June 28, 2002

2:18 PM

President Bush to Undergo Colonoscopy Doctors say they are hoping to find his head.
posted by ratbastard (47 comments total)

Or Cheney's watch.

[rimshot]

I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:20 PM on June 28, 2002

That's waaaaaaaaaay too easy.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:21 PM on June 28, 2002

Huh-huh. They're going to scope out his colon. This is sooo funny, and really great posting material.
posted by rocketman at 2:22 PM on June 28, 2002

Thought it was an Onion story, given the ridiculous comment by ratbastard. I can't wait for the photoshopped pictures of the colonoscopy to be linked here on Anti-BushFilter.
posted by msacheson at 2:24 PM on June 28, 2002

It's been real nice knowing this thread...
posted by websavvy at 2:25 PM on June 28, 2002

My prediction: 20 comments in 20 minutes, all Bush-bashing one liners, at which point mathowie deletes the post. MeTa thread ensues, masturbation occurs, everyone relieved at the end. Ready? GO!
posted by BlueTrain at 2:25 PM on June 28, 2002

Great post, ratbastard. I'm still chuckling. :)
posted by password at 2:26 PM on June 28, 2002

I'm no fan of W., but this FPP is way out of line.
posted by birgitte at 2:27 PM on June 28, 2002

heh.
posted by ColdChef at 2:28 PM on June 28, 2002

I'm no fan of W., but this FPP is way out of line.

BTW, I love the polarization of this site. When defending Bush, remember to add the disclaimer that you don't REALLY like him. Because that's evil. (Not picking on you, birgitte, just that so many people are compelled to add that line)
posted by BlueTrain at 2:29 PM on June 28, 2002

I like the sad-sack tone of the Bush apologists, myself.
posted by websavvy at 2:30 PM on June 28, 2002

I'm no fan of W., but this FPP is way out of line.

No, no, no. See, it was a joke. They're not really going to look for his head.
posted by MarkAnd at 2:30 PM on June 28, 2002

I have little space in my heart for King George... but must agree -- as funny as the post is, W is still the head of state, and deserving of the respect that comes with the mantel.
posted by silusGROK at 2:31 PM on June 28, 2002

heh. I hate it when people say stuff like, "Respect the office." Anything coming into or going out of the butt is funny. Just is.
posted by ColdChef at 2:33 PM on June 28, 2002

President Bush said he will undergo a colon check Saturday that will require him to be sedated. The powers of the presidency will be briefly transferred to Vice President Dick Cheney, he said.

Bush said he decided to transfer powers to Cheney out of extra caution because the nation is at war. Cheney will be "standing by – realizing he's not going to be president that long."

The jokes practically write themselves. But someone should tell him that the nation isn't at war.
posted by euphorb at 2:34 PM on June 28, 2002

White House Counsel Al Gonzales said Cheney would assume the duties of president "for a matter of hours."

LOLOL

:: wipes tears from eyes ::
posted by rushmc at 2:35 PM on June 28, 2002

as funny as the post is, W is still the head of state, and deserving of the respect that comes with the mantel.

Respect is deserved until the holder of said office has proved himself unworthy of that respect. I think Bush has done exactly that to my satisfaction. Game on!
posted by daveadams at 2:35 PM on June 28, 2002

W is still the head of state, and deserving of the respect that comes with the mantel.

There is no respect due that is not earned.
posted by rushmc at 2:36 PM on June 28, 2002

So, if I understand this correctly, George Bush's head is one enormous benign rectal polyp.

That explains... absolutely nothing.
posted by PrinceValium at 2:37 PM on June 28, 2002

What will be cool is if they find a Dole sticker in there. Especially if it says "Dole '96."
posted by Skot at 2:37 PM on June 28, 2002

Or one might argue that W has sullied the post that he may or may not have been rightfully elected to...
posted by websavvy at 2:37 PM on June 28, 2002

Thanks for the clarification - so they're not looking for his head huh? Now it all makes sense.

I thought the FPP was crass, so thought I would say so. Not so much defending Bush, as bemoaning the lack of wit.

No that anyone asked me, but hey, this is Metafilter! The whole point is no one asked!
posted by birgitte at 2:39 PM on June 28, 2002

Thanks for the clarification - so they're not looking for his head huh? Now it all makes sense.

Yeah, sorry about that. It was a joke in search of a target -- you just got in the way. It's a pretty crass post, but also funny, I think. "Lack of wit" has been used to describe me, though.
posted by MarkAnd at 2:43 PM on June 28, 2002

I thought the FPP was crass, so thought I would say so. Not so much defending Bush, as bemoaning the lack of wit.

I thought it was pretty clever, though. is that ok?
posted by mcsweetie at 2:44 PM on June 28, 2002

There is no respect due that is not earned.

