Late Night with The Roots
December 9, 2008 12:30 PM Subscribe

So when Jimmy Fallon takes over for Conan O'Brien, guess who will be his house band?
posted by xmattxfx (179 comments total) 30 users marked this as a favorite

My friend loves the Roots, but can't stand Jimmy Fallon. I bet her head explodes when she hears this.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:32 PM on December 9, 2008 [3 favorites]

probably how a lot of us feel.
posted by jwakawaka at 12:37 PM on December 9, 2008

Wasn't expecting that.
posted by Sir Mildred Pierce at 12:37 PM on December 9, 2008

What, is it too hard just to link to the Jimmy Fallon show page?
posted by dhammond at 12:37 PM on December 9, 2008

I'd like to say this is going to make me like Jimmy Fallon more, but it will probably just make me like the Roots less.
posted by saul wright at 12:38 PM on December 9, 2008 [9 favorites]

The source of the video is this. No idea what that random embedded widget clearspring.com site is.

Great find digging up the official Late Night with Conan O'Brien site, though!
posted by designbot at 12:40 PM on December 9, 2008

What a strange marriage of the awesome to the lame.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 12:41 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Wait, they're *still* planning on putting Fallon in? Really? After they've had all this time to think about it? Huh.
posted by tristeza at 12:43 PM on December 9, 2008 [5 favorites]

Yeah, ?eustlove hinted at this awhile ago in the forum at Okayplayer.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:43 PM on December 9, 2008

Oh. Man. Huh. Ok. Hm.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 12:45 PM on December 9, 2008

OH DEAR GOD NO

THE ROOTS ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITE BANDS

[RUNS AWAY CRYING IN FIT OF HYSTERIA]
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 12:47 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Leno moves 90 minutes earlier to prime time... Conan moves an hour earlier to Leno's spot. So, as their respective fans grow older, they can't stay up as late? Answer: yes.
posted by starman at 12:50 PM on December 9, 2008 [4 favorites]

I was hoping for Limp Bizkit.
posted by Paid In Full at 12:51 PM on December 9, 2008

My sentiments via Natalie Dee

{{generic_metafilter_snarky_comment}}
posted by sir_rubixalot at 12:52 PM on December 9, 2008 [8 favorites]

I'm hoping that on the night of the premier episode, Jimmy Fallon will walk out on stage, pull his Jimmy Fallon mask off, and reveal himself to be Dave Chappelle.
posted by burnmp3s at 12:54 PM on December 9, 2008 [43 favorites]

I feel...old...really, really old. :(
posted by milarepa at 12:57 PM on December 9, 2008

I'd really rather just imagine this whole thing never happened so if we could keep any and all Jimmy Fallon posts off of here, that would be great thanks.
posted by dead cousin ted at 12:58 PM on December 9, 2008

Flagged as craptastic!
posted by jckll at 12:59 PM on December 9, 2008

The what?
posted by gallois at 12:59 PM on December 9, 2008

This is just part of life's ongoing attempt to teach me that there is no justice in this world, the talented go unnoticed or play second-fiddle to the talentless, and the undeserving are constantly rewarded.

THANKS UNIVERSE I GOT YOUR MESSAGE QUITE A WHILE AGO OKAY?
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:03 PM on December 9, 2008 [7 favorites]

I guess The Roots' kids need braces too.
posted by GuyZero at 1:08 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Please make your first guests Michelle Obama and (newly thinner) Horatio Sanz. Juxtaposition of something awesome, and something lame.

I see this concept going somewhere.
posted by jabberjaw at 1:08 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Man, this is guaranteed to make nobody happy. Roots fans don't want them selling out like this, and late night fans don't want Jimmy Fallon as the host and Jimmy Fallon fans...

hang on, let me call his mom and ask what she thinks.

she says they're very nice boys.
posted by shmegegge at 1:11 PM on December 9, 2008 [7 favorites]

*The Curtain rises on Jimmy Fallon, looking somewhat dapper in his new bajillion dollar suit. He makes some mincing oddball gesture that looks thoroughly uncomfortable as The Roots finish playing some badass theme song for him. Huge Fanfare and Flourish as the the song ends and Jimmy Bows.*

Jimmy: Hey Everybody, and welcome to the first episode of the new Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! It's really great to be hear, I can't even describe it. Actually, I was talking with ?uestlove earlier, ?uest, why don't you stand up so everyone can see you? ?uestlove, ladies and gentlemen, the new band leader for Late Night!

?uestlove: (still sitting) ...

Jimmy: ... oh - okay. well, a big round of applause for THE ROOTS everybody!

Audience erupts.

Jimmy: How incredible is it that The Roots are the House Band? Honestly, it's a real honor to be here, especially with these guys playing me on every night. In fact, I was telling ?uest earlier today how honored I am, wasn't I, ?uest?

?uestlove: ...

Jimmy: Ha ha. Okay, then. But yeah, I was telling him... (pregnant pause as Jimmy starts giggling before the joke.) ... I was telling him... ha... whew, I was telling him, it'll almost be like I'm the newest member of The Roots instead of... ha... instead of them joining ME on stage. And ?uest said... ha... tell them what you said, ?uest.

?uestlove: Fuck you, Jimmy Fallon.

Jimmy: ... ha. um... yeah! ha! anyway, welcome to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! We've got a great show lined up for you, with more great music from The Roots... I hope... and a lot of great special guests including that chick with the nice ass from Gossip Girl and some dude making a new movie! We'll be right back!
posted by shmegegge at 1:20 PM on December 9, 2008 [25 favorites]

wow, i can't count high enough to keep track of all those typos. jesus.
posted by shmegegge at 1:21 PM on December 9, 2008

Ugh. Just ugh.
posted by flipyourwig at 1:22 PM on December 9, 2008

I think the fact that this pisses off so-called Roots fans makes the move pure genius.
posted by Stynxno at 1:24 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

This is just part of life's ongoing attempt to teach me that there is no justice in this world, the talented go unnoticed or play second-fiddle to the talentless, and the undeserving are constantly rewarded.

Totally. Jimmy Pardo fucking owns this joker, and all he's got is a podcast and a free show at the UCB. Injustice.
posted by tristeza at 1:24 PM on December 9, 2008

Ok.

Well I will say this, simply because it needs to be said:

Jimmy Fallon is not funny.

Conan O'Brien, however, is a very funny human being.

You know where I would place my moneys, if I was a betting man.
posted by gcbv at 1:26 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

What a strange idea for a host. Conan was mocked because he was not "telegenic" and an unknown quantity as no one in the audience had heard him/seen him speak before. Fallon is a known quantity.

He must have been really charming in those interviews.. after Taxi you'd think they would have reconsidered.

More hate. He couldn't even hold my interest in the 1:36 minute clip, I had to skip to the end to see what I came for. I'll say that again, he couldn't hold my interest for one minute and fifteen seconds.

GL NBC gg.
posted by cavalier at 1:27 PM on December 9, 2008

Boy that camera sure moves around a lot, zooming in and out and shaking all around. This show must be hip, cool, for the young people.
posted by Nelson at 1:29 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Should Conan be pissed about this Jay Leno move?
posted by mullacc at 1:29 PM on December 9, 2008

if you like conan (and will arnett), then you'll love this. it's weird to see famous people hanging out.
posted by V4V at 1:29 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

...

What.
posted by booticon at 1:29 PM on December 9, 2008

I like the Roots, but I am weary of the mental speed bump that is parsing (question mark)love's name.

Sincerely,

~ Swinton
posted by everichon at 1:30 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

So what happens to Conan? Are they cancelling him?
posted by Pastabagel at 1:31 PM on December 9, 2008

No, I know how this is going to play out. I'll watch the first episode and all of Fallon's ticks will drive me nuts. Halfway through his first interview I'll get a deluge of calls and will be talking about how you knew it would be bad but not this bad, right? Then you forget about it for awhile, maybe one of those tabloid shows will repeat a segment from the Fallon show that is as lame as you can imagine, but I'll manage to de-Fallon my television except a smug passing over on the DVR remote. Then 14 months later he'll do an interview or a bit and it'll be a big youtube hit. Everyone talks about how funny it was but I can't get past the fundamental fact that Jimmy Fallon as a funny person, and refuse to find it funny. And so it will linger until casual acceptance that Jimmy Fallon is actually funny, I'll start watching it ("just for the musical guests though"), then I'll leave it on through the monologue and then it is yeah, he's okay, get over it, and I'll cringe and give the stink eye to that one guy who clings to the "Jimmy Fallon ugh he's not funny, but no I've never actually seen the show."
posted by geoff. at 1:32 PM on December 9, 2008 [6 favorites]

Wow, nice band. I thought Jimmy Fallon was pretty funny, until some unspecified time in which he became annoying. I actually think he'll do ok with this show. Conan is still a pretty damn awkward talk show host himself, after 10 or so years, so I'll cut Fallon some slack.
posted by zardoz at 1:35 PM on December 9, 2008

I wonder how Scott Storch feels about this?
posted by thankyoumuchly at 1:40 PM on December 9, 2008

So what happens to Conan? Are they cancelling him?

Pasta, he takes over the Tonight Show.
posted by cavalier at 1:42 PM on December 9, 2008

According to Wikipedia, Leno moves to 10pm and Conan moves to 11:30, with the local news in between at 11:00. Fallon then comes on at 12:30, and runs to 1:30. So apparently NBC hopes people will sit through 3.5 hours of guys sitting behind desks, after spending 8 hours sitting behind desks themselves.

