I Don't Care If This Is Fake. It Made My Day.
December 16, 2009 10:53 AM Subscribe
This post was deleted for the following reason: "well I'll never be that much of a loser" isn't really a great reason to share something that grosses a lot of people out here on MeFi. -- jessamyn
The gif someone posted made me laugh.
posted by interrobang at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by interrobang at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009 [3 favorites]
No..., no I didn't...
posted by Windopaene at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Windopaene at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
Quite the collection of tags on this post.
posted by brundlefly at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by brundlefly at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009
Too disgusting to read very much of, hilariousness very doubtful.
posted by Daddy-O at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by Daddy-O at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009
This could be the only thing on the internet and it still wouldn't be the best of the web.
posted by JaredSeth at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009 [12 favorites]
posted by JaredSeth at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2009 [12 favorites]
Wasn't this in a movie? It sounds really familiar...
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2009
"I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)"
"All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!!"
WHAT
posted by punishinglemur at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
"All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!!"
WHAT
posted by punishinglemur at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
You know, when you take it too far you just end up in Tucker Max territory, and that end a good place to be.
posted by Elmore at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by Elmore at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2009
Wasn't this in a movie? It sounds really familiar...
Something similar in Dumb and Dumber
posted by Elmore at 11:01 AM on December 16, 2009
Something similar in Dumb and Dumber
posted by Elmore at 11:01 AM on December 16, 2009
The Light Fantastic: "Wasn't this in a movie? It sounds really familiar..."
Seems like something the Farrelly brothers would have come up with, if they had no subtlety.
posted by brundlefly at 11:02 AM on December 16, 2009
Seems like something the Farrelly brothers would have come up with, if they had no subtlety.
posted by brundlefly at 11:02 AM on December 16, 2009
Something similar in Dumb and Dumber
The only movie I've ever walked out of, which leads me to suspect I wouldn't enjoy clicking this link.
posted by DU at 11:04 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
The only movie I've ever walked out of, which leads me to suspect I wouldn't enjoy clicking this link.
posted by DU at 11:04 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
I loled in a computer lab on campus...apparently I am a 12 year old.
posted by schyler523 at 11:05 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by schyler523 at 11:05 AM on December 16, 2009
There are few situations where having one or more bottles of your own pee on hand would improve things.
posted by notmydesk at 11:06 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by notmydesk at 11:06 AM on December 16, 2009
He could have sat down and urinated in an arc into the bath from the toilet.
posted by fire&wings at 11:08 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by fire&wings at 11:08 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
Okay, I have scanned a few pages ahead and his explanation as to why he is always carrying pee bottles with him:
I don't pee in urinals because public toilers are sick... there's always pee on the floor near the urinals and I'm not stepping on that ****. To make matters worse... when you pee into the urinal you get backsplash of pee residue from other dudes from the rim and the urinal water... this **** gets on your clothes... ****ing sick. that's why I bring empty water bottles with me to pee.
Makes perfect sense.
posted by notmydesk at 11:09 AM on December 16, 2009
I don't pee in urinals because public toilers are sick... there's always pee on the floor near the urinals and I'm not stepping on that ****. To make matters worse... when you pee into the urinal you get backsplash of pee residue from other dudes from the rim and the urinal water... this **** gets on your clothes... ****ing sick. that's why I bring empty water bottles with me to pee.
Makes perfect sense.
posted by notmydesk at 11:09 AM on December 16, 2009
There are few situations where having one or more bottles of your own pee on hand would improve things.
Sniping in 2fort?
posted by paradoxflow at 11:13 AM on December 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
Sniping in 2fort?
posted by paradoxflow at 11:13 AM on December 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
Makes perfect sense.
It sort of does to me, because I am a germaphobe about public restrooms. On the other hand, carrying pee bottles around would gross me out, too, so I'm damned either way.
posted by grumblebee at 11:14 AM on December 16, 2009
It sort of does to me, because I am a germaphobe about public restrooms. On the other hand, carrying pee bottles around would gross me out, too, so I'm damned either way.
posted by grumblebee at 11:14 AM on December 16, 2009
Sometimes you need to listen to what your "social anxiety" is telling you.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:15 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:15 AM on December 16, 2009
I almost stopped reading when he used the word 'brah', but I'm glad(?) I finished the whole story. It's a compelling modernist tale of a boy obsessed with the perfection of the human body while also harboring deep psychological fears of uncleanliness and waste. An epic for the modern age, truly.
posted by lholladay at 11:15 AM on December 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by lholladay at 11:15 AM on December 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
Quite the collection of tags on this post.
