Tombstone ATM

August 16, 2002 10:26 AM

Tombstone ATM doles out inheritance to heirs in weekly $300 chunks.
posted by mosspink (45 comments total)

You gotta admit, that cattle rancher had a wicked sense of humour... ;-)
posted by Jade Dragon at 10:31 AM on August 16, 2002

This is the coolest thing I've heard all day.
posted by agregoli at 10:32 AM on August 16, 2002

That's funny, creepy, and brilliant. If I was a relative, I would probably feel bad about taking the money the first couple of times, too.
posted by insomnyuk at 10:38 AM on August 16, 2002

How deliciously maniacal and clever of him! Couldn't the woman who gave up her acting career have gotten a friend or other relative to visit the ATM every week for a small fee?
posted by trixare4kids at 10:40 AM on August 16, 2002

yeah, but who do ya call when the machine eats your card?
posted by jburka at 10:42 AM on August 16, 2002

LOL, insomnyuk, but he's got his herd visiting him just like he wanted. ;)

I remember a friend of mine telling me about this famous Hong Kong singer named Theresa Teng who has loops of her songs playing at her grave. Apparently you just push a button to choose from her library of music. I think that's gotta be infinitely creepier.
posted by mosspink at 10:45 AM on August 16, 2002

Oh man, that is pure genius, I know what I'm doing when I die.
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 10:46 AM on August 16, 2002

I want my grave to dispense body chunks.
posted by Bag Man at 10:46 AM on August 16, 2002

Joel Jenkins, who helped create the "cashing-out" machines, says one of Chestnut's granddaughters recently gave up a promising acting career in New York in order to cash in on Grandpa's money-making tombstone.

People with promising acting careers in New York make more than $300 per week.

In fact, people who are living in New York and making less than $300 per week are in serious trouble.
posted by bingo at 10:56 AM on August 16, 2002

Couldn't the woman who gave up her acting career have gotten a friend or other relative to visit the ATM every week for a small fee?

Really. And if it was a "promising acting career" (as the article calls it), why did she come back at all? I've done the starving actor thing in NYC. If she wasn't making at least $300 a week acting, I wouldn't say it was all that promising. I guess I also gave up a promising acting career in New York to go to regional theatre in the midwest. I once made $80 for an acting job in NYC.
posted by CreequeAlley at 10:56 AM on August 16, 2002

I think my grave should give out copies of the rarest nintendo entertainment system cartridge known to man: The Mario Brothers/Duck Hunt combo-cart!
posted by mcsweetie at 10:57 AM on August 16, 2002

Couldn't find an obituary for this guy in the Boseman Daily Chronicle's website. I popped off an e-mail to their "People News" department, seeing if they could confirm this story. I'm betting Grover Chestnut is a total chestnut.

'Cuz I love to kill the joy.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 10:57 AM on August 16, 2002

mcsweetie: and every tenth visitor gets a very special bonus gift---an extremely valuable, highly sought-after, collector's item AOL promo CD?
posted by Sapphireblue at 11:07 AM on August 16, 2002

OK: Who really wants their grave to be visited? Everyone wants to be remembered in death, but who wants to encumber their loved ones with cemetery visits? I mean, really. Tombstones are nice instigators for remembrance, if, say, you're passing through the town your grandparents used to live in, or for visiting on the birthday of the deceased should you live in the same town as the tombstone, but the idea that someone would want their loved ones' lives to revolve around visiting his grave?

And that's absent the sicko idea of combining cash withdrawals into the mix. Egad.
posted by blueshammer at 11:10 AM on August 16, 2002

Sapphireblue: collector's item AOL promo CD

I read that as AOL porno CD....was getting all interested there, for a second....then I realized what AOL porno might be like....

'You've got Flesh!'
posted by dwivian at 11:14 AM on August 16, 2002

OK: Who really wants their grave to be visited?