Someone should write a paper about the importance of the desk in American culture.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:43 PM on December 9, 2008 [65 favorites]

It must be said that Conan has been on autopilot for a very, very, very long time--since Andy Richter left the show (+ interview suckage), and especially since the Tonight Show announcement (+ monologue suckage). Only the comedy bits have remained consistent, though I'm not so sure recycling the same gags night after night for fifteen years is necessarily a good thing.

So, as much as I totally understand and share the Fallon-hate, Late Night is at the point that any change would be an improvement. And, hey, it couldn't be worse than Carson Daly, right?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:46 PM on December 9, 2008

Wasn't this news like 3 weeks ago?
posted by cashman at 1:47 PM on December 9, 2008

The Importance of Desks in American Culture

Desks are important to American culture. There are many examples of desks in American culture throughout the ages. Without desks, American culture would not be the same. This is why there are so many desks in American culture today.
posted by swift at 1:49 PM on December 9, 2008 [121 favorites]

Desks were very important in the formation of America. When the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, Columbus was recorded as saying "Holy crap! That's a lot of land! We need to form a management team, everyone to their desks!" The first desks were made with readily available stones and corn husks.
posted by cavalier at 1:51 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Swift,

Needs improvement. Also, your term paper smelled like poo.

Pastabagel.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:52 PM on December 9, 2008 [5 favorites]

Much as I like Fallon I am on an Andy Samberg kick right now in a major way. I WANT SAMBERG. GIVE ME SAMBERG, NBC!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:53 PM on December 9, 2008

So what happens to Conan? Are they cancelling him?

Conan is taking over the Tonight Show, while it was just announced that Jay Leno will be moving to a new talk show in his current studio airing at 10 PM.

Basically, Conan thought he was going to be the new Leno, but it was all a big psyche-out. Leno is the new Leno, Conan is the new Conan (with a rapidly-depreciating mansion in LA), MST is the new PST, and Fallon, who thought was going to be the new Conan, is apparently the new Carson Daly.

As the French say, "Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose," which loosely translates to "On preview, I shouldn't have spent so much time on the hyperlinks."
posted by designbot at 1:53 PM on December 9, 2008 [13 favorites]

This is just part of life's ongoing attempt to teach me that there is no justice in this world, the talented go unnoticed or play second-fiddle to the talentless, and the undeserving are constantly rewarded.

Is this your first time watching television?
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 1:54 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

A critique of Swift's The Importance of Desks in American Culture

Swift claims that American culture would not be the same with desks. The document is also important to American culture. There are many examples of documents in American culture throughout the ages. Without documents, American culture would not be the same. Can a document be created without a desk? This author thinks so.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 2:00 PM on December 9, 2008 [3 favorites]

The Importance of Desks in American Culture, by Mike Huckabee
posted by designbot at 2:00 PM on December 9, 2008 [11 favorites]

Leno is the new Leno, Conan is the new Conan

Yeah, Conan should be pissed off right now, NBC screwed him big time. If The Next Big Vapid Movie Twatter has to the talk show junket tour, are they going to go on Conan at 11:30pm with 3 million less viewers than a 10pm Leno show? None of those new hot People Magazine guests for Conan, Leno gets first dibs.

All of this because the VPs at NBC are too talentless or innovative enough to come up with 5 hours of primetime scripted shows are a bleeding money without ER on the air.

As for Fallon, would you have preferred Craig Kilborn? Didn't think so...
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:03 PM on December 9, 2008

But what's happening to Poker After Dark?

(crickets)
posted by ALongDecember at 2:05 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Heard about this a while ago. Still settling into the WTF of it all.
posted by ghastlyfop at 2:23 PM on December 9, 2008

Yeah, 5 years ago NBC was keen to avoid a succession crisis such as became fodder for a book and TV movie last time around. So they gave Conan a five years in the future promise that he could take over the top show in late night. This is definitely a knee-capping of the first order.

I wonder if it will result in a book and TV movie.

On the other hand, now that he's in prime time, maybe Jay will get even blander.
posted by dhartung at 2:25 PM on December 9, 2008

Metafilter: Fuck you, Jimmy Fallon.
posted by boo_radley at 2:25 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Toward Redefining the American Desk: A Critical Response to strangeleftydoublethink's Critique of Swift's The Importance of Desks in American Culture

In his critique of Swift's The Importance of Desks in American Culture, strangeleftydoublethink holds that document can be "created without a desk." This is true if and only if one's understanding of deskness is cotstrained to the limited scope one would find in a child's dictionary. I posit that a desk is best defined as precisely that location on or around which one creates a document. Thus, I believe , contra strangeleftydoublethink, that a document cannot in fact be created without a desk, which demonstrates the both the strength and the continuing relevance of Swift's original thesis.
posted by dersins at 2:28 PM on December 9, 2008 [12 favorites]

The band seems happy enough. It seems that they said why yes, we will be the house band for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. We will crack wise with Jimmy and laugh at his jokes. We will intro and outro the commercials. We will play backup for Cindy Lauper. We want to see our pictures on busses.

They will have solo projects. They will cultivate relationships with Maitres D'. This may have been their goal all along.
posted by longsleeves at 2:31 PM on December 9, 2008

Man... all the way through this thread I was mixing up Jimmy Fallon with Jimmy Kimmel. Not that it really changes the reaction.
posted by PercussivePaul at 2:35 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Frankly I'm more surprised that the Roots are still getting this much MeFi love. Six years ago this would have surprised me, but now it seems to be right on target.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 2:53 PM on December 9, 2008

A Marxist Critique of Swift's The Importance of Desks in American Culture

Swift claims that desks are important to American culture. However, this statement ignores the many people throughout who are without desks. Urban workers historically have not had access to desks, even the workers who assemble desks. This results in alienation for the desk-making workers because they assemble desks all day, yet they are not able to use the very product which they produce and this cycle is unlikely to break without direction action on the part of desk-makers.

Swift later asserts that "Without desks, American culture would not be the same," and he is correct. But American culture will only be fair and equitable when affordable, quality desks are available to everyone through workers' control of the means of production.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:56 PM on December 9, 2008 [27 favorites]

What I found interesting about the little video, which I'm pretty sure is aimed at people roughly my age, is that Fallon excitedly exclaims, "This is where Jack Paar filmed!"

I wonder how many people from the target age demographic even knew who that was. I know, but only because my dad is pretty damn old and I nerdily listen to every story he has about Jack Paar or Ernie Kovacs.
posted by piratebowling at 3:01 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

With every new iteration, Johnny Carson becomes more and more god-like. WE TOOK HIM FOR GRANTED, NOW LOOK AT US!!!! Jimmy Fallon, people, Jimmy Fallon.
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 3:07 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

When the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, Columbus was recorded as saying "Holy crap! That's a lot of land!

You were an interviewee on Leno's Jaywalked, weren't you?

You're off by just 128 years!
posted by ericb at 3:13 PM on December 9, 2008

Actually, Jaywalking.
posted by ericb at 3:15 PM on December 9, 2008

The only way I'd watch is if the house band was The Boredoms.
posted by klangklangston at 3:16 PM on December 9, 2008 [5 favorites]

I was ready to write jimmy fallon off just like all the others who tried their hand at it and failed (look, chase was a thousand times better on snl and couldn't do this right) but the roots? wha? should network television actually have had a decent idea?
posted by krautland at 3:17 PM on December 9, 2008

Wait, wait, I know this one. It's the Who Gives a Fuck Trio, right?
posted by Caduceus at 3:18 PM on December 9, 2008

History is on the march

Contrary to Mayor Curley's socialist ramblings, more American workers have desks today than at any point in history. As technology and productivity continue to improve, desk ownership will continue to rise, and not through onerous government intervention, but guided by the natural principles of the free market. Furthermore, according to trickle-down theory, even desk purchases by the wealthy will ultimately benefit workers, as one day these desks will end up on the street, free for the taking.

It is sad but true that many are born deskless, but with hard work, any American can aspire towards desk ownership. This is true now, and it will be true a hundred years from now. God bless America.
posted by equalpants at 3:18 PM on December 9, 2008 [9 favorites]

It will be interesting to see how guests work. Right now on each of the two networks (NBC and CBS) with two late night shows, there's an LA show (Leno, Ferguson) and a NY show (Conan, Letterman). If the two big shows on NBC are from LA, will they fight for guests? Will guests trail a few days later on Conan?

I think Leno is planning to host a variety show at 10:00, so that would have acts rather than guests. There are certainly enough musicians to go around, and Conan won't be competing for the plate spinners or Topo Gigio or what have you.

I haven't seen anything but snippets of any of these guys for years, but the general problem with taking folks like Conan or Letterman and moving 'em to 11:30 is that they lose most of their weirdness and all of their weird guests in the process to become more palatable to a wider, duller demographic. Gawd, I was glad when I moved from Central to Eastern time because I couldn't bear to watch Letterman schmoozing with an endless succession of interchangeable mainstream celebs instead of Brother Theodore.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:20 PM on December 9, 2008

I think if they wanted a house band on the same entertainment level as Jimmy Fallon, they should have just hired me to sit on a stool with a fedora and play my ukulele, singing songs about digging holes and singing with tomatoes.

not that I'd turn down the call if it came

Having said that: remember when Steven Colbert got his own show, and for the first two weeks or so it sucked -- like, serious cringe-worthy suckage? Then he found his stride, and is buckets of awesome.

