The art of the steal
April 1, 2017 1:25 PM Subscribe
It seems that in fact, the people who did not sign away their souls got the £5.
Those that blindly clicked through sold their souls for nothing.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:40 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Those that blindly clicked through sold their souls for nothing.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:40 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
This is a bit of a tangent, but I have always wondered what the rules of selling your soul to the devil actually are. Thanks to a very religious primary school teacher I have always believed that you had to personally agree to it, knowing you were selling your soul to the devil, and for that reason no one could sell yours. But this seems to break the first rule, and the second one seems not to be a thing either.
I mean, I don't want to sell my soul, but, equally, if it is to be sold, I'd prefer that I knew I was doing and it wasn't a thing that could occur without my knowledge. I shall now retire to ponder if at this very moment someone is selling my soul for $5, and, if so, can I retaliate by selling theirs.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 2:38 PM on April 1, 2017
I mean, I don't want to sell my soul, but, equally, if it is to be sold, I'd prefer that I knew I was doing and it wasn't a thing that could occur without my knowledge. I shall now retire to ponder if at this very moment someone is selling my soul for $5, and, if so, can I retaliate by selling theirs.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 2:38 PM on April 1, 2017
Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered
by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to
the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a
yellow memo form attached just saying: "Learn, guys.”
posted by Wolfdog at 2:44 PM on April 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to
the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a
yellow memo form attached just saying: "Learn, guys.”
posted by Wolfdog at 2:44 PM on April 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlow - The pact with Lucifer [wiki]:
“Using Mephistophilis as a messenger, Faustus strikes a Deal with Lucifer: he is to be allotted 24 years of life on Earth, during which time he will have Mephistophilis as his personal servant and the ability to use magic; however, at the end he would give his body and soul over to Lucifer as payment and spend the rest of time as one damned to Hell. This deal is to be sealed in the form of a contract written in Faustus' own blood. After cutting his arm, the wound is divinely healed and the Latin words Homo, fuge! ("Man, fly!") then appear upon it. Despite the dramatic nature of this divine intervention, Faustus disregards the inscription with the assertion that he is already damned by his actions thus far and therefore left with no place to which he could flee. Mephistophilis brings coals to break the wound open again, and thus Faustus is able to take his oath written in his own blood.”posted by Fizz at 2:45 PM on April 1, 2017
MetaFilter technically owned my soul before it started charging for it. But getting a second $5 account (oneswellfoop vs. wendell) plus a 'whimsical sockpuppet' (evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight) should make me a major pain come 'soul-harvesting' time.
But seriously, the only time I considered selling my soul was at a time I was doing temp and contract work so I worked out a temp-to-perm contract that got it returned to me after 180 days.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:30 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
But seriously, the only time I considered selling my soul was at a time I was doing temp and contract work so I worked out a temp-to-perm contract that got it returned to me after 180 days.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:30 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Given a reasonable estimate of the likelihood that an immortal soul exists and the proven value of £5, this seems like an entirely justified gamble to me. (Asking how low the payoff would need to be too convince me to keep my soul rights is a far harder question. But it's a lot less than £5)
Now, if you offered me a EULA that required rights to my kidneys (or my favorite mechanical pencil) for £5, and I signed it, I'd buy that as evidence of unread text.
posted by eotvos at 4:08 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Now, if you offered me a EULA that required rights to my kidneys (or my favorite mechanical pencil) for £5, and I signed it, I'd buy that as evidence of unread text.
posted by eotvos at 4:08 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Oh that's savage.
posted by InkDrinker at 6:21 PM on April 1, 2017
posted by InkDrinker at 6:21 PM on April 1, 2017
I joined Metafilter before the $5 thing. Which AFAIK means I'm a demon of some sort.
I'd also suggest that there's a serious issue with jurisdiction in selling your soul. How will that contract be enforced in the event of breach? Suppose your soul is sold to a company, but goes to heaven anyway. There are not many courts on earth that can issue rulings binding on paradise. Really, unless you can get the Pope to hear the case ex-Cathedra, you're on a hiding to nothing. Complicating matters, we know from the gospels what Jesus thought of mixing the divine and financial transactions. It involved a scourge and kicking over tables.
