I Am Calling The Police

May 26, 2018 11:13 PM

Sam Sifton at The New York Times has compiled a ranked list of “Ten Sausages For Summer” and Julia Moskin has ranked “Nine French Fry Styles”.
Less controversially (perhaps?), Pete Wells has ranked “The Five Best Summer Fruits”, Tejal Rao has ranked “The Seven Greatest Packaged Frozen Treats”, Kim Severson has ranked “Ten Gas Station Snacks For Road Trips”, and Ligaya Mashan has picked “Summer’s Greatest Vegetable”.
(All lists inside, for faster outrage.)

The Sausages
10. Summer Sausage
9. Weisswurst
8. Morcilla
7. Andouille
6. Merguez
5. Linguiça
4. Kielbasa
3. Italian
2. Bratwurst
1. Hot Dogs

The French Fries
9. Matchstick/Shoestring Fries
8. Steak/Wedge Fries
7. Curly Fries
6. Waffle Fries
5. Crinkle-Cut Fries
4. Cottage Fries
3. Boardwalk/County Fair Fries
2. Euro/Bistro Fries
1. Standard/Thin Fries

The Fruits
5. Raspberries
4. Peaches
3. Blueberries
2. Cherries
1. Watermelons

The Frozen Treats (New York Region)
7. Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake Bar
6. Popsicle Firecracker
5. Nestlé Drumstick Lil’ Drums Vanilla With Chocolatey Swirls
4. Klondike Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Bar
3. Good Humor Giant Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich
2. Fudgsicle Original Fudge Pop
1. Chipwich

The Gas-Station Snacks
10. Roller-Grill Hot Dog
9. Tie: Corn Nuts and Combos Cheddar Cheese Pretzels
8. Yellow-Green Banana
7. Any Little Pie (In a pinch, substitute a package of the orange peanut-butter crackers Southerners call “Nabs,” or a Little Debbie fancy cake.)
6. Haribo Gummy Candy
5. Peanut M&Ms
4. Pork Rinds
3. Beef Jerky
2. Regional Potato Chips
1. Mexican Coke

The Vegetables
2. Tomatoes
1. Corn

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