So for the sake of keeping people who don't have cable/satellite entertained late at night: here's hoping that Jimmy Fallon finds his stride. And fast.
posted by davejay at 3:20 PM on December 9, 2008

@dhammond,

He linked to the "permalink" on the page. Is that not appropriate?
posted by stace at 3:20 PM on December 9, 2008

Someone should write a paper about the importance of the desk in American culture.

Call Huckabee.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:22 PM on December 9, 2008

The link has since changed, stace. A mod must have intervened.

Dont use @, kthxbye.
posted by ALongDecember at 3:24 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

NBC is coming off of a horrible year. As such, Chief Executive Jeff Zucker said that NBC is considering cutting the number of hours or perhaps even the number of nights it provides programming.

“...the company last week laid off 500 employees — about 3 percent of its work force of 15,000 — as part of a plan to trim $500 million next year.”

This move with Leno seeks to provide some stability to the network -- albeit by way of a novel tactic (consider previously) -- replacing the 10:00 p.m. primetime slot (favored for drama programs) with a 5-night talk show format.

“Five years ago NBC announced that it would hand the job of host of that franchise show to Conan O’Brien in May 2009. Since then the network has maneuvered to try to keep Mr. Leno, who continues to be the late-night ratings leader, fearing that he could leave and start a new late-night show on a competitor’s network. ‘The Tonight Show’ is seen at 11:35 weeknights.

Mr. Leno, 58, was known to have suitors, including ABC, the Fox network and the Sony television studio. But he was apparently persuaded to stay at NBC after aggressive personal wooing by Jeff Zucker, the chief executive of NBC Universal, a unit of General Electric.

Retaining Mr. Leno will undoubtedly be seen as a coup for Mr. Zucker, who has faced some serious questions about the wisdom of guaranteeing ‘The Tonight Show’ to Mr. O’Brien and possibly losing Mr. Leno to another network.

…The new show, which will begin next fall, is expected to be set in Mr. Leno’s longtime studio in Burbank, Calif. Mr. Leno is expected to retain many of the most popular elements of his ‘Tonight Show,’ including his monologue and bits like ‘Headlines’ and ‘Jay Walking.’ One ‘Tonight Show’ staff member said the new program would not be a variety show.

Mr. O’Brien, currently the host of NBC’s ‘Late Night,’ will move ‘The Tonight Show’ to a new studio on the NBC Universal lot in Universal City, Calif., in May. Mr. Leno, who is known to want to work as much as possible, would then miss only three months on the air, and would use that time to prepare his new show.

An executive involved in the discussions with Mr. Leno said that Mr. Leno finally came around to the idea that the television business had changed and a show like his could be a success in prime time.

Running the same show in prime time five nights a week would be a novelty for a broadcast network. Such so-called stripped shows have been a staple of daytime broadcasting.

The offer of a weeknight prime-time show is one that Mr. Zucker has favored for some time. In 2002, when David Letterman, Mr. Leno’s competitor at CBS, was contemplating whether to renew his contract, Mr. Zucker offered him a show at 8 o’clock weeknights. He turned it down.

Executives involved in the decision said Monday that because ratings have decreased and costs are becoming more critical, NBC could reap an enormous financial benefit from this move.

Though Mr. Leno will command an enormous salary, probably more than $30 million a year, the cost of his show will be a fraction of what a network pays for dramas at 10 p.m. Those average about $3 million an episode. That adds up to $15 million a week to fill the 10 p.m. hour. Mr. Leno’s show is expected to cost less than $2 million a week.

In addition, NBC will get more weeks of original programming. Network dramas typically make 22 to 24 episodes a year. Under this deal, the executives involved in the discussions said, Mr. Leno will perform 46 weeks a year.

That cost differential will probably be enough for NBC to absorb any fall in ratings from its current slate of dramas. Mr. Leno has averaged 4.8 million viewers for his show this year, with a rating of 1.3, or 1.7 million people, in the category of viewers ages 18 to 49, which most advertisers favor.

Few shows now at 10 p.m. could be considered hits. They include ‘CSI: Miami,’ and ‘CSI: New York’ on CBS and ‘Law & Order SVU’ and ‘E.R.’ on NBC. ‘E.R.’ is about the leave the air. ‘SVU’ will probably move to 9 p.m. next fall.

There have been no new hits at 10 p.m. on any network in almost four years; ratings for shows in that time slot continue to fall.

That does not mean that either the network or Mr. Leno has no risk in the move. Mr. Leno’s shows tend to fare best in their first half hour; if they were to decline too much in the second half hour, NBC’s affiliated stations would see their news shows adversely affected. And there may be some question about whether Mr. Leno’s show at 10 might diminish the stature of Mr. O’Brien’s ‘Tonight Show’ at 11:35.

But Peter Lassally, the longtime late-night producer of shows starring Johnny Carson, Mr. Letterman and now Craig Ferguson, said that NBC came to Mr. Carson in the late 1980s with a similar idea, but that Mr. Carson turned it down.

‘It’s all different now,’ Mr. Lassally said. ‘The economic factors have changed so much it makes complete sense for NBC to try this.’” ^*

posted by ericb at 3:34 PM on December 9, 2008

Does this make Jimmy Fallon OK, or make the Roots suck?
posted by Capt Jingo at 3:35 PM on December 9, 2008

I don't look down on the Roots decision any more than I look down on Madonna, Korn and Jay-Z's decisions to sign ridiculously profitable contracts with Livenation - contracts that allow what used to be clear channel to dip into the musician's t-shirt and touring profits. And I'll tell you why.

I read an interview with ?uestlove (I think it was on the Onion AV Club, but if it was I can't find it right now) where he said that every Roots album has cost over a million dollars to record because they use a lot of time in expensive studios and are very particular about the gear they use. Some of their records, he said, cost nearly three million dollars to produce.

So let's say you are an A&R man at a record company: you've signed this band and given them a chance to mature. They've grown and toured and you have every reason to believe that they are as big right now as they will ever be. But they are not very profitable, because their records are very expensive to make and they aren't responsive to trends that make records get cheaper and cheaper, since they refuse to use anything but vintage recording equipment. Now the marketplace is shrinking rapidly and this band is also not spreading out very much into the areas open to them: when was the last time you heard the Roots in a movie, or in an ad, or in a video game? So if you have to cut somebody to make yourself profitable, wouldn't you put them on the chopping block? They are nice guys, popular and all, but it's a business at the end of the day...

In a way, I think this is just the Roots grasping at job security.

But, to go on a tangent, I also think its a sign of the lack of leadership we have in the music industry overall.

I read a book called the Mansion on the Hill which detailed the rise of the Boomers in the music industry, and one of the biggest arguments in the book is that the generation of music executives who came up in the Sinatra days didn't understand or respond to the changing zeitgeist of the 1960s and ended up nearly ruining everything. For example, they thought that you couldn't make a counterculture record that would be profitable: the people who bought records didn't want to hear noise like the Jefferson Airplane and the people who liked Jefferson Airplane didn't buy records and even if they did, they wouldn't buy a record of the Jefferson Airplane because it would be tainted and commercial if it was put out by a major label. So they kept not signing underground bands and they kept losing money. They also swore that no one would ever want to listen to FM radio and they swore that AM radio was forever.

Well, lo and behold, a few boomers got into the system and started releasing music by bands they liked, and those records sold to other Boomers, and the old guard was either forced to adapt or to quit. Voila! A new golden age of profitability for vinyl merchants.

And we're in the same era right now: the people who run record companies now for the most part do not understand the digital age, or if they do, they are coping with it at best. They didn't grow up in an era of the I-pod and digital downloading. And as a result, you see them trying over and over again to do things that would have worked ten years ago, but which are working less and less now because the zeitgeist has changed. And no amount of lawsuits against file sharers will change that.

Now, I'm not saying that I know how to use digital technology to make money, but if you look at, for example, I-tunes, I've read artists, labels AND Apple all saying that they don't make any money on digital sales. But how can that be? The money has to go somewhere and I'd think that since there isn't any physical cost to it that after a certain number of sales it would be money for nothing. Clearly, somethings broken and I haven't heard a lot of ideas on how to fix it. And quite frankly, I am sure that sooner or later there will be some technological or ideological innovation that will make digital distribution of music highly profitable, but it isn't going to come as long as we have Boomers running the show.

To bring it back around to my main point: when Jay-Z and Korn and Madonna signed those contracts, it seemed as if both they and the music biz threw up their hands and said "look, we don't know how to sell records anymore. But there are certain aspects of what we do that haven't been affected by changes in the zeitgeist or in technological upheaval nearly so much. So let's forget about cds, and let's try to grab our cash on t-shirts and touring. People still pay for t-shirts." It's smart thinking, insofar as its probably profitable even if it isn't prescient at all. And its what the Roots are doing, too. Can't sell records? Don't want to tour forever? Sign a deal to be on TV. TV still makes money.

But what happens when TV stops making money? Those days are coming soon. There won't be enough ads to fill 900 channels. But hopefully by then the Roots - who seem like smart enough guys - will have found another way to make a living.
posted by Kiablokirk at 3:40 PM on December 9, 2008 [4 favorites]

Ericb: You're off by just 128 years!

