WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS MOVIE.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:17 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

Oh, wow, if anyone wants a quick reminder this one and a half minute compilation of Yoda Epic Battles is perfect and manages to convey much of what I was getting at. (My elation was at seeing this in Episode 2, but keep watching).
posted by mountmccabe at 2:20 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

That was the absolute best part of the entire prequel trilogy. Rarely have I ever felt that much glee, that much elation while watching a movie.

Ugh. Yoda should have been the wizened old master who no longer had a need for a saber. Or, barring that, it should have been like the duel in Seven Samurai. Of course, that would have made for a very different movie.
posted by entropicamericana at 2:21 PM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

"BUT GUYS TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY TO TEASE THE NEW 'BATMAN VS SUPERMAN' MOVIE WHY ARE YOU HOISTING ME TOWARDS THAT VOLCANOOOOOOOOOoooooooo" - Unnamed Warner Bros Executive, 1968-2015
posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:25 PM on April 16, 2015 [17 favorites]

Han: No thanks, I don't like sarlacc eggs.

Leia: Sarlacc eggs are your favorite!

Han: Okay, then give me lots of sarlacc eggs.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:25 PM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

For anyone looking to get into some of the books that link the various movies and expanded universe together.

New 'Star Wars' Books Create Official Canon Linking Original Trilogy To 'The Force Awakens' via: techtimes.com
posted by Fizz at 2:25 PM on April 16, 2015

Yoda should have been the wizened old master who no longer had a need for a saber.

Yeah, exactly. If Yoda - even Yoda - has to resort to a lightsaber, what use is the Force?

And now I *really* want to know how the real BB-8 works. How do they articulate that ball-wheel with the dome sitting on top? Surely it's not just a magnetic connection...?
posted by RedOrGreen at 2:26 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

And whoever made that opening sequence - you passed: slowly open up the shot, show the wreckage of some sort of small fighter, pan to the right, speeder in the distance taking my attention somewhere else, something in the background with great atmospheric perspective to give a lot of depth and BANG! THAT!

You know, that's an excellent point and it is interestingly evocative of the opening of A New Hope; small ship that is then dwarfed by what is chasing it. It tells a lot of the story right there. Here we have some similarities - small ship in foreground, large ship in background, but both crashed and decaying - with something moving between the two of them.

It immediately makes me think - battle over, much destruction, someone trying to get on with life in the aftermath.
posted by nubs at 2:26 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

I am losing my goddamn mind over this at work and of all the Star Wars nerds in my office I am apparently the biggest and the most annoying but I dont caaaarreeee
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:27 PM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

Yeah, the hopping-around, whirling-dervish Yoda from Episode 2 was such a disappointment. It was like the animator either ran out of time or was just too lazy to give Yoda a believable fighting style, and punted. The Yoda-fights got much better in Ep 3 and the Clone Wars cartoons, though.
posted by Strange Interlude at 2:27 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think I first saw it in Firefly and I thought it was really well used there. One of the commentaries mentions it's also used in Attack of the Clones, so maybe that's when it got mainstreamed.

From either the DVD commentary or the making-of feature, that visual affectation was put in by the pre-vis team, and Lucas liked it and kept it in. For the clone army invasion at the end of the movie, they were aping the D-Day scenes from Saving Private Ryan amongst other things.

Actually, most of the making of on those prequel DVDs consisted of people walking up to Lucas with a mock up of three spaceships and him picking one after barely glancing at it. Seemed bored with it all even back then.
posted by thecjm at 2:28 PM on April 16, 2015

o/ $$$$$ Disney !!!!

Am I the only one that finds it interesting that Disney didn't splash their logo in front of that trailer? Are they stepping lightly with the fanbase?
posted by JoeZydeco at 2:31 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Of course, for those of us who have been obsessively playing SWTOR for the past several years it's not exactly new. . . but I'm not sure if that makes it more or less exciting.

Oh shit, I didn't think anybody else on MeFi would still be playing... what server you on?

Am I the only one that finds it interesting that Disney didn't splash their logo in front of that trailer? Are they stepping lightly with the fanbase?

I would assume they consider LucasFilm separate enough just like Miramax or Marvel where I don't think they put a Disney logo either.
posted by kmz at 2:33 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

JoeZydeco, I think they're treating the IP as its own standalone entity. All of the Star Wars apps their consumer products devision has produced since acquiring the franchise haven't been Disney branded either.
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:33 PM on April 16, 2015

incomple: “OK, so it no longer seems like a fan film. But it has a thing that I hate, at 1:27, where the CGI camera zooms in very quickly. It bothers me not just because it's inconsistent with the visual language of the series, but also because a camera quickly adjusting its zoom in the middle of a shot is something you almost NEVER saw in a movie until maybe a decade ago. It's like the CGI ‘water on the lens’ thing, a weird computer trick to remind the audience that a camera is there and they're watching a movie. Why would any filmmaker want to break the illusion like that?”

You're not the only one. From Neil Cicierega on Twitter:

there's a crash zoom in the new star wars trailer. who do I contact to have it removed

I really hope there's not a lot of "The Office"-inspired action cinematography in this episode of Star Stars

Whenever I see a fake zoom in an action movie I imagine a nerdy dad behind the camera saying "that's my boy"
posted by koeselitz at 2:34 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

Am I the only one that finds it interesting that Disney didn't splash their logo in front of that trailer? Are they stepping lightly with the fanbase?

It's going to feel so strange to not have the Fox fanfare at the start. Williams wrote the main theme in the same key as that fanfare for extra awesome.
posted by sparkletone at 2:34 PM on April 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

Omg who else is still playing SWTOR
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:34 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

The Yoda-fights got much better in Ep 3

That's like saying "I've upgraded to a fancier brand of ketchup to use on my steaks."
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:34 PM on April 16, 2015 [21 favorites]

Is someone collecting Skywalker family artifacts? Or just Vader's? It this part of a Sith plot, or is it Leia?

Little would make me happier than having the only shred of Expanded Universe retained be the ridiculous Luuke Skywalker cloned from the hand that landed on Bespin. Goodbye Kyle Katarn, goodbye Mara Jade and Grand Admiral Thrawn, goodbye Suncrusher, hello Joruus C'Boath!
posted by Copronymus at 2:35 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

The BB-8 droid showed up at the live panel today. There's a video of it on the polygon blog.

That is a very impressive practical effect.
posted by memebake at 2:35 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Rarely have I ever felt that much glee, that much elation while watching a movie.

I don't think I've ever heard an entire packed theater lose its collective shit so hard as when Yoda busted out his lightsaber in episode 2 on premiere night.
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:36 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

All of the Star Wars apps their consumer products devision has produced since acquiring the franchise haven't been Disney branded either.

There's crossover stuff, but it's very clearly tongue-in-cheek stuff like Darth Goofy.
posted by eriko at 2:36 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

That is a very impressive practical effect.

ILM and Disney Imagineers.

Behold the power of this fully operation movie station.
posted by eriko at 2:36 PM on April 16, 2015 [18 favorites]

That's like saying "I've upgraded to a fancier brand of ketchup to use on my steaks."

Episode III: With New & Improved Digitally Enhanced Sriracha Sauce!!
posted by Fizz at 2:37 PM on April 16, 2015

I remember some behind the scenes feature for Episode 1 where Lucas basically admitted that he micromanaged everything other than the music, since John Williams was about the only person working on it he couldn't really push around. Then I saw Episode 1 and thought, "Huh, that explains that."
posted by ckape at 2:38 PM on April 16, 2015

It's apparently a practical effect, not CGI.

Yep, BB-8 is real.

For the second time today, I just made the Tom Haverford face.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:39 PM on April 16, 2015 [16 favorites]

Joey Michaels: "Because they're best friends and they've been having adventures together all this time."

No, they've been running a respectable import/export concern, have dozens of employees and responsibilities. Han's daughter starts the movie going all Luke-style, "Ugh, everything's so boring, nothing ever happens!" And Han says, "Well you know, back in the day we were ..." and she says, "Sure, sure, you were a scoundrel, mom was a princess, you went on crazy adventures and saved the galaxy. I'm not a little kid anymore, okay!" and rolls her eyes. Han and Chewie glance at each other as she flops onto the couch.
posted by RobotHero at 2:40 PM on April 16, 2015 [30 favorites]

There’s nothing like that emotional impact when Han and Chewie arrive home.
posted by nicepersonality at 2:41 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

So how long do wookies live, anyway? Couldn't Chewie have a little grey stripe going or sumthin'?
posted by JoeZydeco at 2:41 PM on April 16, 2015

HarFo lookin' good. Has he had some work done?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:43 PM on April 16, 2015

Oh shit, I didn't think anybody else on MeFi would still be playing... what server you on?

Covenant. C'mell is my, um, current 60 main. So many alts. So many hours.
posted by The Bellman at 2:44 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

400-600 years apparently according to the Wiki.
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:44 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

No, they've been running a respectable import/export concern, have dozens of employees and responsibilities. Han's daughter starts the movie going all Luke-style, "Ugh, everything's so boring, nothing ever happens!" And Han says, "Well you know, back in the day we were ..." and she says, "Sure, sure, you were a scoundrel, mom was a princess, you went on crazy adventures and saved the galaxy. I'm not a little kid anymore, okay!" and rolls her eyes. Han and Chewie glance at each other as she flops onto the couch.

HERES MY TEN DOLLARS WHERES MY TICKET
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:44 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

No, they've been running a respectable import/export concern, have dozens of employees and responsibilities. Han's daughter starts the movie going all Luke-style, "Ugh, everything's so boring, nothing ever happens!" And Han says, "Well you know, back in the day we were ..." and she says, "Sure, sure, you were a scoundrel, mom was a princess, you went on crazy adventures and saved the galaxy. I'm not a little kid anymore, okay!" and rolls her eyes. Han and Chewie glance at each other as she flops onto the couch.

Listen mister, don't make me turn this MeFi discussion around.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:45 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

HarFo lookin' good. Has he had some work done?

Been traveling a little, spending some time on the golf course....
posted by eriko at 2:45 PM on April 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

Here's a better copy of that clip of BB-8 on stage.

To be fair, looks like the 'real' version of BB-8 can only move at certain speeds. When we've seen BB-8 in the trailers, its been going _very_ fast so I suspect there is some CGI involved there.
posted by memebake at 2:48 PM on April 16, 2015

I was kinda looking forward to Chewbacca with the robot spider body and ion cannons
posted by stargell at 2:54 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Am I the only one that finds it interesting that Disney didn't splash their logo in front of that trailer? Are they stepping lightly with the fanbase?

For what it's worth, the Disney logo is on the new Lego sets of Star Wars Rebels.

And whoever made that opening sequence - you passed

I watched it with my six year old without telling him what it was. He has never seen a single movie but he does collect Star Wars Lego. He kept making random guesses until the Star Destroyer bridge was visible, then immediately freaked out.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 2:55 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

Hermione Granger: of all the Star Wars nerds in my office I am apparently the biggest and the most annoying but I dont caaaarreeee

EPONYSTERICAL
posted by tzikeh at 2:56 PM on April 16, 2015 [15 favorites]

Covenant. C'mell is my, um, current 60 main.

Nice, Jedi Cov represent! I've got various Discworld and Avatar the Last Airbender inspired toons but F'Shep/Cmdr'Shepard is my main. Haven't been super active lately though.

So many alts. So many hours.

