Softsoaping Armageddon

March 26, 2003 6:59 PM

"Armageddon" is not a global conflagration gone totally out of control. It is, instead, the gathering of the armies of Satan in a place called Armageddon at the north end of Israel. Huh? Anyway, it's not like these guys are influencing American foreign policy. Heads up for April 8 when Tim La Haye, co-founder of the ultraconservative Council for National Policy, will release Armageddon, the latest installment in the Left Behind series of millennialist apocalyptic thrillers.
posted by jonp72 (21 comments total)

What's with the "Huh?"? You never read revelations? Armaggeddon is described as a valley. But, no one knows for sure where the actual valley is.
posted by nyxxxx at 7:38 PM on March 26, 2003

It's at Har Meggido. Duh.
posted by Dirjy at 7:45 PM on March 26, 2003

Bible passage: Jeremiah 49:16

Prophet: Jeremiah

Written: sometime from 626 to about 586 BC

Fulfilled: about 100 BC

In Jeremiah 49:16, the prophet said that Edom, a long-time enemy of Israel, would be destroyed. Edom's capital city, Petra, was carved out of a mountain side and had great natural defenses. Nonetheless, it was destroyed and the kingdom of Edom no longer exists. Today, Petra is part of Jordan. The city was conquered by the Romans in the year 106 AD but flourished again shortly after that. But a rival city, Palmyra, eventually took most of the trade away and Petra began to decline. Moslems conquered Petra in the 7th Century and Crusaders conquered it in the 12th Century. Petra gradually fell into ruin.

Link.
posted by four panels at 7:51 PM on March 26, 2003

So where do Thor and Jormungand have their battle?
posted by homunculus at 8:19 PM on March 26, 2003

What's with the "Huh?"? You never read revelations? Armaggeddon is described as a valley. But, no one knows for sure where the actual valley is.

I know what Armageddon is. The statement from the Left Behind website is worthy of a Huh? if only because it describes Armageddon as something milder than a "global conflagration gone totally out of control." This downplaying of Armageddon as "not really so bad" is not what I think the current foreign policy situation needs.
posted by jonp72 at 8:20 PM on March 26, 2003

i just with they'd all hurry up and rapture the fuck outta here.
posted by quonsar at 8:26 PM on March 26, 2003

All those prophecies were written about stuff that happened then, not stuff in the future. For example, the Revelation is an indictment of ancient Imperial Rome, not a story about the "Rapture", which is a very recent theology.
posted by eustacescrubb at 8:32 PM on March 26, 2003

My understanding of it was that the rapture was something that will occur in the future when Jesus returns to battle the anti-christ. I read a really good book that explains the apocalyptic views of the Christians, Muslim, and Jews and it explains in great detail what Armageddon is. It was called End Of Days: Fundamentalism and the Struggle for the temple mount. If you're interested in this stuff, I would really recommend reading this book.
posted by Raichle at 8:46 PM on March 26, 2003

With its temples carved out of living rock, Petra is still a gorgeous and eerie place, though, Armageddon or no Armageddon.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 9:27 PM on March 26, 2003

My understanding of it was that the rapture was something that will occur in the future when Jesus returns to battle the anti-christ. I read a really good book that explains the apocalyptic views of the Christians...

Of course, Christianity is far from a monolithic religion. In my Jesuit education I was taught that the dominant view among Catholic theologians is that, while the Revelation does prophesize the eventual return of Christ, the bulk of John's prophesy deals with Christian prosecution by the Roman empire and the eventual downfall of said empire.

One of my great disappointments with contemporary American Christianity is this obsession with interpretations of the Apocalypse. While it makes for great Postmodernism (as a convoluted semantic game), it falls far short of the incisive moral philosophy that Christian theologians of earlier centuries concerned themselves with.

(By the way, I just had an idea for a fusion of Death Metal and Caribbean music called "apocalypso". Good name, at least.)
posted by mr_roboto at 10:04 PM on March 26, 2003

I just had an idea for a fusion of Death Metal and Caribbean music called "apocalypso".

It's been linked here before, but I just can't resist that lead: Apocamon! Alas, the site does not seem to be being updated. [tears his flesh and rends his garment]
posted by Slithy_Tove at 10:27 PM on March 26, 2003

Slithy_Tove I positively love it ..."apocalypso" mixing deep celebration and deep disaster.

The Hopis preach that this is a time of celebration and it is very important to hold in your heart love even admidst the pain we are seeing on TV. Don't get dragged down in the deep dark dialectic undertow that this administration and Tim Lahaye would like to sell you.

Here is a quote from the LaHaye web page notice the words take advantage! YUK! Double Twice Yuk..

"What a better time than now to take advantage of uncertainty and fear by telling people the truth about "Armageddon"

This is a time to clean your closet, bless all humanity and express deep deep compassion for everything and everybody...
posted by thedailygrowl at 10:59 PM on March 26, 2003

..that explains the apocalyptic views of the Christians, Muslim, and Jews...

Jews don't recognise Revelations (as it's part of the New Testament). Not to sure about Muslims though.
posted by PenDevil at 12:50 AM on March 27, 2003

What a better time than now to take advantage of uncertainty and fear...

Just now? Uncertainty and fear have always been key to the success of the Left Behind franchise.
posted by grabbingsand at 4:27 AM on March 27, 2003

FYI, the NYC-based punk band Lords of the New Church (remember their big hit "Open Your Eyes?") recorded a tune called "Apocalypso" around 1984 or so.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:40 AM on March 27, 2003

I like how the missionaries are going to russia....seeing as theyve had christianity since before america was discovered tells you something about these people.
If only this type of christian was so vocal about the poverty that occurs as a result of their governments policies...
posted by sgt.serenity at 5:41 AM on March 27, 2003

For those who hold to the pre-tribulation, pre-millennial view of the End Times depicted in the Left Behind Series, that period cannot begin until after the Rapture has occurred.

Huh. That's surprisingly close to ecumenical pussyfooting. I would have expected something a bit more militant.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 6:09 AM on March 27, 2003

i just with they'd all hurry up and rapture the fuck outta here.

A statesman like response, all things considered.


And, by the way, mr_roboto and ZenMasterThis, I can claim an in print prior use of the term apocalypso in a review of the Kid Creole album Fresh Fruit In Foreign Places in the Rocket magazine here in Seattle, in 1982, , entitled Apocalypso Now, copy available on request, not that it isn't an obvious obvious pun.
posted by y2karl at 6:28 AM on March 27, 2003

Bring it on. The sooner all those smug, holier-than-thou, self-righteous twits are raptured out of our hair, the sooner the rest of us can get on with the business of building a better world.

Or am I the only one that's noticed a marked *decline* in no-strings-attached charity from "Christians" over the years?

Yeah, I'm in a bitter fscking mood. Sue me.
posted by Cerebus at 6:32 AM on March 27, 2003

Armageddon outta here any day now...
posted by infowar at 1:15 PM on March 27, 2003

House Approves National Day of Prayer
posted by homunculus at 2:06 PM on March 27, 2003