But you said ALL dogs!
August 20, 2010 4:04 AM Subscribe
"British scientists recently turned an entire species of moths into gays by spraying them with a special hormone. This is repulsive, particularly considering the old scientific adage that the flutter of a butterfly can set off a chain of events that can change history. In this case, scientists have made that flutter into an outrageously gay flutter, summoning male mouths into a frenzy of gay activity." Fundamentalists (or is it fundamentalist spoof squad?) aim to answer the question: Do gay pets go to heaven?
This post was deleted for the following reason: I know it's spoof stuff, but spoof bigotry is still kind of "hey check out this bigotry" in a way that's really not great for a post if it's not somehow just really, really superlative. -- cortex
It's not paying any rent, that's for sure. Do they think wool grows on trees?
posted by mippy at 4:14 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by mippy at 4:14 AM on August 20, 2010
summoning male mouths into a frenzy of gay activity.
If only spell-check came with a Freudian slip filter.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:15 AM on August 20, 2010 [17 favorites]
If only spell-check came with a Freudian slip filter.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:15 AM on August 20, 2010 [17 favorites]
The last thread got baleeted but so I'll say again that landoverbaptist and it's christwire affiliate really aren't that funny, nor are they really that great at satire.
American Christianity is easily mocked, and is an easy target for satire. It's a "target rich environment", so to speak. But the christwire folks always fall a little short of being truly funny -- almost as if they're making fun of the liberal idea of what conservative Christians are supposed to think. Perhaps a kind of meta-satire.
Real conservative Christianity deserves to be taken seriously, despite it's inherent ridiculousness. If we're going to make fun of it, let's make fun of what they actually believe rather than making fun of the ideas that we think would be funny if people actually believed them (but don't).
posted by Azazel Fel at 4:18 AM on August 20, 2010 [4 favorites]
American Christianity is easily mocked, and is an easy target for satire. It's a "target rich environment", so to speak. But the christwire folks always fall a little short of being truly funny -- almost as if they're making fun of the liberal idea of what conservative Christians are supposed to think. Perhaps a kind of meta-satire.
Real conservative Christianity deserves to be taken seriously, despite it's inherent ridiculousness. If we're going to make fun of it, let's make fun of what they actually believe rather than making fun of the ideas that we think would be funny if people actually believed them (but don't).
posted by Azazel Fel at 4:18 AM on August 20, 2010 [4 favorites]
If we're going to make fun of it, let's make fun of what they actually believe rather than making fun of the ideas that we think would be funny if people actually believed them (but don't).
Which idea is being made fun of here that fundamentalists don't actually believe?
posted by DU at 4:23 AM on August 20, 2010
Which idea is being made fun of here that fundamentalists don't actually believe?
posted by DU at 4:23 AM on August 20, 2010
I had always thought that Christwire was a spoof site. If it's actually in earnest, I'm going to have to substantially re-organize my understanding of the world…
posted by LMGM at 4:27 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by LMGM at 4:27 AM on August 20, 2010
Which idea is being made fun of here that fundamentalists don't actually believe?
That animals can be gay. Fundamentalists know that only human beings can be gay because it is a conscious choice-- a choice made to hurt one's parents and because some people enjoy being ostracized and beaten up.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:30 AM on August 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
That animals can be gay. Fundamentalists know that only human beings can be gay because it is a conscious choice-- a choice made to hurt one's parents and because some people enjoy being ostracized and beaten up.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:30 AM on August 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
Gay pets, like gay humans, spontaneously combust upon death. Unlike straight pets, which with a literal whimper, slowly rot away, returning to Earth to spread their straight chemical elements back into the Earth to one day be reabsorbed into another lifeform. It's the way god wants it. Promise.
posted by IvoShandor at 4:32 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by IvoShandor at 4:32 AM on August 20, 2010
Gay pets go straight up my ass.
Straight up my ass.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:34 AM on August 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
Straight up my ass.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:34 AM on August 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
Which idea is being made fun of here that fundamentalists don't actually believe?
Fundamentalist is a very broad term which can encompass a lot of different Christian sects. One of the biggest glaring omissions from their articles that I can see is the overall lack of proof-texted Bible verses. You can tell christwire isn't a "real" Christian website because every sentence isn't followed by (Lev. 39.1-3, Deut. 12.2, Ski 34.2-6, Lax 9.1-1) and so forth.
posted by Azazel Fel at 4:37 AM on August 20, 2010
Fundamentalist is a very broad term which can encompass a lot of different Christian sects. One of the biggest glaring omissions from their articles that I can see is the overall lack of proof-texted Bible verses. You can tell christwire isn't a "real" Christian website because every sentence isn't followed by (Lev. 39.1-3, Deut. 12.2, Ski 34.2-6, Lax 9.1-1) and so forth.
posted by Azazel Fel at 4:37 AM on August 20, 2010
summoning male mouths into a frenzy of gay activity.