Ha. Don't remind me... I've got 8 60s (one of each class) and four other 55+ (so I could have any role needed on Pub side pre-3.0.) Fell off playing after churning through 3.0 content and not having a real raid team though.
posted by kmz at 2:56 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

This trailer did not have quite enough R2, but the C3PO level was just right.
posted by Soliloquy at 2:57 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

Seeing this movie would rob me of my most obnoxious nerd-baiting trait; off-handedly mentioning that I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies when the subject comes up.

Once used it to end an extremely disappointing date.
posted by The Zeroth Law at 2:58 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Fell off playing after churning through 3.0 content and not having a real raid team though.

Same here, actually. Was going to ask you if you had a decent guild!
posted by The Bellman at 3:03 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Now what if Jar Jar Binks is just a very young member of the race that Yoda is an oldster, but long lived?
posted by sammyo at 3:04 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

All of the Star Wars apps their consumer products devision has produced since acquiring the franchise haven't been Disney branded either.

I guess nobody got the memo to LEGO...

Granted, this is the Disney Channel "Rebels" cartoon. Maybe Ep7 is being treated differently?
posted by JoeZydeco at 3:05 PM on April 16, 2015

Oh dang I hadn't seen the Legos yet!! Very interesting, I wonder how they're deciding where and why to brand stuff that way.
posted by Hermione Granger at 3:12 PM on April 16, 2015

never saw episodes 2 or 3 (he says, obnoxiously patting himself on the back), because 1) episode 1 oh Christ so awful and 2) hearing about Yoda's jumpy spinny light saber adventures. If like the first thing we hear from a dude after we find out who is is "great warrior? Wars do not make one great," it's sort of missing the point to have a prequel where he shows off what a great warrior he is.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 3:24 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Uh but also this looks pretty rad and you can add me to team "dammit, I don't want to get excited about this, but I'm getting excited about this, please someone stop me from getting excited about this I know it'll all end in heartbreak."
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 3:26 PM on April 16, 2015

Oh dang I hadn't seen the Legos yet!!

Wookie minifig. Need I say more?
posted by JoeZydeco at 3:33 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

xkcd explained how to make your own BB-8 a while back.
posted by ckape at 3:39 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

As for the quick zoom, they were using them in genre films in the 60s and 70s. Kung Fu movies, Spaghetti westerns, horror movies, you'll see this in a lot of these movies.

They might have been overusing them and mostly stopped in the 80s, but I think filmmakers working now have been influenced by those movies the same way Lucas was by the serials when he made Star Wars.
posted by RobotHero at 3:40 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I would like to remind you that WE FELT EXACTLY LIKE THIS BEFORE THE RELEASE OF EPISODE I.
posted by Mo Nickels at 3:49 PM on April 16, 2015 [16 favorites]

Hush, allow the sweet summer children their moment before the crushing despair of the long winter.
posted by Justinian at 3:51 PM on April 16, 2015 [15 favorites]

How do you crash a Star Destroyer so forcefully that it is buried in the ground, yet so gently that it keeps in one piece?
(...)
Sorry, the correct answer is "Use the Force."
Llama-Lime is probably correct: The Force Unleashed trailer (which is still pretty cool).

Also, Luke's reference to his father in the present (not-dead) tense - Anakin, having forsaken the Dark Side for the Light, joined Obi-wan and Yoda as ghost-buddies and Luke had talked to Obi-wan after his mortal form had been destroyed, so all three of would be not-dead (and therefore "present-tense") to Luke.
At least, that's my theory.
posted by Zack_Replica at 3:58 PM on April 16, 2015

obi wan: i love all my jedi equally
[earlier that day]
obi wan: i don't care for anakin
posted by poffin boffin at 4:00 PM on April 16, 2015 [34 favorites]

Oh man, I love Star Wars! That's why I'm not going to ruin my enjoyment of key plot developments by watching the damn trailer!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:01 PM on April 16, 2015

OK, quick, someone throw out a Bladerunner or Fugitive reference...

Uhh...okay so a few years before A New Hope Han Solo was a very serious lawyer with no time for his family, and then while out buying a pack of death sticks one night he interrupted a robbery and got a blaster bolt to his head and learned how to be a ~~better person~~ smuggler. Also, he bought a ~~puppy~~ Wookiee.
posted by Guy Smiley at 4:03 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh wow, that trailer is sick! Dro like, it's for the sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy, right? Where's Starlord and Groot? I didn't see them!
posted by happyroach at 4:04 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

sounds weird to say he *has* the force. Isn't the force something that you *use* or can *be strong with*?
posted by sineater at 4:05 PM on April 16, 2015

The force is something you may be with
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:07 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Remember that the Force is all about the Midichlorian count in your blood. How many cooties you have. Being tested positive for Jedi.
posted by Zack_Replica at 4:11 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Isn't the line from Jedi? When Luke is talking to Leia?
posted by Sphinx at 4:13 PM on April 16, 2015

In Star Wars galaxy, force has you!
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:16 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

obi wan: i love all my jedi equally
[earlier that day]
obi wan: i don't care for anakin

Now I really want to see the whole series remade with the cast of Arrested Development. Will Arnett as GOB Bluth as Han Solo would be amazing.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:20 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I mentioned Neil Cicierega above; actually I should say that, particularly for us die-hard fans, his Guide to the Races of Star Wars is really useful for getting a good overview of the various characters that have made up the War Wars universe. I highly recommend it.
posted by koeselitz at 4:21 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Of course Chewie still looks good. You know he lives much cleaner than Han- keeps mostly vegetarian, works out (even does a bit of yoga on occasion), only has a drink or two in the evening. He's not out spending all night in Corellian dive bars with a bunch of other retired smugglers.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:24 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh yeah like guy in the 60 million credit smugling vessel is going to do the Kessel run for a slug who doesn't make that in a year. Come on!
posted by codacorolla at 4:26 PM on April 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

You Can't Tip a Buick: never saw episodes 2 or 3 (he says, obnoxiously patting himself on the back), because 1) episode 1 oh Christ so awful and 2) hearing about Yoda's jumpy spinny light saber adventures. If like the first thing we hear from a dude after we find out who is is "great warrior? Wars do not make one great," it's sort of missing the point to have a prequel where he shows off what a great warrior he is.

He does far more in the prequels than fight lightsaber battles though to be fair I don't recall him coming off as especially wise, perceptive, or effective.

Yet there had to be some background for Yoda's reputation as a great warrior. Yoda's quibble was that that was not what he wanted to be known/remembered for. Based on how awful the trade/political negotiations part of the prequels were I am not going to fault them for not having more of that.

The films are about wars. In the stars. They're going to depict folks fighting, especially the great leaders. It was amazing, to the me of thirteen years ago, to see Yoda leading a clone army and then fighting with a lightsaber. The amazement was from seeing a different side of this character; his peaceful nature is a big part of why seeing him fighting worked.

I'm not claiming the prequels were any good, but in the context of what they were the Yoda is a powerful bad-ass bits hit that sweet spot of inevitable and unexpected that is basically everything I want in fiction.
posted by mountmccabe at 4:37 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

These are my awards, Vader. From Stormtrooping. The tauntaun is for blastermanship, and the wampa is for podracing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called the Emperor's Guard.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:41 PM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

why didn't the eagles just carry han solo to mordor

If, like some of us, you believe that The Dude rules over the universe, including book and movie plots, it would be clear: He hates the fucking Eagles, man.
posted by A dead Quaker at 4:45 PM on April 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

Now, to finish fixing things, if only they add a short, simple scene that goes something like this:

Luke: Well, times change. Even Jedis learn new things. Long ago we believed that in order to use the force we had to have these mystical things in our blood called Midi-chlorians.

New Luke Jedi Relative: Really? Wow. People sure were dumbasses. The Force is a lot more complicated, mystical, and special than some blood test can reveal. I'm glad my ability to learn and use the force isn't predetermined by uncontrollable traits and thus my boyhood hopes and dreams of being a Jedi are not flushed away by some overly-developed desire to needlessly explain that which generations of people just accepted as a wonderful possibility.

Luke: You learn fast young one.
posted by Muddler at 4:52 PM on April 16, 2015 [24 favorites]

Here are some new posters mentioned on Tumblr with more visual clues for you nerds to obsess over.

Apparently there is also going to be a new Lando comic.
posted by emjaybee at 4:55 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Regarding the new movies vs the EU novels (which I will miss)...

"But…it was so artistically done."
posted by mikurski at 5:02 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Now, to finish fixing things, if only they add a short, simple scene that goes something like this:

Luke: See, there is these things call Midi-chlorians....no, I can't do it. It was some stupid joke they used to play on padawans at the Jedi Academy. Apparently, they'd lay bets on who could keep a padawan believing it the longest. I'm sort of glad that Palpatine killed all those warped SOBs, come to think of it.
posted by eriko at 5:02 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

Ooo, are we doing improbable predictions? Here's mine for what's beein going on with the Big Three since Jedi (shamelessly reposted from reddit):

Leia: After a few years of mopping up Imperial holdouts, the Rebellion ends with the Republic restored. Leia, who had been driven by her passion and her thirst for adventure, finds that her penchant for straight talk is no longer an asset in a conventional political career. After one gaffe too many, Mon Mothma asks her to retire into private life, which she does. Without a grand cause, Leia finally lets go of her tight grip on her emotions, and the grief of the loss of her homeworld overwhelms her, destroying her relationship with Han and driving her into spice addiction. When the film opens, we find her finishing her third stint in rehab, ready to try again at starting a new life.
Luke: With the death of all other Jedi, light and dark, Luke is left rudderless. He's immensely powerful in the Force, but has only ever received a few days of proper training. With all records of the Jedi Order destroyed, he must rely on occasional visitations from the Force ghosts of Obi-wan, Yoda, and Anakin, but as they drift into the Force, he begins to lose his way. Having taken it upon himself to rein in the anarchy that has overtaken the Outer Rim since the fall of the Empire, he grows increasingly violent, slaughtering former Imperials, gangsters, slavers, and smugglers wherever he finds them. In the end, he decides he has no choice but to impose justice and order by force. When the film opens, we see him constructing a new, red lightsaber and taking on the mantle of Darth, like his father before him.
Han: With the end of the Rebellion, Han finds himself shouldering more and more responsibility for the New Republic. To his surprise (and everyone else's), he finds that he's well-suited to the world of politics, which he attributes to a new appreciation of the fragility of life after his time frozen in carbonite. As his relationship with Leia sours, he throws himself into his work, climbing higher and higher in the government, first as a military official, then as the Senator from Corellia. A popular war hero with a rogueish history, his pragmatic willingness to compromise resonates strongly with the Galactic electorate. When the film opens, Han has just been elected Chancellor of the New Republic. The first task facing him is to deal with the growing darkness on the Outer Rim. To accomplish this, he reaches out to an old friend, brave revolutionary, experienced diplomat, estranged lover, and sister of the greatest threat to the Galaxy since Palpatine...

(For those of you keeping track, that's Postcards from the Edge Leia, Air Force One Han, and Luke Skywalker as the Joker.)
posted by The Tensor at 5:05 PM on April 16, 2015 [24 favorites]

emjaybee: (or maybe a niece or nephew?)

Well, it is Disney, so niece or nephew is the default relationship.
posted by larrybob at 5:28 PM on April 16, 2015

ricochet biscuit: "The last genuinely enjoyable movie that he headlined was probably The Fugitive, which was 22 years ago now."

Meanwhile, somewhere on Air Force One, an ass kicking POTUS just trying to save his family from Gary Oldman sheds a single tear.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:37 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

In a twisted irony, the new Star Wars movie becomes the best Star Trek movie J.J. makes.
posted by drezdn at 5:37 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Of course Chewie still looks good.

