Make that bitch itch.

May 11, 2010 8:58 PM

Yes, we sell pubic lice and yes, we are proud of it. We sell you crabs to give to your ex-girlfriend or whoever has pissed you off enough to make you seek revenge on them. If you want a method of revenge that doesn’t involve permanent damage or risk of personal injury or jail time, you have come to the right place. Crab Revenge. (This is not an endorsement, this is for information only.)
posted by ColdChef (27 comments total)

We are sorry to inform those of you wishing to purchase our crabs that we are currently unable to accept any orders due to unforeseen circumstances with our previous online payment processing company. Please do not worry though as we will have a new method of payment up and running very soon. If you still desperately need to make an order please contact us to send either a cheque or postal order.
posted by QuarterlyProphet at 9:02 PM on May 11, 2010

Think they'd live in an ant farm filled with pubes?
posted by piedmont at 9:02 PM on May 11, 2010

If I weren't a reasonable and mature adult, I would totally do this.
posted by greta simone at 9:03 PM on May 11, 2010

"Thank you SO much you saved my marridge! My wife broke it off with her new lover because she thought he gave her crabs, wish I had found this site sooner!"

.
posted by mazola at 9:05 PM on May 11, 2010

Wow. I'm just . . . I have no words.
posted by nola at 9:07 PM on May 11, 2010

You don't get it! It's a pill ... that gives worms ... to ex-girlfriends!
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:07 PM on May 11, 2010 [7 favorites]

Lawsuit in 10...9...8...
posted by Mitrovarr at 9:08 PM on May 11, 2010

For the shitty underhanded 1 - 2 punch infect someone with the help of that website and then report them here (warning, ugly ass ad heavy site).
posted by idiopath at 9:08 PM on May 11, 2010

We have a facility in a non-descript location in the British Isles where we do all of our parasite husbandry

Countdown to joke 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:08 PM on May 11, 2010

bonus: they don't remove reports unless you send them a note from your doctor
posted by idiopath at 9:11 PM on May 11, 2010

My ride to work listens to the shitty local nu-metal station, and I heard about this on their gross-out stupid show this morning.

This is a pretty goddamned stupid idea, and it's an even more idiotic web site. Whomever designed it seems to have been scratching her or himself frantically whilst hammering away at a pirated copy of DreamWeaver.

Honestly, it's just a dumb idea, and a non-functional web site put up for comic relief and maybe a little cash from stupid people willing to send it. I doubt the designer even has any crabs. I don't think this is much of a post.
posted by koeselitz at 9:13 PM on May 11, 2010

Suspicious package!
posted by Artw at 9:14 PM on May 11, 2010

regarding that STD reporting site I think what they are doing is disgusting and now I kind of regret linking there but my hope is that the more publicity they get the more the content will be overwhelmed but trolling and hopefully they will get their asses sued off the Internet
posted by idiopath at 9:14 PM on May 11, 2010

um....

Sorry bro, I don't think this is a good post.
posted by yhbc at 9:16 PM on May 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

AZ, Could it also give worms to ex-boyfriends?
posted by Navelgazer at 9:16 PM on May 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

I doubt the designer even has any crabs.

You haven't slept with many designers.
posted by ColdChef at 9:16 PM on May 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

Anyone got a home recipe for diarrhoea? For giving someone a serious case of the shits for a couple of days. Serious question.

Also falls into the "doesn't involve permanent damage or risk of personal injury" category. Don't make me go to AskMe.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 9:17 PM on May 11, 2010

Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
posted by zippy at 9:19 PM on May 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

The only thing more pathetic than running such a base idea for a site would be putting one up as a joke. Stay classy, internet.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 9:21 PM on May 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

This makes being ignored by my (now-ex)boyfriend for the last three weeks seem like the extremely long lead-in to a stupendously funny joke that was worth all the anxiety and turmoil that went with it.
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:24 PM on May 11, 2010

and the price?

20 bucks, same as in town!
posted by pyramid termite at 9:25 PM on May 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

AZ, priceless. That's exactly what I was thinking.

Brain Candy/Kids In the Hall - Pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends
posted by HopperFan at 9:26 PM on May 11, 2010

I'm pretty sure doing this risks jail time -- assault, maybe. They'd figure out something.
posted by palliser at 9:26 PM on May 11, 2010

Huh. I guess MetaFilter is really sensitive when it comes to giving someone crabs.
posted by ColdChef at 9:27 PM on May 11, 2010

What I said in this other, related thread.
posted by yiftach at 9:28 PM on May 11, 2010

Let's just take one state's criminal statutes to illustrate the problems with this enterprise:

Definition of Accomplice

Criminal Liability for the Conduct of Another

Criminal Liability of Enterprises

Facilitation

Assault

Sexual Abuse

(Definition of "Sexual Contact" applicable to Sexual Abuse)

Let's just say that opening up that can of lice could open up a can of worms.
posted by holterbarbour at 9:29 PM on May 11, 2010

Hmm. Apparently this has been up a year and a half now, registered to some dude in the UK. Doubt he's ever actually sold any of the buggers, but you never know.
posted by koeselitz at 9:29 PM on May 11, 2010