"Evils like this are why the world needs a nuclear-armed Britain"

September 12, 2016 11:09 AM

No More Tea Bags is a product that wants to revolutionize tea. With an aerosol squirt bottle. The website copy insists "it's normal tea," but the internet has formed its own opinions.
posted by phunniemee (109 comments total)

Pretty sure aerosolized instant tea is banned by the Biological and Toxin Weapons Convention.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:15 AM on September 12, 2016 [4 favorites]

In this world of artisanal small-batch all-natural faux authenticity?
Bad timing, even if it does taste as good as they claim.
posted by rocket88 at 11:15 AM on September 12, 2016 [4 favorites]

Two men leave adjacent shops with their respective purchases; a hardware store and a cafe. Distracted, they bump into each other. There is a clank, spashing noise, a wet hissing.

"Hey! You got your spray insulation in my Earl Grey!"

"You got your tea all over my spray insulation!"

Their eyes meet.
posted by mhoye at 11:16 AM on September 12, 2016 [47 favorites]

The obvious jokes are just dangling there, aren't they?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:17 AM on September 12, 2016 [7 favorites]

W H Y
posted by poffin boffin at 11:17 AM on September 12, 2016

All you do is add hot water.

But... that's what I do already?
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:18 AM on September 12, 2016 [73 favorites]

A new life awaits you in the Aerosol-Food Culinary. The chance to begin again in a golden land of gastronomopportunity and sprayventure!
posted by adamrice at 11:20 AM on September 12, 2016 [7 favorites]

The tea bag is such an important tactile aspect of drinking tea for a lot of people. You can smell it, dip it, wring it, fidget with it and countless other things.

It doesn't help that the visual branding is awful. The designs reminds you of a discount insect repellent and not a nice cup of tea.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:20 AM on September 12, 2016 [19 favorites]

"Instant tea sucks. How can we make people not hate it?"
posted by Etrigan at 11:20 AM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

"Hello?" "Yes, hello, do you have Earl Grey in a can?" *click*
posted by Wolfdog at 11:21 AM on September 12, 2016 [48 favorites]

You might be surprised to learn that the Chinese solved the "no tea bags" problem thousands of years ago, it's called Make Tea The Right Way You Sillies.

In all seriousness just buy an IngenuiTEA. I use mine daily and it's fantastic. No bag involved.
posted by selfnoise at 11:22 AM on September 12, 2016 [11 favorites]

what is this product

i do not understand
posted by Kitteh at 11:23 AM on September 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

Another Non-Problem Solved!
posted by oceanjesse at 11:23 AM on September 12, 2016 [4 favorites]

im calling the police, this crime cannot go unpunished
posted by poffin boffin at 11:24 AM on September 12, 2016 [6 favorites]

There's one woman in my office who guzzles tea every day who CONSTANTLY does dumb shit with her tea bags.

Either she just dumps them straight into the sink where they stop up the drain and strain everyone else's sink leavings and cause a big gross mess, or she leaves them in the mug when she puts it in the dishwasher, so the bag falls down into the dishwasher works and gets the filter all bugged up, or, when she actually manages to take them out of her cup, just leaves them in a sodden pile on the kitchen counter.

I'm considering ordering this for my office, hiding all the teabags, and putting a big note on it that says LISA THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
posted by phunniemee at 11:24 AM on September 12, 2016 [113 favorites]

god i bet she leaves them on the counter literally less than one foot away from the trash can, right? like it's RIGHT THERE IT TAKES NO EFFORT WHY ARE YOU SO TERRIBLE

i hate your coworker forever
posted by poffin boffin at 11:26 AM on September 12, 2016 [79 favorites]

oh so you know her
posted by phunniemee at 11:27 AM on September 12, 2016 [56 favorites]

tell her to meet me in the pit
posted by poffin boffin at 11:27 AM on September 12, 2016 [51 favorites]