Chewie looks more or less the same because wookies live 400 years. So the 30 years that have passed have only been the equivalent of 6 human years to Chewie. Most people don't change that much in 6 years.

I do not know if I should be proud or ashamed I know this.
posted by Justinian at 6:06 PM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]

The answer is obviously proud.
posted by Justinian at 6:07 PM on April 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

Chewie looks good because the Wookie language doesn't lead to wrinkles around the mouth.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:09 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

I wonder if Lumpy's voice has finally changed.
posted by bstreep at 6:17 PM on April 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

Hey, this is coming out at Christmas. Maybe they can show the Star Wars Christmas Special before the main event? As a warm up.
posted by Justinian at 6:33 PM on April 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

Makes sense. Anything Abrams puts out would seem better next to that bit of coke-induced insanity.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:35 PM on April 16, 2015

"The Force is strong in my family." MY family - not OUR family.. So the person he is speaking to is possibly not family at all?
posted by mkim at 6:38 PM on April 16, 2015

Well, I've watched it 6 times and I'm still getting full-body goosebumps!
posted by ChuraChura at 6:40 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Was that Mark Hamill doing the voiceover?
posted by barnacles at 7:04 PM on April 16, 2015

Was that Mark Hamill doing the voiceover?

Yes, though it's not clear to my ears if that's him rereading some lines from RotJ, or if they recycled the original dialogue after changing the order of things slightly. (My guess is the former.)
posted by sparkletone at 7:17 PM on April 16, 2015

Kashyyyk don't crack.
posted by condour75 at 7:20 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Hush, allow the sweet summer children their moment before the crushing despair of the long winter.

I am no summer child, ser. I know despair.

Despair is for the winter, when the prequels are devoid of meaning and the fan rage comes howling out of the keyboard. Despair is for the long night, when the lens flares mask all for years at a time, and directors cuts are made and live and die on Blu-ray while the fans grow gaunt and hungry, and the dark side moves through the cinema.

But when spring comes, even the false spring, there are no problems except where to be happiest.
posted by nubs at 7:29 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Here's the "The Force is Strong in My Family" Scene from ROTJ; the lines are all there, just in a different order ("You have that power too" is first rather than last). If they did lift these lines for the trailer, they've edited them a bit (there's an echoey quality in the trailer, especially on "My sister has it") to my ears.
posted by nubs at 7:38 PM on April 16, 2015

Yes, Luke is speaking a play on his line from ROTJ.

...and I read a description of this teaser and felt chills. Then this happened. I watched it first with disbelief, then again, and again, and my face was frozen in pure joy. I can find elements of the original trilogy in the prequels, but it's a hopping skipping thing, like someone who understood the mechanics, but not the spirit was trying to recreate something and failing more than they succeeded. Abrams, so far, has been nailing the spirit and that combined with those who know how this galaxy's war should be fought...it's just incredible to feel that feeling again, of when I watched the digital remasters (before the Special Editions, and the only Star Wars not recorded off network broadcast that we owned), and how I watched again and again.

Gawd, how I missed it all.

Now I'm waiting on a play of, "I am a Jedi, like my father before me..."

"I am a Jedi, like my mother before me...."
posted by Atreides at 7:56 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

If you listen to those lines with a good pair of headphones, especially "The force is strong in my family" and "My father has it", that "echoey quality" actually sounds like someone else saying the lines. Listening to all the lines, it's not a true echo. "The force is strong in my family" is echoed with "strong in my family", "My father has it" is repeated, "I have it" is repeated, but "My sister has it" really only sounds like "sister".

Honestly, the repeating voice for "The force is strong in my family" kind of sounds like Darth Vader. However, "My father has it" sounds like a different voice.
posted by Axle at 8:14 PM on April 16, 2015

The movie may still yet suck. But goddamn it'll actually have feeling.

I just really hope that feeling isn't my arm and the floor hitting my face, as i fall off the couch.

Right after Star Trek: Into Darkness was available for disc/download, i was watching it in the middle of a sunny day. Windows open, volume fairly cranked.

Then it got to the scene where Khan attacks Starfleet HQ. The actual explosion there, was so much louder than the dialog, that it nearly wrecked my speakers. It was the one of the loudest indoor sounds i'd ever heard in my life. My ears were actually ringing afterwards(I have very large speakers, and at the time was using a huge 70s integrated amp with a toroidal transformer the size of a moped engine, and way too much headroom). I wasn't even listening to the dialog at an erm, spirited volume. It was fairly quiet so me and my friends could talk over it.

And yea, i fell off the couch i was so startled. I thought someone had thrown an M1000 in my open window or something, which wasn't out of the range of possibility of some dumb oogle doing for laughs with the way my block is.

I'm just really afraid of this being another dumb explosionfest. And J.J doesn't exactly have an awesome track record of not make giant explosion fests with just enough fanservice and audience high fiving thrown in that people still cheer.
posted by emptythought at 8:14 PM on April 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

Episode 1 also gave us the very excellent Podracing game for the N64

And you can't mention this without mentioning the arcade cabinet which was literally exactly what i imagined seeing the movie as tween. And playing it worked exactly like you wanted it to, also.

Still one of the coolest arcade games ever made, since it was a great game anyways. Took some actual skill, and time to get used to the controls.

I can't think of many games from that early 3d era that so desperately need a modern remake.
posted by emptythought at 8:27 PM on April 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

And now I *really* want to know how the real BB-8 works.

Oh my god, it's full of hamsters!
posted by mon-ma-tron at 8:54 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Yeah okay this made my inner 8-year-old boy happy but he's not bouncing around screaming STAR WARS! STAR WARS! at the top of his lungs or anything. Waiting until after people see it and start talking about it.
posted by egypturnash at 9:29 PM on April 16, 2015

I just watched the leaked Batman v Superman trailer and it is just grim and cynical as hell and oh hey look they're going to use Frank Miller for storyboards again. Abrams ain't perfect, but his films at least come from a place of joy. This trailer made me smile all seven times I watched it. That other one smells of Axe Body Spray and rohypnol.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:42 PM on April 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

someone posted the video of the crowd's reaction to the trailer, and it's like all sorts of dusty in here now. listen to the crowd's cheer go silent when Han says "Chewie." I swear this is almost as good as the trailer itself.
posted by Brainy at 10:49 PM on April 16, 2015 [30 favorites]

These are my awards, Vader. From Stormtrooping. The tauntaun is for blastermanship, and the wampa is for podracing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called the Emperor's Guard.

What are you doing back home?
....Empire had a half day.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:03 PM on April 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

ok, I'm in...but:
1) cool as BB-8 looks, I'm kinda worried that he's gonna scrappy-doo R2-D2 and
2) shouldn't Chewie look a little older, too...possibly with some fierce grey streaks or something?
posted by sexyrobot at 11:09 PM on April 16, 2015

I know I shouldn't watch the trailers. I know I enjoy movies more when I know next-to-nothing going in. I know I shouldn't build expectations.

But, man, I needed that.
posted by mazola at 11:12 PM on April 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

That video of the crowd at the actual event is delightful.

shouldn't Chewie look a little older, too...possibly with some fierce grey streaks or something?

That could be cool, but they'd be retconning that wookies live way longer than humans.
posted by sparkletone at 11:17 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

This year is going to have the best Life Day ever!
posted by mazola at 11:36 PM on April 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

I watched the link when this post went up. I saw it tonight on All In with Chris Hayes — which was great by the way. I just watched the link Brainy posted. The hair on the back of neck stood up all three times. I have a good feeling about this.
posted by ob1quixote at 11:52 PM on April 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

The Luke Skywalker voiceover gave me legit chills and I stunned myself by bursting into happy tears at the appearance of Han and Chewie. I guess Lucas didn't kill the last of my Star Wars fandom with the prequels, after all!

(That being said, Chewie looked kind of weird to me. Like, not 1977 Chewbacca. Is his forehead smaller or something? Is his fur color different? What has happened to Chewie?!)

Abrams co-created Lost so I just can't hate the guy, and the dicking-over he gave Star Trek is the sort of stuff that could maybe be fun in Star Wars. I really want to love this, and I think a lot of that depends on the original cast not being sidelined too much. If we spend the whole damn movie following the new space kids around, I'm going to spend the whole damn movie waiting for Luke, Leia and Han to show up again.

So, where the hell are R2 and C-3PO? I mean, I know they're gonna be in there, but we haven't seen them yet and this is unacceptable!

I think I may have been born without the Star Wars gene. I saw the official teaser and was like, yeah, there's a movie I would probably sleep through

I used to post plenty of comments like this about things, and now I'm really trying not to. I'll snark on stuff I truly dislike, but if something fills me with meh the only thing I'm doing by posting that is getting in the way of other people's fun. I may note my meh-hood if it's part of what I think is a legit observation about some big popular thing, but a drive-by meh doesn't really do me or anybody else any good.

I'm not saying this to call you out as a big sourpuss or anything, but because I was once as you are now, and not doing that stuff anymore has saved me a few minutes here and there and left some other folks' buzzes unharshed. So, it's a win-win.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 12:04 AM on April 17, 2015 [10 favorites]

Okay, so here's the thing about everybody pointing out that he puts Vader in the present tense ("my father has it") as though this is some indication of what's going to happen in the movie:

That would be the goddamned dumbest plot point ever. Seriously, it would out-dumb any single plot point (though maybe not the entirety) of the prequels. If they pull some "SURPRISE, VADER'S TOTALLY STILL ALIVE!!!" bullshit, I am going to be angry. Because - oh my god, please no.

Why would anyone want that? To invalidate everything that gave closure to the original trilogy? To give away the finality of it for some cheap crossover appeal and merchandising potential of a cool walking robot dude? Let it go. Let goddamned Vader be dead.

Think about it: we don't want this. So don't make too much out of "has."
posted by koeselitz at 12:17 AM on April 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

I liked the part where this didn't suck.
posted by mazola at 12:19 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

0:52 -

"Here - Dad's saber."
"Why is it...sticky?"
"He killed, like, forty or fifty kids with it. That shit doesn't just wash off."
posted by obiwanwasabi at 12:23 AM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

Yeah. Lucas would've been smart to have Anakin switch sabres before the massacre…
posted by mazola at 12:27 AM on April 17, 2015

please let Emperor Piett be in it. please let Emperor Piett be in it. please let Emperor Piett be in it…
posted by mazola at 12:28 AM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

So, where the hell are R2 and C-3PO?

R2 was in this trailer.
posted by Pendragon at 12:35 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

*pours salted caramel vodka*
My battle station is fully operational.
Youtube, you may play when ready.

*screenwipe*

Knowing BB-8 is a practical effect? I loved that more than seeing Harrison Ford drunkenly stumble onto the set of the Late Show and make a Chewie joke that they stitched on the end of this for some reason.

But how come the crashed Star Destroyer didn't leave a big as fuck impact crater?
posted by Mezentian at 12:48 AM on April 17, 2015

. If nothing else, this is the first time Harrison Ford has been on the interior sets of the iconic ship since about 1979.

Well, that explains the broken leg.
posted by Mezentian at 1:14 AM on April 17, 2015

The Star Destroyer is actually a derelict amusement park attraction, "Empire Land", that went to seed when the venture capital fell through
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 1:15 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Wait.... Power Droid (or Gonk for the whippernappers) is in this movie?
posted by Mezentian at 1:15 AM on April 17, 2015 [11 favorites]

That joke makes no sense to me, but.... yes?
posted by Mezentian at 1:20 AM on April 17, 2015

Gomp!
posted by h00py at 1:26 AM on April 17, 2015

Do I have to include footage of a baby Gonk dancing for that joke to make sense?

