Shatter a crystal in your hand, stinkwhisk.

May 5, 2015 7:11 AM

Slice your dominant hand all up with the shards of a wizard's amethyst. Classic 90s Scholastic paperbacks brought back to us by Neil Cicierega (previously). Contains cursing, nostalgia, ill wishing, Adolf Gruntpile, and disturbing cover art.
posted by automatic cabinet (9 comments total)

I love how the main title is a like a playground taunt and the tagline is a literal, Hodgman-esque version of it. I'm crying here...
posted by jmccw at 7:37 AM on May 5, 2015

His prose could be pretty thudding at times, but you have to admit that Ken Drunkmother could spin a hell of a YA adventure.
posted by cortex at 8:00 AM on May 5, 2015

Smutcorn is no trivial insult.
posted by benzenedream at 8:48 AM on May 5, 2015

Ha, the first book is The Ten-Speed Babysitter.
posted by dr_dank at 9:31 AM on May 5, 2015

Oookay. I suppose that if the books are part of your childhood memories there might be some frisson here, but this seems...not witty? Guess I'll stick with his videos.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:48 AM on May 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

I've never before laughed so hard at basically nothing! Fuckwit!
posted by rankfreudlite at 12:25 PM on May 5, 2015

Perhaps I am just an ignorant smutcorn, but would it not have been possible to match the insult being provided to the images on the cover in some way?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:02 PM on May 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

I mean... there is another one downstream that actually has a hand holding a crystal. I have a PhD in science and I do hereby certify, as a scienceist, that it would be at least 38% funnier to have the "Shatter a crystal in your hand, Stinkwhisk" on that one instead of on the one with a student election in the background.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:06 PM on May 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think maybe I am an old because these didn't make sense to me.
posted by greermahoney at 9:42 PM on May 5, 2015