I thought I'd heard every crazy idea in the world.

May 10, 2002 6:36 AM

I thought I'd heard every crazy idea in the world. And now I have.
posted by Spoon (47 comments total)

I hate the taste of apples.
posted by iconomy at 6:49 AM on May 10, 2002

I didn't used to. I certainly do now.
posted by luser at 6:52 AM on May 10, 2002

see also semenex™.
posted by quonsar at 6:55 AM on May 10, 2002

If anyone believes this, I have some PHARMONES - GET HOT LOLOITA SEXX NOW!!! to sell them.
posted by yhbc at 6:56 AM on May 10, 2002

"The Correct methodology for dealing with low libido is to deal with the source of the problem, which often is poor blood aggregation. This proprietary and 100% natural supplement derived from seed oil has the constituents and compounds that can reduce blood aggregation and impact your libido in a positive manner. Extreme90 has anti-oxidant characteristics that have a positive effect on sexual health, physical health and general well being."

"Gee honey, it must be that poor blood aggregation agin. I think its time to git me some a that seed oil stuff."
posted by 4midori at 6:59 AM on May 10, 2002

Sweet Release™ adds the incomparable taste and scent of succulent fruit to our oral sex lives.

If this product doesn't work out, I hereby offer myself as the succulent fruit to be added to any of our member's oral sex lives.
posted by evanizer at 7:09 AM on May 10, 2002

makes you wonder how much testing they had to do
before they got the flavor right...
posted by Aleph Yin at 7:09 AM on May 10, 2002

Imagine it was hardcore Lime though. Not the sort of face a young lady likes to see between her legs.
posted by Spoon at 7:10 AM on May 10, 2002

I don't like fruits all that much, is there anyway would could get a bacon-flavored version of this product? (actually that may be dangerous and lead to cannabalism...) ; )
posted by stifford at 7:20 AM on May 10, 2002

instead of paying for this, just eat a lot of fruit, especially pineapple and limit the amount of meat, dairy, and veggies like asparagus you eat. has the same effect.
posted by chrisroberts at 7:24 AM on May 10, 2002

the men’s formula changes his fluids to a wonderful crisp hard apple

that's amazing! that's better than turning water into wine; you're turning a liquid into a solid!
posted by witchstone at 7:27 AM on May 10, 2002

Do they have a beer flavor? If they do, I'm slipping it into my girlfreinds coffee and never leaving the house again.
posted by jonmc at 7:28 AM on May 10, 2002

Could we get cream for the men? That has the benefit that it would actually look right as well. I was going to say chocolate, but on second thought, no.
posted by Summer at 7:30 AM on May 10, 2002

I believe a Salon article (who else!) covered the quest of some guy to get his spoog tasting better. Even after diets and such, he reported little success. Maybe it was just him.
posted by adampsyche at 7:33 AM on May 10, 2002

well since all the sex fiends in MeFi are looking at this thread anyway I'll post this here rather than out front. . .
posted by Danf at 7:34 AM on May 10, 2002

As chrisroberts mentioned, I do remember hearing something about drinking pineapple juice to effect the same results.
posted by mikhail at 7:42 AM on May 10, 2002

Along similar lines, I bet you haven't seen this (sexsex world link mostly work safe, till you scroll down a bit).
posted by malphigian at 7:45 AM on May 10, 2002

i'd feel a lot less guilty if i tas- ... yeah, i'm gonna stop right there..
posted by lotsofno at 7:47 AM on May 10, 2002

Maybe a saltines and milk flavor would do nicely?
posted by bunktone at 7:58 AM on May 10, 2002

Unlike anything else on the market, this formula of lipids and amino acids takes effect in just 7 to 28 days.

Who plans that far in advance? "Baby, could you give me some mouth love in about 10 days?"

You know...this reminds me of a joke. I won't tell it here, but I'll give you the punchline:

Him: "Spaghetti? Are you sick or something, Miss?"
Her: "No, but the guy before you was."
posted by ColdChef at 8:15 AM on May 10, 2002

This just feeds into the rant people I know have to endure periodically(ha!) about how douche should come in flavors like teriyaki, barbeque or caesar, rather than "summer fresh" or that vinegar and water crap.
Ideas should be followed to their logical conclusions, I say.
posted by Su at 8:22 AM on May 10, 2002

in the middle of a month designed to celebrate the only type of sex absolutely guaranteed not to get you pregnant,

I can't believe an SF columnist would say this (it's nat'l masturbation month)...
posted by mdn at 8:28 AM on May 10, 2002

Su: ...how douche should come in flavors like teriyaki, barbeque or caesar...

Okay, see. That's just wrong. When I'm on my knees giving baby the pleasure she so very much deserves, the last thing I want is a four-course meal. This summons up images of Willy Wonka and Everlasting Gobstoppers.

And, wow, that gives a whole new meaning to 'gobstopper'! How's that for ruining childhood memories?
posted by Danelope at 8:34 AM on May 10, 2002

instead of paying for this, just eat a lot of fruit, especially pineapple and limit the amount of meat, dairy, and veggies like asparagus you eat. has the same effect.

I'm curious - do you know this from experience? I've heard it before (ad nauseum), but I've never found any serious studies that confirm the theory.

