Christwire Addresses the Moral Dilemmas of Our Day
August 22, 2010 5:08 PM Subscribe
Christwire is a site that preaches "conservative values for an unsaved world".
Among the many issues of great concern to these folks: the corruption of future white homemakers by rap music, unemployment causing people to wear skimpier bathing suits, the dangers of tipping at restaurants, and the twin scourges known as vajazzling and vatooing.
This post was deleted for the following reason: I've taken a poll and popular support is swinging toward Barrabuswire.com. -- cortex
And on the third deletion, Christwire rose from the dead.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 5:11 PM on August 22, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by kuujjuarapik at 5:11 PM on August 22, 2010 [5 favorites]
From the rap music link:
Here are some shocking stats:
MALE
60% of college men who listen to rap music end up doing drugs and drink satan’s party juice.
5% of them commit rape
10% of them start learning how to do hipped hopped dancing moves at “gangsta” style disco clubs.
FEMALE
45% end up becoming pregnant and abort their child.
5% drop out of college and become prostitutes.
65% end up having up to 10 sexual partners during their freshman year.
45% end up having sex with another race.
20% end up being raped.
This may shock you, but these statistics are not supported by citations.
Also, I have no idea what "satan's party juice" is, but it sounds delicious.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:13 PM on August 22, 2010
Here are some shocking stats:
MALE
60% of college men who listen to rap music end up doing drugs and drink satan’s party juice.
5% of them commit rape
10% of them start learning how to do hipped hopped dancing moves at “gangsta” style disco clubs.
FEMALE
45% end up becoming pregnant and abort their child.
5% drop out of college and become prostitutes.
65% end up having up to 10 sexual partners during their freshman year.
45% end up having sex with another race.
20% end up being raped.
This may shock you, but these statistics are not supported by citations.
Also, I have no idea what "satan's party juice" is, but it sounds delicious.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:13 PM on August 22, 2010
Oh, wait, I just read the comments and this is supposed to be "ironic."
Get your affairs in order, because fundamentalist Christians using irony is the fourth horseman of the apocalypse.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:15 PM on August 22, 2010
Get your affairs in order, because fundamentalist Christians using irony is the fourth horseman of the apocalypse.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:15 PM on August 22, 2010
Seriously, people. Satire.
posted by verb at 5:16 PM on August 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by verb at 5:16 PM on August 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
Satan's Party Juice:
1 part Purple Jesus.
1 part cough syrup.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:17 PM on August 22, 2010
1 part Purple Jesus.
1 part cough syrup.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:17 PM on August 22, 2010
Yeah, it is satire. Very well done, almost believable satire.
It's like a religious version of the Onion.
posted by reenum at 5:18 PM on August 22, 2010
It's like a religious version of the Onion.
posted by reenum at 5:18 PM on August 22, 2010
And on the third deletion, Christwire rose from the dead.
Zombie Christwire!
posted by zarq at 5:22 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Zombie Christwire!
posted by zarq at 5:22 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Totally fell for it. I blame my fundie Christian God school experience, in which our teachers spouted crap just like this on a daily basis.*
*This was pre-Rap or vagina-embellishment, so it was mainly the dangers of D&D, Ouija Boards, Kiss, John Denver, and the Eagles.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:22 PM on August 22, 2010
*This was pre-Rap or vagina-embellishment, so it was mainly the dangers of D&D, Ouija Boards, Kiss, John Denver, and the Eagles.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:22 PM on August 22, 2010
Pretty sure this is a troll site.
Mission accomplished.
posted by SpacemanStix at 5:24 PM on August 22, 2010
Mission accomplished.
posted by SpacemanStix at 5:24 PM on August 22, 2010
Wow. It *almost* had me as a real site.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:24 PM on August 22, 2010
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:24 PM on August 22, 2010
I was looking at this the other day... it's well done, I teetered on the edge of "is this real" for a while......
posted by HuronBob at 5:25 PM on August 22, 2010
posted by HuronBob at 5:25 PM on August 22, 2010
dangers of ... John Denver
What was dangerous about John Denver? He looked like he should have been driving around in a panel van searching for victims, but I don't think that he actually did.
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:29 PM on August 22, 2010
What was dangerous about John Denver? He looked like he should have been driving around in a panel van searching for victims, but I don't think that he actually did.
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:29 PM on August 22, 2010
From the vajazzling link:
There is a grave and sinister new threat facing our college sons nationwide. College girls are now “vajazzling” their privates with jewels in efforts to tempt our solid, young men into fornicating with them and having babies.
