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September 21, 2024 12:44 AM

It was a known dairy barn axiom that cows are the better temperament for the singing. Milking a female animal,... was an inherently sensual act. More pointedly with the likelihood of being a romance. There never was a right-thinking cow who would milk easily and with earnest devotion if her attendant did not sing to her as he conducted the chore. Worse yet if his hands are cold."

From the hypnotic Swedish Kulnig to the Welsh Tribannau, where the defiant spirit of an immovable cow not sung to was seen as act of resistance to the English Act of Union, singing to cattle is deeply embedded in the European tradition. But did you know that yodeling cowboys, trace their lineages not just to the Alps but to Central Africa? The next time you need more milk or a charitable audience, you need merely bring your accordion or trombone to the nearest herd.

posted by rubatan (14 comments total)

From The Grapes of Wrath (hat tip to MiraK who quoted an anticapitalist passage a few days ago that caused me to re-read):

'Minds me of a story they tell about Willy Feeley when he was a young fella. Willy was bashful, awful bashful. Well, one day he takes a heifer over to Graves' bull. Ever'body was out but Elsie Graves, and Elsie wasn't bashful at all. Willy, he stood there turnin' red an' he couldn't even talk. Elsie says, 'I know what you come for; the bull's out in back a the barn.' Well, they took the heifer out there an' Willy an' Elsie sat on the fence to watch. Purty soon Willy got feelin' purty fly. Elsie looks over an' says, like she don't know, 'What's a matter, Willy?' Willy's so randy, he can't hardly set still. 'By God,' he says, 'by God, I wisht I was a-doin' that!' Elsie says, 'Why not, Willy? It's your heifer.'"
posted by Literaryhero at 12:54 AM on September 21 [9 favorites]

They don't call it animal husbandry for nothin'.
posted by Admiral Viceroy at 4:48 AM on September 21 [2 favorites]

This is kind of odd, moving it in a romantic realm? When the act of milking a cow is much more sensual in the sense of a mother nursing a child?

I know nothing of either but.
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:34 AM on September 21

Trad jazz for cows
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:55 AM on September 21 [1 favorite]

From the essay:
In nature, grandfather said, spring doesn’t happen because the sun rises high in the sky, it happens because the earth is sung to.

Singing through the darkness is an old and powerful magic.
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 7:01 AM on September 21 [2 favorites]

"It's your heifer" reminds me of a joke about two guys watching a dog "lick himself where dogs are wint to lick themselves," and one says, "Dad gum, I wish I could do that." The other says, "Bubba, that dog would bite yew..."
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:58 AM on September 21 [2 favorites]

I have let my husband know that if he ever needs to milk a cow to make sure his hands are warm and that he sings to the cow. I pledge to do so myself.

now what song should I sing?
posted by supermedusa at 10:32 AM on September 21

now what song should I sing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXD7YOoHpAs
posted by Foosnark at 10:43 AM on September 21 [1 favorite]

I wonder how many mefites have hand milked a cow.
posted by adamvasco at 11:45 AM on September 21

I wonder how many mefites have hand milked a cow.

I'm a city boy, but an old college roommate grew up on a dairy farm. I used to go some weekends and help, and while I never laid my hands on an udder I did a bunch of other pain in the ass work that led me to realize I belong behind a desk. I don't think they sang to the cows, but the milking was mostly automated if I recall, maybe the machines made noise.
posted by Literaryhero at 3:48 PM on September 21

Born and raised in small town Iowa. Local AM radio station featured polkas early morning and afternoon playing in every barn in the county. Specifically at milking times.
posted by hal9k at 12:47 AM on September 22 [2 favorites]

They don't call it animal husbandry for nothin'.

In our youth, one of my best friend's dad's favorite one-liner was "I studied animal husbandry at Mississippi State for two years ... until they caught me at it." After having matriculated to rival UM, my friend began to retort "Right, because once they caught you, they gave you your diploma on the spot."
posted by solotoro at 11:00 AM on September 23 [1 favorite]

Honestly, jokes like that are why I love redneck humor. (Also got brought up on it.)
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:38 AM on September 23

hal9k, i wonder if you're from near where my stepdad was raised (rural Tama County, nearest town Clutier). Every Sunday after he and my mom got married, instead of listening to classical music on the way to/from Mass, we listened to the Sunday Morning Polka Show. That went over about as well as you'd expect.

Also, I milked a cow when they brought one to my elementary school once. A few of us from every grade got the chance. Looking back, that must have been the most patient cow in the entire world.
posted by epj at 12:13 PM on September 23