I'm inclined to believe it's urban legend. Salon's article, for those who are interested.
posted by syzygy at 8:39 AM on May 10, 2002

Real gourmets like things to taste as they taste. It is said that French connoisseurs like a squirt of lemon juice on their oysters. But then the French are not very fond of bathing. Champagne is naff. Best is "au naturel", with no additives, freshly showered. Nature knows best.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:52 AM on May 10, 2002

and have a bucket nearby just in case she doesn't agree
posted by nprigoda at 9:09 AM on May 10, 2002

i'll hold out for chicken flavor, thank you.
posted by mikemonteiro at 9:10 AM on May 10, 2002

I heard an interview on NPR with a woman who had just completed a study about that showed what a woman eats while pregnant and nursing can effect the food preferences of her child later in life because flavors transmit through amniotic fluid and breast milk. (I was in the car at an odd time and can't remember the show, and searches on NPRs site for "breast milk," "amniotic fluid," and "flavor" were to of no avail so I have no link for this.)

It would seem the same principle would apply here. I know people who drink or eat a lot of a particular food have a distinct smell (curry, milk, booze for example) so I while I am not defending the efficacy of this pill, it makes sense to me that eating a lot of a particularly fragrant food would alter the flavor of your fluids.

Whether or not that's desirable is another matter entirely.
posted by jennyb at 9:17 AM on May 10, 2002

Somehow the phrase "put your money where your mouth is" keeps popping up in my head when I think about this product.

Miguel: I'll second that.
posted by mosspink at 9:20 AM on May 10, 2002

Just wait until they sequence this into our genes. Who needs Culture drug glands when you can flavor your own semen at will?
posted by darukaru at 9:25 AM on May 10, 2002

a delicious soft citrus flavor

For some reason, the thought of sex and citrus brings to mind the lovely grapefruit ("Roadie's Delite") on the cover of Zappa's "Overnite Sensation".

Maybe it's an acquired taste, but I like tuna casserole just fine.

BTW - eating asparagus will make your pee stink. A lot.
posted by groundhog at 9:31 AM on May 10, 2002

that's amazing! … you're turning a liquid into a solid!
posted

hell, i do that all the time with these magickal $.97 plastic trays and tap water. truly, i am a god.

"amniotic fluid," and "flavor"

words that should never be that close together in a sentence.
posted by tolkhan at 9:33 AM on May 10, 2002

Thanks, syzygy. I couldn't find it offhand.
posted by adampsyche at 9:39 AM on May 10, 2002

Do they have a beer flavor?

Do you really want your girl tasting like a yeasty fermented beverage?

The first of these products I saw an ad for was cherry flavored. I could only imagine it tasted like cough syrup, bringing to mind phrases like, "Take your medicine!"
posted by me3dia at 9:41 AM on May 10, 2002

something similar was mentioned in savage love a couple years ago...
posted by Aleph Yin at 9:47 AM on May 10, 2002

groundhog: Turns out that *everyone's* piss stinks after eating asparagus... but that only some people are sensitive to the smell. You're a smeller!

the men’s formula changes his fluids to a wonderful crisp hard apple

Ouch. That's gotta hurt.

I vote for au natural, too.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:47 AM on May 10, 2002

Well, I prefer the term "sniffer".
posted by groundhog at 9:53 AM on May 10, 2002

But then the French are not very fond of bathing. .. Nature knows best.

Ah, do you see the implications of what you say? The French, in this case as well, know best.
posted by vacapinta at 9:57 AM on May 10, 2002

Mahself, ah can't wait for da Cayenne Peppah version. You mix dat up wit maybe some Hush Puppies...

Now dat's good eatin'! Hoo-ee! Yessir!

umm. Maybe habanero? Wasabi? Calamari?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:24 AM on May 10, 2002

"a delicious soft citrus flavor" for vaginal fluids...

{bad _pun}Oh honey, you're such a sourpuss{/bad_pun}
posted by zekinskia at 11:03 AM on May 10, 2002

I was hoping for some pancakes with maple syrup.
posted by JohnBigBoots at 11:14 AM on May 10, 2002

groundhog:

want real fun? eat some asparagus, and drink lot's o' coffee.

good lord that was an awful, awfull smelling trip to the urinal.

MMNnnnnnnn...pancakes
posted by das_2099 at 12:43 PM on May 10, 2002

"Baby, could you give me some mouth love in about 10 days?"

mouth love? mouth love?!?! what is wrong with you people?!
posted by lotsofno at 3:23 PM on May 10, 2002

Cordelia: "I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan."
Oz: "We attack the Mayor with hummus."
Cordelia: "I stand corrected."
Oz: "Just keeping things in perspective."
posted by Bluecoat93 at 4:52 PM on May 10, 2002

Damn, I wish I had a use for that sort of thing.
posted by clevershark at 7:17 PM on May 10, 2002

Time to take up yoga, c-shark.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:00 PM on May 10, 2002

BTW - eating asparagus will make your pee stink. A lot.

Actually this is only true for about %25 of the population who have the genetic ability to smell that smell. Ask around at your next dinner party youd be suprised how many people cant smell it (or dont smell it strongly). Has to do with a gland in your nose. Dont you feel special.
posted by stbalbach at 3:23 PM on May 11, 2002