Post crash, a crash blossoms post
February 12, 2010 4:53 AM Subscribe
I have always suspected people become editors just for the opportunity to write these.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 5:08 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Enron Hubbard at 5:08 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
I read your post, then read the first link, and then thought "So crash blossoms are kids who are thought to flourish after their parents are killed in plane crashes, even though evidence in the other links will prove otherwise," I was going to make this comment say something like "Hey I'm not seeing anything funny about a girl who's dad died in a plane crash," and then I read the other links.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 5:09 AM on February 12, 2010 [14 favorites]
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 5:09 AM on February 12, 2010 [14 favorites]
In the small British town where I once lived, the local paper required very short words for its front page headlines, and the police were always promising the victims of crime that justice would be done, and so the word "vow" was frequently used in a way that created verb/noun confusion: "POLICE VOW TO MURDER VICTIM'S FAMILY", etcetera.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 5:23 AM on February 12, 2010 [8 favorites]
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 5:23 AM on February 12, 2010 [8 favorites]
"Gator Attacks Puzzle Experts" may be my new favourite headline. And this is coming from someone who had a stolen newsboard reading "NORFOLK ESCAPED MONKEYS RIDDLE" on his wall as a student.
posted by him at 5:26 AM on February 12, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by him at 5:26 AM on February 12, 2010 [6 favorites]
One of my favorites was a CNN story back in '06 about a UN meeting on Iran, touting that:
"CARROT-STICK DEAL AGREED ON IRAN."
Healthy snacks.
posted by The White Hat at 5:34 AM on February 12, 2010
"CARROT-STICK DEAL AGREED ON IRAN."
Healthy snacks.
posted by The White Hat at 5:34 AM on February 12, 2010
James Taranto's Best of the Web Today column over at Opinion Journal usually has a collection of these towards the end. From the most recent edition:
Police Union Vows to Fight Time Clocks
posted by jquinby at 6:00 AM on February 12, 2010
Police Union Vows to Fight Time Clocks
posted by jquinby at 6:00 AM on February 12, 2010
Completely unrelated to the topic at hand:
I'm curious. Does anyone how the headline image for the NYT article was created? It looks like something you'd spend 10 minutes making out of playdoh, but I always feel like I'm cheating when I photograph real-world objects to use in my graphic design projects. Is this something that a designer would/could create in a 3d modeling program, or is it really just easier to bust out the modeling clay?
posted by niles at 6:02 AM on February 12, 2010
I'm curious. Does anyone how the headline image for the NYT article was created? It looks like something you'd spend 10 minutes making out of playdoh, but I always feel like I'm cheating when I photograph real-world objects to use in my graphic design projects. Is this something that a designer would/could create in a 3d modeling program, or is it really just easier to bust out the modeling clay?
posted by niles at 6:02 AM on February 12, 2010
spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints nailed my thoughts as well...
That said, I shall now refer to anyone who excels after an accident a Crash Blossom, and those that don't as Crash Wilting Foliage.
posted by HuronBob at 6:02 AM on February 12, 2010
That said, I shall now refer to anyone who excels after an accident a Crash Blossom, and those that don't as Crash Wilting Foliage.
posted by HuronBob at 6:02 AM on February 12, 2010
I have always suspected people become editors just for the opportunity to write these.
Or maybe not.
I believe the link is the first use of 'Crash Blossom' as a noun, but maybe not.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:05 AM on February 12, 2010
Or maybe not.
I believe the link is the first use of 'Crash Blossom' as a noun, but maybe not.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:05 AM on February 12, 2010
Vaguely related: the (almost entirely) unintended political consequences of the quest for concision in headline composition:
(One, possibly minor, but real, contributing factor to the trend of failing referendums and, thus, cuts in school budgets: "Tax hike" uses four fewer characters than "school funds." This is why, my headline-writing friends on the copy desk tell me, you are more likely to read a headline that says, "District to vote on tax hike" than one that reads "District to vote on school funds.") —from Slacktivisitposted by kipmanley at 6:32 AM on February 12, 2010
Sting closes caravan brothel, presumably to concentrate on his music projects.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 6:37 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 6:37 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
These are like those 3-D pictures that you have to stare at cross-eyed for awhile before they pop out and make sense.
posted by emumimic at 6:50 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by emumimic at 6:50 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
Recently in my local paper: MISSING WOMAN REMAINS FOUND
posted by WPW at 6:52 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by WPW at 6:52 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
I love this.
