Cum eating monkey vid

August 19, 2006 10:42 AM

NSFAWDWTSAMEHOS (Not Safe For Anyone Who Doesn't Want To See A Monkey Eating His Own Splooge) via
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese (101 comments total)

No! Just...no.
posted by StopMakingSense at 10:45 AM on August 19, 2006

this is soooo not the best of the web.
posted by DragonBoy at 10:45 AM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

Dude, did you seriously just post a 15 second clip of a monkey banging another monkey and then eating his own spooge?
posted by Justinian at 10:46 AM on August 19, 2006

Dude, did you seriously just watch it, knowing what it would be?
posted by 2or3whiskeysodas at 10:48 AM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

Clicked on the link. Then, before it could load, closed it again.

I think I made the right choice, and I stand by it.
posted by evilcolonel at 10:48 AM on August 19, 2006

Uhh...
posted by Matt Oneiros at 10:49 AM on August 19, 2006

mmmm. monkeycumlicious!
posted by snofoam at 10:49 AM on August 19, 2006

I'm sorry, everybody.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 10:49 AM on August 19, 2006

Maybe not best of the web, but it's classic MetaFilter.
posted by sbutler at 10:49 AM on August 19, 2006

I don't think sorry is going to cut it this time.
posted by absalom at 10:50 AM on August 19, 2006

That's right kids, this really is the best of the web.
posted by blacklite at 10:51 AM on August 19, 2006

someday everyone will have videophones and this will be my answering machine message.
posted by snofoam at 10:52 AM on August 19, 2006 [9 favorites]

I guess I was kind of hoping this cum-eating monkey would earn me 30 bucks.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 10:53 AM on August 19, 2006 [8 favorites]

Even I won't click this.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:53 AM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

August 19, 2006 1:42 PM EST ... the precise date and time when western civilization jumped the shark
posted by pyramid termite at 10:54 AM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

God damnit man, this is worst than the fucking FPP about McCartney. As MeatFilter really degenerated into this?
posted by Vindaloo at 10:54 AM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

I guess I was kind of hoping this cum-eating monkey would earn me 30 bucks.

you flunk pimp school ...
posted by pyramid termite at 10:55 AM on August 19, 2006

Great, another SpooTube link.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:55 AM on August 19, 2006

I guess I was kind of hoping this cum-eating monkey would earn me 30 bucks.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 1:53 PM EST on August 19 [+] [!]

Good Lord, when will this contest be over?
posted by caddis at 10:56 AM on August 19, 2006

I get it! It's a metaphor for the human condition!
posted by onkelchrispy at 10:56 AM on August 19, 2006 [3 favorites]

goatse 2.0
posted by snofoam at 10:58 AM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

Are you fucking kidding me?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:59 AM on August 19, 2006

This is truly the best of all possible worlds and the worst of all possible worlds.
posted by geekhorde at 11:01 AM on August 19, 2006

Proof of evolution.
posted by A189Nut at 11:02 AM on August 19, 2006

It's a pretty good allegory for what the Internet has become.
posted by cmonkey at 11:03 AM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

I can't stop myself from clicking on this link. I have a feeling that a strong wave of regret will soon wash over me.
posted by smackwich at 11:05 AM on August 19, 2006

And poor, broken, little turtles, still traumatized over his treatment during the Vader incident, heaves a sigh of relief as the mob raises its collective head and sniffs new blood...
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:06 AM on August 19, 2006

I thought it was a post-modern commentary on the Bush administration.
posted by Osama bin Laden at 11:06 AM on August 19, 2006

I love mother nature. Whenever someone says human sexual behavior is unatural, I think: "You have no fricking idea what 'natural' is you poor sad sob." and then I go back to eating my own... er... nevermind.
posted by trigby at 11:09 AM on August 19, 2006

It was the best of the web, it was the worst of the web...
posted by blacklite at 11:10 AM on August 19, 2006

posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:11 AM on August 19, 2006 [4 favorites]

I can't wait for fandango_matt to turn this into an animated gif.
posted by sbutler at 11:18 AM on August 19, 2006

With liquids like that, that monkey will never get on a plane.
posted by Balisong at 11:18 AM on August 19, 2006

And poor, broken, little turtles, still traumatized over his treatment during the Vader incident, heaves a sigh of relief as the mob raises its collective head and sniffs new blood...