If we legit thought you had a dancing baby Gonk and weren't sharing we'd probably hunt you down
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 1:33 AM on April 17, 2015 [9 favorites]

Because I was at work all day, and could not read io9 or MeFi, and no one else has posted it: all the relevant io9 links (Some possible spoilers, obviously.):
The Empire Has A Whole New Name In Star Wars Episode VII

A Closer Look At The New Landspeeder From Star Wars Episode VII

Let's Break Down The Secrets And Spectacle Of The New Star Wars Trailer!

Everything We Learned About The Force Awakens At Star Wars Celebration
posted by Mezentian at 1:34 AM on April 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Han's looking less of a scoundrel and more of a rascal at this point.
posted by longbaugh at 2:02 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

The man's allowed to age, damnit!
posted by h00py at 2:05 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm wondering if that shot was purely for the trailer.
The line is so cheesy, and the set-up much like that photo it wouldn't surprise me.

(Also, man, that Superman Vs Batman trailer sucked, didn't it? I think Ant-Man owns this week's superhero showdown. Or Daredevil if you must be grimdark).
posted by Mezentian at 2:27 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I just read (at Bleeding Cool) Agent Carter is 75% confirmed for a second series.
If true, this day keeps getting better and better.
posted by Mezentian at 3:08 AM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

Of all the things I hate about the prequels, the smooth, shiny, overstuffed CGI fakeness is one of the biggest. JJ's commitment to practical effects goes a long way with me. (But I'm also not a JJ hater. Into Darkness was unforgivably awful, but I've loved some of his TV shows.)
posted by Mavri at 4:31 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh, R2 IS in there, yeah. Serves me right for posting after only watching the trailer once, when I was still giddy and addled.

Maybe somebody has posted this somewhere above, but the Luke speech is from Return of the Jedi. It's what he says to Leia, by way of telling her she's his sister.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:53 AM on April 17, 2015

A new Lando comic, you say?

I once plugged "Who's cooler, Han or Lando?" into Google. The first three hits were Ask Yahoo entries of the same question, where the overwhelming consensus of those answering was "Han."

So. There you go. Proof that Lando is cooler than Han.
posted by Slap*Happy at 4:56 AM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

So. There you go. Proof that Lando is cooler than Han.

Totally.
Han only went to Star's End.
Lando? He strummed the Mindharp of Sharu, while drying his 'fro in the flamewind of Oseon, while on the quest to the Starcave of Thonboka.
posted by Mezentian at 5:04 AM on April 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

I would give my eyeteeth to see Idris Elba cast as Lando Calrissian. It will never happen, of course, but a gal can dream.
posted by magstheaxe at 6:34 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Still thinking about the trailer. Is it just me or is there a lot of "helping hands" and "connection to others" visuals in the trailer? (presumably) Luke's hand on R2D2, handing (presumably) Leia the lightsaber, someone lending John Boyega a helping hand up etc.

That's it, that's all I've got. Just had to say it. Hands everywhere.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:36 AM on April 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

My theory is that Leia has a "sad devotion" to the Jedi religion and Han can't take it any more. The final scene of the trailer is him moving back into the Falcon with Chewie after getting a divorce. After all, once you go Wookie...
posted by pashdown at 6:39 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'd be surprised if the hand receiving the lightsaber was Leia's. That looks like a young woman's hand, maybe Rey's. Leia could be the one handing it off though.
posted by wabbittwax at 6:39 AM on April 17, 2015

Last time I didn't read any spoilers cus I didn't want to ruin it, but then the movies ruined it so this time what the hell. Thanks for the links Mezentian!

I'd be surprised if the hand receiving the lightsaber was Leia's. That looks like a young woman's hand, maybe Rey's. Leia could be the one handing it off though.

good point, I thought it was Luke's (other) hand but could be Leia's. And now I'm wondering if they'll go with the expanded universe of Jana/Jacen Solo etc, or at least throw in a mention. Is it too much to ask for Mara Jade to have a line?

.... aaaand now I just outed myself as a star wars nerd. St. Peeps always takes the nerd bait, what can I say
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:47 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

So. There you go. Proof that Lando is cooler than Han.

I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it a ~~second~~ third time.
posted by eriko at 6:47 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Please don't make the reason that the Star Destroyer crashed in the desert is because it 'fell over in space' like the Enterprise did in the Star Trek movie.

And geez, that poor Storm Trooper infiltrator guy - in the first trailer he had a sweaty, harassed, out-of-breath look, and in this trailer he has the same look in two more shots. He's in for some serious action/adventure.
posted by guy72277 at 6:52 AM on April 17, 2015

The prequels established that smaller types of star destroyer like craft could actually land and take off from the surface. I think there was also a Republic cruiser (predecessor to the Star Destroyer) that did a similar crash in Clone Wars but my memory is kind of foggy. Think of this ship being like the ship that Anakin, Obi-wan and the Emperor rode down to the surface of Coruscant at the start of Revenge of the Sith.

I've presumed that Leia is being handed the lightsaber in the trailer, myself, and the young woman we see next is either Leia's or Luke's daughter. This poses issues regardless, though, because if Luke is telling her that she's Force sensitive, that means either A) She grew up away from her Force sensitive parents who would have alerted her to this possibility already or B) She's Leia's kid and Leia never took/had the time to learn anything more about her own potential Jedi abilities. There's a distant C where we learn she's a Skywalker but a cousin or something something.

We have two bad guys, one might suppose. We have the Sith or Sith Wannabe dude and the Chrome Stormtrooper with his fancy look at me cloak. We also have Empire 2.0. It's emblem is a modification of the original Empire insignia, but with more "teeth" if it were seen as a gear. This pretty much means the Rebel Alliance didn't win complete victory over Imperial forces after the death of the Emperor and Vader. Of course, this isn't a new idea either, but I'm guessing there isn't a blue skinned dude behind it.

I'm also curious about that staff weaponthingy the woman is holding as they run from an explosion. Hrm.
posted by Atreides at 7:08 AM on April 17, 2015

And geez, that poor Storm Trooper infiltrator guy

He has a name, you insensitive clod!
He's the "black stormtrooper, destroyer of worlds, the fourth seal, the oncoming storm, the Decline of Western Civilisation".

Or Finn.

(Hopefully not Finn Landoson).
posted by Mezentian at 7:21 AM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

> Hands everywhere.

More to cut off, then.
posted by MysticMCJ at 7:27 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

shows that Lucas' involvement is not essential to the franchise

The Empire Strike Back was produced by Gary Kurtz, directed by Irvin Kershner and written by Leigh Brackett and Lawrence Kasdan from a story by George Lucas. One of the best loved films of the franchise arguably had the least involvement by Lucas.
posted by Gelatin at 7:30 AM on April 17, 2015 [9 favorites]

This poses issues regardless, though, because if Luke is telling her that she's Force sensitive, that means either A) She grew up away from her Force sensitive parents who would have alerted her to this possibility already or B) She's Leia's kid and Leia never took/had the time to learn anything more about her own potential Jedi abilities.

Or "not this old story again, dad/uncle. You've told it a million times."
posted by Foosnark at 7:33 AM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

written by Leigh Brackett

Now, let's be honest.
Her credit was not well deserved.
posted by Mezentian at 7:33 AM on April 17, 2015

I'm wondering if that shot was purely for the trailer.
The line is so cheesy, and the set-up much like that photo it wouldn't surprise me.

Someone else noticed too!
posted by ominous_paws at 7:35 AM on April 17, 2015

I've presumed that Leia is being handed the lightsaber in the trailer, myself, and the young woman we see next is either Leia's or Luke's daughter.

Or Leia is known to be Luke's sister, and someone is handing her Anakin's lightsaber, with a message like "We found this. We know it belongs to Luke. Do you know where to find him?"

Leia's reaction to this could be a key moment of the movie.
posted by eriko at 7:40 AM on April 17, 2015

Ugh. Yoda should have been the wizened old master who no longer had a need for a saber.

I utterly agree with this. During his duel with Luke in Empire, Darth Vader starts really putting the hurt on Luke once he quits using his saber -- which he was wielding one-handed anyway -- and starts hurling chunks of machinery at him from all sides.

If memory serves me correctly, Yoda lights up his saber as Cunt Dooku is about to drop a huge rock on Anakin. Yoda should have stopped the stone with a gesture and then pointed at Dooku, who would have been barraged by anything not nailed down. It would have been glorious. Instead we got Crouching Tiger, CGI Yoda.
posted by Gelatin at 7:43 AM on April 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

In the flurry of online articles that appeared along with the trailer yesterday, there was one that said something about Rey being a scavenger who lives in or near a ship graveyard, which would nicely explain the derelict star destroyer being in one piece (well, if you can explain how it would have been lowered to the surface after being decommissioned) and set up Han and Chewie's involvement, assuming the Millenium Falcon has also been mouldering away in the same salvage yard.
posted by usonian at 7:44 AM on April 17, 2015

Luke: "Yer a Force sensitive kid, Girl TBA"
Girl TBA: "I-- I'm a what?"
Luke: "A force sensitive kid, and a thumpin' good'un 'll wager once you've been trained up a bit."
Girl TBA: "I think you've made a mistake, I mean, I... can't be a... force sensitive kid. I mean, I'm... just... Girl TBA. Just Girl TBA."
posted by guy72277 at 7:51 AM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Unfortunate typo, Gelatin or do you really hate Dooku?
posted by guy72277 at 7:53 AM on April 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

OK, now I want someone to do Jedi People, Dear Reader.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:53 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

do you really hate Dooku?

*ignites stylish duelling lightsabre*

Ain't no one talkin' smack about Christopher Lee on my watch.
Except, you know, that film with the singing.
posted by Mezentian at 7:59 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

If memory serves me correctly, Yoda lights up his saber as Cunt Dooku is about to drop a huge rock on Anakin. Yoda should have stopped the stone with a gesture and then pointed at Dooku, who would have been barraged by anything not nailed down. It would have been glorious. Instead we got Crouching Tiger, CGI Yoda.

To be fair, he's only 800 some years old at this point, not the awesome 900 year old we meet in Empire (who has to concentrate to lift an X-wing).

Though, in his fight against the Emperor, it does boil down to Force vs Force instead of saber versus saber (but AGAIN, also, when Windu and the other Red Shirt Jedi go to arrest him, he fights almost entirely with his lightsaber until he's forced to draw upon his Force lightning, which brings about the agony of one the worse moments in the film).

do you really hate Dooku?

Gawd, that scene or the one leading up to it pretty much highlight's Lucas' screenwriting ability. Christopher Lee delivers a line, something like, "Your force powers are nearly as strong as mine, why don't see who can duel better" ....and it comes out horribly, but is passable ONLY because it's Christopher Lee saying it. You could almost tell the words were fighting to stay inside his mouth and throat to avoid utterance as they sensed their own shame at existing.
posted by Atreides at 8:01 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Atreides: I'm also curious about that staff weaponthingy the woman is holding as they run from an explosion. Hrm.

My nerd brain immediately parsed it as a thumper.
posted by usonian at 8:02 AM on April 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

"Your force powers are nearly as strong as mine, why don't see who can duel better"

Let's compare that to a line written much earlier.

"I see your schwartz is as big as mine. But can you...handle it?"

Seriously. YOU WROTE A WORSE LINE THAN MEL BROOKS SPOOFING YOUR MOVIE.
posted by eriko at 8:05 AM on April 17, 2015 [16 favorites]

Ain't no one talkin' smack about Christopher Lee on my watch.
Except, you know, that film with the singing.