A full on nuclear is obviously hyperbole for effect but when I got to "aerosol" tea my thought about closing Gtimo changed slightly, perhaps there is a need...
posted by sammyo at 11:27 AM on September 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

I used to have lunch in a London greasy spoon cafe that served tea made like cordial - a ferociously strong 'base' mix of tea was in an urn, the proprietor poured about an inch of it into your cup, then topped up with boiling water from a tap and some milk. It tasted fine. Is this common?
posted by Coda Tronca at 11:28 AM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Sometimes I wonder if people are actually aware that tea is like, a dried leaf, and not a bag that grows on trees.
posted by selfnoise at 11:29 AM on September 12, 2016 [9 favorites]

Apparently the Batter Blaster is no longer a thing, but on a camping trip a few years back the person in charge of one of the breakfasts used them to make our pancakes, and maybe it was the fresh air and nature and all but the pancakes were much better than expected (and, in my opinion, better than your standard boxed-mix pancakes).

Obviously, since I didn't know that they weren't available anymore until today, I was not their target market (pancakes from scratch aren't that much work on weekend mornings when I have time to eat breakfast anyways so I wouldn't bother with boxed-mixes or other timesavers). But I could see it being a good product for busy folks who want to carb up on a Wednesday morning. Apparently it wasn't though.

Anyways. I could see this aerosol tea as a reasonable substitute for folks who are just making their tea from mass-produced bags of mostly dust anyways. If you're buying loose leaf, or splurging on the posh hand-tied-whole-leaf-fairy-kissed bags this obviously won't meet your expectations.
posted by sparklemotion at 11:30 AM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

They look like Cheez Whiz spray cans. Tea Whiz!
posted by octothorpe at 11:32 AM on September 12, 2016 [11 favorites]

1 can at £5, for 20 shots, 25 pence a cup.

240 bags of PG tips, £5.25 at Sainsbury's, 2 pence each.

And then we can start of the LCA of a paper teabag vs a pressurized can for lifetime water use and CO2 emissions.
posted by bonehead at 11:33 AM on September 12, 2016 [15 favorites]

"almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea"

Share and enjoy.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:34 AM on September 12, 2016 [74 favorites]

i was just thinking could this year get any stranger or worse and then i saw this post and i'm going to eat a basket of cheese now because nothing matters any more
posted by Wordshore at 11:35 AM on September 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

They look like Cheez Whiz spray cans. Tea Whiz!

I take mine witout sugar.
posted by tonycpsu at 11:37 AM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

And that's a 33 cent cupa fake tea assuming one has the touch to get exactly 20 squirts out of the can. Sheesh one teabag can last a couple three big pots. :-)
posted by sammyo at 11:37 AM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Not quite sure who to ask to quote for the design and construction work for it, but I believe we need to build a new circle in hell for these people.
posted by dowcrag at 11:37 AM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

So.. this is basically liquid feces in an aerosol can?
posted by FallowKing at 11:39 AM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Coda Tronca: Is this common?

That's basically how tea is made with a samovar. Based on my experiences with samovar tea, which is entirely limited to the lovely if a bit precious used book store I go to reasonably often, it's a perfectly acceptable way to make tea. That said, it feels a little flat compared to when it's made fresh, but that may be because of the leaves or bags used by the bookstore.
posted by Kattullus at 11:39 AM on September 12, 2016 [7 favorites]

. Sheesh one teabag can last a couple three big pots. :-)
you MONSTER

#Yorkshire4Lyfe
posted by ShawnString at 11:40 AM on September 12, 2016 [10 favorites]

Sometimes I wonder if people are actually aware that tea is like, a dried leaf, and not a bag that grows on trees.

Once upon a time I lived in Florida, and I went to the grocery store to buy tea. I was in the "hot drinks" aisle and couldn't figure out whether they sold loose tea, and if so where it was. So I asked a passing stock clerk:

Johnny: Excuse me, do you sell loose tea anywhere?
Stock clerk: [puzzled] "Loose" tea?
Johnny: You know, tea that's not in bags.
Stock clerk: Huh. I didn't know it came not in bags.