Ha! You've nailed what I was going for with the whole late night thing -- dumb Americans schtick..etc.. except now I sound dumb for making it too dry. Teehee.
posted by cavalier at 3:41 PM on December 9, 2008

Not that I care at all, but I always thought his smugness was his trademark not his funny-ness. Viewers might not follow, expecting funny a la Conan.
posted by peppito at 3:46 PM on December 9, 2008

I'm going to use this thread to make a list on my profile: everyone expressing an opinion will go under Mefites Who Still Watch Network Television, and everyone else will go under Mefites Who Gave Up On Network Television Long Ago. It's for personal use.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:48 PM on December 9, 2008

The Desk: An Epistemelogical Journey through the Construction of Culture

How do we construct our understanding of culture within the American context through an uncritical acceptance of the group consensus around common concepts? In this paper the concept of 'desk' will be used to illustrate the tendencies within the hegemonic narrative of late-capitalist culture toward stifling alternative meta-narratives.

The controversy surrounding the swiftian idealization of desk-qua-desk as the scene of the production of metanarrative constructs reveals the underlying fascistic qualities in the current understanding of creative force. The death of the author is rejected and the agency of the reader/enactor is sublimated through a post-post-structuralist assertion of the importance of human organizations over individuality. This damning indictment of the American Zeitgeist is further supported by a close reading of Stonestock Relentless's comment celebrating Johnny Carson, the puppetmaster whose knowledge/control of the Tonight Show ultimately parodied the authorial construct itself and oh hell let me just stick some french words in and you people will love it.
posted by winna at 3:51 PM on December 9, 2008 [20 favorites]

Man... all the way through this thread I was mixing up Jimmy Fallon with Jimmy Kimmel. Not that it really changes the reaction.

Jimmy Kimmel would make more sense, but, yeah. Then again, when Jimmy Kimmel Live was just starting up, the opposite would have been true.

Kimmel, though, like him or lump him, has a kind of laid-back sincerity that Fallon is simply incapable of. Which is to say that Fallon always seems to be trying too hard, like he's pretending to enjoy himself. Kimmel just shows up in a suit and behaves normally, for better or worse.

And then there's the obvious question: Considering Jimmy Fallon was essentially an on-screen laugh-track on SNL, the guy who would laugh during awful sketches causing the audience to laugh at him laughing, what's he going to do when he's the only one on the stage? (Suck terribly, I'll wager.)

The fact that we're even having this discussion at all is a bit depressing, frankly. It's a talk show. No matter how funny it may be, it's still going to consist mostly of inane blather and movie plugs and celebrity worship. The entire medium is just a holdover from the days of in-show advertising and probably should have been euthanized decades ago.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:57 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Everyone expressing an opinion will go under Mefites Who Still Watch Network Television

Since when do Mefites have any firsthand familiarity with 99.37% of the subjects on which they opine?
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:00 PM on December 9, 2008

Since when do Mefites have any firsthand familiarity with 99.37% of the subjects on which they opine?

Good point. OK, the list on my profile will now be Mefites Who Care About Network Television and Mefites Who Don't Care About Network Television.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:07 PM on December 9, 2008

And we're in the same era right now: the people who run record companies now for the most part do not understand the digital age, or if they do, they are coping with it at best. They didn't grow up in an era of the I-pod and digital downloading. And as a result, you see them trying over and over again to do things that would have worked ten years ago, but which are working less and less now because the zeitgeist has changed. And no amount of lawsuits against file sharers will change that.

Actually, the music industry is a shell of it's former self. Most of those people who started the lawsuits and lobbying in the late 90s and early 2000s are gone.
posted by delmoi at 4:09 PM on December 9, 2008

Immortality and the surface of being: an existential look into The Desk

Some say that our works are the only thing that survive after we pass. If this is true, then where are our works created? Is it the coffee shop or the diner? No, those are where the ideas spring forth, the real work gets done upon the desk. The Desk is where the ideas and thoughts are made tangible, and immortal. The American Desk is where humanity makes it's stand against the infinite, holding back the forces of time by crafting ideas and objects upon the humble desk. It is with the desk that one can extend themselves beyond the mortal coil, and thus it goes beyond a simple surface and becomes a gateway into the future. Blah blah blah.
posted by hellojed at 4:11 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

An Annotated Bibliography of Twenty-First Century Deskologyby R. Steady
University of Metafilter
Swift, The Importance of Desks in American Culture
The standard introduction to the field. Provides a basic grounding in modern deskology and desk-related studies. Unfortunately ignores the rising field of documentonics and the questions that discipline generates for traditional deskologists.

S. Doublethink, A Critique of Swift's The Importance of Desks in American Culture
The critical examination of desks and documents that modern deskologists were waiting for. Introduced documentist ideas to the larger community, while maintaining high standards of textual analysis and historiography. This strongly personal account is rumored to have cost Professor Doublethink his chair in Deskology at the University of Chicago.

Dersins, Toward Redefining the American Desk: A Critical Response to strangeleftydoublethink's Critique of Swift's The Importance of Desks in American Culture
A typically conservative rebuttal from one of the great early thinkers in deskology.

M. Curley, A Marxist Critique of Swift's The Importance of Desks in American Culture
Will be remembered by many as the first inquiry to bring an historical and political perspective to the field. While it is now considered required reading by any first-year deskology student, even reading this thin tome was considered damaging to one's chances for tenure at any of the leading deskology schools in the US.

Winna, The Desk: An Epistemelogical Journey through the Construction of Culture
This postmodern look at the concepts and a priori assumptions of deskology is changing the way deskology and documentonics are taught as we speak. The way Winna uses the emerging field of latenightology to inform this revolutionary view of the desk itself is earth-shattering.

H. Jed, Immortality and the Surface of Being: an Existential Look into The Desk
A philosphical, but ultimately bland look at desk thought. The author's final conclusion lacks evidence, but asks provocative questions for future research.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:19 PM on December 9, 2008 [43 favorites]

This is kind of how I felt when I heard Tommy Stinson was playing in Guns and Roses.
posted by bardic at 4:20 PM on December 9, 2008

Billy and the Boingers.
posted by Balisong at 4:29 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Obviously the field requires an examination of the way gender shapes our understanding of desks. We await a new talent to interrogate deskology with respect to gender studies!
posted by winna at 4:29 PM on December 9, 2008

But what's happening to Poker After Dark?

Who cares about Poker After Dark now we know they're shooting another season of High Stakes Poker?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:29 PM on December 9, 2008

Never trust anyone behind a desk. (Said with obligatory raised fist.)

And, the Roots rock and Fallon sucks.

I'd rather watch Craig Ferguson than any of them.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 4:34 PM on December 9, 2008

If I can't see where Jimmy Fallon's hands are, I always assume, by his expression, that he is jacking himself off.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:37 PM on December 9, 2008

Who will right the breezy pop overview of desk history and importance..? Desk: A Look into the Drawers of the Furniture that Changed the Future
posted by drezdn at 4:38 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

And, hey, it couldn't be worse than Carson Daly, right?

Mike. Fucking. Bullard.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:43 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Mike. Fucking. Bullard.

Dude, that shit ain't funny. Don't talk about it.

Tough, maybe... Tom Green?
posted by GuyZero at 4:45 PM on December 9, 2008

Mike. Fucking. Bullard.

Gah! I had finally just erased that guy from my memory...
posted by Sys Rq at 4:51 PM on December 9, 2008

I think I must be one of about four people on Earth who really likes Spike Feresten.
posted by waraw at 4:56 PM on December 9, 2008

The Situational Construction of Desks: A Socio-Cognitive Framework
What is a desk? Is a desk a thing, or a process? In this paper I argue that a desk is a product of 
situated cognition. Taking as a starting point dersin's definition of a desk - "precisely that location 
on or around which one creates a document" - I extend it to include the actors who are engaging in 
the activity of creating a document. Therefore this work also owes a debt to Actor-Network Theory 
(ANT). A desk, then, requires a common location, actors, and a locus for the activity of the actors, 
namely the document. When the actors, more specifically the individuals involved in the production 
of a document, come together in one location during a common span of time, with the goal of 
producing a document, a desk comes into being. A desk, then, is a situational construct. 
Once this group with common goals is dissolved, usually through accomplishing the goal, this 
situational cognitive construct of desk is no more. This theoretical construct of desks allows us to 
see why so many different types of objects are referred to as desks (cf. Ikea catalog).

posted by needled at 5:02 PM on December 9, 2008 [10 favorites]

That Huckabee school-desk story is even more asinine than Jimmy Fallon.
posted by Curry at 5:03 PM on December 9, 2008

This is just to say I have drunk the hipflask that was in the desk and which you were probably saving for commercial break. Forgive me it was alcoholic and you wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise.
posted by ardgedee at 5:24 PM on December 9, 2008 [13 favorites]

A model of information-age America is presented in which mahogany is the de facto substrate upon which all white collar work is based. Asian wood inlays are examined as a means of reinforcing old growth networks, which in turn ennoble the hierarchical framework that allows only the top drawer to be locked to the exclusion of all others, remaining inaccessible to both the outside of the desk as well as to the lower, and particularly bottom drawers.
posted by Pastabagel at 5:29 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

My title: "Beyond the Bottom Drawer: And Examination of the Racial Geometris of the Desk in White Collar America".