I'm not familiar enough with contracting under sharia law to guess at how that might go. At the same time, a court ruling on your soul would seem to be a mortal body issuing an order to the divine. If there is a universal theme in the Abramaic religions, it's that that shit is definitely not on sonny jim. Hell, even the idea of bartering with something given by God would probably be frowned upon. So, in any religious tradition where selling your soul isn't an absurdity, bringing a lawsuit against the divine seems like it risks putting yourself on the hook for more than just law costs.
Bringing suit against hell may be easier, as there does seem to be a reciprocity agreement between the Fifth Circuit and the Seventh Circle. At the same time, I understand the devil has some excellent lawyers on retainer.
posted by Grimgrin at 11:14 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'd also suggest that there's a serious issue with jurisdiction in selling your soul. How will that contract be enforced in the event of breach? Suppose your soul is sold to a company, but goes to heaven anyway. There are not many courts on earth that can issue rulings binding on paradise. Really, unless you can get the Pope to hear the case ex-Cathedra, you're on a hiding to nothing. Complicating matters, we know from the gospels what Jesus thought of mixing the divine and financial transactions. It involved a scourge and kicking over tables.
I'm not familiar enough with contracting under sharia law to guess at how that might go. At the same time, a court ruling on your soul would seem to be a mortal body issuing an order to the divine. If there is a universal theme in the Abramaic religions, it's that that shit is definitely not on sonny jim. Hell, even the idea of bartering with something given by God would probably be frowned upon. So, in any religious tradition where selling your soul isn't an absurdity, bringing a lawsuit against the divine seems like it risks putting yourself on the hook for more than just law costs.
Bringing suit against hell may be easier, as there does seem to be a reciprocity agreement between the Fifth Circuit and the Seventh Circle. At the same time, I understand the devil has some excellent lawyers on retainer.
posted by Grimgrin at 11:14 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't know how these fallen angels wedged these souls in these fetid dumpsters.
posted by y2karl at 9:07 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by y2karl at 9:07 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I dated a guy who went as Corporate Satan for Halloween. Beautiful suit, tie, briefcase filled with contracts for people's souls, which he would offer to people for signature in exchange for a dollar. He ran out of dollars before he ran of out people who would sign their soul away for 4 bits.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 2:54 PM on April 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 2:54 PM on April 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
I missed that offer, so my soul is still available and for sale to the highest bidder. Memail me for info re where to send payment. Soul will be transferred as soon as payment clears.
posted by she's not there at 4:42 PM on April 2, 2017
posted by she's not there at 4:42 PM on April 2, 2017
The thing is that this joke EULA is indicative of a misunderstanding of contract law in the general public. There is this idea that the contract is absolute and unlimited, which in fact played a very strong role in suppressing workers in the early industrial era. Capitalist interests of course had a strong incentive in perpetuating this idea.
But in reality, a contract is merely a piece of paper and today not even that. It's only meaningful to the extent that the legal regime it exists within will hold the contracting parties to its terms.
Given that no-one reads EULAs, and everyone knows that no-one reads EULAs at some point this is all going to explode in some high profile case, and I think the state is going to be forced to concede that all EULAs are essentially meaningless and unforceable
posted by mary8nne at 1:10 AM on April 3, 2017 [2 favorites]
But in reality, a contract is merely a piece of paper and today not even that. It's only meaningful to the extent that the legal regime it exists within will hold the contracting parties to its terms.
Given that no-one reads EULAs, and everyone knows that no-one reads EULAs at some point this is all going to explode in some high profile case, and I think the state is going to be forced to concede that all EULAs are essentially meaningless and unforceable
posted by mary8nne at 1:10 AM on April 3, 2017 [2 favorites]
« Older “...soft power remains an elusive and ill-defined... | “Oh, that’s that goddamn egg thing.” Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Fizz at 1:38 PM on April 1, 2017 [28 favorites]