Largest Agbejemison

March 16, 2007 6:36 AM

Name of the Year looks to determine the most absurd - but real? - name out there, March Madness-style. Be sure to fill out your bracket today! Somehow, I get the feeling none of these are gonna register on the Baby Name Wizard
posted by jtajta (52 comments total)

Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K.
Best.Baby.Name.Ever.
posted by MikeMc at 7:03 AM on March 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K.

Wow!
posted by jamesonandwater at 7:06 AM on March 16, 2007

Best name ever: Va. Commonwealth 79 - Duke 77
posted by caddis at 7:06 AM on March 16, 2007

MikeMc- totally. When I saw the bracket, I couldn't believe it wasn't even on there, let alone the top seed.
posted by mkultra at 7:27 AM on March 16, 2007

Vanilla Dong.

It was one of two that made me laugh out loud. The other, Mario Hilario was close, but the Donger wins it all this year.
posted by Shfishp at 7:31 AM on March 16, 2007

Uh, this is a web site where they ask you to fill out a form by downloading a file, editing it in Word, renaming it, and emailing it? Am I missing something?
posted by Armitage Shanks at 7:38 AM on March 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

It took me forever to realize Urhines=Your highness.
posted by ColdChef at 7:39 AM on March 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

A lot of those names are just funny because the kids' last names are weird, eg Kyle Sackrider, Vanilla Dong. To be fair, anything you put before names like those is going to make another funny name.

Conceptualisation Gibbs? Now that's using a perfectly good surname for evil.
posted by cardamine at 8:01 AM on March 16, 2007

Yet another classic: De'Love O'Christ. The EAMC Stork Bytes site is a valuable resource for all the best in baby names.

Jagger Creed (who has a sibling named Jaxxon).
The Baby LeStat
I'Zavious DaQuincy Lamarion

It just keeps going...
posted by MikeMc at 8:16 AM on March 16, 2007

Well, this former Rhode Islander LOVES Mario Hillario. We used to have a TV reporter here in MA named Grant Rampy, which doesn't look too strange until you try to say it. He ends up saying it with a big pause between names so it doesn't sound like "granrampy," but which also makes him sound like an idiot.
posted by Biblio at 8:30 AM on March 16, 2007

Poor pun name kids.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:40 AM on March 16, 2007

I know a drummer in his 30s who goes by the name Rhoyal Baibe. I do not make this up.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:43 AM on March 16, 2007

as a kid, i played on a citywide chess club/team coached by an inner-city junior high english teacher. sometimes i graded his class's papers, and the one name i'll never forget...

philemon young

the chess world itself is full of funny names, and funny people behind those names!
posted by bruce at 8:46 AM on March 16, 2007

well miss lynnster, i can top that, the drummer for the j. geils band was named "magic dick".
posted by bruce at 8:47 AM on March 16, 2007

There's a woman on the British Equestrian team whose name is Pippa Funnell. Not hilarious, particularly, until you realize that Pippa is short for Phillipa.

I think her last name is pronounced with the emphasis on the second syllable, but it's funnier if it's not.
posted by rtha at 8:51 AM on March 16, 2007

My wife and I already have the names of our first child picked out... As someone born with a good, but insanely common name. I'll cut anyone who names there kid like ours. (at least the boys name...)
posted by drezdn at 8:55 AM on March 16, 2007

I played football with a guy named Richard Ramsbottom. Dick Rams Bottom. That was his name... yeesh what a monkey on his back.
posted by autodidact at 8:56 AM on March 16, 2007

At least "Pippa" has a connection with an actual name.

What's "LeBron" or "Leveranues"* or "Shaneekwa" an offshoot of?

When I see names like this, it reminds me of the Chris Rock routine, where he suggests placing money in books to hide it from burglars.

Folks, when you are naming your kid, please picture it at the top of a resume.



*pronounced "la-VERN-ee-us" for some reason
posted by wfc123 at 9:05 AM on March 16, 2007

A lot of those names are just funny because the kids' last names are weird, eg Kyle Sackrider, Vanilla Dong. To be fair, anything you put before names like those is going to make another funny name.

