OUCH! WHAT DO YOU DO?

August 14, 2009 2:17 PM

50 NES Quotes Every Gamer Should Know. A full index after the break.

Page 1 :
"Hello! You found my shop of strange and wonderful things!" (Super Mario Brothers 3)
"The game doesn't start until you say YES." (Rambo)
"THIS ROOM IS AN ILLUSION AND IS A TRAP DEVISUT BY SATAN. GO AHEAD DAUNTLESSLY! MAKE RAPID PROGRES!" (Ghosts n' Goblins)
"LOOSE WEIGHT AND RIDE THE ELEVATORS" (Milon's Secret Castle)
"A WINNER IS YOU!" (Pro Wrestling)

Page 2 :
"RETURN OF GANON" (Zelda II)
"SAVE SYLVIA FROM MR. X" (Kung Fu)
"THIS IS A NEUTRAL AREA. ALL ACTS OF HOSTILITIES ARE PROHIBITED IN THIS AREA IF VIOLATED, YOU WILL BE ATTACKED." (Bionic Commando)
"See your face upon the clean water. How dirty! Come! Wash your face!" (Final Fantasy)
"TELL MIKE TO DIP MY LETTER IN WATER...." (StarTropics)

Page 3 :
"OUCH! WHAT DO YOU DO?" (Goonies II)
"BERLIN AT NIGHT... AN IRON CURTAIN JUST DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT." (Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode)
"YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD." (Friday the 13th)
"BUY SOMETHIN' WILL YA!" (The Legend of Zelda)
"I'm invincible!" (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game)

Page 4 :
"YOU HAVE COMPLETED A GREAT GAME. AND PROOVED THE JUSTICE OF OUR CULTURE." (Ghostbusters)
"OH BOY! MARK SOUP!" (Monster Party)
"TAKE ANY ONE YOU WANT." (The Legend of Zelda)
"IT'S A SAD THING THAT YOUR ADVENTURES HAVE ENDED HERE!!" (Shadowgate)
"I FEEL ASLEEP!!" (Metal Gear)

Page 5 :
"I hold your city captive & Ryan's girlfriend hostage." (River City Ransom)
"IT'S A SECRET TO EVERYBODY." (The Legend of Zelda)
"HIDE PETER HIDE AWK! DO ME SO FAR, DO ME?" (StarTropics)
"You need peace of mind. I will meditate with you." (Faxanadu)
"WHERE'S Dr. WILEY?... OH NO, TOO LATE." (Mega Man 3)

Page 6 :
"GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE, YOU NERD!" (Bionic Commando)
"WHAT DO YA SAY! TRY BUYING FROM ME." (Kid Icarus)
"BERNARD! DON'T BE A TUNA HEAD!" (Maniac Mansion)
"Hold RESET while you turn POWER off!" (Final Fantasy)
"LET'S PLAY MONEY MAKING GAME." (The Legend of Zelda)

Page 7 :
"I AM ERROR." (Zelda II: The Adventure of Link)
"A Slime draws near! Command?" (Dragon Warrior)
"1997, October 1, The END DAY." (Crystalis)
"WHAT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIGHT AGAINST ME? YOU DAMN FOOL." (Bionic Commando)
"LET ME REMOVE THE EGGPLANT CURSE" (Kid Icarus)

Page 8 :
"NOW IT IS THE BEGINNING OF A FANTASTIC STORY! LET US MAKE A JOURNEY TO THE CAVE OF MONSTERS!" (Bubble Bobble)
"I DRINK TO PREPARE FOR A FIGHT. TONIGHT I AM VERY PREPARED!" (Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!)
"EASTMOST PENNINSULA IS THE SECRET" (The Legend of Zelda)
"SORRY, I'M DEAD." (Monster Party)
"Oh, it's terrible! The King has been transformed! Please find the Magic Wand so we can change him back." (Super Mario Bros. 3)

Page 9 :
"WELCOME TO WARP ZONE!" (Super Mario Bros.)
"....TCELES B HSUP A magic spell?" (Final Fantasy)
"Just a girl. Get out of here!" (Ninja Gaiden)
"FLY AWAY" (Duck Hunt)
"PAY ME FOR THE DOOR REPAIR CHARGE." (The Legend of Zelda )

Page 10 :
"JOIN THE NINTENDO FUN CLUB TODAY! MAC." (Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!)
"IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE! TAKE THIS." (The Legend of Zelda)
"WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A CURSE." (Castlevania II: Simon's Quest)
"BARF!" (River City Ransom)
"THANK YOU MARIO! BUT OUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!" (Super Mario Bros.)

posted by Afroblanco (48 comments total)

Fun!
posted by adamdschneider at 2:32 PM on August 14, 2009

Why should I visit the site if you posted all the cites here?
posted by Memo at 2:32 PM on August 14, 2009

Thanklessness just reached a new level.
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 2:34 PM on August 14, 2009 [8 favorites]

Why should I visit the site if you posted all the cites here?