Find a video of Vader banging a monkey, THEN you'll have a post.
posted by brain_drain at 11:20 AM on August 19, 2006

Now now, remember the warning at the bottom of the page:

Help maintain a healthy, respectful discussion by focusing comments on the
issues, topics, and facts at hand -- not at other members of the site.

So in the spirit of this, I must declare - I fully support and stand by that monkey's right to eat his own splooge and I denouce anyone who would say otherwise!

For what sort of world CAN we live in, where an innocent li'l monkey cannot eat his own spunk?
posted by InnocentBystander at 11:23 AM on August 19, 2006

I'm going to wait until I get back to work on Monday to click on this link, thanks.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:24 AM on August 19, 2006

August 19, 2006 1:42 PM EST ... the precise date and time when western civilization jumped the shark

This will be our culture's vomitorium.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:25 AM on August 19, 2006

My eyes! Why did I look? Why! Man, is this a secretion post. Wiping tears of laughter from my eyes, trying to keep down the throw-up but laughing so hard I have to pee. That splooge was so stretchy, eww, like a loogie.
posted by nickyskye at 11:26 AM on August 19, 2006

I am without internet for a week, and when I finally get back to MetaFilter, I find this? Perhaps I was better off without the connection.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 11:28 AM on August 19, 2006

Doo doo do do do doo doo do do do doo do doooo...

"The Felcher Monkey of Southwestern Manitoba is easily recognizable due to its distinctive colouration, mating call, and sticky, sticky paws... if you would like to learn more about the Felcher Monkey, you're a sick bastard."

Doo doo do do do doo doo do do do doo do doooo...
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:31 AM on August 19, 2006 [2 favorites]

I for once appreciate this post. It helped me determine two things at once.

(1)Who was doing this AOL search and (2) can monkeys use the internet?

Both questions have been answered. Thank you. Now I don't have to bother AskMetafilter.
posted by smallerdemon at 11:32 AM on August 19, 2006

Can --> should. What's not to understand?

Now if you'll excuse me, I just realized I have a moral imperative to go skull-fuck a hobo.
posted by gramschmidt at 11:36 AM on August 19, 2006

Jesus, man! Some kind of warning would be nice.
posted by team lowkey at 11:40 AM on August 19, 2006

That is it. I'm quitting the internet.
posted by TwelveTwo at 11:41 AM on August 19, 2006

MetaFilter: Not Safe For Anyone Who Doesn't Want To See A Monkey Eating His Own Splooge
posted by fatbobsmith at 11:42 AM on August 19, 2006

this is the defining post of my generation.
posted by Stynxno at 11:46 AM on August 19, 2006

smallerdemon writes "I for once appreciate this post. It helped me determine two things at once.

"(1)Who was doing this AOL search and (2) can monkeys use the internet?

"Both questions have been answered. Thank you. Now I don't have to bother AskMetafilter."

OH MY GOD

I mean, I'm a kinky fucking bastard, but...
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:48 AM on August 19, 2006

So like us.
posted by wigu at 11:58 AM on August 19, 2006

MetaFilter: Some kind of warning would be nice.
posted by WhipSmart at 11:59 AM on August 19, 2006

After a week away from MeFi I come back and the first link I get is this.....

Thank you from the bottom of my black little heart.
posted by photoslob at 12:22 PM on August 19, 2006

Wow, just...wow. I am now indebted to Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese for scarring my brain. :-)
posted by nlindstrom at 12:23 PM on August 19, 2006

If the only two tags that pop into your mind when you are preparing a FPP are "monkey" and "cum", perhaps it is time to rethink the post.
posted by Justinian at 12:27 PM on August 19, 2006

Don't knock it until you've tried it.
posted by nixerman at 12:29 PM on August 19, 2006

Interesting vid, thanks for the link Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:29 PM on August 19, 2006

I am so posting my XXX home vids on the front page now
posted by PenguinBukkake at 12:29 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

I am so posting my XXX home vids on the front page now
– PenguinBukkake

Oh dear.
posted by Zozo at 12:31 PM on August 19, 2006 [2 favorites]

Don't knock it until you've tried it.