Or as we call it around here, Tuesday.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:56 AM on August 20, 2010
Or as we call it around here, Tuesday.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:56 AM on August 20, 2010
Which idea is being made fun of here that fundamentalists don't actually believe?
Fundamentalist is a broad category and you can find at least one person who calls themselves a Christian fundamentalist who believes anything you like, including personal and sincere belief in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
But by and large Christian fundamentalists do not believe that pets have any afterlife at all. They just stop when they die.
And, yes, if they were real they'd have Bible-Tourette's. Like Jack van Impe (and Rexella, Mistress of the Dark).
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:03 AM on August 20, 2010
Fundamentalist is a broad category and you can find at least one person who calls themselves a Christian fundamentalist who believes anything you like, including personal and sincere belief in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
But by and large Christian fundamentalists do not believe that pets have any afterlife at all. They just stop when they die.
And, yes, if they were real they'd have Bible-Tourette's. Like Jack van Impe (and Rexella, Mistress of the Dark).
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:03 AM on August 20, 2010
"... summoning male mouths into a frenzy of gay activity."
Ah. I see.
posted by pyrex at 5:07 AM on August 20, 2010
Ah. I see.
posted by pyrex at 5:07 AM on August 20, 2010
Does this affect giant female moths? Because I'm just thinking of Japanese scientists and hoping they don't (or hoping they do? what am I hoping?) accidentally spill several tons of this near Mothra's lair.
posted by pracowity at 5:07 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by pracowity at 5:07 AM on August 20, 2010
No, we are there to sit still and appreciate God. To ask if we can bring along a pet is akin to asking if you can bring your cat with you on a rollercoaster ride because you might get tired and lonely.
Yeah, except that Holy Rollercoaster sounds about as exciting as the one in the kiddie section of the park. Maybe I will bring Fluffykins on the stupid thing.
In general, I'm half surprised that people believe in a literal Heaven anyway. Being described as "with God," and God being omnipresent, and all the "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" motifs, it seems like a good argument that the "afterlife" is just your matter continuing to live on as other life. But yeah, if you want to believe that you'll be a little floating soul-dealie en masse with other soul-dealies at the feet of an anthropomorphic God sitting on a silver throne, go for it!
posted by explosion at 5:14 AM on August 20, 2010
Yeah, except that Holy Rollercoaster sounds about as exciting as the one in the kiddie section of the park. Maybe I will bring Fluffykins on the stupid thing.
In general, I'm half surprised that people believe in a literal Heaven anyway. Being described as "with God," and God being omnipresent, and all the "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" motifs, it seems like a good argument that the "afterlife" is just your matter continuing to live on as other life. But yeah, if you want to believe that you'll be a little floating soul-dealie en masse with other soul-dealies at the feet of an anthropomorphic God sitting on a silver throne, go for it!
posted by explosion at 5:14 AM on August 20, 2010
Does this affect giant female moths?
No they just sit around bored and realize that this whole three-way thing was not really about doubling her fun like he said it was.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:22 AM on August 20, 2010
No they just sit around bored and realize that this whole three-way thing was not really about doubling her fun like he said it was.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:22 AM on August 20, 2010
If Jesus was a guy at all, Jesus was a good guy. And gay, I reckon. Perfectly gay. I'm sure he'd let everyone into heaven, including all the animals, eternities of herds grazing on endless plains, whether they were gay or straight or leghumposexual. But he might keep the fire-breathing fundies waiting at the gates a few millennia so they could watch while millions they hated walked right in and curled up in the infinite chair near the fire and told stories that couldn't quite be heard from where the fundies stood out at the gates.
posted by pracowity at 5:35 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by pracowity at 5:35 AM on August 20, 2010
British scientists recently turned an entire species of moths into gays
"Come into my moth" looks less and less like a spelling mistake and more like a fairly odd experiment.
posted by MuffinMan at 5:49 AM on August 20, 2010
"Come into my moth" looks less and less like a spelling mistake and more like a fairly odd experiment.
posted by MuffinMan at 5:49 AM on August 20, 2010
I had always thought that Christwire was a spoof site. If it's actually in earnest, I'm going to have to substantially re-organize my understanding of the world…
The previously deleted thread was my first exposure to Christwire and I was prepared to read it as a spoof...except that the comments section (and the way that the comments are rated) seem to prove that people take the site seriously.
But by and large Christian fundamentalists do not believe that pets have any afterlife at all. They just stop when they die.
