Think of the children.

September 14, 2002 1:20 AM

Think of the children.
posted by metaforth (37 comments total)

please be a joke.
posted by donkeyschlong at 1:28 AM on September 14, 2002

It is a joke. I hope.
posted by SpaceCadet at 1:34 AM on September 14, 2002

Is it a joke? It's very hard to tell isn't it? Maybe comments like this can give you a clue:

Studies have shown that a paedophile is 90% less likely to return to his home if it has been razed to the ground so don't forget that paraffin!
posted by Summer at 1:41 AM on September 14, 2002

I like dogs.
posted by Witty at 1:42 AM on September 14, 2002

it is a joke. specifically, it is an ironic joke with satirical intent.
posted by quarsan at 1:45 AM on September 14, 2002

I know it's a joke, but when you know what happened during the hysteria in Portsmouth, it becomes a little harder to separate fact from fiction.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:55 AM on September 14, 2002

Wow, joe's spleen, that link really changes the whole meaning of the thread. Suddenly this is no longer "an ironic joke with satirical intent" but a deadly serious parodic satire.
posted by Nicolae Carpathia at 2:03 AM on September 14, 2002

I was in the UK at the time. People were really, really scared, the tabloids gaily fuelled the fire, and television coverage helped spread the meme to those loons who hadn't quite copped to it yet.

It is only a matter time before Britain's first paedophile lynching, as far as I can see. You can bet when it happens, the tabloid press will be shocked. And printing the bloodiest photos they can find.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:36 AM on September 14, 2002

Dousing the legitimate parental fears with media frenzy, misunderstanding, and mob vigilantism: the age-old recipe for lynching. Scary, indeed.
posted by evanizer at 2:47 AM on September 14, 2002

One of the most horrible aspects of the anti-paedophile rent-a-mob is the kids carrying placards with slogans about child sex. Nice.
posted by Summer at 2:56 AM on September 14, 2002

We want the law changed to make it illegal to murder children and bury them in woodland.

Oh man, The Sun isn't going to like this. Not one bit. First webmaster lynching on the cards?
posted by robself at 3:02 AM on September 14, 2002

Wow, my heart was in my mouth for a few seconds there, until I got to the woodland line. On the serious subject of paedophile hysteria, I have to say the residents of Soham have impressed me with the dignified way they have dealt with the tragedy there and the press intrusion that came with it. It is nice to see a community rise above a tabloid frenzy.
posted by chill at 3:21 AM on September 14, 2002

First webmaster lynching on the cards?

Not if I've got anything to do with it. I'll be down at their newsroom brandishing my pointy brackets before you can say "gutter press".
posted by zygoticmynci at 3:26 AM on September 14, 2002

Wow, my heart was in my mouth for a few seconds there,

Speaking of which, there seems to be a stainless steel ball-bearing in that woman's mouth.
posted by hama7 at 3:46 AM on September 14, 2002

Related: Chris Morris and his Brass Eye special. I can't find links to the video clips right now, but here is a transcript.
posted by shortfuse at 4:41 AM on September 14, 2002

Think of the Metafilterians.
posted by adampsyche at 4:44 AM on September 14, 2002

It's the tongue piercing that really shows concerned parenting
posted by Reverend Mykeru at 7:17 AM on September 14, 2002

Bad slogans include: 'You're the product of a complex series of social and psychological factors!' and 'I haven't really thought this through!'.

Heh.
posted by frykitty at 7:50 AM on September 14, 2002

check out the t-shirt slogans?

"I'm not happy or popular. Please don't kill me." (available in child sizes only).
posted by dobbs at 9:04 AM on September 14, 2002

I do enjoy satire, but this misses the mark. Usually a good indication of that is when people have to ask, "Is it satire?". Then again, who really expects pedophilia to be the subject of satire?
posted by Zulujines at 10:35 AM on September 14, 2002

I agree: Down with that sort of thing.
posted by Pyth at 10:57 AM on September 14, 2002

yeah, it's rather heavy-handed. But this one made me chuckle:
And Finally:
Remember, when organised responsibly, mob violence can be very rewarding and great fun but please choose your targets carefully.
posted by whatnot at 11:36 AM on September 14, 2002

Here's more on the News of the World's July 2000 "name and shame" campaign, which angered cops by forcing pedophilies underground and sparked the wave of moronic violence that apparently inspired the site. Thanks for that helpful link, i_am_joe's_spleen. Anyone know if there've been more "anti-paedophile rent-a-mobs" since then? I'm amazed I hadn't heard about this before now.