I know things may have changed in the intervening five years since I left college, but last I recall, having babies was not on the list of reasons for fornication among the women I knew.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:32 PM on August 22, 2010
There is a grave and sinister new threat facing our college sons nationwide. College girls are now “vajazzling” their privates with jewels in efforts to tempt our solid, young men into fornicating with them and having babies.
I know things may have changed in the intervening five years since I left college, but last I recall, having babies was not on the list of reasons for fornication among the women I knew.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:32 PM on August 22, 2010
What was dangerous about John Denver?
Bowl cuts and gold-toned aviator rim eyeglasses. What's so dangerous about that?
My mom cut my hair and chose my glasses, not to mention the plaid western shirt with pearl snaps. I was seven. And I looked like John fucking Denver. Seven!
posted by loquacious at 5:35 PM on August 22, 2010 [4 favorites]
Bowl cuts and gold-toned aviator rim eyeglasses. What's so dangerous about that?
My mom cut my hair and chose my glasses, not to mention the plaid western shirt with pearl snaps. I was seven. And I looked like John fucking Denver. Seven!
posted by loquacious at 5:35 PM on August 22, 2010 [4 favorites]
Another very well done (not really) By Christians (not really) For Christians satire site: Objective Ministries.
posted by phunniemee at 5:36 PM on August 22, 2010
posted by phunniemee at 5:36 PM on August 22, 2010
The all chick a cappella group singing Bitches Ain't shit in the rap music link was pretty awesome.
posted by jdoss at 5:38 PM on August 22, 2010
posted by jdoss at 5:38 PM on August 22, 2010
What was dangerous about John Denver?
According to the propaganda I read, "Rocky Mountain High" encouraged use of THE MARIJUANA.
Seriously, though, in a world in which Sarah Palin can wield political power, can you blame me for being suckered by this?
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:41 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
According to the propaganda I read, "Rocky Mountain High" encouraged use of THE MARIJUANA.
Seriously, though, in a world in which Sarah Palin can wield political power, can you blame me for being suckered by this?
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:41 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
My mom cut my hair and chose my glasses, not to mention the plaid western shirt with pearl snaps. I was seven. And I looked like John fucking Denver. Seven!
Pics or it didn't happen, loq.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:42 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Pics or it didn't happen, loq.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:42 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Pretty sure this is a troll site.
Websites are easy.
The truly dedicated deep-cover ironic-fundamentalists keep going for years until they inevitably get caught having gay sex in an airport bathroom, prayer mission-vacations, etc.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:42 PM on August 22, 2010 [2 favorites]
Websites are easy.
The truly dedicated deep-cover ironic-fundamentalists keep going for years until they inevitably get caught having gay sex in an airport bathroom, prayer mission-vacations, etc.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:42 PM on August 22, 2010 [2 favorites]
almost believable satire.
You know, it really isn't.
posted by frobozz at 5:44 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
You know, it really isn't.
posted by frobozz at 5:44 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Not even Adequacy.org went for the rabbit-on-kitten rape angle. Wow.
posted by Kadin2048 at 5:45 PM on August 22, 2010
posted by Kadin2048 at 5:45 PM on August 22, 2010
Saw that last week. Realized it was a troll site when I saw the photo of an old villian from the Rockford Files as one of the contributors.
posted by Ironmouth at 5:48 PM on August 22, 2010
posted by Ironmouth at 5:48 PM on August 22, 2010
There should be some sort of societal collapse index that ranks how likely people are to believe ridiculous satire sites as being real because the thing they're mocking is so ridiculous in reality.
posted by codacorolla at 5:52 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by codacorolla at 5:52 PM on August 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yes, I thought the site was real after reading Is My Husband Gay. It's not hard to believe that sort of thing might come from extreme conservatives.
posted by nomadicink at 5:54 PM on August 22, 2010
posted by nomadicink at 5:54 PM on August 22, 2010
Pretty sure this is a troll site.
Satire.
You know, it really isn't.
Another very well done (not really)
Christ! Wire you being such an asshole?
posted by dhartung at 5:55 PM on August 22, 2010 [2 favorites]
Satire.
You know, it really isn't.
Another very well done (not really)
Christ! Wire you being such an asshole?
posted by dhartung at 5:55 PM on August 22, 2010 [2 favorites]
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posted by I_pity_the_fool at 5:09 PM on August 22, 2010