Monkey cum?
posted by sbutler at 12:31 PM on August 19, 2006

NSFAWDWTSPB.
posted by homunculus at 12:32 PM on August 19, 2006

"Don't act disgusted! Half of you are gonna go home and go down on each other tonight" - obligatory carlin quote.
posted by Space Coyote at 1:04 PM on August 19, 2006

9 users marked this as a favorite
posted by fleetmouse at 1:04 PM on August 19, 2006

This FPP may not be the best of the web, but this thread certainly is.
posted by lekvar at 1:05 PM on August 19, 2006

When I first started with the internet, people would say things like "for God's sake don't click this link" or "the most horrible thing you will see this week" or "check it out, a movie of a monkey eating its own ejaculate" and I would think, I'm sure that is some sort of clever joke and it will link to something funny but innoccuous that explains the play on words.

I got over that real quick.

If you can't stop yourself from clicking the link you have nobody to blame but yourself.

I've seen worse.
posted by nanojath at 1:09 PM on August 19, 2006

But the title, man, "Cum eating monkey vid"?! Is it too much to ask for a little creativeness in these things?
posted by nanojath at 1:10 PM on August 19, 2006

No one's even commented on the 9.0 difficulty in maintaining that particular position.

Also, as The Simpsons has taught me, anything involving monkeys is funny, no matter what.
posted by ninjew at 1:13 PM on August 19, 2006

posted by 517 at 1:16 PM on August 19, 2006

In its favor, it's not a single link Youtube post.

Um, that's all I've got.
posted by tommasz at 1:21 PM on August 19, 2006

Find a video of Vader banging a monkey

It's kind of dark so I can't say for sure but how about this?
posted by Turtles all the way down at 1:38 PM on August 19, 2006

wow. great post.
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 1:41 PM on August 19, 2006

Wasn't as nightmarish as I originally believed it might be.
posted by smackwich at 1:46 PM on August 19, 2006

Find a video of Vader banging a monkey, THEN you'll have a post.

Well, then. Ok, so there's no monkeys.
posted by loquacious at 1:46 PM on August 19, 2006

Umm, somebody please remind me why I gave this site $5.00. I could have bought nachos at a baseball game.
posted by notswedish at 1:52 PM on August 19, 2006

You know you taste it. You know you do.
posted by (Not Responding) at 1:54 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

I was about to post a comment, and I glanced at that little note just below the live preview box, you know, the one that says "note: Help maintain a healthy, respectful discussion by focusing comments on the issues, topics, and facts at hand -- not at other members of the site."...of course, you could read that too.

Matt asked us nicely... now, someone explain to me how we can have a "healthy, respectful discussion" about this....

I believe that, by posting this, and forcing us to comment with the above quote in sight, the internets will implode in 5,4,3,2........
posted by HuronBob at 1:55 PM on August 19, 2006

Nachos? Churros.

Hey, HuronBob? Fuck you!
posted by loquacious at 1:57 PM on August 19, 2006

Some people will post anything for $30.
posted by Smart Dalek at 2:02 PM on August 19, 2006

Like it? I made it myself!
posted by ColdChef at 2:08 PM on August 19, 2006

I thought it was funny. This thread made me laugh out loud, which is pretty rare. Great post!
posted by MythMaker at 2:09 PM on August 19, 2006

At least it's not as bad as the "Mr. Hands" video.
(link safe, but video is not...)
posted by Balisong at 2:10 PM on August 19, 2006

For what it's worth, it was probably a mixture of monkey spooge and monkey pussy juice that he was eating.
posted by jefbla at 2:21 PM on August 19, 2006

I confess! I confess, already. It was me. The monkey was mee. If it helps, I was dreaming of Jon Benet's image whilst I was monkumming.
posted by Sir BoBoMonkey Pooflinger Esquire III at 2:34 PM on August 19, 2006

Now in GIF format for your internet pleasure. (1.2MB)


posted by brownpau at 2:37 PM on August 19, 2006

At least it's not as bad as the "Mr. Hands" video.
(link safe, but video is not...)