OK, them's fightin' words. I've made an appointment for you with the wicker man.

(Horror movie as Druidic folk musical? What's not to love?!?)
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:13 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Fool me once, can't get fooled aga.... wheeeeeeeeee!
posted by blue_beetle at 8:19 AM on April 17, 2015

The film is called The Force Awakens; it is entirely reasonable to suspect that we see plenty of people unrelated to Anakin being forced sensitive.
posted by mountmccabe at 8:20 AM on April 17, 2015

It could very well be Leia's hand. She's not 100, you know! Some hands remain lovely forever.
posted by h00py at 8:27 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Gawd, that scene or the one leading up to it pretty much highlight's Lucas' screenwriting ability. Christopher Lee delivers a line, something like, "Your force powers are nearly as strong as mine, why don't see who can duel better" ....and it comes out horribly, but is passable ONLY because it's Christopher Lee saying it.

Yeah, it was something like "It's obvious we won't settle this contest based on our knowledge of the Force, but rather our skills with the light saber."

Now, I had dragged my wife to see this movie. I had believed the hype that it was better than Phantom Menace, and got us tickets, and made us go see it. And the whole way through I'm cringing because it just isn't good. Lots of suck going on. The suck was strong with this one. But then the final battle starts, and you know, there's some good moments there (although the overall Jedi strategy in the arena remains mystifying to me), but hey - this is some of that cool Star Wars action and maybe the final showdown with Dooku will give this a bit of redemption and she won't totally be razzing on me for dragging her to this lousy thing.

Then...that line. That line made me want to vomit, because it's like "what? Sith Lord versus Jedi, and it's not about knowledge of the Force?" And then Yoda turns into a spinning ball (Spinning - that's a good trick) instead of, you know, just fucking up Dooku's shit without ever touching him or a weapon.

Yeah. It was a quiet, cold ride home that night.
posted by nubs at 8:31 AM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

The Underpants Monster: "Ain't no one talkin' smack about Christopher Lee on my watch.
Except, you know, that film with the singing.

OK, them's fightin' words. I've made an appointment for you with the wicker man.

(Horror movie as Druidic folk musical? What's not to love?!?)"

See, my first thought was The Return of Captain Invincible, but I don't know if easily the best part of a bad movie is really "talking smack" about Christopher Lee.
posted by RobotHero at 8:33 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Unfortunate typo, Gelatin or do you really hate Dooku?

Oh, no. Typo, bane of my existence. Sorry all.
posted by Gelatin at 8:36 AM on April 17, 2015

The film is called The Force Awakens; it is entirely reasonable to suspect that we see plenty of people unrelated to Anakin being forced sensitive.

If that were true, it'd be a horrible prank on the fans. The quote is a direct play in the same quote that Luke uses to inform Leia (Who always knew, wait, Hoth, what?!) that she was his sister. So it's a line laced with familial connection of the speaker to the listener. If it's just Luke rambling about his family history to a stranger, that'd would pretty much be, "Oh, Luke is that crazy old man who likes to ramble..." (WHICH IS POSSIBLE).
posted by Atreides at 8:45 AM on April 17, 2015

That wizard is just a crazy old man.
posted by RobotHero at 8:56 AM on April 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

Line of the week.

"So, as far as Chewie is concerned Han is aging in dog years."
posted by eriko at 8:58 AM on April 17, 2015 [17 favorites]

Gelatin: "One of the best loved films of the franchise arguably had the least involvement by Lucas."

Not to mention that the first movie being good was largely at the hands of George's then wife.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:01 AM on April 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
posted by wabbittwax at 9:06 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Did George Lucas have anything to do with Star Wars' success?
posted by mazola at 9:08 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

The "home" Han is referencing.
posted by pashdown at 9:10 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Did George Lucas have anything to do with Star Wars' success?

He did, but I think it's not very controversial to note that his early success was largely a result of him collaborating with others who complemented his skills. I mean, the guy is on record as telling people it's too bad they fell in love with the film that was actually made (Star Wars), when they should have waited for the film he intended to make (the special editions).

Whatever his talents, he does very poorly without other people to help hone his ideas or keep some of his weirder instincts in check.
posted by tocts at 9:24 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I was definitely in the cynical, pessimistic camp... until now. And what's odd is that I'm more intrigued by these new characters than I am at seeing my old favorites again. I'm really surprised by that.

That said, if Leia isn't awesome, I'm going to rage the fuck out.
posted by MsVader at 9:43 AM on April 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

Didn't he write pretty much the whole original draft of Star Wars while convalescing after a really bad car crash, no doubt hopped up on painkillers? Maybe that's what's been wrong all this time. Sober George has been trying for forty years to figure out what dope-fiend George scrawled through the haze.
posted by wabbittwax at 9:46 AM on April 17, 2015

That said, if Leia isn't awesome, I'm going to rage the fuck out.
posted by MsVader at 11:43 AM on April 17 [2 favorites +] [!]

Yes, mom.
posted by eriko at 9:55 AM on April 17, 2015

That wizard is just a crazy old man.
posted by RobotHero at 8:56 AM on April 17

I saw Episode IV NINE TIMES in the theater in 1976.

When bearded Jedi Master Luke Skywalker appears on screen, I will lose my shit and squee like a 7yo boy. Bank on it.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:00 AM on April 17, 2015 [9 favorites]

Didn't he write pretty much the whole original draft of Star Wars while convalescing after a really bad car crash, no doubt hopped up on painkillers?

That's never been part of any description of writing the first movie that I can recall, but then how that's described has changed over the years, I think? He wasn't able to get the rights to Flash Gordon, so decided to invent his own. Then he wrote and rewrote drafts of the movie over the course of a couple years and got a little bit of outside advice here and there.
posted by sparkletone at 10:02 AM on April 17, 2015

It would cost $707.41 (+GST/PST) in today's dollars for a 9 year old to see Star Wars 59 times in the theatre (3D format; $CDN).
posted by mazola at 10:13 AM on April 17, 2015

The "home" Han is referencing.

More likely Han's sky house.
posted by The Tensor at 10:22 AM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

As seen on Twitter, via Adam Rawnsley:
"Manna From Heaven—Or Hell? Star Destroyer Crashes and Deflationary Pressure On The Jawa Salvage Economy"

A++ would recommend for publication based on title alone.
posted by RedOrGreen at 10:26 AM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

If JJ Abrams can make the whole movie feel like the way that trailer felt, all will be forgiven.
posted by KHAAAN! at 10:37 AM on April 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

As if the movie trailer wasn't enough, there's a trailer for a new Battlefront game, too.
posted by zombieflanders at 10:51 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

A closer look at BB-8 just rolling around. Still seems like magic.
posted by emjaybee at 10:53 AM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Just wait until you can buy a RC BB-8 that you control with your phone.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 10:56 AM on April 17, 2015

If JJ Abrams can make the whole movie feel like the way that trailer felt, all will be forgiven.
posted by KHAAAN! 24 minutes ago

Eponysterical.
posted by sparklemotion at 11:04 AM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

As if the movie trailer wasn't enough, there's a trailer for a new Battlefront game, too.

I know there's some in an establishing shot or two in RotJ, but seeing AT-ATs in action on Endor is for some reason a (not-uncharming) bit of silliness to me. Can't turn quickly, tripping hazards all over, yes, let's send those!
posted by sparkletone at 11:30 AM on April 17, 2015

AT-ATs as functional military hardware make no sense whatsoever in any context, unless maybe as a statement by the Empire along the lines of "we have such limitless resources that we will destroy you no matter how impractical our gear is."
posted by the phlegmatic king at 11:31 AM on April 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

See also: Death Stars
posted by zombieflanders at 12:02 PM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

What's impractical about a Death Star?

Granted, their ROI seems dismal…
posted by mazola at 12:09 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh, I don't know. Actually being able to blow up a planet? That pretty much is the ultimate weapon. Probably overkill, but that's the last you'll hear of *those* guys, that's for sure.
posted by Chrysostom at 12:09 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Blowing up planets was a novel and practical purpose as the Empire couldn't quite do that yet ("it would take more firepower than a…") but you don't have to blow up planets, fear and intimidation have value too.

To paraphrase Lebowski, "Those Death Stars really tied the Empire together".

That said, they didn't work well due to stupid design.
posted by mazola at 12:15 PM on April 17, 2015

Of the 3 armed engagements involving a Death Star that we have information about, 2 of the 3 ended with its destruction. The scoreboard doesn't lie.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 12:18 PM on April 17, 2015

Well, the concept was practical. The design fell short.
posted by mazola at 12:23 PM on April 17, 2015

Matthew McConaughey watches the trailer.
posted by Wordshore at 12:34 PM on April 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Well, the concept was practical. The design fell short.

Who knew those Bothans would be so damn persistent? (And also, presumably the second Death Star would have been built without the exhaust port vulnerability. It was only the Rebels discerning its location, hatching a plan to attack the field generator on the forest moon....AND the Emperor being overly cocky that did in the second DS).

As for AT-ATs, they're kind of like the Bradley fighting vehicle of the US army. That thing started off as a tank and slowly loss what made it great for a tank as a compromise to making it a troop carrier, but the desire to retain certain tank elements compromised what would have made a good troop carrier. Or so the movie implies.

AT-AT stands for All Terrain Armored Transport, which granted, is a duty we have never really seen it do (possibly they were hauling snow troopers on the attack on Hoth). Theoretically, being as tall as they are, they should be above to overcome most problematic terrains. One might view them like tanks, alone they're vulnerable, but in packs very dangerous? (Also, note, at the Battle of Hoth, while Luke took one down and so did Wedge, enough of them were able to penetrate the Rebel defenses to destroy the shield generator. So they did meet with success...crossing a frozen tundra.

Basically, the Empire should have had a room full of Ewok focus groups to figure out their (and AT-ST) shortcomings in advance of full production.

Dang it, I'm turning into an Imperial apologist.
posted by Atreides at 12:36 PM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

If Death Stars had become established forces in the marketplace, their utility as killing machines would likely be reduced as populations became more capable of responding to threats with planetary egress plans and policy. The real remaining threat would be to the sort of industrial bases incapable of existing apart from some planetary resource. So you'd avoid a slaughter, but wouldn't be able to stop the destruction of capital.

Eventually they'd rename that kind of ship a Bankruptcy Star.
posted by cortex at 12:38 PM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

Well, I guess Death Stars are potentially good at getting rid of planets full of troublemakers (and this is Star Wars after all, where planets are defined by a single dimension; this might be useful weapon within that universe) but probably not so good at anything else.

I'm not sure what I learned here but enjoy the discussion immensely.
posted by mazola at 12:50 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Eventually they'd rename that kind of ship a Bankruptcy Star.

Like this one, you mean?
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:50 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Who knew those Bothans would be so damn persistent?

In the scene in the briefing room where Mon Mothma guilt trips everyone about those dead Bothans, you can see one alien with an eyepatch sitting in the background (yes, he had an action figure, you might know him as...Prune Face. I'm Paul Harvey, good day). Somewhere around my ten thousandth childhood viewing of RotJ, something clicked for me, and I was like, aha! THAT'S a Bothan! One of the only survivors! And I thought it was so cool that they just slipped one in the background like that.

Then the EU informed me that Bothans are furry cat people.

8(
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:03 PM on April 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Like this one, you mean?

Sorry to double comment but
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:04 PM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I KNEW that it would be that Bloom County strip.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:07 PM on April 17, 2015

Bothans.
posted by homunculus at 1:10 PM on April 17, 2015

Also, I just want to say, "Star Destroyer" and then "Death Star"? There's some weird taxonomical brinksmanship going on with all of this.