(They actually did have Twinings-brand Earl Grey and English Breakfast tucked away on a top shelf, which I later found on my own.)
posted by Johnny Assay at 11:41 AM on September 12, 2016 [5 favorites]

Not quite sure who to ask to quote for the design and construction work for it, but I believe we need to build a new circle in hell for these people.

[Reply deleted. Let's try not to make everything a Trump joke.]
posted by Etrigan at 11:41 AM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Wish I could give phunniemee / this post a few extra likes because of the tags.
posted by Wordshore at 11:41 AM on September 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

Two tea bags one mug

And leave 'em in you bloody heathens.
posted by vbfg at 11:42 AM on September 12, 2016 [5 favorites]

**Yoo hafta poor the booling watta ohn tha tea bahg.**
posted by jabah at 11:43 AM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

I rarely drink hot tea, but today I have a wicked sore throat so pips has me on some green blueberry tea concoction. Maybe I could just spray this shot on the back of my throat like Chloroseptic.
posted by jonmc at 11:47 AM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

the same company makes bottled iced tea concentrates, which seems less nonsensical i guess. why don't they just say "hey enjoy our tea concentrates hot OR cold!", why the gross spray can? w h y

britain how will you fight your way back from this terrible national shame
posted by poffin boffin at 11:49 AM on September 12, 2016 [7 favorites]

It seems like they also have/tried non-aerosol concentrate for Hot Tea. A review from 2015 shows a screw-cap bottle that has enough for 50 cups.


What is the point of aerosolizing this?
posted by mountmccabe at 11:54 AM on September 12, 2016

I (coffee) have just suggested this to partner (tea).

The reaction was... not favourable. Might have to undertake blind tests.
posted by threetwentytwo at 11:54 AM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can't think of a reason to try this.
posted by PHINC at 11:55 AM on September 12, 2016

Please do not encourage people to invent things that use _more_ packaging. Ugh.
posted by amtho at 11:56 AM on September 12, 2016 [8 favorites]

am i going to have to don a bowler hat
for whippets

no answer me
are we doing fancy whippets now

i see that ball gown
grandma answer me
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:56 AM on September 12, 2016 [30 favorites]

(and, in my opinion, better than your standard boxed-mix pancakes)

But can you make biscuits and Ultimate Chicken Fingers with them? No you cannot.

the internet has formed its own opinions

Most of them seem to be "ew yucky looking" which is, like, what my children say about delicious things. Like, I'm haivng a hard time where someone actually tried it except the TFA where they also say not-tea drinker didn't drink it which is not exactly revelatory.

The company seems to make other interesting things perhaps not full of suck. Maybe just bad branding. "GREAT TEA RIGHT THE FUCK NOW" would be better, if you know, it were. I honestly cannot find a review other than a conceptual one.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:57 AM on September 12, 2016

The concept is bad enough I'm fine with dismissing this without trying it. Same for the non-aerosol version (which has a positive review I linked to).

I find most tea bags to be bad. And I largely enjoy the ritual of making tea how it want it. So I'm not the target market here.
posted by mountmccabe at 12:02 PM on September 12, 2016

Russians used a pencil.
posted by Behemoth at 12:07 PM on September 12, 2016 [13 favorites]

You guys, this is how Starbucks makes iced tea. I mean, not in an aerosol can but there's really strong tea in a pitcher that they then mix with water and ice.

See also: chai concentrate.
posted by soren_lorensen at 12:08 PM on September 12, 2016 [5 favorites]

Say what you will but my old timey treasure maps are going to look amaaaazing with this spray stuff on them.
Seems like someone screwed up and they are marketing this as a food instead of a craft supply?
posted by rmless at 12:08 PM on September 12, 2016 [20 favorites]

Any time someone comes up with an invention that allegedly improves something that people have been using and enjoying in its present form for hundreds or even thousands of years...well, good luck with that.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:08 PM on September 12, 2016

You guys, this is how Starbucks makes iced tea. I mean, not in an aerosol can but there's really strong tea in a pitcher that they then mix with water and ice.

