No Means Yes?

March 26, 2010 8:51 AM

One of the most persistent rape myths offered up to excuse sexual assault is the idea that rape is just one big misunderstanding.
posted by Ruthless Bunny (4 comments total)

This doesn't say nearly as much as the author thinks it does. That men are aware of subtlety and nuance in sexual communication does not establish that there can't also be honest misunderstanding.
posted by grobstein at 9:00 AM on March 26, 2010

The interview transcript is kind of weird - the people who, at the beginning, say that they would use an excuse rather than say "no" (John, James, George, Andrew) aren't the same people who at the end talk about women needing to say "no" strongly. (Mike, Jason, Cam, Kyle). The same people don't even talk in the two different segments, so I don't know if you can conflate their opinions unless we're missing something that says otherwise.

I'm also not sure why they chose to write laughter as "hehe".
posted by Solon and Thanks at 9:06 AM on March 26, 2010

I can be logical to a fault, and I'm not always sensitive to subtle "hints." The protocol in these situations needs to be like this:

Person initiating: "Do you want to have sex?"
Other person: "Yes/No."

Or if this fails to happen:

Other person: "Are you trying to have sex with me?"
Person initiating: "Yes/No."
Other person: "Sounds good/I don't want to right now."

Sadly, the world is seldom as direct as I'd like. Everybody wants to tiptoe around the issue and play interested-but-not-really-interested games with each other, and nobody points fingers until it's all over. I understand — nobody wants to ruin the mood with a blunt verbal instrument — but in my ideal world that should really happen all the time, mood be damned. (sigh) It sucks to be an idealist.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 9:07 AM on March 26, 2010

TWPL: You should try those blunt verbal instruments. They're remarkably effective.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:09 AM on March 26, 2010