Actually, I want my grave to visit those I leave behind. Rather than my coffin being buried, it will be fitted with caterpillar treads. My survivors will be required to wear bracelets with small signal emitters in them (this in exchange for a generous share of my truly massive wealth). My remains will then home in on and visit with my loved ones on a random basis. The sight of a wooden box filled with my putrified remains rolling up the driveway will be a cause of great celebration for years and years and years to come.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 11:17 AM on August 16, 2002 [16 favorites]

can the heirs make deposits? can you check your balance?

the whole burial thing is creepily archaic, imho. scatter me from a ridgeline and raise a glass on my died-on date, that all i'll ask.
posted by gottabefunky at 11:32 AM on August 16, 2002

PST: Not sure how substantive that story is, either, but there ain't much joy to kill since Grover Chestnut is...well...allegedly in communicado with the likes of John Edward now.

I ran a search on Mr. Chestnut and found links on iamnotageek.com and eddriscoll.com that lead to ncbuy.com's article from 08.13.02. I also searched to see if there was an obit for him, alas, there was none. However, just because his family did not care to shell out the money for a square of space in a newspaper does not mean he did not exist. Additionally, if his granddaughter would leave NYC for a weekly $300 draw, one has to wonder about the relative standard of living in Montana for a farming family. Hmm...
posted by mosspink at 11:38 AM on August 16, 2002

Mosspink: yeah, I saw those too. They all seem to lead back to the same wire story as the SFgate article you linked above. it's a great yarn regardles of it's veracity. I'm just feelin' a little Bobsey Twinish today I guess.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 11:42 AM on August 16, 2002

Umm, couldn't somebody just make off with the ATM and grab all the cash that must be sitting inside? Or am I the only person sick enough to do something like that?
posted by statusquo at 11:52 AM on August 16, 2002

That would invoke the curse.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 11:52 AM on August 16, 2002

one of Chestnut's granddaughters recently gave up a promising acting career in New York in order to cash in on Grandpa's money-making tombstone.

Although Chestnut's grave is currently the only one with an ATM, Jenkins thinks others will be trying it soon.

I guessed from the article that she was returning home to start a business marketing the err, tombstone/ATM.

I wonder if we could think up any marketing taglines for such a product? Other than the obvious, "The gift that keeps on giving."
posted by bullitt 5 at 11:59 AM on August 16, 2002

"You can't take it with you, but you can give it away slowly."
posted by grum@work at 12:02 PM on August 16, 2002

PST: No worries, I think it's always wise to question the source. :)

Now if I were to die and had to choose a vending machine to mark my lifeless body I'd want one of those spooky fortune-telling gypsies that dispense little rolled-up paper fortunes. I'd be sure to add a few fun ones to the mix in advance though: "You know I'm not your biological mother, right?" Or this classic: "Honey, we need to talk."
posted by mosspink at 12:06 PM on August 16, 2002

"Care For The One's You Love, $300 Dollars A Time"
posted by bullitt 5 at 12:11 PM on August 16, 2002

How does the thing get power? Cables snaking through the cemetery? Natural gas from decomposition?
This has got to be a joke, or a mishmash of the facts. Maybe it was just the dead guy granted weekly trustfund payouts with a requirement for local living. It's an interesting thought though, if you die wealthy how are you going to pass it on to your heirs? Will you make any requirements of them? Like college instead of ski-bumming, for instance.. I'm now daydreaming about winning the lottery..
posted by dness2 at 12:27 PM on August 16, 2002

I'm just wondering how long it will take the aspiring actress to realize that for a small commission, she could probably have had one of her co-heirs or a friend get her share out of the machine and send it to her on a weekly basis.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:33 PM on August 16, 2002

I want my grave to visit those I leave behind.

