a life removed

November 15, 2005 8:51 AM

Katie Holmes is quitting acting – to be a full-time housewife to Tom Cruise.
posted by The Jesse Helms (46 comments total)

who give a fuck?
posted by yonation at 8:52 AM on November 15, 2005

Oh noes!!!!111
posted by benzo8 at 8:53 AM on November 15, 2005

Well, as long as that is her choice, good for her.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:54 AM on November 15, 2005

She was an actor?
posted by RokkitNite at 8:56 AM on November 15, 2005

Well at last something good has come of Scientology's brain wa^K^K^K^K^K^K^K^K^K^K teaching!
posted by alexst at 8:58 AM on November 15, 2005

I thought she quit acting during Dawson's Creek...cuz what she was doing in Batman Begins certainly wasn't acting.
posted by spicynuts at 8:58 AM on November 15, 2005

Will she clean his closets, he asked innocently?
posted by digaman at 8:59 AM on November 15, 2005

She also won't be wearing shoes anymore as they disturb thetans.
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:02 AM on November 15, 2005

TwelveTwo, I thought Tom Cruise was, apparently, very much into "comfortable shoes".
posted by gene_machine at 9:06 AM on November 15, 2005

...and yet the whole world doesn't seem to mind that we're watching a girl get kidnapped and brainwashed at a slow, steady pace.

Imagine if she was black... then we REALLY wouldn't care. I think it's awesome and look forward to this week's In Touch Magazine.
posted by Witty at 9:07 AM on November 15, 2005

Interesting...so if she's giving up acting, what exactly is she getting out of this "deal?" My guess is that it's just another publicity grab, so she can have a triumphant return in six months.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 9:08 AM on November 15, 2005

Well, he is crazy.
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:08 AM on November 15, 2005

When a person has no need to do their own cooking, cleaning, decorating, laundry, shopping, or child-rearing, it's hard to understand what "full time housewife" might mean.
posted by Miko at 9:08 AM on November 15, 2005

wowlookhowcooliambecauseimakedisparagingremarksaboutcelebrities.com
posted by signal at 9:09 AM on November 15, 2005

I won't flag this post if we consider it the last nail in the coffin of this non-news.
posted by Busithoth at 9:09 AM on November 15, 2005

Who?
posted by Floydd at 9:13 AM on November 15, 2005

whoops, that whyaretheydead link is pretty good and scary.
still don't care about this fake marriage, though.
posted by Busithoth at 9:13 AM on November 15, 2005

Maybe I'm overestimating people's sense of resolve, but it seems to me that Scientology is above all dangerous to people's wallets - which is of course not a major issue here.

Scientology's true victims are, by and large, people who can't quite afford its teachings. The worrying thing is that Tom and Katie will promote the cult to those people who really can't afford to spend their lives as wageslaves trying to raise funds to buy the next bullshit pulp sci-fi pamphlet.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 9:13 AM on November 15, 2005

I thought she was adequate in Batman Begins, and didn't make me cringe. That's the most I hope for any more.
posted by craniac at 9:14 AM on November 15, 2005

Happy premise #1: There are no aliens.
Happy premise #2: There is no giant foot trying to squash me.
Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.
Happy premise #4: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are a happily married couple.

\\\Let's hope that kid doesn't write a book about them...
posted by Lord Kinbote at 9:15 AM on November 15, 2005

Miko that was awesome.
posted by plexiwatt at 9:24 AM on November 15, 2005

Well, I guess only Tom will get to see her naked from now on.
posted by papercake at 9:34 AM on November 15, 2005

I don't get it either, why would people that have ridiculous amounts of money pretend to be a housewife? Is she really going to be rubbing SHOUT into her hubby's streaky tighty not-so-whitey's? Is she going to scrub toilets or is she going to stand back and order her cleaning staff to scrub the toilets?

Actually, I couldn't care less, she's a lost cause.
posted by fenriq at 9:38 AM on November 15, 2005

is it just me or does Tom Cruise look like Jiminy Glick in that photo?
posted by freudianslipper at 9:39 AM on November 15, 2005

she was never a good actress to begin with, so it's no big loss to the art form. Hopefully she's making the decision of her own free will, but we will never know that, will we?
posted by eustacescrubb at 9:42 AM on November 15, 2005

I'd hit it.
posted by I Foody at 9:49 AM on November 15, 2005

I'm giving them three years, tops. I used to think it'd be about half that because I figured she'd be working, but now it sounds like she's gonna be turned into a Stepford Wife.
posted by alumshubby at 9:51 AM on November 15, 2005

One down, one to go...
posted by insomnia_lj at 9:52 AM on November 15, 2005

Look like I picked the right time to become a pool boy.
posted by CynicalKnight at 9:53 AM on November 15, 2005

Well, let me be the first to say, Thank God.