See also: chai concentrate.

I'm 100% OK with the concentrate idea -- I mean, I grew up on hot cocoa packets, Kool-Aid and lemonade mixes, Jiffy muffin mixes, and Bisquick. Sometimes I'll even drink a Nescafe and like it.

I'm just not sure what benefit the aerosol would add? Seems like a lot of sound and fury for something that could come in a small bottle with less waste.
posted by mochapickle at 12:14 PM on September 12, 2016 [9 favorites]

Maybe to eliminate the need to stir?

Either way, it does seem weird. Tea concentrate could be cool I suppose. For a while my parents were devotees of cold extracted coffee concentrate. But aerosolizing it seems unnecessary.
posted by sotonohito at 12:17 PM on September 12, 2016

Memories of tea?
posted by FireFountain at 12:17 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm just not sure what benefit the aerosol would add?

A new way for British teens to get high.
posted by roger ackroyd at 12:18 PM on September 12, 2016 [10 favorites]

It's like they said, "how could we solve a problem that barely exists (LISA) but make it significantly more shitty for the environment?"
posted by Lyn Never at 12:19 PM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'm just not sure what benefit the aerosol would add?

Put my guess down for a metered dose, like but unlike what you get in an asthma inhaler.
posted by cardboard at 12:25 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

This is just the gateway packaging for aerosol fentanyl. The tannins from the real teas will mask the odor of the opiates for shipping. There are many such packaged products, you know. Like those one pound sealed plastic bags of pre cooked corn for masa, out of that huge corn producer, Colombia; or those 10 oz foil shrink wrapped coffees from South America. Just shipping gateways.
posted by Oyéah at 12:26 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

The website copy insists "it's normal tea,"

So, it's not almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea?
posted by zamboni at 12:28 PM on September 12, 2016 [8 favorites]

Russians used a pencil.

Like the one about the constipated mathematician, right?
posted by acb at 12:30 PM on September 12, 2016 [4 favorites]

Mr Tea's already taken. Also, see the caption on the 3rd photo in that article. It's the best.
posted by ambrosen at 12:44 PM on September 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

how is it that you aerosolize tea without making insufflation the primary way of using the product? spraying gunk into water you still have to heat: useless. tea "inhalers" that allow you to experience the product without having to drink a liquid: interesting.
posted by indubitable at 12:46 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

The website copy insists "it's normal tea,"

Pray tell what from what estates do you source the Yunnan and Assam for the English Breakfast tea?

Hello?
posted by leotrotsky at 12:49 PM on September 12, 2016

OH, TEA PEOPLE! SINCE YOU'RE HERE...

YOU MUST TRY COLD BREW TEA. IT IS MAGIC FOR OOLONGS AND GREENS.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:51 PM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

the site touts "no more used tea bags to dispose of" -- Now all you have is an aerosol container to worry about...
posted by boo_radley at 12:59 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

NO MORE TEA BAGS?!

(Oh, those tea bags. I withdraw the question.)
posted by chavenet at 1:01 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Pray tell what from what estates do you source the Yunnan and Assam for the English Breakfast tea?

I think we're experiencing a slight cultural disconnect here. And I'm speaking as a true connoisseur who never pays less than £1.50 for 40 teabags (Sainsbury's TtD Kenyan right now) and drinks from a Denby mug.
posted by ambrosen at 1:03 PM on September 12, 2016

And Mister Tea is great. I've got no idea how I didn't see the pun. Quite frankly, I haven't the foggiest.
posted by ambrosen at 1:05 PM on September 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

What is the point of aerosolizing this?