Pinky, if I ever write a sci-fi social satire, I'm almost certain to include that. I'll send a royalty check to the Horsmanistan embassy.
posted by blueshammer at 12:36 PM on August 16, 2002

I know it's a cliche, but:

Best. Tombstone. Ever.
posted by InfidelZombie at 12:38 PM on August 16, 2002

"people who are living in New York and making less than $300 per week are in serious trouble"

Yeah, but people in Bozeman who are making $300 a week rule the town.

I kid the people of Bozeman, because they live there.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:55 PM on August 16, 2002

1st April = Long time ago.
posted by nixon at 1:06 PM on August 16, 2002

What would stop the heirs from going back to the ATM minutes after they took out $300 and get more out? What would stop them from just taking all of the money out, or transferring the account? (And aren't those ATM machines sort of unsafe - mechanically - without a cover over them?)
posted by GirlFriday at 1:13 PM on August 16, 2002

What would stop the heirs from going back to the ATM minutes after they took out $300 and get more out?

Well, the average ATM is set to a daily limit of some amount (usually around $1000 in the US). Seems trivial to program one to only dispense $300 per seven day period, but I'm not a programmer.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:17 PM on August 16, 2002

I am a programmer. And it is trivial.
posted by TCMITS at 2:39 PM on August 16, 2002

Info about the Chestnut family. Grover is looking a little peaked (He's the short, pale one with the wound on his forehead in the front). Photo from healthier times.

The only other references that I found on the topic include:

IamnotaGeek.com which also includes this piece of info
Frisbee Inventor Turned Into Frisbees

The ashes of the Californian inventor who figured a way to make the Frisbee fly fast and straight will be moulded into a limited number of "memorial flying discs".

"Steady" Ed Headrick has died at the age of 78.

His family said his ashes will be made into Frisbees.
posted by dness2 at 2:47 PM on August 16, 2002

I want my grave to visit those I leave behind.

Model it after this and you're onto something...
posted by LinusMines at 2:58 PM on August 16, 2002

I want my grave to visit those I leave behind.

LinusMines: Model it after this and you're onto something...

*draws up documents of incorporation, throws a couple thousand shares at LinusMines, checks Yellow pages for VCs with more money than sense...*

Supercool nick BTW. See You Space Cowboy...
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 6:14 PM on August 16, 2002

It seems like there must be some sort of limit on what you can force your heirs to do in order to receive their inheritance. Is it legal to force your son to marry the monkey bride you have chosen? Can you stipulate that your widow has to shave her head bald and wear nun's clothing for the rest of her life? Can you demand your divorced parents remarry and have sex on the front lawn every day at 3:00 p.m. if they want to continue to receive the $1 million dollars you have left them in trust?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:11 PM on August 16, 2002

I hope a few of those heirs make a point of pissing on that evil old tyrant's final resting place every week. Had he left the money to charity instead of his family, at least it would have been an act I could respect.
posted by Epenthesis at 7:20 PM on August 16, 2002

Had he left the money to charity instead of his family, at least it would have been an act I could respect.

What if his family is poor? Is that charity? What do you have against people freely giving their money away, whoever the recipient?
posted by insomnyuk at 7:43 PM on August 16, 2002

No, Insomnyuk, I think Epenthesis meant he would respect the dead man more for giving his money to charity rather than giving it to his presumed heirs but making them jump through hoops for it.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:06 PM on August 16, 2002

In other words, why bother to humiliate his family? That was just a mean, petty act. Makes you wonder what he was like in life.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:09 PM on August 16, 2002

Actually SLG, I thought it was humorous, not as much as it might be petty, especially if the man knew that his heirs were money grubbing bastards. Kind of taking a poke at them beyond the grave, you know. It all depends on what kind of people they all are, and I have no info to go on.
posted by insomnyuk at 9:27 PM on August 16, 2002

I wonder if we could think up any marketing taglines for such a product?

How about, "How much do you want in your tombstone?"
posted by esch at 10:21 AM on August 23, 2002

This here thread is most likely utterly dead by now, but in interest of closure: it's a fake.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:49 AM on August 28, 2002