I dunno, my workplace would probably frown on the picture of the guy in a horse costume masturbating...
posted by chrominance at 2:38 PM on August 19, 2006

I wonder at what point in evolution the man became the person who quick fled after sex.
posted by flarbuse at 2:42 PM on August 19, 2006

Conservation of protein is always a good thing.
posted by Hypnic jerk at 2:46 PM on August 19, 2006

jefbla writes "For what it's worth, it was probably a mixture of monkey spooge and monkey pussy juice that he was eating."

Ah well, that's completely different then.
posted by clevershark at 2:51 PM on August 19, 2006

Also thanks to brownpau for basically killing whatever good the warning at the top of the page could possibly have done. No really.
posted by clevershark at 2:52 PM on August 19, 2006

flarbuse: "I wonder at what point in evolution the man became the person who quick fled after sex."

Yeah, ain't no one else gonna mention how fast the monkey chick took off? Like a bullet from a gun she just wanted to get away from that bozo. She's like, "get off my hind leg you jerk you're hurting me! I can't believe I let you talk me into standing still long enough for you to fuck me!" This must be why monkeys don't kiss. They know only too well what each other's mouths have been doing.

As for the post? Five stars! Joe Bob says check it out!
posted by ZachsMind at 2:59 PM on August 19, 2006

People may have been asking for a gif, but couldn't you at least hyperlink it, brownpau? Geez.

At least I voluntarily clicked the link in the FPP. Posting it where someone who wanted to see the thread to investigate for themselves before clicking the link would by necessity see it is very poor form.
posted by chimaera at 3:15 PM on August 19, 2006

And here I was, thinking, "how much closer can MetaFilter get to Fark?" Question answered.
posted by FormlessOne at 3:23 PM on August 19, 2006

Poor monkey was just trying to adlib. It wasn't a creampie flick, he was going to spooge all over her face and he just got too into it and wasted the moneyshot. And then she took off, the spoiled little diva. So he couldn't even make her clean it up. Being both the star and the director, he had to make a decision. He was probably shooting on film too.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 3:34 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

And, really, who among us has not reached down, pulled up a big stinking wad of sticky spooge, and stuck it in our mouths?
posted by Justinian at 3:48 PM on August 19, 2006

Few, it would seem. Most people prefer to wipe it all over MetaFilter.
posted by Osama bin Laden at 3:53 PM on August 19, 2006

This is repulsive and juvenile and a new low for Metafilter. I vote for deletion.
posted by intermod at 3:54 PM on August 19, 2006

I was here in this historic thread.
posted by greycap at 3:55 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

Am I the only one who thought that was really funny?
posted by ®@ at 3:56 PM on August 19, 2006

Simian semen: it's finger lickin' good.
posted by emelenjr at 3:58 PM on August 19, 2006

Matt sighed as he latched fast the final blue shutter on his creation; it had had a good run.
posted by everichon at 4:02 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

.
posted by Krrrlson at 4:04 PM on August 19, 2006

Meta
posted by Justinian at 4:09 PM on August 19, 2006

That was up there with the monkey drinking his own urine in the Ewww Department. On the other hand, I don't think I'll be eating for at least a week (or until I can forget everything I saw in this thread - Mr Hands included ... ugh*).

*Why do I let my curiousity get the best of me?
posted by squeak at 4:10 PM on August 19, 2006

I liked metafilter for the couple years I spent lurking more than I like it since I paid to get in.

If this isn't more suitable as a post at fark or theforum, then I guess I don't even know what is.

A 1Mb+ embedded gif ain't helping the thread out either.
posted by glycolized at 4:12 PM on August 19, 2006