For some reason my title disappeared! Damn you, random disabled tags!
posted by Pastabagel at 5:31 PM on December 9, 2008

How will this suck any more than any other talk show?
I think the suck of talk shows is quantized: they suck in discrete packets of suck, emitted at a steady rate of suck.
posted by signal at 5:38 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

eponysterical.
posted by liza at 5:43 PM on December 9, 2008

One and three d e s k s s s s s

(After Kosuth, with a critique of the representation of Western numbering systems.)
posted by klangklangston at 5:45 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

From "Why Is A Raven?": A Canon of Desks
By Harold Bloom
...and in "A Comedy of Errors," the desk "cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry" and pregnant with ducats anticipates a long lineage of locked desks and the secrets treasured up therein. I recall with some sad amusement the walnut secretary on which I wrote the bulk of The Flight to Lucifer and in which I secreted my labors at day's end. The rococo nonsense and filigrees at its corners, which at first swelled me with the smug burgher's delight common to all new owners, seemed to ripple with my projected anxiety as the work wore on and my enthusiasm flagged. Soon enough came the day when, as I locked the manuscript in its compartment, I glanced my face in the glass-fronted door and knew of a certainty that my one and only novel would never live up to those that had inspired it.

I completed the book, sent it to the publisher, and let it die on the shelf. I never thereafter used the walnut secretary; its genius loci had turned on me. Eventually I gave it to Jacques Barzun as payment for helping me move, though truth to tell he just loafed about as I did all the heavy lifting, the goldbricking bastard.
posted by Iridic at 5:46 PM on December 9, 2008 [15 favorites]

A short list of Who You Could Have Gotten Instead Of Jimmy Fallon and The Roots:

Late Night with Janeane Garafalo and The Black Eyed Peas

Late Night with Howie Mandel and Kanye West

Late Night with Michael Richards and the Storm Front Memorial Singers

Late Night with Seth Myers and T-Pain
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:49 PM on December 9, 2008 [5 favorites]

oh, jimmy fallon. I was thinking of jimmy kimmel. either way, eh. Well, for different reasons. Jimmy fallon is just kind of boringly nice. I can't imagine that show going anywhere, unless he's got tricks up his sleeve he hasn't had a chance to reveal before. (Kimmel can be funny sometimes but in a pretty adolescent way... which can work if you're in the mood but can be annoying if you're not.)

Conan was kind of losing me, though. I hope a move to LA rejuvenates him. ANd I don't think that Leno at 10 gets in his way - there are still plenty of shows in the 10pm slot, aren't there? I suppose some people may give up their schedule to stick with Jay but plenty will give up Jay to stick with their schedule. I mean, I would think... PLus he might get some viewers who didn't like Letterman or Leno - 'younger crowd' thing. I think this will just make Jay look like senior citizen viewing.
posted by mdn at 6:22 PM on December 9, 2008

(not that he wasn't already, blahblah but, whatever, more so, etc...)
posted by mdn at 6:23 PM on December 9, 2008

Lipstick Thespian, the Janeane Garafelo option sticks out like a sore thumb in that list. The only appealing option at all. "One of these things is not like the other..." and so forth.
posted by explosion at 6:36 PM on December 9, 2008

A Dominionist, Christian Nationalist Critique of "The Importance of Desks in American Culture"
Truly, God has blessed America with timber, tools, and the foreknowledge of the importance of desks. When John Winthrop spoke of these United States as a "shining city on a hill" was he not thinking of the countless desks in those cities, where men could pray, study Scripture, and write books and letters glorifying our Lord Jesus Christ? Consider the divine Providence of that room in Philadelphia where men of God crafted our Constitution, which is bathed in prayer and proclaims liberty to all heathen, pagan nations?

Look upon those who seek to deny God and destroy this nation! The Muslim Islamofascists, who work from prayer rugs, not proper desks! The homosexuals and their "laptop" computers! The feminists and their "Herman Miller" furniture! Truly, no one can seek God and truly know Jesus Christ without a proper desk!

With regards to the creation of desks: God made them, I believe it, that settles it.
posted by dw at 6:59 PM on December 9, 2008 [4 favorites]

As for Fallon, would you have preferred Craig Kilborn? Didn't think so...

Yes, yes. I actually sorta liked him before Jon Stewart took over The Daily Show. I heard rumors he was coked up a lot ... Craig Ferguson turned out to be pretty good at the late night talk show thing (well, except the sketches), but he's got a gig. Anyone other than Jimmy Fallon, really. Not Carson Daly, though.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:52 PM on December 9, 2008

The Importance of Desks in American Culture, Second Edition

Desks are important to American culture. There are many examples of desks in American culture throughout the ages. Without desks, American culture would not be the same. This is why there are so many desks in American culture today.

Also, computers.
posted by swift at 7:58 PM on December 9, 2008 [12 favorites]

Conan was kind of losing me, though. I hope a move to LA rejuvenates him.

A lot of his early appeal for me came from his adventurous writers, as well as Andy Richter. He's much more predictable these days, although Smigel's ongoing work with O'Brien's show is really great (like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog). Dave's move to the earlier slot didn't seem to make his show better. It got interesting for a while during the ratings wars, but it was never as good as the early days, like when Chris Elliot would appear as the Guy Under the Seats.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:03 PM on December 9, 2008

The Importance of Desks in American Culture, Second Edition: A Rebuttal

Desks are not important to American culture. There are not many examples of desks in American culture throughout the ages. Without desks, American culture would be almost identical. This is why there are very few desks in American culture today.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:07 PM on December 9, 2008 [6 favorites]

No computers, either.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:08 PM on December 9, 2008

I don't know much about desks, but I know culture when I see it.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:09 PM on December 9, 2008

These desk essays made me hit my favorite limit for the day.

I wish you could FPP a comments thread.
posted by tehloki at 8:09 PM on December 9, 2008 [4 favorites]

I hate both these things so think it's pretty funny as I believe they deserve each other equally. The only thing that would have made it more awesome would have been if Creed had been the house band.
posted by Manhasset at 8:17 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Hehe isn't this some kind of career surrender for the Roots?

ROCK BOTTOM
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:21 PM on December 9, 2008

to all the deskologists : YOU ARE OH SO FULL OF WIN!
thank you for the laughs.
posted by liza at 9:16 PM on December 9, 2008

A short list of Who You Could Have Gotten Instead Of Jimmy Fallon and The Roots:

Late Night with Janeane Garafalo and The Black Eyed Peas

Late Night with Howie Mandel and Kanye West

Late Night with Michael Richards and the Storm Front Memorial Singers

Late Night with Seth Myers and T-Pain

Late Night with Rob Schneider and Toby Keith
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:37 PM on December 9, 2008

American Desk Song
posted by xorry at 9:43 PM on December 9, 2008

Invisible Chairs: A Radical Chairist View of Deskology

If you review the scholarship surrounding desks, you will notice that chairs are never mentioned. Chairs are essential to the proper use of desks, yet study of them is nowhere to be found. The lack of scholarship on chairs themselves and the interaction between desks and chairs is unconscionable.

This lack of study is due to today's (and yesterday's) deskologists chair privilege*. Being white, male, and upper or middle class (or co-opted into the partriarchal, classist, and deskist world view), they have never had to confront or examine their chair privilege. And I firmly believe that if left to themselves, they never will. Deskology desperately needs to hear from voices outside the mainstream orthodoxy. Readers interested in chairism should seek out "The S.C.U.D Manifesto" and "Women, Race, Class and Chairs"

*If all or the majority of your chairs have been new, you have chair privilege
If all or the majority of your chairs have been leather, you have chair privilege.
If you've never had a chair where:
one or more of the wheels were wobbly, and/or
the height adjustment was broken, and/or
the seat cushion was damaged,
you have chair privilege.
posted by nooneyouknow at 9:47 PM on December 9, 2008 [12 favorites]

The Failure of Narrative: Desks and dialectic predeconstructivist theory
Wilhelm Porter
Department of Politics, University of Georgia
E. Martin Geoffrey
Department of Sociolinguistics, Carnegie-Mellon University
1. Consensuses of stasis

“Deskic identity is part of the genre of reality,” says Sontag. In a sense, Derrida promotes the use of the neodialectic paradigm of context to read art. The primary theme of the works of Smith is the futility, and hence the dialectic, of textual deskic identity.

Therefore, if dialectic predeconstructivist theory holds, we have to choose between desks and subcapitalist depatriarchialism. Any number of sublimations concerning the difference between class and society may be found.

Thus, Long[1] implies that we have to choose between dialectic predeconstructivist theory and constructive libertarianism. Desk theory holds that reality serves to exploit the underprivileged.

However, the subject is contextualised into a that includes deskicity as a whole. Lyotard’s analysis of the neodialectic paradigm of context states that expression must come from the masses, but only if the premise of desks is valid; otherwise, we can assume that language is meaningless.
2. Smith and textual neopatriarchialist theory

In the works of Smith, a predominant concept is the concept of textual narrativity. Thus, the characteristic theme of von Junz’s[2] essay on dialectic predeconstructivist theory is not narrative, as Marx would have it, but neonarrative. Several dematerialisms concerning dialectic appropriation exist.

The main theme of the works of Smith is the role of the writer as participant. But the subject is interpolated into a that includes culture as a paradox. Bataille uses the term ‘the neodialectic paradigm of context’ to denote the failure, and some would say the collapse, of poststructuralist narrativity.

“Society is part of the paradigm of art,” says Derrida. It could be said that Sontag suggests the use of dialectic predeconstructivist theory to challenge the status quo. In Mallrats, Smith reiterates desks; in Clerks, however, he deconstructs cultural subdialectic theory.

In a sense, Baudrillard uses the term ‘dialectic predeconstructivist theory’ to denote a material whole. The primary theme of Reicher’s[3] analysis of the neodialectic paradigm of context is not narrative, but postnarrative.

