OutNotes.com Launch

May 1, 2005 12:32 PM

OutNotes.com officially launched this morning. It is a place for the GLBT community to share their 'coming out' letters with the world. The hope is that these letters will help other people who are struggling with their sexuality; and struggling to come out to their loved ones.
posted by dirvish (6 comments total)

Are these people writing, rather than holding conversations, in an effort to avoid confrontation? If so, then perhaps these letters aren't the best model for others who want to come out to their folks.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 3:05 PM on May 1, 2005

While I came out to my mother in person, I wrote a letter to my father. I was afraid that he would disown me, and I didn't want to hear those words from his mouth. He didn't disown me, but we've had to work through a lot in the last 10 years. These letters brought tears to my eyes because I understand that these people are bearing their souls at the expense of everything they hold dear. I wish them all well and only hope that they have an easier time of it than I did.
posted by kamikazegopher at 4:05 PM on May 1, 2005

Sometimes, Saucy, writing a letter is safer. Sometimes avoiding confrontation is a good thing, not to mention the physically safer choice.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:37 PM on May 1, 2005

I'll add to the chorus dirtynumbangelboy started...

Family members often don't want to hear what we have to say, but the desire to have it transmitted in some tangible way remains.

You see, in spite of the fact they do not wish to hear or acknowledge an integral, essential part of our lives, we still love them and/or feel the pull of family ties which say "Out of respect for you, a desire to keep the peace, not fracture the bond, I will keep a portion of my life quiet."

It is much more complicated than one simple exclamation of "I'm gay."
posted by sillygit at 7:39 PM on May 1, 2005

I came out to my parents during a conversation on the night of Thanksgiving. There was the stereotypical "We love you, you're our son, no matter what."; the "Mom/Dad...I'm still the son you always knew, but now you know I'm gay." exchanges.

After the "coming out" there was a period of distance, of confusion, of "grasping" for meaning and understanding.

This was followed by a period of exchanging letters. Such was truly instrumental in bringing about understanding and acceptance.
posted by ericb at 8:12 PM on May 1, 2005

My parents were grateful that I came out to them in a letter - in fact, a package, with a couple of books in the 'accepting your gay child' genre. It may seem weak or anachronistic, but it's still true: sometimes, between some people, communication needs to be written and given time to digest in order to be effective. Writing my coming-out allowed me to be reflective and to anticipate what I knew my parents' questions would be; it also allowed them time and space to deal with the issue, instead of having to react in real-time. The idea that one has to be up-front, in-person, etc., in order to be 'real' is a fallacy.

Incidentally - this was back in 1993 - I submitted my letter pre-emptively to alt.soc.gay.* (whatever) and got great feedback. Someone in Denmark asked to put it on his website, one that sounds much like this.
posted by stonerose at 9:39 PM on May 1, 2005