Like, I realize there's a naval argument for "Star Destroyer" being just a destroyer-class vessel in space, but it's not like they slapped "star" in front of the rest of the ship types. Of course it's a spaceship; these people are clearly pretty used to stellar travel. It's not novel. So when you come up with a name like "Star Destroyer", it feels like a brag. Not a threat, exactly; everybody knows that thing, monstrous as it is, can't blow up a star. Just, y'know, braggadocio. Which, fine. That's Imperial culture for you. It's dumb but it happened.

But then, okay: the Death Star. All of a sudden, Palpatine gets a bug up his butt to really up the game, build something that makes the biggest Imperial capital ships look like dinghies. But what do you call the thing? You can't go bigger than Star Destroyer without sort of shining a light all over again on what a dumb name that was to begin with (and there was already the headache when some genius in marketing barfed out "Super Star Destroyer" after six weeks of huddles and focus groups). You can't call it a Galaxy Destroyer, everybody'll just laugh. You obviously can't call it The Real Star Destroyer either, that's just throwing the existing boats in front of the bus.

And "Planet Destroyer" is right out, even though it's the only option that doesn't oversell itself, because the existing name scheme makes that sound like a goddam step down.

So it's like, fuck it: Death Star. Let's change it up, switch the word order, that'll shake 'em up. It's roving space death, in the shape of a...star! Except it's smaller than a star. It's smaller than a planet. It's large, certainly, and round, but at best it's a small moon. But you can't call it the Death Small Moon.
posted by cortex at 1:16 PM on April 17, 2015 [35 favorites]

The Bothans were able to interbreed with the other species, as exemplified by the Jedi Lord Valenthyne Farfalla. Such hybrids somewhat resembled baseline humans with haunches, hooves, fur, pointed ears and a long tail.

come on star wars
posted by jason_steakums at 1:16 PM on April 17, 2015 [8 favorites]

Sorry to double comment but

I KNEW that it would be that Bloom County strip.

Yup, that's exactly what popped into my head when I read cortex's comment. Though to be fair, as I recall the strip was playing on an already-existing notion of the AT&T logo being equated with "Death Star".
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:25 PM on April 17, 2015

Also, I just want to say, "Star Destroyer" and then "Death Star"? There's some weird taxonomical brinksmanship going on with all of this.

You just know this is the result of some meddling, dipshit Admiral that everyone wishes Vader would force choke, and likely something the regular enlisted guys discuss while drinking during their downtime.
posted by sparkletone at 1:26 PM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

that's just throwing the existing boats in front of the Cosmo-bus.

FTFY.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:29 PM on April 17, 2015

It's interdepartmental rivalry. The ground forces, space fleet, and Death Star are all operated by different branches of the Imperial military. The admirals seethe with jealously whenever one of the other branches gets funding for a shiny new toy, and counter by designing an even bigger and more ridiculous one. And of course they have to give it a super awesome badass name, because otherwise what's the point? It's all just bureaucratic dick-swinging.
posted by dephlogisticated at 1:55 PM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I just had an epiphany, which I shared with my brother on Facebook:

"Just realized that when this comes out in December, your kids are gonna be exactly the same ages that you and I were when we first saw the FIRST Star Wars movie."

I don't know whether that's heartwarming or a sign I'm old.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:56 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

The stories in this thread and elsewhere about people showing their kids, who only know the Legos or Clone Wars or whatever and not the original movies (yet), the trailer and the kid loses their shit are among the more heart-warming things surrounding this. The kids are gonna be alright.
posted by sparkletone at 2:04 PM on April 17, 2015

And then there's the notorious KJA's expanded universe contribution to the Imperial superweapon lineup, the Sun Crusher. What's that you say? Sounds like a summertime refreshment? Appropriately enough, this superweapon is shaped like a snow cone.

One has to assume project names like "Death Star" were for internal use only; it was probably called the "Freedom Sphere" or something in budgets and press releases for public consumption.
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:08 PM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

"Just realized that when this comes out in December, your kids are gonna be exactly the same ages that you and I were when we first saw the FIRST Star Wars movie."

I don't know whether that's heartwarming or a sign I'm old.

I wondered about the timing of releasing new movies NOW until someone pointed that out.
posted by The Whelk at 2:17 PM on April 17, 2015

I always figured the thought process behind the Sun Crusher was, "'Star Destroyer', eh? What a misnomer. Why, it's doesn't destroy stars at all! Say, what if there was a real star-destroyer? Hmm, we'd have to come up with a better name for it..."
posted by The Tensor at 2:20 PM on April 17, 2015

Bothan cat people. Perfect for infiltrating a human run and prejudiced military dictatorship. I have visions of one of the Bothans dressed up as an Imperial Officer and explaining away their muzzle as a bad rash and a need to shave. (There's probably a good story there if they infiltrated as slaves, which the Empire was happily doing to non-human races, such as the Wookies.)

Concerning the Sun Crusher...NO ONE WINS WHEN TRYING TO ONE UP A PLANET DESTROYING SUPER LASER THE SIZE OF A SMALL MOON. I read a fair bit of KJA in my super fandom period, but I was never a fan of that. The more realistic threat was the use of an otherwise forgotten or discarded fleet of capital ships.

"Just realized that when this comes out in December, your kids are gonna be exactly the same ages that you and I were when we first saw the FIRST Star Wars movie."

Incidentally, any children I have will never know a time when Star Wars movies weren't ubiquitous films released every year or every other year. (So long as Disney doesn't run the franchise into the ground).
posted by Atreides at 2:22 PM on April 17, 2015

it was probably called the "Freedom Sphere" or something in budgets and press releases for public consumption.

The Darths & Droids crew came up with "Peace Moon."
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:23 PM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

"Just realized that when this comes out in December, your kids are gonna be exactly the same ages that you and I were when we first saw the FIRST Star Wars movie."

Just realized this about my daughter who will be 10, the same age I was in 1977. She is very excited to see "Star Wars 4" (her words). She doesn't know about Ep I-III, and thankfully she hasn't learned Roman numerals yet. I have trained her well.
posted by pashdown at 2:29 PM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'm imagining two Bothans, one on the other's shoulders, in a trench coat, trying to buy a ticket to Nerfherders at Night.
posted by cortex at 2:36 PM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

New Yorker.
posted by Wordshore at 2:38 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

"Just realized that when this comes out in December, your kids are gonna be exactly the same ages that you and I were when we first saw the FIRST Star Wars movie."

When this comes out, my oldest will be the same age I was when Empire came out; my youngest, the same age as a New Hope. Until this trailer, the fact that I was going to be able to take them to see a brand new star wars film was about the only thing I was excited about. Now I'm excited that the film might just be good, too.
posted by nubs at 2:52 PM on April 17, 2015

Ok, dumb or not, the AT-ATs are iconic and badass and this upcoming SW Battlefront game (trailer) looks fantastic!
posted by mazola at 3:18 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

this upcoming SW Battlefront game (trailer) looks fantastic!

No. Fuck EA. They should die in a fire made of fires that are themselves on fire with a firey burning fire.

Origin is also a very bad thing.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:36 PM on April 17, 2015

???
posted by mazola at 3:39 PM on April 17, 2015

Which is to say I'm totally out of the gaming loop so I have no idea what EA is/has been up to.
posted by mazola at 3:41 PM on April 17, 2015

The only bad thing about this new teaser is that if you go back and watch the first teaser... it seems not very good.
posted by GuyZero at 3:55 PM on April 17, 2015

EA is the Empire and indie developers are the Rebels ?
posted by Pendragon at 3:56 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

The only bad thing about this new teaser is that if you go back and watch the first teaser... it seems not very good.

That's actually pretty normal.

This movie is going to still be pretty CGI heavy and none of that work is finalized and nothing is really going to look like that first trailer - they basically forked off the work, threw the trailer together (maybe even given to someone else to finish), and kept working on the movie on their actually branch (sounds like software development, 'cause it basically is).

Who knows if principal photography was even done? Or the c'mon, the script?. They probably only had limited shots that were sort of done, and had to make something compelling from something that itself was incomplete.
posted by alex_skazat at 4:04 PM on April 17, 2015

....Alex, I'm very tempted to give you something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:13 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I have literally no idea how that comic applies to an explanation of the limitations of early trailers to production-heavy movies.
posted by griphus at 4:22 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yes Alex, your explanation of the trailer production industry means you are being petty and reactionary
posted by shakespeherian at 4:24 PM on April 17, 2015

You'd think whenever a Bothan showed up everyone would get real quiet like.

A cat person among a bunch of human racists like "How do you do, fellow Imperials?"
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:25 PM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I think I was reading a dismissive tone into what Alex said for some reason, and upon a re-read I'm not clear where I got that. My apologies, Alex.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:45 PM on April 17, 2015

Bothan corpses seems like an incredibly inefficient method of communications.
posted by drezdn at 4:55 PM on April 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Wookieepedia:
"Bothans were covered in fur which rippled in response to their emotional state by way of gentle ripplings. It was this trait that betrayed them when members of their kind intended to be duplicitous in their dealings with others."

And only "two dozen" Bothan spies died to secure the Death Star plans? That seems kind of on the low side, TBH.
posted by Iridic at 4:56 PM on April 17, 2015

The suck was strong with this one. But then the final battle starts, and you know, there's some good moments there (although the overall Jedi strategy in the arena remains mystifying to me)

The arena battle contains a brief shot of fifty or so lightsaber-wielding Jedi rushing into battle. At that moment, it is exactly the movie I had wanted since about 1977. However, the shot is embedded in two hours of, well, Attack of the Clones: it is the very definition of a long drive for a short day at the beach.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:45 PM on April 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

Which is to say I'm totally out of the gaming loop so I have no idea what EA is/has been up to.

Personally, EA bought the game company I worked for, and despite many promises to the contrary, closed up the shop and laid everyone off.

Since then, they are the publisher that is known for being exceedingly bad to their employees, and the place where good game studios go to die. Draconian DRM, poorly designed software and bad DLC also feature on their resume. And, as I said, Origin sucks.

They're bad company run by bad people. It didn't used to be that way - when I was a kid, an EA game was and awesome and amazing thing. But something bad happened in the 90s and they have been terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ever since.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 5:52 PM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I needed to feel nice things for a little while tonight before going and doing some things, so I've been watching reaction videos for, like, an hour. Uncynical human joy is nice. Also, I've found my favorite tiny detail.

There's a shot of a TIE fighter in a hangar(?) shooting lasers and stuff blowing up, and there's a storm trooper that's, like, rag dolled up in mid air and he's upside down. It's like he got blown up by a grenade in the climax of Commando. He is my new favorite.
posted by sparkletone at 6:51 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

That Battlefront trailer looks amazing.
Almost Dark Forces/Jedi Academy good.

It's nice to see a Sullustan bad-ass.
The rebel alliance needed more non-human warriors.

Although, seeing Vader on the frontline seemed odd, almost nonsense.
He's badass, but not that badass.
And, as we know from the prequels, Jedi die easily. And Vader probably died more easily than Mace Windu.
posted by Mezentian at 6:54 PM on April 17, 2015

sparkletone: There's a shot of a TIE fighter in a hangar(?) shooting lasers and stuff blowing up, and there's a storm trooper that's, like, rag dolled up in mid air and he's upside down. It's like he got blown up by a grenade in the climax of Commando. He is my new favorite.