I made one called taletoldbyanidiotfullofsoundandfury but it got deleted. :-(
posted by grumblebee at 11:20 AM on December 16, 2009
I made one called taletoldbyanidiotfullofsoundandfury but it got deleted. :-(
posted by grumblebee at 11:20 AM on December 16, 2009
Frankly, by the time I was twelve, I was already growing out of stories and jokes about potty humor (and the telling of same).
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:27 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:27 AM on December 16, 2009
He might have lost his pride, but nobody can take away his well-developed glutes.
posted by peeedro at 11:35 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by peeedro at 11:35 AM on December 16, 2009
Johnen Vasquez did it better in "Squee" (and then again from the date's perspective in "I Feel Sick.")
And when the hell is Cartoon Network going to break down and give Johnen his own 15 minute block on Adult Swim?
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:37 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
And when the hell is Cartoon Network going to break down and give Johnen his own 15 minute block on Adult Swim?
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:37 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
notmydesk, you missed the part where he occasionally takes the bottles to his old public school and lobs the full bottles onto its roof.
posted by mkb at 11:40 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by mkb at 11:40 AM on December 16, 2009
I don't care who they cast as the narrator but I'm not paying $10 to see this unless Kristen Schaal plays the girlfriend.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:40 AM on December 16, 2009
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:40 AM on December 16, 2009
It's probably pointless to try to defend what one finds funny, but to me, this isn't (mostly) funny because it's about shit and piss. It's funny because it's about a super-embarrassing situation. I read it and I'm caught between thinking "What a freak!" (especially the pee-bottle part) and secretly identifying with him. I read it and I feel embarrassed, and I wind up laughing at my own embarrassment.
Also, surely I'm not alone in fearing that something like this could happen to me. During my daily commute on the subway, I'm trapped for up to an hour with no way to relieve myself. Sometimes I can't even get off the train, because it's trapped in a tunnel. Somehow, even in the most dire circumstances, I've always managed to hold it in, but that doesn't stop me from thinking and worrying about "what if?"
Thankfully, I am no longer in the dating pool, but I remember almost crippling anxiety about embarrassing myself in front of girls. I can relate on that level, too.
Reading an embarrassing story makes me simultaneously cringe and feel a catharsis. I cringe because I can FEEL the guy's shame; I feel catharsis because feeling his shame relieves me of some of mine.
Of course, I never worry about experiencing anything of the extremes posted about in the link. But that makes it even better. I have a simultaneous feeling of "there but for the grace of God go I" and "well, at least I'll never be THAT much of a loser."
posted by grumblebee at 11:40 AM on December 16, 2009
Also, surely I'm not alone in fearing that something like this could happen to me. During my daily commute on the subway, I'm trapped for up to an hour with no way to relieve myself. Sometimes I can't even get off the train, because it's trapped in a tunnel. Somehow, even in the most dire circumstances, I've always managed to hold it in, but that doesn't stop me from thinking and worrying about "what if?"
Thankfully, I am no longer in the dating pool, but I remember almost crippling anxiety about embarrassing myself in front of girls. I can relate on that level, too.
Reading an embarrassing story makes me simultaneously cringe and feel a catharsis. I cringe because I can FEEL the guy's shame; I feel catharsis because feeling his shame relieves me of some of mine.
Of course, I never worry about experiencing anything of the extremes posted about in the link. But that makes it even better. I have a simultaneous feeling of "there but for the grace of God go I" and "well, at least I'll never be THAT much of a loser."
posted by grumblebee at 11:40 AM on December 16, 2009
my initial reaction to this highly-unlikely, unreal scenario is that he should have just pulled an Upper Deck.
what? it's not like *I* ever have...
posted by namewithoutwords at 11:56 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
what? it's not like *I* ever have...
posted by namewithoutwords at 11:56 AM on December 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
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posted by The Whelk at 10:56 AM on December 16, 2009 [2 favorites]