My guess is that

1- it's pre-dissolved and so blends easily with the hot water, &

2- the pressure vessel allows the extract to better preserve the volatile flavour compounds. The final drink so tastes (more) like tea, at least in comparison to the dehydrated powders, which always taste kind of muddy and bitter to me (as they don't have any of the lighter notes).

The second reason is the more compelling one to me, but if you want tea, making it from a tea bag isn't that hard or inconvenient, and it almost certainly tastes better even with the improved aromatics capture.
posted by bonehead at 1:08 PM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Say what you will but my old timey treasure maps are going to look amaaaazing with this spray stuff on them. Seems like someone screwed up and they are marketing this as a food instead of a craft supply?

I once spilled an entire cup of coffee on a stack of papers I had been working on for a long time by hand. I let them dry, but they were all shriveled out of shape and completely stained brown. I really didn't want to do it all over again, so I took the papers to my work meetings and just told people they were my ancient manuscripts. I work at a place where we actually look at old manuscripts, so it went over pretty well.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:09 PM on September 12, 2016 [22 favorites]

YOU MUST TRY COLD BREW TEA. IT IS MAGIC FOR OOLONGS AND GREENS.

We don't have a microwave at home, so this would be useless.
posted by biffa at 1:17 PM on September 12, 2016

Not "Mr. Tea."

Mister Tea.

Now that is some textbook fool-pitying.
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:18 PM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Oh, the insani-tea.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 1:21 PM on September 12, 2016 [5 favorites]

Tea concentrate has been a thing for hundreds of years. It's why samovars were invented. It's how I've had tea in some Turkish and Arabic restaurants. I can totally see just making tea concentrate and selling it, which apparently they do. Why you would need to turn in into Pam is beyond any reason.

Or you know, you can make your own concentrate for cheap. Recipes vary from doubling the normal amount of tea in the pot to using a 1 oz to 1 tsp ratio of water to tea. I suppose you could always brew for longer, but that way lies bitter tea.
posted by Hactar at 1:25 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Sounds like Nutri-Matic to me. "[A device which] invariably delivered a cupful of liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea."
posted by DrAstroZoom at 1:30 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

YOU MUST TRY COLD BREW TEA. IT IS MAGIC FOR OOLONGS AND GREENS.

but then how do you heat it up for actual drinking? or is this a "make ur own concentrate" idea?
posted by poffin boffin at 1:35 PM on September 12, 2016

If they were to cure, brew, and can their tea under low oxygen conditions, it's conceivable to me they could get a better tasting cup out of a given starting quality of leaf, but if a person were to go to all that trouble, I'd think they'd want a spout on their aerosol can that a customer would stick under the surface of the water in the cup in order to prevent the tea from being oxidized by spraying it through the air.
posted by jamjam at 1:35 PM on September 12, 2016

I used to have lunch in a London greasy spoon cafe that served tea made like cordial - a ferociously strong 'base' mix of tea was in an urn, the proprietor poured about an inch of it into your cup, then topped up with boiling water from a tap and some milk. It tasted fine. Is this common?

Was the owner Russian by any chance? Other people have touched on the samovar aspect, and in my experience this is how Russians make tea in general, even without a samovar; they brew a strong tea concentrate (called zavarka) and then each person stretches to taste with either hot or cold (usually hot) water.
posted by Itaxpica at 1:45 PM on September 12, 2016 [4 favorites]

Missed if this clip was linked already, think I got it from MeFi anyway so just giving back: My Propertea [NSFW lyrics]. My passions are too inflamed to comment in my own words.
posted by comealongpole at 2:01 PM on September 12, 2016

So. . .tea balls and strainers are not a thing in England anymore? Did they all leave when Brexit was announced? Perhaps they rose up out of the country, spelling out "so long and thanks for all the biscuits" in spilt tea.

