"The art and craft of writing sex scenes"
January 30, 2025 8:53 AM   Subscribe

"This is a series of posts on various aspects of writing scenes with sexual content." Rosina Lippi, a.k.a. historical novelist Sara Donati, offers tips on writing good sex scenes in fiction. The table of contents mostly works. Series includes analysis of scenes that work (e.g., in Jennifer Crusie's Faking It) and scenes that don't (discussing short excerpts from several works). Found via Making Light decades ago.
posted by brainwane (16 comments total) 38 users marked this as a favorite


 
Rule 1: Look at an anatomical diagram of where the prostate is. (may not apply to all fiction) (no wait, yes it does)
posted by mittens at 8:55 AM on January 30 [2 favorites]


"On the other hand it wouldn’t occur to me to write to an author and tell her (or him) what steps would be necessary for me to become a faithful reader. I might write and express an opinion, but I can’t imagine telling somebody how to tell a story."

I'm not surprised that some people are critical/judgmental of sex scenes, although I will always find it bizarre that people are generally just fine with violence. I don't mind the first, but am almost always unsettled by the second, but neither is reason enough for me not to read a good book. Given that I think all of us, writers or not, are storytellers and that it is a foundational part of human nature to create/tell them, I cannot fathom telling someone else how to write or tell their story.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:30 AM on January 30 [2 favorites]


Faking It is always the book I point to for good sex scenes!

This is really good stuff. Thanks for posting!
posted by joannemerriam at 9:41 AM on January 30 [5 favorites]


Rule 1: Look at an anatomical diagram of where the prostate is. (may not apply to all fiction) (no wait, yes it does)

Have you seen what gets popular on AO3? Have you read any of the sexy fairy books? Approximately 0.0001% of readers care about anatomy. We live in a society where people sue each other over omegaverse; anatomical knowledge is a drawback.

Personally, I don't enjoy reading or writing sex scenes, which is sad because I would very much like to make money from writing sexy fairy books.
posted by betweenthebars at 10:58 AM on January 30 [2 favorites]


For me, I generally don’t like “graphic” sex scenes in novels, not because they are graphic per se, but because they tend to be really long, and I’m usually there for the story, not the sex. I recently listed to an audiobook where the author decided that a 10 minute sex scene was just what was needed between the end of the plot and the coda tying up the story, and, while it was well-described in its way, I was already in the “this story is wrapping up” zone and the scene, for me, disrupted the flow of the book badly.

Which underlines part of the advice in TFA — a sex scene is a scene, and needs to do something for the plot and story like every other scene! It can establish character, reveal motivation, develop themes, further the plot, provide a beat in the forward momentum of the story, etc. if it’s just there for the sex, it’s usually a failure. For me, YMMV, etc, etc.

Other peoples’ erotic imaginations are often very funny to me, and that’s not usually the emotion they are trying to invoke.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:16 AM on January 30 [5 favorites]


Ironically, fairies, themselves, don't actually have sex, being simply the final stages in the life cycles of cats. Fairy larval buds are expressed from female feline anal glands when the cat begins it's ninth life.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:41 AM on January 30 [11 favorites]


Fairy larval buds are expressed from female feline anal glands when the cat begins it's ninth life.

It's what the cats sing about at the end of Cats.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:45 AM on January 30 [9 favorites]


Ironically, fairies, themselves, don't actually have sex…

~Sarah J. Maas has entered the chat.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:25 PM on January 30 [5 favorites]


I read genre romance and fanfic sometimes, so one of the most intriguing things in Lippi's advice is when she analyzes sex scenes from genres I read way less of, such as thrillers and hardboiled detective novels.

Also, I haven't read A.S. Byatt’s Possession, and was caught by the "intellectual lyricism" of a sex scene Lippi discusses -- nearly no details about body parts moving around.
There is a great deal of very exacting, very deep emotion in this short paragraph — which fits, because this is not a casual sexual encounter. This is a life changing experience for a man who had reconciled himself to a loving but platonic marriage and a life of celibacy.....

The short bit of dialog here echoes their whole relationship... they move beyond the language which drew them together in the first place. There is change for both characters as individuals, and the relationship has shifted...
posted by brainwane at 1:11 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]


I haven't read A.S. Byatt’s Possession

omg you (and everyone) definitely should, it is so good.
posted by mittens at 2:07 PM on January 30


I recently listed to an audiobook where the author decided that a 10 minute sex scene was just what was needed between the end of the plot and the coda tying up the story, and, while it was well-described in its way, I was already in the “this story is wrapping up” zone and the scene, for me, disrupted the flow of the book badly.

It wasn't Freya Marske's A Power Unbound was it? Because I was just, Oh God, not this again, no matter how steamy and detailed, when the rest of the plot was resolving (and not in a good way; and I hated the ending).
posted by jokeefe at 7:34 PM on January 30 [3 favorites]


This is so great, thank you so much for posting! I'm going to do a dive into these.
posted by fairlynearlyready at 11:30 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]


My goodness, I only knew Lippi-Green from English with an Accent, her formative text on linguistic prejudice, so this is a fascinating new perspective on her work!
posted by helpthebear at 6:24 PM on January 31 [1 favorite]


Two words: Bobby Fingers
posted by ginger.beef at 7:36 AM on February 1 [2 favorites]


Haha, not that one, but the first book in that series. Thanks for the warning that she just keeps doing it (as it were).
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:45 PM on February 1


Oh man, the first book was good, and I liked as good fluffy sexy fantasy, but the second one was I thought much better (probably I'm just biased, as the lovers in the second book are two women). But the last one was a slog, unless you're interested in the nuances of class inflected BDSM. And the ending was a very damp squib indeed, but I will say no more.
posted by jokeefe at 10:40 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]


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