I thought she was adequate in Batman Begins

I disagree.
posted by apis mellifera at 9:53 AM on November 15, 2005

I wouldn't sit through an episode of Dawson's Creek for all the gold on Teegeeack.
posted by cribcage at 9:54 AM on November 15, 2005

Mostly I can't wait to see what happens when the post-partum depression hits.

Vitamins rule.
posted by OhPuhLeez at 9:55 AM on November 15, 2005

OMG Fergie will be on The Sopranos AS A STRIPPER!!!!11!!!

Oh Lord, I thought you meant this Fergie...
posted by ceri richard at 10:01 AM on November 15, 2005

Oh Lord, I thought you meant this Fergie...

A boy can dream can't he?
posted by Pollomacho at 10:04 AM on November 15, 2005

Damn I DON'T GIVE A FUCK help me help me I'm not distracted by celebrities life, I've got my own to live !
posted by elpapacito at 10:05 AM on November 15, 2005

The real issue here is that Tom Cruise belongs to a dangerous cult and now stories about them abusing people are relegated to jokes on Leno

you could say the same for most organized religions.
I'd never trade Tanakh or the Sistine Chapel or the Upanishads for L. Ron Hubbard's SF books, but still. maybe it's just me and I'm an elitist bastard who doesn't like books about aliens.

Scientology is just more kooky. and yes, they seem to hire more aggressive lawyers than, say, the Southern Baptists. but still. freedom of religion, and all that. Scientologists just have more lamely written holy books, and much less interesting art.

I really don't see evidence of brainwashing. more power to Ms. Holmes-Cruise, seriously. and if Cruise really is in the closet, well, I blame more society's hatred for gays than a famous closeted gay person unwillingness to damage his or her career.
posted by matteo at 10:06 AM on November 15, 2005

NEWSFLASH!!! It's a "religion" invented by a science fiction writer...and a mediocre one at that. I feel bad about the week minded souls who get sucked into this thinly veiled cult. But on the other hand, the world seems to have a few too many dumb people in it anyway. Maybe it's the Darwin Principle in action.
posted by wavespy at 10:13 AM on November 15, 2005

I really don't see evidence of brainwashing. more power to Ms. Holmes-Cruise, seriously.

While I agree with your larger point (which I take as, "All organized religions inhabit the same space of Goofiness"), I'd say you're not looking very hard (probably laudable) if you can't find anything questionable about this Marriage Made in a Volcano. Give her parents a call.
posted by yerfatma at 10:13 AM on November 15, 2005

I'm not sure what is sadder; that this was posted here, or the "serious" responses to this post.
posted by weirdoactor at 10:14 AM on November 15, 2005

do you have their number?
posted by matteo at 10:14 AM on November 15, 2005

what is sadder; that this was posted here

"weirdoactor has posted no links"
posted by matteo at 10:15 AM on November 15, 2005

OH MY GOD NEWS
posted by Dean Keaton at 10:15 AM on November 15, 2005

Give her some credit. She's going deep undercover for the National Enquirer.
posted by pmbuko at 10:17 AM on November 15, 2005

Oh, by the way...Is there any chance that Tom has similar plans? please, please, please
posted by wavespy at 10:19 AM on November 15, 2005

I really don't see evidence of brainwashing.

Agreed. Scientology is a nut cult and a scam, designed to seperate gullible victims from their dough, but I don't see that it does anything that any other religion doesn't do -- unless you count the placebo effect induced by two tin cans wired up to a battery.

I think the brainwashing explanation is one that's favoured by the recovering suckers as an excuse for how an organization with a belief system so ludicrous managed to seperate them from their life's savings or however many years of unpaid labour.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:21 AM on November 15, 2005

matteo: I really don't see evidence of brainwashing.

Lisa McPherson's family might say otherwise.
posted by Joey Michaels at 10:32 AM on November 15, 2005