However, many theories concerning the role of the observer as poet may be discovered. Debord uses the term ’desks’ to denote the common ground between deskic identity and class.

But the example of dialectic predeconstructivist theory intrinsic to Smith’s Mallrats emerges again in Chasing Amy. Baudrillard promotes the use of desks to analyse and read society.

In a sense, if Sartreist absurdity holds, we have to choose between the neodialectic paradigm of context and pretextual dialectic theory. Tilton[4] implies that the works of Smith are not postmodern.

However, the main theme of the works of Rushdie is the fatal flaw of capitalist truth. The subject is contextualised into a that includes reality as a paradox.

1. Long, Q. U. A. (1973) Desks in the works of Tarantino. Cambridge University Press

2. von Junz, K. ed. (1988) The Context of Genre: Dialectic predeconstructivist theory and desks. Panic Button Books

3. Reicher, F. O. (1975) Desks and dialectic predeconstructivist theory. Schlangekraft

4. Tilton, T. F. G. ed. (1990) Subtextual Narratives: Dialectic predeconstructivist theory in the works of Rushdie. Loompanics
posted by exlotuseater at 10:21 PM on December 9, 2008 [9 favorites]

Chair privilege and footnotes! And a situational critique of deskology in the approved situationalist font!

This thread has made me so happy today.
posted by winna at 10:44 PM on December 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

From the ongoing series "Famous Moments in Desk History":

"If I have seen further it is by standing on the desks of giants."
posted by woodblock100 at 12:06 AM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

I just thought they were good for hiding that you're jacking yourself off.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:15 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Tractatus Logico-Deskicus: Towards an Ontological Solution
translated by Buttrand Russell, F.R.S.

What is needed in an exposition and analysis of H. Jed's metaphysics of desk is a subscription to two fundamental principles: Every desk that exists is particular; and, every desk that exists is qualitatively completely determinate. The totality of desk divides into distinct and existentially independent entities called "desks" which are thus ontological derivatives, and thereby distinguished from what is existentially basic. One of the primary tenets of traditional moderate realism, the view taken up by deskology's fence-sitters, is that each ontologically complete complex of primary entities - i.e., each existentially basic complex - has to include a substratum or a particular; as it were a substance-accident or substance-property ontology. However, in H. Jed's Grundlagen, anent mutatis mutandis, a particular is an ontologically primitive entity and by that very token is not existentially independent. Consequently, it cannot be a desk. Qua designator of an existentially dependent entity, the particular-desk or logically proper desk cannot complete the function-expression. The correspondence of doctrines is satisfied thus: the intersubjective dominion of both number and sign within the cognate structure is transontologically upheld by the following prescriptive limits:

1. (x)(Wx Xx) where W = desk and x = an 'x'.
2. (x)[(Yx · Xx) Zx]
3. (x)(y)(Yy · Ayx)
4. (x)(y)[(Ayx · Zy) Zx]
5. (Ω)(Ayx Wy)
6. (Ωx)·fx·x=God
7. Whereof one cannot speak, one must pass over in silence.

Vienna, 1918
posted by ageispolis at 1:04 AM on December 10, 2008 [8 favorites]

Deskology - Is Our Desks Failing Our Children?

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some uh people out there in our nation don’t *have* desks and uh I believe that our ed- education like such as in South Africa and uh the- the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should uh our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or- or- should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future.
posted by Cantdosleepy at 1:13 AM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

IRS Desks Cost Millions
Rep. James Traficant, August 29, 1999

Mr. Speaker, the IRS is spending $35 million on new desks for 1100 Constitution Ave, home of 3000 greedy bureaucrats. My desk only cost $200. But if that's not enough to remove your staples, check this out: the desks are made in China. Unbelievable. IRS luxury desks are one thing, but China is a dragon eating our assets. Beam me up! I yield back all the American furniture makers who could make great desks and not even charge $10000, if this government had any common sense left.
posted by equalpants at 2:17 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Desks and the Rosicrucian Conspriacy
Towards World Domination
After many years of careful RESEARCH I have determined that desks and desk manufacturers are apart of a much LARGER SYSTEM that controls all aspects of the WORLD BANK, IMF, THE UNITTED NATIOSN the PENTAGON and possilby much much more. This is not easy to believe at first but once the whole picture is seen it becomes OBVIUS that this is the case!!!

Ny next door neighbor works for a DESK FACTORY and his name is HERRIGAN. Using numerology you can see the following result of the name HERRIGAN:H=8
E=5
R=18 (9)
R=18 (9)
I=9
G=7
A=1
N=14 (5)Which equals 53 which equals 8. More about this later!!!

Every night HERRIGAN plays his music very loud - it is DISTURBING to me and I cannot THINK when eh does this. I have tried to talk to him of course like a decent human being and have even tried to organiez a NEIGHBORHOOD COUNCIL meeting to discuss HERRIGAN and his music but every flyer I put on the doors of the people on my block mysteriously DISAPPEARED as everyone I asked said they never recieved a flyer. Every time I call the police asking them to come arrest HERRIGAN for his behavior they say they are coming but then they NEVER ARRIVE. This shows you just how powerful HERRIGAN is that he can pull the strings of the city police. But this is meer childs play to him.

I thought how can it be that a lowly desk factory worker could weeld such POWER and so I thought the key as always must lie in numerology as numbers make the UNIVESRE. As it turns out the name of the desk factory when broken down numerolgoically ALSO EQUALS EIGHT!!!!! I of course will NOT say the name of the factory because that would reveil my location and I value my life thank you very much.

So then I got to thinking about desks. Why are desk makers so POWERFUL you ask?? The answer is as clear as day: no matter who you are or what you do in a position of POWER in this world you will need to have an office and every office needs a DESK. He who controls the DESKS controls the WOLRD!!!!!!!!!!

If you want to know about what YOU can do to stop these people do not look to me for answers. I am just a messenger for the TRUTH and who is risking his LIFE to make sure you know what is happening. KNOWLEGE IS POWER.

Click the PayPal button below to donate to my site thank yuo
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:07 AM on December 10, 2008 [19 favorites]

I would rather watch a dog turd with flies sit behind a desk and interview idiots than that truly godawful Fallon loser. Come nuclear bomb, release us from the stupid, and quickly.
posted by stinkycheese at 3:51 AM on December 10, 2008

I would rather watch a dog turd with flies sit behind a desk and interview idiots than that truly godawful Fallon loser

Are you trying to hijack this thread?
posted by woodblock100 at 4:18 AM on December 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

By not contributing an essay on desks?
posted by stinkycheese at 5:22 AM on December 10, 2008

The Desk Module Revealed By Functional Neuroimaging

We investigated the relationship between desk usage¹ and the BOLD hemodynamic neural response using a leave-one-out counterbalanced m-sequence². Subjects viewing images of desks (as compared to phase-scrambled desk images) had significantly higher activity in posterior medial lateral ventral fusiform occipital anterior cortex [F(15,159 df) = 6.08, p<0.0001, FDR corrected]. Subjects seated at a desk were fatally crushed by the desk against the bore of the scanner, and were excluded from the study.

References
1. Swift. In: MetaFilter 77275: Late Night with The Roots. pp2370392, 2008.
2. Friston KJ, Zarahn E, Josephs O, Henson RN, Dale AM. Stochastic designs in event-related fMRI. Neuroimage 10: 607-619, 1999.

posted by dmd at 5:29 AM on December 10, 2008 [16 favorites]

Am I missing something on the desk jokes? Is this our new "plate of beans"?
posted by grubi at 5:53 AM on December 10, 2008

Towards an Objective Method of Comparative Deskism With Legumic Interaction

In this paper we attempt to use beans as a mechanism for furthering understanding of distinctions between functional elevated stable surfaces erected using three or more legs. A matrix is established, with one end labeled 'desk', the other 'table'. The test involves principle parts: Opening can of beans, applying contents on plate, and contemplation. A simple blind test is set up in which participants are told to sit and think without being informed about the elevated stable surface in front of them, and are later questioned about the stable surface.

Noted for future investigation: Whether using a 'desk' chair at a 'table' or a 'cafeteria' chair at a 'desk' can alter the nature of the elevated stable surface, effectiveness of adding beans to plate before or after applying plate to surface, interactive influences of drawers, and ketchup.
posted by ardgedee at 6:13 AM on December 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

One day the couches will rise up and smash all of you.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:11 AM on December 10, 2008

But what's happening to Poker After Dark?

They're ditching the table and having everyone sit at five desks arranged in a circle.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:57 AM on December 10, 2008

Why is Conan moving to LA when he takes over the Tonight Show?
posted by grouse at 8:22 AM on December 10, 2008

Letter in response to Invisible Chairs: A Radical Chairist View of Deskology (nooneyouknow, 2008)

nooneyouknow claims that "Chairs are essential to the proper use of desks." I respond that this betrays a dangerous slant towards cultural hegemony from the part of the author. If one examines non-Western cultures, it can clearly be seen that chairs are not essential to the proper use of desks. By focusing on chairs, and ignoring the role of floor cushions, the author ignores much of the scholarship on postcolonial theory. Floor cushions represent the Foucauldian subaltern and symbolize resistance to Western imperialism represented by "the chair." Anti-colonial resistance comes to the table, so to speak, through the situational construct of desk.
posted by needled at 8:59 AM on December 10, 2008 [10 favorites]

Am I missing something on the desk jokes? Is this our new "plate of beans"?