Sorry, cardamine, but the name Vanilla Dong is WAYYYYY funnier than say, Stan Dong.
posted by Shfishp at 9:06 AM on March 16, 2007

Doesn't little Jagger Creed already look like he's rocking out in that first picture? We also have Xavier Cornelius, which is remarkably close to a name that we considered for our own son.
posted by boo_radley at 9:16 AM on March 16, 2007

Last week I had to ship something to someone whose last name was "Ulicky".

It was funny enough with his ordinary first name, but as Shfishp mentioned, the right first name can provide the master stroke. Mickey Ulicky? Vanilla Ulicky? Kyle Sackrider Ulicky? And on any official list, "Ulicky, ____" actually almost creates a sentence (or a direct order). The mind reels.
posted by hermitosis at 9:16 AM on March 16, 2007

My high school math teacher was named Richard Klutch. You would think that around high school students you might want to avoid the obvious nickname, but no. He went by "Dick Klutch".
posted by true at 9:22 AM on March 16, 2007

12: Jazzmen Guy

I don't get why this is so funny. Surely this is just a woman who is named after the actress Jasmine Guy?

Oh. "He has good size and quickness."
posted by hermitosis at 9:25 AM on March 16, 2007

"Ulicky Longtime" ?

Yea, Vanilla Dong was taking advantage of the surname, but i'm just saying, some of these kids have an advantage. I just think that's unfair on the kids who have to make do with being 'Cornelius Magpie...Smith'
posted by cardamine at 9:26 AM on March 16, 2007

Dee Perry is local NPR personality here in Cleveland. I always get a kick hearing her name.
posted by Hubajube at 9:49 AM on March 16, 2007

This guy will always have my vote, though.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:50 AM on March 16, 2007

Yeah well -- you could have a perfectly normal surname like Killian... and then your parents name you Ian. Your sister's name is now a complete sentence! Swear to God, I know this kid. Swear to God #2, the parents had not noticed that until my daughter pointed it out. The child was maybe three at that time. D'oh!
posted by Methylviolet at 9:51 AM on March 16, 2007

Okay, I'll admit a personal thing now. Lynn is my middle name. My first name is "Wilda" because I was named after a grandmother who died right before I was born. Didn't like being called wildabeest as a kid so I went by Lynn & remained pretty shy because of the teasing. Then on my driver's license in college, the DMV left the "a" off. All through college I was "Wild Lynn." Shyness begone.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:54 AM on March 16, 2007

I was always envious of a coworker who was named Guy Savage. Of course you need to wear a fedora and carry a bullwhip to make the name really work. Didn't really fit the lumpish looking guy in accounting.
Do you think little Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K will have an easier time living up to his moniker?
posted by Eddie Mars at 10:06 AM on March 16, 2007

I have the most boring name ever:
Sarah Jane.
Yep, it's boring, but at least everyone knows how to pronounce it, and I never get anyone asking me what drugs my parents were on, which is what I'm wondering about some of these names.

I also have a Swear to God: one of the little girls at a community center our church helps at is named.... Pebbles.
Unfortunately, her last name was not Flintstone.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 10:09 AM on March 16, 2007

I was always envious of a coworker who was named Guy Savage.

Guy Savage is a pretty awesome name, sounds like a hero from a historical romance novel. I was always partial to the name Dexter Manley myself.
posted by MikeMc at 10:13 AM on March 16, 2007

I've have a hobby where I work; A lot of my co-workers and employees are expecting parents, and with every one of them I've pitched an idea for their kids middle name:

Danger.

After the moment of confusion they start to see the coolness of the idea. Yeah, your kid could actually say "Danger is my middle name." quickly followed by "No, look [shows drivers license] really, Danger. My parents are crazy..."

Everyone likes the idea. But not enough to commit their kid's future to it.