And he is doing the Wilhelm scream, too
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:06 PM on April 17, 2015

He is, in my mind, that is.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:07 PM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

And he is doing the Wilhelm scream, too

god I hope there is none of this in the damn movie

that sound is a joke that has lived too long past its time
posted by Existential Dread at 8:13 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

It will be.
It WILL BE.
posted by Mezentian at 8:16 PM on April 17, 2015

As seen on Twitter: This is the kid from the Phantom Menace now. Feel old yet?
posted by nubs at 8:16 PM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

...am I missing something? I only see a screen cap of Phantom Menace attached to that tweet.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:39 PM on April 17, 2015

Ok, weird, I have a picture of kid Anakin from TPM on the left and the melted Darth Vader mask on the right. Anyways. If you have to explain the joke there is no joke, so I guess there's nothing for me left to do here except try to save this with a better joke...

*drums fingers nervously*

*stares into the distance*

*coughs*

Yeah, I got nothing.
posted by nubs at 8:51 PM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

The picture shows up just fine for me. I chuckled. You're good.
posted by bardophile at 9:02 PM on April 17, 2015

that sound is a joke that has lived too long past its time

Were it any other franchise, I'd be sympathetic but right now I'm looking at my phone like a Cantina bartender that just saw a droid walk in...
posted by sparkletone at 9:32 PM on April 17, 2015

These are the two direct image links if it helps.
posted by Mezentian at 9:33 PM on April 17, 2015

I hope we get a Sy Snootle cameo
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 9:36 PM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Obviously jizz should be central to the plot of the sequel trilogy.
posted by The Tensor at 9:49 PM on April 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

The porn parodies I'm sure are already in production will have us covered, I'm sure.

Sorry, not sorry for this post.
posted by sparkletone at 9:54 PM on April 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Sorry, every other kid in the world, you'll never be as cool as this kid.
posted by jason_steakums at 9:54 PM on April 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

Cosplaying as Ackmena?
Brave choice.
posted by Mezentian at 10:13 PM on April 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Star Wars Trailer ala Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Unfortunately it's hosted on that wretched hive of scum and villainy, Facebook, so I have been unable to sample its delights, and I don't think any of the people were involved with MST3K. I have no idea if this is a great video or Glenn Beck blackboard terrible.
posted by Mezentian at 12:22 AM on April 18, 2015

I saw that on Chris Hayes' show. They're not actually Misting it, they're just commenting briefly on the trailer. Hayes has a news show not a comedy show.
posted by Justinian at 12:51 AM on April 18, 2015

That shot at the beginning is amazing. This trailer kicks ass and makes me cautiously optimistic about the movie. I refuse to completely get my hopes up after the crushing disappointment that was The Phantom Menace. I never walked out of a theater more pissed off and disappointed. I didn't even see the other two in the theater. I waited until they came out on DVD. I'll go see this one. I hope I don't get disappointed again, but I don't think it's possible to recreate the unbridled joy of seeing Star Wars for the first time when I was 6. It's not fair to hold this movie up to that standard. I'll be happy if it captures some of the fun and magic of the originals and there's none of the wooden acting. That's really the best I can hope for.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:28 AM on April 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

I don't think it's possible to recreate the unbridled joy of seeing Star Wars for the first time when I was 6.

On the plus side, with Avengers 2, and Ant-Man and Mad Maxl Oh, What A Lovely Day, AND Star Wars, what an awesome time to be six.
posted by Mezentian at 8:38 AM on April 18, 2015

I'm not going to tell you how to be a parent, but your six year old should probably not be watching Mad Max.
posted by codacorolla at 9:51 AM on April 18, 2015 [3 favorites]

If it's just Luke rambling about his family history to a stranger, that'd would pretty much be, "Oh, Luke is that crazy old man who likes to ramble..." (WHICH IS POSSIBLE).

Sure. Luke has lived with the Force in his mind for decades, but never had the proper mental preparation, his training unfinished and started too late — not to mention the trauma of the events of the first trilogy, and the survivor guilt, and the talking to dead people. Now old, isolated, lost, half the time he can't tell the difference between the present and the past, so when Leia's daughter finds him, of course he sees Leia, he relives the conversation he had with Leia on the bridge. Old Luke's voice, young Luke's words. Not the right facts — his father of course is dead — but maybe the right feeling: love. And he knows somehow that he should trust his feelings.

...

And yeah, the lightsaber hand-off is from Leia, not to her. Hands on the left are young, hand on the right is gnarly old.
posted by stebulus at 11:43 AM on April 18, 2015

Look again. The hand-off is from a non-human being.
posted by entropicamericana at 12:18 PM on April 18, 2015

Leia sends her daughter off to seek Crazy Hermit Luke, as she once inadvertently sent Luke off to seek Crazy Hermit Obi-Wan.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:19 PM on April 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

Looked again, saw no indication of nonhumanness.
posted by stebulus at 12:26 PM on April 18, 2015

It's a little easier to see here, definitely looks non-human to me.
posted by jason_steakums at 12:35 PM on April 18, 2015

But you can't call it the Death Small Moon.

I'm curious as to what The Culture would call the Death Star, if they had cause to build one. They're certainly capable of building something similar (their standard GSVs are probably equally capable of planet-destroying )

There's already the So Much For Subtlety, which would work well, and Ultimate Ship The Second would make a great Death Star II.

Of course, if the Culture made it, it would have a Mind - having the entire Death Star be an erratic and unpredictable snark machine would hugely improve the SW universe, to my mind.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:41 PM on April 18, 2015

Also, one of these days someone's going to build a droid and just name the goddam thing "Jim" or "Pete" or something.
posted by cortex at 12:50 PM on April 18, 2015

"This little guy is named Dan, but you can call him Dan for short because I gave him a sensible name to begin with."
posted by cortex at 12:51 PM on April 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

definitely looks non-human to me.

Thanks for the link. I can see why people see it as nonhuman, but I find it hard to come to any conclusions from that still. Could easily be someone dressed up like a Tusken raider for all I can see there. And the arm and hand are bog standard human.

Maybe whoever found the lightsaber also found Luke's hand and transplanted it onto their own arm?
posted by stebulus at 1:00 PM on April 18, 2015

Of course, guys, a series of movies set in the Culture universe would make SO MUCH SENSE!
posted by Harald74 at 1:01 PM on April 18, 2015

Also, one of these days someone's going to build a droid and just name the goddam thing "Jim" or "Pete" or something.

The first Titan class ship ever made in EVE Online was named Steve. Seriously.
posted by sparkletone at 1:20 PM on April 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh, and Steve was also the first Titan ever blown up (lol), and was apparently named for Steve Irwin (as in the crocodile hunter guy).
posted by sparkletone at 1:23 PM on April 18, 2015

having the entire Death Star be an erratic and unpredictable snark machine would hugely improve the SW universe, to my mind.

"Here I am, brain the size of a moon... "
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:39 PM on April 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

My one big worry about SW7: The Abramsing is the names of some of the new characters. A droid named BB-8... because, like a BB, he's round right? And then Finn - like Finn from Adventure Time? Which didn't really strike me until I head about the villain named Kylo Ren - like Ren & Stimpy? This could lead to a Big Reveal of Luke's son: Spongebob Skywalker. (to quote the movies: NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!!!)
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:59 PM on April 18, 2015

A droid named BB-8.

The characters in his name all kinda look like him.
posted by sparkletone at 2:01 PM on April 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

(to quote the movies: NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!!!)

The actual quote is DO NOT WANT.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 2:07 PM on April 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

I will admit I bought some Disney stock with my IRA contribution this year.

For Avoidance of Doubt, the above comment is about an Investment Retirement Account. Sinn Fein do not allow you to ear-mark contributions for Disney.

Thank you for your attention in these critical matters.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 3:44 PM on April 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

Apparently there's a robot called B0-L0.
Or so I read on the untrustworthynet.

In much better news, they released a trailer for Rebels: Season 2 featuring not one but three old friends, one of whom is kinda in the SW7 trailer, Mr Vader.
posted by Mezentian at 3:44 PM on April 18, 2015

The first Titan class ship ever made in EVE Online was named Steve. Seriously.

Funny, I was going to suggest "Steve". It's just inherently a slightly inappropriate name for almost anything except a person. It doesn't even work that well for all Steves.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 4:02 PM on April 18, 2015

I'm curious as to what The Culture would call the Death Star, if they had cause to build one.

So on the one hand anything bigger or angrier than a GCU or Superlifter could probably destroy a terrestrial planet. GSV, ROU, GOU, whatever.

Anyway, a Death Star would obviously be a Massive Offensive Unit, and the MOU would probably be named Pew Pew Pew. Or perhaps just BOO! or Gotcha!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:18 PM on April 18, 2015 [4 favorites]

Of course, guys, a series of movies set in the Culture universe would make SO MUCH SENSE!

Only HBO or maaaaaaaybe-but-probably-not AMC could have this be anything other than an excrescence that plumbs the depths of disappointment.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:20 PM on April 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

What's The Political Situation Like in The Force Awakens?

But given the rumors of a “Cold War” storyline, it’s entirely possible that the New Republic still exists, and is a formidable power in its own right. So maybe the Republic and the First Order are two distinct entities, and the Resistance is a rebel faction within the Order’s boundaries with ties to the Republic, much as the French Resistance was completely anti-Axis without being fully part of the Allies. Or, as another parallel, any local insurgency backed by a foreign government. This would certainly play into a Cold War plot, with an emboldened Republic working to undermine a nascent and dangerous rival.

And where do the Sith and the Jedi fall into all this? Based on the trailers, it doesn’t appear that Luke has recreated the Jedi Order — we haven’t seen any knights in action, just characters who may have Force potential. The same is true of the Sith — Kylo Ren does have all the trappings of a dark lord, including a scary mask and a crude-looking red lightsaber, but he appears to be just a pretender to the faith, a sort of cosplayer.

Let the fan worldbuilding based on bare hints and teases begin!
posted by Apocryphon at 4:34 PM on April 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

But you can't call it the Death Small Moon.

I prefer "Murderball."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:18 PM on April 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

I can't even begin to imagine the type of Superfund site a wrecked Star Destroyer would be.
posted by entropicamericana at 5:38 PM on April 18, 2015 [3 favorites]

Of course, if the Culture made it, it would have a Mind - having the entire Death Star be an erratic and unpredictable snark machine would hugely improve the SW universe, to my mind.

In the old EU this was the case with the second Death Star, briefly and from a certain point of view.
posted by The Tensor at 5:44 PM on April 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

I prefer "Murderball."

Deathticle.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:54 PM on April 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

I prefer "Murderball."

I think that was the name of the syringe wielding orb in the detention level.
posted by mazola at 11:23 PM on April 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

According to the All Powerful Wookiepedia, the orb on the detention level was - and are you sitting down - an Interrogator droid .... without name or backstory.

It was just some droid, you know?

Fortunately Wookiepedia classifies it as an IT-O model, so it's not a completely unnamed thing.
Unless you go to the Apocrypha (The Books Of Marvell), in which case it seems to have been a humanoid RA-7 protocol droid, which you and I apparently know as the Death Star Droid.

Really.
posted by Mezentian at 1:30 AM on April 19, 2015

Interview with Daisy Ridley, John Boyega and Oscar Isaac. I'm so looking forward to this movie!
posted by h00py at 7:27 AM on April 19, 2015

I don't want to know anything about this movie before I see it so nobody talk about it please.
posted by mazola at 9:35 AM on April 19, 2015

Of course, guys, a series of movies set in the Culture universe would make SO MUCH SENSE!