"A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it."

-Jack Handey
posted by mr_roboto at 2:45 PM on June 28, 2002

Ok, I want you all to just concentrate for a moment with me....

Imagine the President, hunched over an examining table, while a medical technician inserts a lubed camera up his ass. Did you also imagine the grimace and the bead of sweat on his forehead as the little camera passes through his sphincter?

Ok, thanks! You can go about your business.
posted by crunchland at 2:46 PM on June 28, 2002

Word, euphorb. When I saw this article, the first thing I thought was what bullshit the "well, we're at war" business is. He keeps SAYING that. I wish he'd quit it... the big poopie-head.
posted by Sapphireblue at 2:49 PM on June 28, 2002

crunchland, thanks for the years you've taken off my life.

(bangs head on desk)
posted by some chick at 2:49 PM on June 28, 2002

Though the president was feeling quite fit
He wanted to relax for a bit
Said, "I don't mean to be crass,
Stuff the tube up my ass.
And don't worry, I don't give a shit."
posted by ColdChef at 2:51 PM on June 28, 2002

Of course it's okay

(still trying to figure out this whole posting thing - difficult to have a conversation without tone of voice or intonation, very, very difficult)
posted by birgitte at 2:52 PM on June 28, 2002

I thought was what bullshit the "well, we're at war" business is. He keeps SAYING that. I wish he'd quit it...

I wish someone would MAKE him. Like, say, Congress, fer instance....
posted by rushmc at 2:54 PM on June 28, 2002

We'll just be waiting for the medical report that proves he's full of shit.

(And BlueTrain, you protest too much.)
posted by riviera at 2:54 PM on June 28, 2002

...further, I surely hope none of you grumbling about 'deserving of the respect that comes with the mantel' were any of the same people who cracked cigar jokes during the Clinton years. since there were probably only about THREE PEOPLE IN AMERICA who managed to refrain from such jokes, the odds are very much against any of them being a participant in this thread.
posted by Sapphireblue at 2:56 PM on June 28, 2002

Grow the fuck up. Like the President or hate him, a medical procedure (that all men of his age should have) is just not funny.

Didn't Metafilter used to be described as "intelligent and civil"? I can't find where that line is anymore. Perhaps it was removed for a good reason.
posted by evanizer at 2:57 PM on June 28, 2002

Though our leader's annoying to some
And people often consider him dumb
We all can agree
We don't need to see
What's festering inside of his bum.
posted by ColdChef at 2:58 PM on June 28, 2002

Sorry, Ev.
posted by ColdChef at 2:59 PM on June 28, 2002

So why isn't he doing the Virtual Colonoscopy? It was good enough for Katie Couric... another added bonus:

"The radiologist can rotate the images, zoom in and out, and even create movie loops that look like a trip through the inside of the colon"

As someone mentioned above, the flash possibilities are limitless!
posted by TuffAustin at 3:00 PM on June 28, 2002

I see Evanizer is celebrating Sanctimonious Day in a festive way.
posted by crunchland at 3:02 PM on June 28, 2002

Grow the fuck up.
Intelligent and civil?
posted by Fat Buddha at 3:08 PM on June 28, 2002

Not sanctimonious. I just hate to see this place turn into a locker room. The idea of a man being penetrated, either medically or otherwise, seems to cause a million nervous laughs here. I suppose it's like whistling past the graveyard for straight boys...
posted by evanizer at 3:08 PM on June 28, 2002

Intelligent and civil?

Oops. My bad.

Grow the fuck up, please. Thank you.
posted by evanizer at 3:09 PM on June 28, 2002

Well, I think it's funnier to think how Bush feels about feeling violated than how all us supposedly homophibic straight boys feel. But you go right on being intelligent and civil for the rest of us.
posted by crunchland at 3:10 PM on June 28, 2002

Does everything reduce to sexual orientation for you, evanizer? You certainly seem to dwell on it an awful lot.
posted by rushmc at 3:10 PM on June 28, 2002

I'm proud to be the newest member on your personal hit-list, rushmc. Keep it coming.
posted by evanizer at 3:12 PM on June 28, 2002

I have grown the fuck up thank you. Matured, though, who can say?
Blow it out your ass, as we don't say in Balsall Heath.
posted by Fat Buddha at 3:15 PM on June 28, 2002

45 comments in 60 minutes. I am impressed.

(And BlueTrain, you protest too much.)

riviera, what, exactly, do I protest too much about, per se?

I see Evanizer is celebrating Sanctimonious Day in a festive way.

crunchland, I see you've used the same, tired joke 4 times in the past 3 weeks.
posted by BlueTrain at 3:20 PM on June 28, 2002

Why so defensive?
posted by rushmc at 3:21 PM on June 28, 2002