Cowards.
posted by quin at 10:23 AM on March 16, 2007

Until recently there was an Irish lawyer on the roll in England whose maiden name was Wanda O'Such. Then she married Mr Goodhead, hyphenated the surnames and the deed was done: Wanda O'Such-Goodhead.
posted by patricio at 10:25 AM on March 16, 2007

I subbed at the community college for a teacher that took attendance (remedial math). One student was Precious Johnson. Oddly enough, her name wasn't even unique at that campus.
posted by notsnot at 10:54 AM on March 16, 2007

Here's my bad name dump:

My father went to school with a Donald Duckworth. My mother went to school with a Robin Hood (female).

I went to college with a fellow with the last name Lipschultz. This was not his family's original name. His great-grandfather was a criminal on the lam who adopted the pseudonym of Lipschultz on the (reasonable, and apparently successful) premise that nobody would ever suspect someone of changing their name to Lipschultz.

And finally, I was once waited on at Best Buy by a young lady by the name of Toshiba.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:21 AM on March 16, 2007

Here's my swear to God: My grade 8 french teacher's married name was Madame Patricia Hamburger, and yes, you guessed it, she went by Patty. It's in my yearbook, folks, I swear.
posted by Shfishp at 11:28 AM on March 16, 2007

I went to high school with a David Duckworth. He got 1600 on the SAT.

Previous discussion on stupid baby names, including my encounter with Froimlee Wirtzman.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:39 PM on March 16, 2007

Wow — Anita Fiel is seeded just 14th on the ballot. Tough crowd; nasty parents.

Previous moniker-mania. Still the all-time champ, to my mind.
posted by rob511 at 1:50 PM on March 16, 2007

My manager at work processed a book return for a poor elderly lady named Gay Cox. At least she didn't have to go through high school in the 90's.

I have also encountered the surname Zwiener. Wiener is bad, but the Z makes it possessive.
posted by Darth Fedor at 2:20 PM on March 16, 2007

My swear-to-gods:

Bootie Reckin
Persephone Rizzuto
Dr. and Mrs. Creflo and Taffi Dollar
posted by tristeza at 2:27 PM on March 16, 2007

Here's my swear to God:

Candace "Candy" Kane from middle school.

Also a bit of royalty in high school, one Baron and one Sir. I didn't believe the "Sir" until he showed me his d.l. "Sir Mitchell" was his actual first name.
posted by MikeMc at 2:34 PM on March 16, 2007

Dr. and Mrs. Creflo and Taffi Dollar

Televangelists that preach "Prosperity Gospel". The name "Dollar" couldn't be more appropriate.
posted by MikeMc at 2:35 PM on March 16, 2007

I knew a Rhona Luck, who got married and became a Rhona Butt-Luck. No, seriously.
posted by furtive at 2:55 PM on March 16, 2007

My swear to god: ESL student (Vietnamese) called Phuk Duk.

Changed name to Norman.

Yes, Phuk Norman.
posted by Rumple at 5:03 PM on March 16, 2007

Richard "Dick" Swett United States Representative for the 2nd Congressional District of New Hampshire 1991-1995.
posted by furtive at 5:21 PM on March 16, 2007

America Py. No, really.
posted by SPrintF at 5:56 PM on March 16, 2007

Meta.
posted by ColdChef at 6:41 PM on March 16, 2007

I used to work with Mike Hunt. And when I was growing up I knew "Wendy Gail Day" and "Lily ofthe Valley"
posted by arruns at 6:43 PM on March 16, 2007

I know Irishai Bryce 0zen0 (that's pronounced "zero-zen-zero") Kirkpatrick. He can thank hippy parents for that mouthful.

I also know Buddy Guy. His name just screams, Dude! Let's party!
posted by lekvar at 7:08 PM on March 16, 2007

I knew Portia Klio Andromeda Herbert-Funk, and Leaf Rose Green, and Misty Webber, and Storm Day.
posted by goo at 7:19 PM on March 16, 2007

I went to school with an Autumn Leaves.

Because my mom went into labor on Halloween morning, my father spent all day trying to convince the medical people to put Spooky on my birth certificate, but my mother was having none of it. (For the record, I think Spooky might have been fun...)
posted by dejah420 at 1:01 AM on March 17, 2007

I know a guy named Patrick Cox. He goes by Pat. Willingly.
posted by exacta_perfecta at 5:47 PM on March 17, 2007