Because anytime somebody posts something that is broken into multiple pages, there's a big bitch session about "Man, I hate stuff that's broken into multiple pages! WAAAAHHH!" So this looks like a preemptive strike against that.
posted by jbickers at 2:34 PM on August 14, 2009

Awesome post, BTW, Afro
posted by jbickers at 2:34 PM on August 14, 2009

This is a great list, but how will I know what DODONGO DISLIKES or what to GET EQUIPPED with? Should I PROSSESS DRACULA'S RIB?

Guess I'll just continue to PRAY FOR A TRUE PEACE IN SPACE.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:35 PM on August 14, 2009 [6 favorites]

"All your base are belong to us" isn't one of them?
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 2:44 PM on August 14, 2009

christ, I've wasted my life.
posted by boo_radley at 2:48 PM on August 14, 2009

IT'S A SECRET TO NOBODY.

Aw I AM ERROR was one of my first internet names
posted by The Whelk at 2:48 PM on August 14, 2009

Awesome post.
posted by dead cousin ted at 2:49 PM on August 14, 2009

WHAT A
HORRIBLE
NIGHT TO
HAVE A
CURSE
posted by boo_radley at 2:50 PM on August 14, 2009 [3 favorites]

neustile: "CP: "All your base" was in a Genesis game."

And therefore worthy only of scorn.

* puts on powerglove
posted by boo_radley at 2:52 PM on August 14, 2009

Man, I know this is limited to NES games, but this just left me feeling incomplete. You are one spoony bard, Afroblanco.
posted by MidAtlantic at 2:54 PM on August 14, 2009

Oh also! When I was little, I decorated my whole bike helmet is Zelda stickets and drew a tri-force on it and the words "ZELDA!" on it and everything. My mom yelled at me for ruining the helmet and said "You know, in a year you wont think Zelda is cool and you'll wish you hadn't done that."


You know what Mom? YOU'RE WRONG! I am an adult now! I can drink BEER and SMOKE and HAVE SEX and SHOOT GUNS and I REGRET NOTHING!
posted by The Whelk at 3:02 PM on August 14, 2009 [34 favorites]

STAY A WHILE. STAY... FOREVER!

yeah, ok, not an NES game
posted by GuyZero at 3:03 PM on August 14, 2009 [2 favorites]

The PRESIDENT has been fucking KIDNAPPED by motherfucking NINJAS! Are you a BAD ENOUGH DUDE to SAVE HIM?

I'M BAD!!!
posted by kaibutsu at 3:03 PM on August 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

Congraturation!
posted by infidelpants at 3:06 PM on August 14, 2009

If my only upper-body clothing consisted of t-shirts sporting these phrases, I would not be upset.
posted by Magnakai at 3:16 PM on August 14, 2009

my whole bike helmet is Zelda stickets

You know what I hate? Tiny French keyboards.
posted by The Whelk at 3:19 PM on August 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

A Zelda quote on every page? Hmm. Either they realized they'd stretched the premise too thin, or they just couldn't make up their minds and thought the ad hits wouldn't hurt, either.

My favorite Golgo 13 quote, though, was "..." but that was mostly because my little brother would always holler "DOT-DOT-DOT!" at the screen when it showed up. It was contagious.
posted by Spatch at 3:20 PM on August 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ha ha, ha ha ha. Golgo 13. So, so difficult for a young kid to understand the references. So, so often he attempted. So, so horrible fight modes..
posted by cavalier at 3:20 PM on August 14, 2009

SPATCH, YES! DOT DOT DOT! Giving kids dramatic pausing in the script. So awesome.
posted by cavalier at 3:21 PM on August 14, 2009

SPATCH, YES! DOT DOT DOT! Giving kids dramatic pausing in the script. So awesome.

Hmmm. I have a theory about generational touchstones and when they take hold. Let's see if I can prove it. Quickly, what is the correct response to :

"LET US IN! LET US IN!"
posted by The Whelk at 3:28 PM on August 14, 2009

 ▲ 
▲ ▲

posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:45 PM on August 14, 2009 [3 favorites]

"LET US OUT! LET US OUT!"

you are talking about Clue, right?
posted by jtron at 3:49 PM on August 14, 2009

Uhh... the Florida recount? o.O
posted by cavalier at 3:50 PM on August 14, 2009

OOH! and Clue!
posted by cavalier at 3:51 PM on August 14, 2009

It's the 90's, and there is time for Klax...