Just anecdotal evidence but when I asked this question of my fundamentalist in-laws, the husband said they don't go to heaven and the wife said they do. They spoke simultaneously and then looked at each other in confusion-- it was obviously a question which had not come up before and they had no consensus. I imagine this would be the case in a lot of congregations across America.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:53 AM on August 20, 2010
The previously deleted thread was my first exposure to Christwire and I was prepared to read it as a spoof...except that the comments section (and the way that the comments are rated) seem to prove that people take the site seriously.
But by and large Christian fundamentalists do not believe that pets have any afterlife at all. They just stop when they die.
Just anecdotal evidence but when I asked this question of my fundamentalist in-laws, the husband said they don't go to heaven and the wife said they do. They spoke simultaneously and then looked at each other in confusion-- it was obviously a question which had not come up before and they had no consensus. I imagine this would be the case in a lot of congregations across America.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:53 AM on August 20, 2010
Yeah, except that Holy Rollercoaster sounds about as exciting as the one in the kiddie section of the park.
It gets more exciting when you realize you can see hell from the rollercoaster. This is an important feature of the attraction, even though Jonah was reprimanded for the exact same attitude (Jonah 4: 10-11; not the most popular passages ever).
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:00 AM on August 20, 2010
It gets more exciting when you realize you can see hell from the rollercoaster. This is an important feature of the attraction, even though Jonah was reprimanded for the exact same attitude (Jonah 4: 10-11; not the most popular passages ever).
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:00 AM on August 20, 2010
I've always believed that if ANYBODY deserved to go to heaven, it's the critters. Humans, generally not so much.
The concept of harp-strumming, wing-wearing dead people always seemed contrived and not at all a good time. How could it possibly be heaven without pets? Mark Twain said, go to Heaven for the climate, go to Hell for the company.
Also, what pracowity said.
posted by kinnakeet at 6:01 AM on August 20, 2010
The concept of harp-strumming, wing-wearing dead people always seemed contrived and not at all a good time. How could it possibly be heaven without pets? Mark Twain said, go to Heaven for the climate, go to Hell for the company.
Also, what pracowity said.
posted by kinnakeet at 6:01 AM on August 20, 2010
But by and large Christian fundamentalists do not believe that pets have any afterlife at all.
Yes, but given that they believe in an afterlife at all AND they do now and have historically spent a lot of time debating who/what does and does not have a soul, debating whether pets go to heaven seems only mildly extrapolated from real beliefs. This is how satire works.
posted by DU at 6:04 AM on August 20, 2010
Yes, but given that they believe in an afterlife at all AND they do now and have historically spent a lot of time debating who/what does and does not have a soul, debating whether pets go to heaven seems only mildly extrapolated from real beliefs. This is how satire works.
posted by DU at 6:04 AM on August 20, 2010
Do gay pets go to heaven?
I thought they went to Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:06 AM on August 20, 2010
I thought they went to Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:06 AM on August 20, 2010
The last thread got baleeted but so I'll say again that landoverbaptist and it's christwire affiliate really aren't that funny, nor are they really that great at satire.
...
If we're going to make fun of it, let's make fun of what they actually believe rather than making fun of the ideas that we think would be funny if people actually believed them (but don't).
I'm inclined to agree. I don't think this link makes good Meta fodder.
posted by overeducated_alligator at 6:17 AM on August 20, 2010
...
If we're going to make fun of it, let's make fun of what they actually believe rather than making fun of the ideas that we think would be funny if people actually believed them (but don't).
I'm inclined to agree. I don't think this link makes good Meta fodder.
posted by overeducated_alligator at 6:17 AM on August 20, 2010
LMGM: I had always thought that Christwire was a spoof site. If it's actually in earnest, I'm going to have to substantially re-organize my understanding of the world…
Yes, Christwire.org is a LOLCHRISTIANS satire site (which I think I said the day before yesterday in another thread); Dan Savage was complaining - either on his podcast or on The Stranger's blog - that lots of people don't get that and forward their stuff to him constantly.
Like him, I also don't find them particularly funny. Perhaps its a defense mechanism, but I find real American Christian fundamentalists funny enough, and would welcome posts -- or a whole site -- that captured their real whacked out mangling of religion.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:39 AM on August 20, 2010
Yes, Christwire.org is a LOLCHRISTIANS satire site (which I think I said the day before yesterday in another thread); Dan Savage was complaining - either on his podcast or on The Stranger's blog - that lots of people don't get that and forward their stuff to him constantly.
Like him, I also don't find them particularly funny. Perhaps its a defense mechanism, but I find real American Christian fundamentalists funny enough, and would welcome posts -- or a whole site -- that captured their real whacked out mangling of religion.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:39 AM on August 20, 2010
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posted by twoleftfeet at 4:13 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]