Whoever wrote Guardians of the Galaxy had clearly read Banks. Aside from the obvious knifemissle reference, Peter Quill and Bora Horza Gobuchul have some interesting parallels, associations with pirates, the small team dynamics and so on. Obvious differences, too, of course, but shadows there.
posted by bonehead at 1:41 PM on April 19, 2015 [1 favorite]

James Gunn both wrote and directed it.

Also, a one-sentence description of the story for the Star Wars film Gareth Edwards is making, along with some other minimal info (filming hasn't statted yet or anything), has been revealed. I am, uh, completely on board with everything said/shown there.
posted by sparkletone at 1:57 PM on April 19, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think that was the name of the syringe wielding orb in the detention level.

That's Dr. Ball, M.D. to you!
posted by crossoverman at 3:05 PM on April 19, 2015 [4 favorites]

Oh yeah, I'm totally on board for Rogue One! Sounds amazing.
posted by crossoverman at 3:09 PM on April 19, 2015

Long panning shot across a barren desert? Outlaws? What looks like a wretched hive of scum and villainy? This is the space western I was looking for.
posted by Freen at 8:36 PM on April 19, 2015

Late night thought: Why isn't there a Spaceballs 2 on the way now.

Follow up thought: Because no one wants to deal with explaining why Barf's not around.

Now I'm sad. Good job, brain. :(
posted by sparkletone at 11:06 PM on April 19, 2015 [1 favorite]

Dr. Ball, M.D Vs BB-8.
Robot gladiators.
The next season of Robot Chicken.

Has a thing ever been more certain?

(Also, the lack of Tatiana aside, I am totally down for Rogue One. But I was once down for the Star Wars Holiday Special. So, eh).

Also, Star Wars was purchased for $4 billion, and the new trailer added $2 billion to Disney's market cap? Nice ROI.
posted by Mezentian at 1:58 AM on April 20, 2015

sparkletone: "Follow up thought: Because no one wants to deal with explaining why Barf's not around."

Dot Matrix is no longer with us, either.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:32 AM on April 20, 2015

Dot Matrix is no longer with us, either.

But now we have CGI.
posted by Mezentian at 7:06 AM on April 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Mel Brooks has claimed not too long ago that he would consider a sequel to Spaceballs if the Force Awakens is successful.
posted by Atreides at 7:21 AM on April 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

if the Force Awakens is successful.

Welp, he'd better get his groove on.
posted by Mezentian at 7:25 AM on April 20, 2015

Brooks has also said that, while he would love to do a sequel to Spaceballs, he will only do it if he can get Rick Moranis to come out of retirement for it.
posted by Ben Trismegistus at 7:33 AM on April 20, 2015 [3 favorites]

Rick Moranis has no choice. WE NEED TO FIND THAT MORE MONEY.
posted by Atreides at 9:53 AM on April 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also, what the hell has Chewie been doing to look so good? Damn, son, what is your secret?

Actually, this is not the real Chewie. The real Chewbacca has been retired for fifteen years, and is living like a king in Patagonia.
posted by schmod at 12:45 PM on April 20, 2015 [6 favorites]

So, Moranis is never coming out of retirement but I would watch the shit out of a movie about some loveable losers going on a doomed quest to try to get Moranis out of said retirement.
posted by sparkletone at 1:53 PM on April 20, 2015 [6 favorites]

The BB-8 toy is going to cost $150.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 2:28 PM on April 20, 2015

The BB-8 toy is going to cost $150.

Does iRobot know how much money they're not making by not working with Lucasfilm to sell R2-D2 and BB-8 Roombas? They already look and sound halfway there, guys! There are probably thousands of people who'd be willing to set down that $150 as an extra cost for an actual droid buzzing around their rooms singing little songs, making sad little hoots when it runs low on power, and so on.
posted by zombieflanders at 3:12 PM on April 20, 2015 [5 favorites]

The BB-8 toy is going to cost $150.

...and Sphero might finally just have themselves a real product.
posted by brennen at 12:50 AM on April 21, 2015

(Ok, that's harsh. How about "a product with a big potential market". I just never could get that worked up about the little blue rolly ball, undeniably neat as the tech is.)
posted by brennen at 12:56 AM on April 21, 2015

I want a BB-8 about as much as I want a to-scale Artoo with a little tray to bring me my drinks.
Which is a lot.

And I saw teaser one and I thought BB-8 was totally stupid.

But I also hated CH0-PER and once wondered if JarJar was the new Chewbacca.

So, hey...
posted by Mezentian at 5:08 AM on April 21, 2015

Watch what you say about Chopper. That dude will straight up kill you like another droid.
posted by Atreides at 7:02 AM on April 21, 2015 [5 favorites]

"Just realized that when this comes out in December, your kids are gonna be exactly the same ages that you and I were when we first saw the FIRST Star Wars movie."

Ha ha, no. My *youngest* was the same age I was (3) when he saw The Phantom Menace. Not everyone has children in their late thirties.
posted by grubi at 7:18 AM on April 21, 2015

I should specify he was the same age I was I saw the first film and he saw the first prequel film. Not, as my mangled grammar stated, we were literally the same age at the same time. Apologies.
posted by grubi at 7:28 AM on April 21, 2015

I discovered the other day that my 22-year-old niece has never seen Star Wars, or in fact any of the original trilogy. She saw one of the prequel movies.

So our summer project is to watch the original trilogy with her. Good times! A few years ago we watched all the Harry Potter movies together, before the final one came out.

But I really don't understand how she got to be an adult without ever seeing Star Wars. I have failed as an aunt.
posted by suelac at 8:34 AM on April 21, 2015 [2 favorites]

Because no one wants to deal with explaining why Barf's not around.

Well when you take Dog years into consideration Barf would be pretty putrid by now
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:48 AM on April 21, 2015 [2 favorites]

SO I can't find the io9 post about the studio notes for the direction of the new STAR WARS UNIVERSE MOVIES but it basically followed what we can see from the trailers and speculation: The rebellion wasn't totally successful but it is kind of stable in that there's an on going civil war situation between Empire and Republic space but all things being equal it's pretty much a cold war with border skirmishes from time to time and petty much everyone agrees that Force Senstive Powers will be the key to winning to anyone who gets them but no one has seen them in a generation and anyone who can has gone deep, deep underground. The plot kicks off when some ordinary people from both sides are ID'ed as Force Sensitive along with the suspicion that the Last Jedi Master (read: Luke) Is still alive somewhere because of things. the original three mains (Luke , Leia Han) will serve as a bridge to the new group made up of a cross Republic/Empire crew. Boom.
posted by The Whelk at 10:57 PM on April 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

(And the lady getting the lightsaber is probobly not Leia but I think two of the Force Sensitive students are ladies, and I think of them is supposed to be Leia's daughter so that's something. )
posted by The Whelk at 11:03 PM on April 22, 2015

(The thing I liked about the notes that I remember was that it wasn't a state of all out war, just a very long simmering kind of occupation and border dispute between two now pretty equally matched movements with only the magical Force powers as the wild card to winning and like anyone with said powers wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Think Yoda on Dagoba.)

(But finding the artifacts, like Vader's Helmet and the Skywalker Saber are going to be A Thing it seems)
posted by The Whelk at 11:12 PM on April 22, 2015

...and this means that Gwendolin Christie most likely plays like, the spear point in the Empire's Inquisition and how is that not awesome.
posted by The Whelk at 11:18 PM on April 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Grubi - i'm not entirely clear why your own experience with your child negates the fact that my baby brother and I were 7 and 4 in 1977.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:22 PM on April 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

The Whelk, that's been pretty much what I've picked up on. Da7e Gonzales over at Latino-Review.com has been a pretty good source for info on the new movies and provides ample warning before he starts writing about major spoilers. What is surprising were a series of leaked images from several months ago, which I think resulted after a company/person(s) were fired. They revealed everything from the new Stormtrooper helmets to the bad guy's visor face. It was an incredible lapse of security in a production one would think would be tied down preeeetty tight.

It's going to be interesting to see how much I can avoid between now and the next eight months or so.

Also, the narration in the beginning of this teaser was apparently a mash up of Hamill's original recorded line and new stuff, hence the present tense for "My father has it." Abhrams and Hamill confirmed this last weekend. So it's probably not the line we'll hear, if at all, in the movie itself.
posted by Atreides at 8:25 AM on April 23, 2015

SO I can't find the io9 post about the studio notes for the direction of the new STAR WARS UNIVERSE MOVIES but it basically followed what we can see from the trailers and speculation: The rebellion wasn't totally successful but it is kind of stable in that there's an on going civil war situation between Empire and Republic space but all things being equal it's pretty much a cold war with border skirmishes from time to time

Which sounds an awful lot like some campaign notes I had drawn up for the Star Wars RPG way back when I had a group of friends playing it. Never got it off the ground, though, and I had a third side - a group that broke away from both Empire and the New Republic to found something completely different.

Anyways, I lost my notes somewhere along the way, so it is good to know what has happened to them.
posted by nubs at 8:30 AM on April 23, 2015 [2 favorites]

The Jar Jar Binks edit.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 6:10 AM on May 3, 2015

It's true. Jar Jar ruins everything. I guess the individual behind it felt the scene with Chewie and Han too sacred to profane with the gungan's presence.
posted by Atreides at 6:56 AM on May 3, 2015

If he'd had the wherewithal to replace Chewie entirely with Mssr. Binks and loop a fake Harrison Ford saying "Jar Jar", though, that'd have been a hell of a thing.
posted by cortex at 7:42 AM on May 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

For what it's worth, I saw the trailer in 3D at the new Avengers movie this weekend, and that first shot with the Star Destroyer in the background is, if possible, even more amazingly gorgeous than it is in 2D.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:20 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

From i09:

New Star Wars Photos Reveal The Villain, A Space Pirate And Lots More

First Look At Gwendoline Christie As The Force Awakens' Chrometrooper

I'm getting a (welcome) 70s/80s vibe from these set shots.
posted by zombieflanders at 11:38 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Oh, good. Lupita Nyong'o is motion-captured. I was worried we might have a woman of colour visibly part of the Star Wars universe.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 12:06 PM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

Oh, good. Lupita Nyong'o is motion-captured

Also one of the most beautiful women in the world. She's unbelievably stunning, and we won't get to see her face? WTF, JJ.

I'm back on the train of hating JJ Abrams.
posted by suelac at 12:14 PM on May 4, 2015

The trailer in 3D did have a magnificent scene with the crashed star destroyer in the background and the wrecked X-wing more noticeably forward in the foreground. I'd already watched the trailer around 15 times and I got all giddy again watching it in 3D.

The new photos also show Adam Driver walking in front of storm troopers as Rylo Ken...but not dressed up as Rylo Ken who's been the guy with the mask and lightsaber in these teasers. This comes across as awkward. It'd be like seeing Vader walk around without his mask on (minus the glimpse of the back of his head in ESB and his death in RTOJ). Given that I find Driver to have an odd appearance, I hope the demasking was purely for the photo shoot.

Per Nyong'o, I suppose it really depends on how she was cast. Was she sought after or did she ask to be involved? Was there a reasonable allowance to cast her as herself or was the only available option to be CGI'd?

I'm also a little leery of the Space Pirates. It's a little close to Space Ganster, which is what Jabba pretty much was, and that one pale dude with the hat/scarf that crosses across his throat and over his shoulder reminds me a whole lot of Jabba's majordomo, Bib Fortuna.
posted by Atreides at 12:31 PM on May 4, 2015

The Cast of Star Wars: The Force Awakens in Vanity Fair, Photographs by Annie Leibovitz.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:00 PM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

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