Also, I get that you are saving a 3 minute wait before drinking, but unless you like consuming actively boiling water, that's about how long you will have to wait for the tea to cool anyway.
posted by ananci at 2:03 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Oddly you can get a dozen kinds of chai tea concentrate in the US, but no regular tea concentrate. It is kind of odd now that I think about it.
posted by GuyZero at 2:06 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Do you know what kind of people would buy a product like this? The kind of people who drain a tin or mug of peas against the side of the sink.

Those people.
posted by Wordshore at 2:13 PM on September 12, 2016 [6 favorites]

Apparently when my grandfather came to America from rural Ireland, he was horrified to learn that bags were the common and available form of tea. He's since passed, but I imagine to try and sell him on the concept of an aerosol tea would be to compromise one's personal safety.

(He described good tea by saying, "You could trot a mouse on it," accompanied by a little "running fingers" gesture.)
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 2:18 PM on September 12, 2016 [12 favorites]

Those people.

Oh lord, mumsnet. I could go look this up but I'm not going to because I'm just THAT certain that this sink drainer lady is the same one with the penis beaker.
posted by phunniemee at 2:21 PM on September 12, 2016 [11 favorites]

Was the owner Russian by any chance?

Not necessarily. Concentrate tea is/was quite common in a certain type of Greasy Spoon where there's a real need to keep the urn on and the tea coming constantly - i.e. where you've got an endless stream of builders and/or coppers.

The taste is quite distinctive. We used to call it "caff tea" when I was labouring as a teenager. Note the pronunciation: "caff" not "café" lest you be taken for one of those lefty Guardian reading types.

Caff tea, of course, should be served at boiling point in a polystyrene thermal cup that can barely contain its volcanic fury. The cup should be filled to the brim and then the barest dash of skimmed milk added, the resulting compound only held in place by surface temperature.

The goal is to take this fiery, unstable chalice to the sugar counter without losing too many fingers to third degree burns. Once there you add roughly two sugars. I say "roughly" because there aren't actually any spoons - just one of those weird sugar jars with a funnel lid (which may, or may not, be clogged up) so you have to guesstimate.

Stir it with a workmate's pen - never your own - and make sure that in the process you slop sufficient over the sides to allow you to get it to the table (or back to the van) without losing any more fingers.

Most importantly though: don't drink it yet. It's still too hot. For the full experience you need to catch it just right. You need it to have cooled just enough so that the first sip of beige nectar doesn't quite take the roof of your mouth off, whilst still being so hot that the warmth pulses through your veins in a fraction of a second and every inch of your body instantly relaxes.

That timing is a tricky thing to judge as there are a lot of environmental factors in play, but here are some guides: On a cold, winter night shift at a roadside fry-van it's roughly the amount of time it takes you to notice the stars. In a greasy spoon on an Autumn day wait for someone to mention how bad Arsenal's start to the season has been and then take your first sip. Don't worry, over time it just becomes second nature.

And when it does, and it's been a long shift and you find a particularly good urn (RIP Grizzly's Trailer Café on the A6001 just outside Biggleswade) then my god...

...it's just fucking magic.

Better than the tea your nan used to make. Better than the first cup you ever made for yourself as a kid when no one else was around (remember how grown-up you felt?). Better than the finest, most expensive brew that money can buy.

Best fucking feeling on earth.
posted by garius at 2:48 PM on September 12, 2016 [125 favorites]

Add me under "yes cold brew tea concentrate"

Get ye an IngenuiTea and fill it like 1/3 of the way up with leaves. Just a huge, unreasonable amount. Fill it with cold water and toss it in the fridge overnight, then empty into a cleaned out little plastic soda bottle or something. Add either cold water or hot (we have one of those electric hot water pots that maintains water at 90°C) and dilute to taste. Works magnificently on every variety I've thrown at it, and I drink a frankly unreasonable amount of tea.*

*Not far from me, in downtown Kyoto, there's a Lupicia tea shop offering over a hundred varieties of teas: black, green, rooibos, oolongs from one end of the oolong spectrum to the other, flavored teas, herb teas… and they'll brew up a little pot of any of them for you for free, Baskin-Robbins style, if you just ask. It is extremely dangerous to my wallet.
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:45 PM on September 12, 2016 [7 favorites]

We had one of those new fangled taps put in our office kitchen that serves water either nicely chilled or at 95C. There were genuine complaints that this was insufficiently warm for the tea drinkers and they needed the kettle back.
posted by biffa at 3:58 PM on September 12, 2016 [6 favorites]

There were genuine complaints that this was insufficiently warm for the tea drinkers and they needed the kettle back.