Don't get me wrong, copy editors and headline writers do have fun -- sometimes in really sneaky ways. It's usually a thankless job and so you have to entertain yourself somehow.
But other times you just have to put a headline on the story so you can move on with your life. You don't particularly care what it says, just as long as it's mostly right and kind of makes sense.
posted by darksong at 7:10 AM on February 12, 2010
Don't get me wrong, copy editors and headline writers do have fun -- sometimes in really sneaky ways. It's usually a thankless job and so you have to entertain yourself somehow.
But other times you just have to put a headline on the story so you can move on with your life. You don't particularly care what it says, just as long as it's mostly right and kind of makes sense.
posted by darksong at 7:10 AM on February 12, 2010
I still remember when my local paper had the headline: Chemist Held Without Bond. I really appreciated that one.
posted by demiurge at 7:49 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by demiurge at 7:49 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
Crash Blossom - n. pretty and/or talented young woman whose music career takes off due to family tragedy press?
posted by es_de_bah at 8:12 AM on February 12, 2010
posted by es_de_bah at 8:12 AM on February 12, 2010
Crash Blossom -v. To DDOS Mayim Bialik.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:27 AM on February 12, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:27 AM on February 12, 2010 [3 favorites]
Do these goofy headlines sometimes get people to actually glance at or maybe even read the whole article?
Does a clearer headline make it more likely that people will read just the headline and bypass the article completely?
Are crash blossoms a sneaky way to make us more informed?
posted by marsha56 at 8:51 AM on February 12, 2010
Does a clearer headline make it more likely that people will read just the headline and bypass the article completely?
Are crash blossoms a sneaky way to make us more informed?
posted by marsha56 at 8:51 AM on February 12, 2010
Comedian linked to MetaFilter posts bombs
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:54 AM on February 12, 2010
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:54 AM on February 12, 2010
"Jessica Hahn Pooped After Long Day Testifying"
I love this one, because once you make the grammatical switch in your head, the imagined article and reporting process are especially rewarding.
posted by CaseyB at 9:03 AM on February 12, 2010 [3 favorites]
I love this one, because once you make the grammatical switch in your head, the imagined article and reporting process are especially rewarding.
posted by CaseyB at 9:03 AM on February 12, 2010 [3 favorites]
That is possibly the coolest term ever invented.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 9:08 AM on February 12, 2010
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 9:08 AM on February 12, 2010
Fun post. And I personally am sorry "Torture professor John Yoo in San Mateo" did not actually announce a scheduled event to mete out some equal justice to Yoo.
posted by bearwife at 9:27 AM on February 12, 2010
posted by bearwife at 9:27 AM on February 12, 2010
I have always suspected people become editors just for the opportunity to write these.
When I was EIC of a few local newspapers, this was definitely my favorite part of the job. The headline I was most proud of was an article about an out of control car plowing intothe front door of a bank:
CAR CRASH BREAKS BANK
posted by ShawnStruck at 9:30 AM on February 12, 2010
When I was EIC of a few local newspapers, this was definitely my favorite part of the job. The headline I was most proud of was an article about an out of control car plowing intothe front door of a bank:
CAR CRASH BREAKS BANK
posted by ShawnStruck at 9:30 AM on February 12, 2010
My favorite: ZOMBIES PUSH JESUS FROM TOP OF BOX OFFICE.
posted by Foosnark at 9:53 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Foosnark at 9:53 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
Ones I've seen elsewhere:
MAN BEATS OFF BEAR TO SAVE FRIEND
NAVY APOLOGIZES FOR TYING SAILOR TO BLAST
CHURCH GROUP HELPS HURT FAMILY
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:02 AM on February 12, 2010
MAN BEATS OFF BEAR TO SAVE FRIEND
NAVY APOLOGIZES FOR TYING SAILOR TO BLAST
CHURCH GROUP HELPS HURT FAMILY
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:02 AM on February 12, 2010
The syndicated veterinarian column in my local rag had this a few days ago: Dog bonds with husband, turns on woman.
