Doh! Russians believe US citizens to be zombies and fear our Plan 9 from outter space.

February 23, 2001 9:42 AM

Doh! Russians believe US citizens to be zombies and fear our Plan 9 from outter space. Former communist residents still remain skeptical of HDTV, among other new American trends like the United States being called a "Superpower."
posted by Brilliantcrank (17 comments total)

Well, most of what's in that article, I can't dispute. Aside from the title, it seems like they know the U.S. just fine.

"Those respondents said they saw the U.S. as "Russia's enemy," a country where "psychologically primitive" "zombies" lived. Among the most frequently named associations named by this group of respondents were the words "illiterate," "chronic absence of culture," "drug abuse, sex," "crime," "organized crime," "shooting, killings, rape." "

At least, that's how it's shown on TV and movies. What do we expect?

posted by jdiaz at 10:00 AM on February 23, 2001

"Most respondents (26%) said their first associations were those of a developed economy and a high standard of living."

Ouch! Boy, that hurts! Stop picking on us, you Russians!

Actually (and off-topic), scroll down to see this gem of a headline:

ACT OF TERRORISM IN THE CENTRE OF MOSCOW SCHEDULED

Hee! "Hello, mayor? I'd like to perform an act of terrorism. Would 4:00 be okay?" "Hey, sure, it's wide open."

posted by Skot at 10:05 AM on February 23, 2001

Among the most frequently named associations named by this group of respondents were the words "illiterate," "chronic absence of culture," "drug abuse, sex," "crime," "organized crime," "shooting, killings, rape."

Hm. Those are my impressions of Russians. I guess I'm as ignorant as they are. Anyway, I liked them better when they were communist.

posted by Loudmax at 10:24 AM on February 23, 2001

Did you know that if you open Russians
There's small Russians inside'em?
And those Reds have smaller Reds,
And so, ad infinitum.

;)
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:31 AM on February 23, 2001

Heh heh, the Russian Mafia (aka-the entire RUSSIAN GOVERNMENT) and the military puppetmasters in the Former Soviet Union make the US and all of our problems look like an episode of Full House.

At least we have a country we can work on. Ever since democracy hit there, Russia hasn't been able to do anything but make criminals rich and educated people poor.
posted by Capn_Stuby at 10:44 AM on February 23, 2001

Actually, I too feel that most americans are "psychologically primitive zombies". Have you seen "Temptation Island," and the people who watch it?
posted by jpoulos at 11:07 AM on February 23, 2001

What a strange periodical. There's something odd about many of the headlines listed at the bottom of the page... Not the sort of voice and grasp of English common in U.S. journalism, I guess.

RUSSIAN FELLOW DEPRIVES CHURCHIL OF HIS TROUSERS
“I WANT TO KILL YOU, MR. BUSH”
RUSSIAN ECONOMY MAKES PROGRESS. RUSSIA CAN STAY WITHOUT EXTRA FOREIGN LOANS
ASTEROIDS DESTROYED LIFE ON EARTH AT LEAST TWICE
JAPAN SET TO TAKE MEASURES OVER U.S. SUB’S CRASHING INTO ITS TRAWLER
BEER IS OUR EVERYTHING US BOMBS IRAQ AGAIN
VLADIMIR PUTIN: WHY NOT TO JOIN NATO?
posted by sixfoot6 at 11:55 AM on February 23, 2001

here's the one that caught me:

16:48
COURT APPROVES THE ACTIVITY OF “JEHOVAH WITNESSES”
Inter-municipal court of Moscow has rejected a lawsuit on prohibiting the Moscow branch of the Jehovah's Witnesses to exist and banning its activities that was filed by the prosecutor's office of Moscow's Northern Administrative District. More in detail...

I can see the solution, get rid of the unemployment problem by having everybody without a job go door to door distributing literature all day...serves as a security force and an example of entrepreneurship too, if they're as persistent as the JW's in my area...
posted by DiplomaticImmunity at 12:06 PM on February 23, 2001

"BEER IS OUR EVERYTHING US BOMBS IRAQ AGAIN"

Could this be a new replacement to "All Our Bases Are Belong To Us?"
posted by Brilliantcrank at 12:21 PM on February 23, 2001

It really does seem to have been run through Babelfish or something:
Pravda.ru comes forward with working out conceptions and creating new corporative representative sites, as well as with promotion of new products in the Net

Anyway, that was a pretty lame poll, the "open-ended" variety. It didn't say only 5% of Russians think of the US as a superpower; it said that "superpower" was the first thing that came to mind of 5% of respondents, which came after responses like "developed economy and high standard of living".

Basically, I'm not sure there's a whole lot of content here. Certainly not much news.
posted by dhartung at 12:51 PM on February 23, 2001

Before the meme gets corrupted, let's be clear: it's "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US".

Learn it, use it, wear it out. :-)
posted by jpoulos at 12:58 PM on February 23, 2001

my bad
posted by Brilliantcrank at 1:16 PM on February 23, 2001

RUSSIAN FELLOW DEPRIVES CHURCHIL OF HIS TROUSERS
“I WANT TO KILL YOU, MR. BUSH”
RUSSIAN ECONOMY MAKES PROGRESS. RUSSIA CAN STAY WITHOUT EXTRA FOREIGN LOANS
ASTEROIDS DESTROYED LIFE ON EARTH AT LEAST TWICE
JAPAN SET TO TAKE MEASURES OVER U.S. SUB’S CRASHING INTO ITS TRAWLER
BEER IS OUR EVERYTHING US BOMBS IRAQ AGAIN
VLADIMIR PUTIN: WHY NOT TO JOIN NATO?

Wow! A full week's worth of Powazine article titles!!!
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 1:44 PM on February 23, 2001

I know a Russian exchange student, and she speaks of Russia like it's some fearsome world juggernaut that's got everyone fooled with its starving and dying populace.

I told her, "At least in America we don't pay for college tuition in food for professors"

BOOYAH, STUBY done BITCHJACKED her self-esteem!
posted by Capn_Stuby at 4:09 PM on February 23, 2001

Oops, looks like I forgot a carriage return:

BEER IS OUR EVERYTHING US BOMBS IRAQ AGAIN.

But it's a happy accident: Join me to start a grassroots movement to make this the official slogan of America, particularly for people who refer to the U.S. as "America". Please note that "US" in the slogan should be pronounced as "us", a single word, not as an acronym.

Through its awkward but heartwarmingly cheeky syntax, our new slogan captures the essence of America as the cultural melting pot we all know it to be. Our new slogan captures not only the casual absurdity inherent in my American Life, but also my general disinterest in foreign politics and my compulsive desire to consume frosty glasses of alcohol.

I'm working on a more complete manifesto, but clearly this is not the appropriate forum for such a thing (CUjoe, I'd like to submit it for the first issue of Powazine, if that's possible. We'll be in touch.) Suffice it to say that there's a new America on the horizon, if you'll all join me.

We're not psychologically primitive. We are patriots. We have unity.
posted by sixfoot6 at 4:52 PM on February 23, 2001

Good Lord. Stuby is a troll in real life, too.

I'm glad America exists so that you can have self-esteem, Cap'n. It's a service we provide.
posted by dhartung at 7:04 PM on February 23, 2001

Bahaha
posted by mkn at 10:33 PM on February 25, 2001