If I were them I would have just taken it back. After all, proper tea is theft.
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:14 PM on September 12, 2016 [28 favorites]

Ugh. Those thing are my bane.

The one on our water dispenser seems to dispense the water at closer to 90C, too. Which, considering that a fair bit of heat is lost between nozzle and mug, ends up hitting the leaves too cool for proper black tea but still slightly too hot for green tea.

The coffee maker has a nozzle on it that dispenses hotter water, but the water is hard enough to have limescale deposits on it despite regular cleaning.

The temptation to purchase a temperature-controlled electric kettle for the office is high.
posted by tobascodagama at 4:16 PM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Metafilter: RIP Grizzly's Trailer Café on the A6001 just outside Biggleswade
posted by sammyo at 4:42 PM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Jesus, just wait until they hear about teapots and, you know, tea.

No more tea bags indeed.
posted by pompomtom at 4:57 PM on September 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

The temptation to purchase a temperature-controlled electric kettle for the office is high.

Do it. Every tea drinker in your office will be thanking you to the end of time. On my first day at my current job I brought my thermometer and measured both the hot water dispenser and the coffee maker. The situation was the same as yours. One day the boss saw me use the coffee machine for black tea and it led to us buying two of the Breville variable temperature kettles (one for each side of the office). Turns out nobody on the other side used theirs, so I stole it and now we have twice the tea throughput on this side.

Also good for the one person who grinds their own coffee.
posted by hyperbolic at 5:10 PM on September 12, 2016 [5 favorites]

Yep, I just bought one for the office last week but it seems I'm the only one who cares. More tea for me! (And after a long period of fussy looseleafs, I'm pretty much back to PG Tips.)
posted by fiercecupcake at 6:00 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

The great thing about aerosol cans is you can puncture them and get high off the gas or you spray it through your shirt or whatever it is. Huffing tea strikes me as incredibly wholesome.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:15 PM on September 12, 2016 [4 favorites]

The temptation to purchase a temperature-controlled electric kettle for the office is high.

We have one in each kitchen at work and I use the one nearest my desk every day to make tea. Since there are a lot of Indian and Chinese engineers there, we go through a lot of hot water. Amusingly the only Englishman in our office only drinks coffee.
posted by octothorpe at 6:16 PM on September 12, 2016

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.
posted by RobotHero at 9:14 PM on September 12, 2016 [8 favorites]

At first read, I thought maybe Ted Cruz finally bought a Brown Betty.

A friend once snorted no-doz.
Said it burned like hell though minty fresh.
posted by clavdivs at 10:47 PM on September 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Concentrate tea is/was quite common in a certain type of Greasy Spoon

Mine had a Greek Cypriot owner and was exclusively builders and cabbies, apart from our little table of middle class web designers. I guess this means I was a hipster 15 years ago, drinking artisan custom-batch high-temperature tea.
posted by Coda Tronca at 12:18 AM on September 13, 2016 [3 favorites]

Amusingly the only Englishman in our office only drinks coffee.