Many modern deskologists, myself included, would argue that inverting this traditionalist, pre-structural perception leads to a more useful perception of the dynamic: namely, that plates of beans are the old desk jokes.
posted by Tomorrowful at 9:07 AM on December 10, 2008 [7 favorites]

Why is Conan moving to LA when he takes over the Tonight Show?

The idea, I think, was that he was going to shoot the Tonight Show in the same studio it's been shot for decades, delivering the monologue from Johnny's mark. But--SURPRISE!--Leno is staying put.

It seems Conan got screwed royally.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:08 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

"I don't know much about desks, but I know culture when I see it."

When someone says "desk," I reach for my revolver.
posted by klangklangston at 9:32 AM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

desk
posted by dirty lies at 10:14 AM on December 10, 2008

When someone says "revolver," I reach for my desk.
posted by grouse at 10:23 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Though my colleague needled's letter strikes well at the soi-disant "radical" platitudes of Chairism, I feel it doesn't quite pierce the heart of the matter, inasmuch as the focus on the postcolonial mode neglects the far more promising perspective offered by ecocriticism.

Can anyone deny that (like all sticks of furniture) desk and chair both are but dumbshow parodies of nature? Consider their legs - mockeries of the trees from which they came - and the carved floral motifs so often employed in a vain attempt to give a semblance of life to that which is utterly dead. And everyday the "desk jockeys" (riders, shall we say, of subjected and domesticated steeds?) of the world clear their desk tops and set to their work in an unconcious reenactment of the birth of agriculture and the rape of the plains.

The preeminence of desk and chair today correlate with the triumph of anthropocentrism and the attendant cult of the individual. Unlike any other kinds of furniture, a desk is for one person, a chair is for one person; they are microclimates meant to demonstrate our superiority to nature that succeed only cutting us off from that which sustains us. When we sit at a desk, we are all of us Antaeus, severed from Gaia by the brutish Herakles of our own arrogance.

(Typed from the desk of my knees, on a laptop made of windfall bark and apple cores.)
posted by Iridic at 10:26 AM on December 10, 2008 [11 favorites]

"When someone says "revolver," I reach for my desk."

When someone says "revolver," I say, "Revolver? I barely knew 'er!"
posted by klangklangston at 11:05 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

um, guys?

Sometimes a desk is just a desk.
posted by xbonesgt at 11:16 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Deconstructing the American Desk

Get a good, solid, American hammer, no colon bleaching European screwdrivers, and bang the douche out of that desk. When you have a pile of wood and plastic and whatever on the floor, throw all that feces in the dumpster. That's how you deconstruct an American motherfucking desk.

-Jack Derrida
posted by Kattullus at 11:28 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Ceci n'est pas un bureau.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 11:58 AM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

When I hear the words "desk" and "revolver", that's when I remove the safety on my YouTube.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:31 PM on December 10, 2008

The Post-Exilic Desk: Canon Formation in Second Temple Judaism

In recent years, Deskology has moved from its interdisciplinary roots to become a vital field in its own right, but the insights from contemporary deskological theory have not yet been applied to Biblical studies in a comprehensive way. One fundamentalist response, A Dominionist, Christian Nationalist Critique of "The Importance of Desks in American Culture," by dw has been attempted, but provides an inadequate foundation for critical theological response.

If we assume dersin's definition of a desk - "precisely that location on or around which one creates a document," and allow needled's extension which includes "the actors who are engaging in the activity of creating a document," we realize that the deskalogical lens allows us to see a critical step in the development of post-exilic Judaism. Before Nehemiah's reconstruction of the wall around Jerusalem, and before Ezra's reconstruction of the Temple, there was a more significant act: the corporate reconstruction of the scribal "desk," which gathered the prior documents of literary Judaism and redacted them to create the final form of the Pentateuch, as well as the Psalter, canonical Jeremiah, and a new document--the Chronicles. This was the first of the three great desks of the Judeo-Christian tradition, the others being the Desk of Jamnia (AD 90), and the twice-formed Desk of Carthage (AD 397 and 418). Canonical studies contributes to the development of Deskology by pointing out that the Desk is not only the place where documents are created (and the actors who create them), but it is also the spatio-temporal process by which documents are redacted, rethought, and recomposed. So understood, the "Post-Exilic Desk" and its successors may be seen to be the fundamental locus of divine revelation, more so than the resultant documents (e.g. the canonical scriptures). To the extent that critical scholarship can expose the through processes of the actors within their location, or "regain the mind of the Desk" we move one step closer to encountering the divine within our faith.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 12:37 PM on December 10, 2008 [7 favorites]

Father of Modern Deskology Doesn't Use Desk

METATALK-- In a stunning development, swift, who effectively created the discipline of Modern Deskology with his seminal 2008 work The Importance of Desks In American Culture, today admitted that he doesn't use a desk. Deskologists across academia were rendered stunned and speechless by this admission, which portends a post-desk paradigm for Deskology, a post-Deskology if you will.
posted by dersins at 1:33 PM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

I love you Metafilter.
posted by jokeefe at 1:46 PM on December 10, 2008

Holy crap. I did my Senior Show on Deskology, like in 98 or so. It was a semi-archeological study of the carvings and other permanent marks applied to lecture hall desks in San Jose State University, arranged into different fields of study based on the classroom.

It was literally called "Deskology", little did I know how prescient I was.
posted by Durhey at 2:30 PM on December 10, 2008

All of you that are laughing at those essays, have had the ULTIMATE PROOF right before your eyes!!! To me, it´s no laughing matter. You keep turning your head away from the most basic and simplest of TRUTHS. Hint: What was JESUS but a humble CARPENTER!??!?!?!! Yeah, you got it right?
Desks this, desks that, but WHO DESIGNED THEM???!!!!?!?! Desks doesn´t appear aout of thin air. For a desk to exist, somebody must´ve DESIGNED IT. Only those who have/mantain a desk will be taken with HIM when everybody else will be fighting for nails and scrpas of Wood (metal desks are still a BLASPHEMY!!!!!)
Who will be laughing at the end of times,ehh?? Harhar
posted by youhavetoreadthistwice at 4:12 PM on December 10, 2008

A Word On Why Desks Are Too Complex To Have Evolved Without A Creator
Institute of Furniture Discovery

The desk is a beautiful and functional furnishing of the modern home and office space. It has a smooth surface which is quite useful for writing, folding, and sorting documents. It is durable enough to withstand the pressure of writing implements without indentation and it supports modern computing equipment without any compromises to its structural integrity.

It is, in short, perfectly formed for its function; namely, supporting productive and unproductive human activity. Moreover, no intermediate forms of partially formed desks have been discovered in the historical furniture record. There are plenty of old desks, tables of various kinds, and sofabeds. Where is the evidence of a somewhat smooth desk? Who built desks of intermediate support? The answer is no one.

These intermediate forms are not to be found, because modern desks were created in their perfect form and function by a loving God. A desk of intermediate smoothness and incomplete support could never serve as a stepping stone to a fully functional desk! Yet this is exactly what Darwinists would have us believe. As usual, their dogma is not subjected to reason and ignores the full weight of the evidence before us. As anyone can reason, furniture that only partially functions as a desk is not a desk at all. Only someone who blindly follows Darwinist ideology would insist otherwise.

Because God has created a diversity of perfectly functional desks, we may all enjoy a functional working surface while seated at an appropriate height.
posted by Tehanu at 4:38 PM on December 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

Functional functional functional desk functional.
posted by Tehanu at 4:40 PM on December 10, 2008

Desk theory and the Ikea conjecture

This is a concise introduction to Swift's desks and their links with the building theory of drawers in the quadrilateral case. We review the definition of desk algebras (flat, with Q coefficients), construct the drawer category and present the bijection between boardism classes of rank one finite dimensional desk algebra modules and indecomposable objects of the drawer category. Thus we are able to answer affirmatively the question of Ikea: A finite dimensional proper desk over Q has only finitely many sub-drawers of index k, for any k <2m, where m is the regularity of the compactification of the moduli space of marked pens, located in the (unique) maximal drawer of the desk.
posted by metastability at 5:34 PM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Ultimate frisbee is the best, yeah?
posted by not_on_display at 5:39 PM on December 10, 2008

The Desk and its Implications for Premature Aging, Death and the Devolution of the Human Animal: A Transhumanist Critique of Modern Deskology

Get up from behind
Your death-bed metaphor and
Find someone to love
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:04 PM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

piratebowling: I know, but only because my dad is pretty damn old and I nerdily listen to every story he has about Jack Paar or Ernie Kovacs.

Ernie Kovacs?? Your dad is awesome.
posted by JHarris at 7:10 PM on December 10, 2008

?uestlove: Fuck you, Jimmy Fallon.

Wow, that's cold. Like, almost Brandon Marsalis cold.
posted by JHarris at 7:22 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

JHarris, indeed. As a young 'un my dad even met Ernie one time.
posted by piratebowling at 7:36 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Pursuant to your Freedom of Information Act request please find the enclosed documents. Note that classified material has been redacted.