And maybe I'm just particularly open to satire today, but I thought the site was simple, effective and well-done.

Btw, metaforth, these two MeTa discussions raise interesting points about including short descriptions in front page posts when the links themselves aren't obvious.
posted by mediareport at 12:15 PM on September 14, 2002

How could anyone get past "We want the law changed to make it illegal to murder children and bury them in woodland." and not realise that it is satire.

One of the most amusing sites I've seen for a long while, thanks metaforth.
posted by daveg at 12:26 PM on September 14, 2002

Anyone know if there've been more "anti-paedophile rent-a-mobs" since then?

Yes, in Crymych, Pembrokeshire, as we speak.
posted by ceiriog at 1:09 PM on September 14, 2002

Actually, I find satire is usually best when it takes a few seconds to figure out what the hell is going on. It makes it that much funnier.

Thanks, I thoroughly enjoyed that.
posted by The God Complex at 1:36 PM on September 14, 2002

Thanks, ceiriog. Googling for "sex offender" and "vigilantes" turns up beatings and harassment in Canada and the USA, too:

...two weeks ago, a van owned by a convicted child molester near Los Angeles was firebombed after the CD-ROM became available. In New Jersey, enraged neighbors beat an innocent man in his home because they had mistakenly identified him as a child molester. In Santa Cruz County, Vernon Robert Elliot, 56, was hounded from his home after sheriffs released his details.

Of course, some in the US prefer guns. It's hard to drum up an ounce of sympathy for child abusers, but there's got to be a better way to deal with them after they've served their sentences than vigilantism or this judge's solution. Anyone have any bright ideas?
posted by mediareport at 2:19 PM on September 14, 2002

People who only twigged when they got to the "woodland" line should re-read. The very first sentence says:

"We are concerned parents, many of whom have children of our own".

Think about it.

Whoever wrote this has mastered the difficult art of constructing plausible sentences that have the shape and form of one thing and the content of another. Stealth semantics. I hope the author is content to continue as a satirist. If they ever turn to copywriting or opinion columns, they'll be deadly.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 3:24 PM on September 14, 2002

From Mediareport's second link:

Judge J. Manuel Banales' order on Friday that forced more than a dozen registered sex offenders to put signs in their yards and on their cars warning the public of their presence.
The importance of the signs to the community, he has said, overrides the sign's impact on offenders' family members.
Critics have argued the signs could cause vigilantes to attack offenders, their families and property

So tough noogies to anyone else, such as a child, who lives in the house.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:37 PM on September 14, 2002

Also tough noogies to the neighbors, whose property values just went to zero and now can't move away.
posted by swell at 4:33 PM on September 14, 2002

I just find it hard to believe that, in this day & age, we are resorting - under judge's direction - to humiliation (for offenders) and scare tactics ( for the victims). Anyone who disagrees is labelled a sympathiser or soft on crime; I want to see effective sentencing & treatment, which almost certainly costs more than posting signs up.

Gah! Knee-jerks, makes us all feel better.

Now back to your usual programming, executions at 11.
posted by dash_slot- at 4:53 PM on September 14, 2002

do we have any information on what sorts of sex crimes these sex offenders committed? i know in my hometown, being convicted of mooning someone or drunkenly flashing your breasts outside a bar will include a posting of your address and photo on the online Sex Offender Registry.
posted by tolkhan at 4:57 PM on September 14, 2002

"Protest march to demand justice for murdered children from troubled backgrounds who weren't 'happy' or 'popular' and didn't do particularly well at school. (Cancelled due to lack of support)."

Thanks Metaforth. Well written satire. I like it.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 1:28 AM on September 15, 2002

What drivel... there's nothing to indicate though that it's not satire... is there?
posted by Baranephelion at 7:46 AM on September 15, 2002

baranephelion, have YOU confused a pedophile with a pediatrician lately?
posted by quonsar at 8:43 AM on September 15, 2002

do we have any information on what sorts of sex crimes these sex offenders committed?

Good question. This article discusses it, along with other "loopholes" in Megan's Law:

There have been concerns as to a lack of standardization of information-exchange protocols when offenders travel from state to state...a person charged with "indecent exposure" in another state might have been in the state of Washington charged with "public urination", not inherently a sexual offense and certainly not a predatory one.
posted by mediareport at 9:27 AM on September 15, 2002

If you read the article I linked, quonsar, you'll see that in fact people do confuse paedophiles and paediatricians.

The clues that it's all a joke are more subtle. But Baranephelion probably needs to stop skim-reading...
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:43 PM on September 15, 2002