He's probably only had American style cold-brewed tea, which was traditionally made with seawater.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:09 AM on September 13, 2016 [7 favorites]

I’ve been making tea without bags since before it was cool.
posted by Fongotskilernie at 1:18 AM on September 13, 2016

You should do it before it drops to 90c.
posted by vbfg at 1:44 AM on September 13, 2016 [7 favorites]

phunniemee: Either she just dumps them straight into the sink where they stop up the drain and strain everyone else's sink leavings and cause a big gross mess

Teabag not given proper two-hour side-of-sink mourning period
posted by distorte at 2:17 AM on September 13, 2016 [11 favorites]

I measured the output of the hot water from the coffee machine (85F, which is fine if you are drinking a beverage directly) and then determined how many additional seconds of microwave time it took to attain proper brewing temperature (slightly less heathenish than microwaving from cold). Fortunately, the office then moved two of the cup-style machines to the main breakroom and put the old-style drip brew with the scalding water tap back into the small breakroom, so I don't have to mess about as much anymore.
posted by Karmakaze at 6:47 AM on September 13, 2016

Johnny: Excuse me, do you sell loose tea anywhere?
Stock clerk: [puzzled] "Loose" tea?
Johnny: You know, tea that's not in bags.
Stock clerk: Huh. I didn't know it came not in bags.

They increasingly do not sell loose tea in supermarkets anymore. I have seen most if not all of the loose tea disappear from Publix shelves in the last couple of years, replaced by rows and rows of teabags of all kinds of flavor combinations I have no use for. I just want the loose tea, which has apparently vanished into a gentrified land of luxury online ordering and specialty tea boutiques tucked away in suburban neighborhoods I have no time to get to. I don't think it's too much to ask to find loose tea at a supermarket.
posted by blucevalo at 8:45 AM on September 13, 2016 [3 favorites]

I just want the loose tea, which has apparently vanished into a gentrified land of luxury online ordering and specialty tea boutiques tucked away in suburban neighborhoods I have no time to get to. I don't think it's too much to ask to find loose tea at a supermarket.

It's a lot trickier than it should be, no doubt. I've found that the best places to look for loose tea are at natural-foods stores with a bulk foods section. When I was in Florida, for example, I ended up getting my loose tea here, and I've managed to find similar stores in the places I've lived since. (The tea at such stores always seems to be supplied by Frontier Co-op, and is usually quite nice if not exquisite.)
posted by Johnny Assay at 8:42 AM on September 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

Wegman's in the Mid-Atlantic / Northeast has a large selection of bulk loose leaf teas. Although I have to admit my Ingenui-tea has sat unused for months as I've gotten lazy and have been drinking Barry's Gold, which comes from the Irish / British shelf at the opposite end of the store.

"YOU MUST TRY COLD BREW TEA. IT IS MAGIC FOR OOLONGS AND GREENS."

We only drink our iced-tea cold brewed now. 14 tea bags in a gallon of cold water, and throw it in the fridge.
posted by COD at 12:29 PM on September 19, 2016

Wait wait wait Biggleswade?
posted by saladin at 7:07 AM on September 20, 2016

I recently ordered my 15-year-old tea-drinking son an assortment of loose tea samples and an in-cup brew-basket thingy from Upton. He is enjoying them very much.

That is my tea-related comment for the day.
posted by not that girl at 12:14 PM on September 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

There's one woman in my office who

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
YOU GUYS

I was there. I was standing RIGHT THERE when it happened. She dumped her mug over when I was standing RIGHT THERE AT THE SINK and we BOTH watched the soggy tea bag go thwack against the sink bottom. She turned to walk away and I said "oh Lisa," (yeah that's right I'm using her real name, they only change names to protect the innocent) and she said "yeah?" and I pointed in the sink and said, "is that your tea bag?" and she said, "yeah I guess it is" and didn't move. So I stared at her kind of like this for a few solid seconds until she mumbled "yeah fine, sorry" and picked it up and threw it away.

Let it be written in my obituary that I have won this day.
posted by phunniemee at 12:29 PM on September 20, 2016 [29 favorites]

phunniemee you should mount that picture over the sink in case you're not around for the next one
posted by en forme de poire at 8:22 AM on September 22, 2016 [4 favorites]