Page 4 of 67

--------

Testimony of Henry Tavolo

General Dynamics, Advanced Furniture Division

Before House Select Committee on Office Furnishings

Rep. Virginia Foxx, Chair

Classification: Top Secret

August 21, 2008, Morning session

--------



Foxx: To continue ██████████████████████████████████ desk ████



Tavolo: Well, ██████████ cross-cultural ██████████████████ 

desk █████████ context ██████████████████ could ███████████████ 

boss-secretary ███ has ████████████████████████████████ 

███████████████████████████████████ long history ██████████

████████ bending ████████████████████████ sweep off ███████ 

████████████████ leverage this ██████████████████████ ops ███

easy cleanup ████████████████



Foxx: ████████████ foreign ████████████████████ desks

████████████████████████████████████████ clandestinely?



Tavolo: Indeed ████████████ mahogany ████████████████

████████████████████ internet. Once we █████████████████████

███████ six minutes ███████████████ formica or even █████████

███████████████ sweat-damaged █████████████████████████████

blotter.



Foxx: ████████████ terrorist ███████████████ "lap desks?"



Attorney for Mr. Tavolo: Off record?



Foxx: Yes.



[Off record conversation from 11:14 to 11:23]



Foxx: OK, let's go back on record.



Tavolo: With respect, I cannot answer that question on advice of counsel.



Foxx: OK, let's break for lunch.

posted by maxwelton at 10:33 PM on December 10, 2008 [14 favorites]

Political Liberalism: Deskological, Neither Political Nor Metaphysical

The modern state is a liberal state. I shall assume the standard definition of "liberal state" with which readers of this essay are surely familar. The literature overflows with minor variations, but there are at least a few necessary conditions: free and fair elections, civil liberties consonant with constitutionally-bound democratic government, some redistribution of wealth to the least-advantaged, and at least the opportunity for universal desk ownership.

This last condition has been the source of some disagreement, and indeed early scholarship seems not to concern itself with desk ownership at all; however, I shall assume that a convincing case can be made for this last condition, and indeed I would argue--though that is not my objective in this essay--that, if one wishes to give these early writings a charitable reading, just such a condition can be shown to be consistent, and even required by, the arguments therein. Why it has been heretofore ignored can be attributed to desk privlige, about which little has been written, but is clearly present. There is a lot of important work yet to be done in this area. For present purposes, however, let us simply note that, if chair privilge exists (nooneyouknow, Invisible Chairs, 2008, MeteFilter UP), desk privilege must exist as well.

Thus, we can see that questions of justice, and liberalism more generally, ought to be greatly concerned with deskology and the interesting work done in the field of late. This exciting new field promises to overthrow old assumptions inherent in liberal thinking. I would like to encourage liberal thinkers to work toward a synthesis of liberal and deskological insights, which have the potential to cast light on traditionally political-philosophical problems. Is it not fair to say that political liberalism, as Rawls understood it, is itself a deskological project, rather than a political or metaphyicsal one? This author believes that such a thesis can successfully withstand objections.
posted by smorange at 8:27 AM on December 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 38 years old.
"Some of my coworkers say there are no desks.
"My boss says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; are there desks?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your coworkers are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there are desks. They exist as certainly as work and writing and bill-paying exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest utility and ennui. Alas! how indifferent would be the world if there were no desks. It would be as indifferent as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike sighing then, no bad poetry, no tawdry romance letters to make excreable this existence. We should have slight enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be shrugged at.

Not believe in desks! You might as well not believe in accountants! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the offices on Christmas Eve to catch desks, but even if they did not see desks sitting there inertly, what would that prove? Everbody sees desks, but that is no sign that there are no desks. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see accountants dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart a mortgage-backed security and see what makes it fail so miserably, but there is a veil covering the financial world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all Obama supporters that ever lived, could tear apart. Only work, work, work, writing, work, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and the grayness beyond. Is it all work? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No desks! Thank God! they exist, and they exist forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, they will continue to make dull the heart of childhood.
posted by dw at 10:58 AM on December 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

Am I the only person here who would be thrilled if Conan didn't move west, because it would mean we didn't have the dissolution of the only horn section left in the world that can play rock and roll? That I have to schedule a vacation around seeing the last time the La Bamba Horns play with Southside Johnny? I stopped seeing southside in the 80s. But I would walk barefoot through a snowstorm to see the horns.

Believe it or not the musicians in Conan's band were - hell, ARE - still well thought of. No, they were never as cutting edge as the Roots, but they were these still reactionary mofos and no one else does what they do.

but no one outside of that circle knew who they were or gave a damn about 'em. when they got hired as max's band I was thrilled that they'd get a regular paycheck, and if you really do love the Roots, you'll feel the same way. the music business is changing and smart people find a way to keep doing what they love. GOOD on 'em, I say.

:::no desks were hurt in the making of this message:::
posted by micawber at 1:03 PM on December 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Modern Furniture and Samadhi, or, What Would Patanjali Sit On?

In the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, the great sage described the eight limbs of Classical Yoga. The third limb is Asana, or 'posture', which is described in the second Sutra:

2-46. sthira-sukham asanam

Posture is steadiness and ease.

2-47. prayatna-saithilya-ananta-samapattibhyam

From relaxation of effort and endless unity.

2-48. tato dvandvanabhighatah

Thus, there is no assault by the pairs of opposites.

While modern Hatha Yoga includes a vast number of postures, the Asana which Patanjali refers to here is the seated posture; in order to meditate effectively for long periods of time, one must be able to sit steady and at ease. The most appropriate posture for this is Padmasana, the Lotus Posture. Patanjali never mentioned chairs because chairs are not appropriate for extended meditation (though they are suitable for beginners). (Also, chairs were not widely used in India in Patanjali's day). And Patanjali certainly never spoke of desks or the things typically found on desks, which are merely sources of distraction. One does not attain Samadhi while seated at a desk.

Anyone who seeks enlightenment must have the discipline to reject these worldly shackles. Chairs and desks merely bind one to the cycle of death and rebirth. A simple cushion and the right intention are all one needs (traditionalists may also use a tiger-skin rug). Furniture is Maya.
posted by homunculus at 1:28 PM on December 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

The Questions of King Milinda

translated by the venerable homunculus

Book II: The Distinguishing Characteristics of Furniture.

And the venerable Nâgasena said to Milinda the king: 'You, Sire, have been brought up in great luxury, as beseems your noble birth. If you were to write in this dry weather on the hot and sandy ground, pressing the paper against the gritty, gravelly grains of the hard sand, the paper would fail you. And as the paper would be ripped, your mind would be disturbed, and you would experience a sense of suffering. How then do you write, on the ground or on a desk?'

'I do not write on the ground, Sir. I write on a desk.'

'Then if you write, Sire, on a desk, explain to me what that is. Is it the desk top that is the desk?'

'I did not say that.'

'Is it the legs that are the desk?'

'Certainly not.'

'Is it the frame, or the drawers, or the nails, or the glue, or the varnish, that are the desk?'

And to all these he still answered no.

'Then is it all these parts of it that are the desk?'

'No, Sir.'

'But is there anything outside them that is the desk?'

And still he answered no.

'Then thus, ask as I may, I can discover no desk. Desk is a mere empty sound. What then is the desk you say you write on? It is a falsehood that your Majesty has spoken, an untruth! There is no such thing as a desk! You are king over all India, a mighty monarch. Of whom then are you afraid that you speak untruth? And he called upon the Yonakas and the brethren to witness, saying: 'Milinda the king here has said that he writes on a desk. But when asked in that case to explain what the desk is, he is unable to establish what he averred. Is it, forsooth, possible to approve him in that?'

When he had thus spoken the five hundred Yonakas shouted their applause, and said to the king: Now let your Majesty get out of that if you can?'

And Milinda the king replied to Nâgasena, and said: 'I have spoken no untruth, reverend Sir. It is on account of its having all these things--the desktop, and the legs, and the nails, and the frame, and the drawers, and the nails, and the glue, and the varnish--that it comes under the generally understood term, the designation in common use, of "desk."'

'Very good! Your Majesty has rightly grasped the meaning of "desk." And just even so it is on account of all those things you questioned me about-- the thirty-two kinds of organic matter in a human body, and the five constituent elements of being--that I come under the generally understood term, the designation in common use, of "Nâgasena." For it was said, Sire, by our Sister Vagirâ in the presence of the Blessed One:

'"Just as it is by the condition precedent of the co-existence of its various parts that the word 'desk' is used, just so is it that when the Skandhas are there we talk of a 'being.'"'

'Most wonderful, Nâgasena, and most strange. Well has the puzzle put to you, most difficult though it was, been solved. Were the Buddha himself here he would approve your answer. Well done, well done, Nâgasena!'
posted by homunculus at 2:12 PM on December 11, 2008 [12 favorites]

There are many desks in Salem, and I strongly suspect Goody Proctor of possessing a desk.
posted by oxford blue at 10:34 PM on December 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

Still stumped. You people are odd.
posted by grubi at 6:16 AM on December 12, 2008

Has anyone made a Clinton "desk job" joke yet?
posted by Sys Rq at 6:25 AM on December 12, 2008

Metafilter: people are odd
posted by asok at 6:49 AM on December 13, 2008

FWIW, Deskology, the senior project.
In my pre-emptive defense, it was nearly a decade ago, most of the pretension is intentional, and it did get me a degree.
posted by Durhey at 10:36 AM on December 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

« Older Swimming pools, movie stars. Cha-ching! | Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments

MetaFilter

Late Night with The Roots
December 9, 2008 12:30 PM Subscribe

Tags

Share

Late Night with The Roots December 9, 2008 12:30 PM Subscribe

Tags

Share

Late Night with The Roots
December 9, 2008 12:30 PM Subscribe