I'm Getting Really Tired of Living In This Quaint English Village

July 28, 2015 12:18 PM

I'm Getting Really Tired of Living In This Quaint English Village [YouTube] - Original published humor piece performed before a live audience by Mefi's own The Whelk [previously] via MetaFilter Projects. If you want to read the piece along with the performance, here it is as it appears in The Toast.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome (20 comments total)

Having grown up on a pretty hefty diet of PD James and Ellis Peters and so forth, this tickled me.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:28 PM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]

Hey, it's the robe!
posted by billiebee at 12:44 PM on July 28, 2015 [3 favorites]

When he's on the front page, I think we can refer to him by his actual name in the real world.

C. Thomas Whekinius.
posted by maxsparber at 12:47 PM on July 28, 2015 [4 favorites]

Is the glen near the Railroad Hotel?
posted by Segundus at 1:19 PM on July 28, 2015

If you think that's bad, try living on a bleak heath. I can't even take the hounds out for a run without encountering some weirdo wandering about, raving at something in the fog, or half-dead from exposure. I've had to call emergency services three times this spring alone! The last one had to be airlifted out by helicopter!


Look- it's perfectly understandable if you've just discovered some dark secret about the man you were betrothed to, or you can no longer hold back the demons from your time in the Indies, but why not try a nice walk along the beach? Or maybe even a stroll in a well-appointed botanical garden in a major city? Either of those things seems much more calming than staggering about over the moss, looking to turn an ankle. There are cliffs here! You could really hurt yourself!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:42 PM on July 28, 2015 [10 favorites]

But sometimes it's nice to take a walk in the rain.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:45 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is wonderful, The Whelk.
posted by joannemerriam at 2:27 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

The Whelk? More like The Best.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:29 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

He reminds me of a young Hal Lublin.
posted by boo_radley at 2:53 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

also did you misspell village?
posted by boo_radley at 2:58 PM on July 28, 2015

Oh, and it's going to storm again, tonight. Marvelous. Looks like I'll be pulling yet another poor damp mess in an Empire frock out of the mire.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:21 PM on July 28, 2015 [7 favorites]

so fantastic!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:26 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

The almond growers union would like to officially complain about that old "cyanide in almonds" canard.
posted by clvrmnky at 6:53 PM on July 28, 2015

Shirley Jackson would like a word.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:27 PM on July 28, 2015

The almond growers union would like to officially complain about that old "cyanide in almonds" canard.


I know, right! It's peach pits- everybody knows that!


I mean...um...that was just something I heard from a friend...I mean from a complete stranger! Yes- just some random person I met on the street! Never did get his name...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:27 PM on July 28, 2015

Snarky comment about whelks posted on YouTube...
posted by Samizdata at 7:46 PM on July 28, 2015

I hadn't heard about this before, but it's really great, and a treat to read (and hear).
posted by teponaztli at 7:51 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

Shirley Jackson would like a word.

Here have some blackberries
posted by The Whelk at 10:02 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is my favourite. MY FAVOURITE.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 12:08 AM on July 29, 2015

Finally got a chance to watch this (Thanks for the rec, MeFi podcast!). "We lead the country in candlestick bludgeonings" is not a turn of phrase you hear very often. Love it.
posted by radioamy at 3:47 PM on August 16, 2015 [1 favorite]