Not nearly as titillating as I had hoped.
posted by barrett caulk at 10:12 AM on February 12, 2010
Not nearly as titillating as I had hoped.
posted by barrett caulk at 10:12 AM on February 12, 2010
At first I thought there was a band named Crash Blossoms, but that was Gin Blossoms. So now I think there should be a band named Crash Blossoms.
posted by Splunge at 11:10 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Splunge at 11:10 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
I still remember when my local paper had the headline: Chemist Held Without Bond. I really appreciated that one.
He was in the custody of Sergeant van der Waals.
posted by benzenedream at 11:46 AM on February 12, 2010
He was in the custody of Sergeant van der Waals.
posted by benzenedream at 11:46 AM on February 12, 2010
As the article notes, the CJR had a few books of these in the 80s. The best, I think, by far, was: "BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLANDS".
posted by The Bellman at 11:55 AM on February 12, 2010
posted by The Bellman at 11:55 AM on February 12, 2010
No relation.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 12:02 PM on February 12, 2010
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 12:02 PM on February 12, 2010
Crash blossom makes me think of Turd Blossom. I wonder what he's doing right now?
posted by pianomover at 12:48 PM on February 12, 2010
posted by pianomover at 12:48 PM on February 12, 2010
Richard Lederer wrote numerous books touching upon this sort of thing. One of my favorites from his collections is
posted by XMLicious at 12:58 PM on February 12, 2010
Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole In One.
posted by XMLicious at 12:58 PM on February 12, 2010
Ah, to be a liver of good engrish.
posted by Crash Blossom at 1:00 PM on February 12, 2010
posted by Crash Blossom at 1:00 PM on February 12, 2010
I think it's true that the English language lends itself to things like puns and crash blossoms. German headlines just tend to sound truncated and ugly in telegraph style.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:37 PM on February 12, 2010
posted by Omnomnom at 1:37 PM on February 12, 2010
Niles, if you want to find out how the image was made, contact the illustrator.
posted by Mo Nickels at 2:46 PM on February 12, 2010
posted by Mo Nickels at 2:46 PM on February 12, 2010
On the front page of BBC News (UK Edition) at the moment: SLAUGHTERED LAMB TEACHER PROTEST. I defy anyone who doesn't already know the story to make sense of that.
posted by him at 3:00 PM on February 12, 2010
posted by him at 3:00 PM on February 12, 2010
A group of some sort is organizing or has organized a protest regarding the actions of, or the actions taken or not taken regarding, a teacher implicated in some sort of scandal involving a slaughtered lamb.
Eh?
posted by cortex at 3:59 PM on February 12, 2010
Eh?
posted by cortex at 3:59 PM on February 12, 2010
Made me look. Yeah, the head teacher sent the school's pet lamb to slaughter, was about to resign, and the students organized a protest to keep him. The article states:
parents and pupils chanted "save our head"
which makes me think that any sufficiently short expression, taken out of context, will sound ridiculous.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:10 PM on February 12, 2010
parents and pupils chanted "save our head"
which makes me think that any sufficiently short expression, taken out of context, will sound ridiculous.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:10 PM on February 12, 2010
After a certain event which some will recall, the New York Times offered this headline: "MAN SHOT BY CHENEY TO MAKE STATEMENT." I took it to be a plausible interpretation.
posted by aws17576 at 7:44 PM on February 12, 2010
posted by aws17576 at 7:44 PM on February 12, 2010
I thought this was going to be some sort of JG Ballard thing, even as I was reading the first link.
Now that I understand (I think, maybe) my favorite crash blossom was ARMY SEX PROBE WIDENS.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 9:57 PM on February 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
Now that I understand (I think, maybe) my favorite crash blossom was ARMY SEX PROBE WIDENS.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 9:57 PM on February 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
A local headline that still brings a smile to my face is
UNIVERSITY WITHOUT WALLS
TO HOLD OPEN HOUSE
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 9:59 PM on February 23, 2010
UNIVERSITY WITHOUT WALLS
TO HOLD OPEN HOUSE
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 9:59 PM on February 23, 2010
« Older He wanted to be a granpa. | Bucks First Federal Credit Union Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
I can't parse this sentence.
posted by I_pity_the_fool at 5:08 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]