Kind of obscure, but an endlessly intriguing and quotable phrase.
posted by cloeburner at 3:52 PM on August 14, 2009 [4 favorites]

And ..proven. You two may join me in the Experimenting Vivarium for cocktails and light snacks.
posted by The Whelk at 3:54 PM on August 14, 2009

what about gamers who hate Nintendo? or am I not possible?
posted by mrgrimm at 4:26 PM on August 14, 2009

what about gamers who hate Nintendo?

YOU FAIL IT!
YOUR SKILL IS NOT ENOUGH
SEE YOU NEXT TIME
BYE-BYE!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:44 PM on August 14, 2009 [3 favorites]

How can they leave out "UH-OH THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!"?

http://ui04.gamefaqs.com/163/gfs_49871_2_4.jpg

That is just pure classic NES text.
posted by GavinR at 5:12 PM on August 14, 2009 [4 favorites]

You know I was the perfect age to be in the heat of the NES craze. And I had plenty of friends with one, but I never owned one myself. Come to think of it I never owned any video game system other than an Atari 2600. Whenever I see people get all emotional about all their memories of Nintendo that or Playstation this I almost feel like I missed out on something huge, but then I snap out of it.
posted by Rhomboid at 5:29 PM on August 14, 2009

cloeburner: "It's the 90's, and there is time for Klax...

Kind of obscure, but an endlessly intriguing and quotable phrase."

That's a personal favorite of mine. If we were going to do arcade Atari games....

USE MAGIC TO KILL DEATH (Many of these are spoken.)

EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG

Finish the race to challenge the PHANTOM PHOTON!

SKATE... OR... DIE!!

WELL DONE Red Commander! Now capture ANOTHER castle!!

TOOBIN' with BIF and JET: They think they're cool!

(My favorite, though, is one of the random quips sometimes used to head the high scores list of that game:
THEY KNOW THEY'RE COOL)
posted by JHarris at 6:38 PM on August 14, 2009 [2 favorites]

I find the lack of "I, Garland, shall KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!" disturbing...
posted by Yoshi Ayarane at 6:58 PM on August 14, 2009

Speaking as an old school D&D nerd, it always strikes me as very strange that the term "gamer" has morphed into "someone who played Super Mario Brothers".
posted by Flunkie at 7:10 PM on August 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I have been playing Super Mario 3 (on an original 8-bit) for the past couple of weeks. Over and over. It never gets old. Really.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:20 PM on August 14, 2009 [2 favorites]

"The answer is: a miserable little pile of secrets!"

"What is a man, Alex?"

Okay, that was Playstation, but I love it so.
posted by rifflesby at 7:35 PM on August 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

IF ALL ELSE FAILS USE FIRE

IN PARAPA DESERT USE THIS MAGIC TO SURVIVE

MY PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION HAS FAILD

GET A SILVER BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER
posted by Servo5678 at 7:44 PM on August 14, 2009 [2 favorites]

Pfft. Your game system is too complicated, with its fonts and what not.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:57 PM on August 14, 2009

BLADES OF STEEL!
posted by danb at 9:21 PM on August 14, 2009

Flunkie:
YOU HAVE ANGERED THE GAZEBO
posted by LogicalDash at 11:29 PM on August 14, 2009

I AM THE SPIRIT OF
SUNG-SUNG. YOU CANNOT PASS
ME, NOR CAN YOU HURT ME. FOR
I AM JUST A GHOST. MY LIVING
BODY LIES BELOW THIS WORLD.
YOU WILL NEVER FIND IT.
posted by fleacircus at 4:19 AM on August 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Nthing "where's the quote from Bad Dudes?" I used to have a printout of the title screen taped to my fridge, and every time I opened it I had a good time imagining this series of events actually happening in real life:

PRESIDENT BUSH KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS
Bad dudes activated for rescue operations
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:42 AM on August 15, 2009

No Earthbound?

Of course, now I can't think of a single quote, so I suppose that could be why. But what a great game. Although I could never figure out if the "Annoying Old Party Man" from Twoson was supposed to be an irritating Republican or just some drunk old dude who liked to party.
posted by dogmom at 7:46 AM on August 15, 2009

The one Zelda quote I really wanted was "Grumble, grumble...".

Incidentally, my mom discovered that one false wall in Hyrule the first time she played Zelda. It was by far the coolest thing Mom did during our childhood. We were mad impressed.
posted by duvatney at 6:16 PM on August 15, 2009

Such language from an ensign in the Stellar Patrol!
posted by egypturnash at 5:59 AM on August 16, 2009

fleacircus' quote comes from the highly underrated and woefully ignored Equinox, developed by the Pickford Brothers.
posted by JHarris at 2:41 AM on August 17, 2009