Penisblog!

April 16, 2003 8:17 AM

Penisblog Ben Brown did it ages ago, staking out the avant-garde as usual. Now the meme gets its own site. Can you match the member to the bloggeur? (Extra credit for spinning the project into a discursion on openness and self-revelation online.) Not, as they say, work-safe.
posted by joeclark (64 comments total)

mine is the one you can't help but laugh at.

unless you happen to despise me, in which case you can't help but wish it would go join fark.
posted by quonsar at 8:29 AM on April 16, 2003

We were talking about this over in #mefi last night. We noted that there's a interesting derth of A-listers represented. I guess there's exposure and then there's exposure.
posted by crunchland at 8:34 AM on April 16, 2003

Normally, I feel quite cock-sure about these things, but that little match-up game left me feeling cold-cocked.
posted by PigAlien at 8:44 AM on April 16, 2003

wow
posted by vito90 at 8:51 AM on April 16, 2003

It's because most, if not all, of the bloggeurs pictured are queer (which, yes, does make you the same way for looking at it), and the rise of the invert blogosphere followed that of the "classic" A-list. (Hi, Tom!)
posted by joeclark at 8:52 AM on April 16, 2003

Oh, damn, joeclark, you just shattered all my illusions. I was gonna ask all those boys to call me but if they're *already* queer, it's just the same somehow.
posted by WolfDaddy at 8:55 AM on April 16, 2003

Does this confirm once and for all the blogosphere's left-leaning tendencies?
*rimshot!*
posted by kaibutsu at 9:03 AM on April 16, 2003

the fark thread on this very subject is rather amusing, if only for the uncharacteristic amount of commentary from the the female farkers.
posted by grabbingsand at 9:08 AM on April 16, 2003

PenisFilter
posted by matteo at 9:08 AM on April 16, 2003

the the. good band. yep.
posted by grabbingsand at 9:09 AM on April 16, 2003

Abe Lincoln!

Did you know he called his penis "tricky dick" and Nixon called his penis "honest abe?" It's just another one of those wacky coincidences.
posted by mathowie at 9:24 AM on April 16, 2003

It's good to see an homosexualist such as yourself posting material of wide appeal to both yourself and such heterosexualist females who wish to avail themselves of it. Cheers!
posted by adamgreenfield at 9:26 AM on April 16, 2003

JFK called his penis "Boss".
posted by quonsar at 9:28 AM on April 16, 2003

yes, but is it worksafe?

(oh, and grabbingsand: "december sunlight" is a great song, but mind bomb falls apart after "kingdom of rain" or so.)
posted by pxe2000 at 9:29 AM on April 16, 2003

Clyde Tolson called J. Edgar's penis "Pinko".
posted by quonsar at 9:30 AM on April 16, 2003

JFK called his penis "Boss

What about Springsteen then?
posted by matteo at 9:32 AM on April 16, 2003

For some reason I felt like I was catalog shopping.
posted by ferociouskitty at 9:38 AM on April 16, 2003

you're right, pxe2000, but dusk makes up for mind bomb's failings, doesn't it?
posted by grabbingsand at 9:43 AM on April 16, 2003

talk about a boyzone
posted by reverendX at 9:46 AM on April 16, 2003

Ha! That was fun, a very unthreatening way to do some comparison window shopping. In my life as a middle-class, middle-aged American female, I have been exposed to thousands of breasts (mostly courtesy of the cinema) but less than hundreds of penises.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:53 AM on April 16, 2003

"The appearance of any penis is greatly improved by the addition of the costume of a dead president"

~ John Ashcroft
posted by iconomy at 9:59 AM on April 16, 2003

What about Springsteen then?

matteo - sit tight, take hold, Thunder Rod.
posted by Fourmyle at 10:00 AM on April 16, 2003

and baby we were born to pun...
posted by quonsar at 10:05 AM on April 16, 2003

Metafilter: less than hundreds of penises.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:07 AM on April 16, 2003

God. Penises are SO. UGLY.
posted by grrarrgh00 at 10:14 AM on April 16, 2003

What about Springsteen then?
posted by anathema at 10:23 AM on April 16, 2003

God. Penises are SO. UGLY.

and so you go "ick" everytime you look in the mirror? is that your deal?

god, if you're going to get an anatomical hangup, do it over something reasonable, like toes.

two words: vestigial fingers.
posted by patricking at 10:27 AM on April 16, 2003

Lean to the left! Lean to the right!
Stand up! Sit down! Fight! Fight! Fight!
posted by whatnot at 10:27 AM on April 16, 2003

Lean to the left! Lean to the right!
Keep Ugly Penis Out Of Sight!
posted by quonsar at 10:32 AM on April 16, 2003

maybe it's me but a lot of that male meat seems to be self-selected for... shall we say ... visual appeal?
posted by jessamyn at 10:41 AM on April 16, 2003

self-selected for... shall we say ... visual appeal?

Wouldn't you do the same? I know I would.
posted by jjg at 10:51 AM on April 16, 2003

If those examples of masculine ... um ... prowess, or whatever, actually belong to the bloggers who submitted the pictures, I'll eat my hat, so to speak. I've been introduced to my fair share of penises, and most of them were of far more modest dimensions, and I don't think it was just the guys I was involved with. Boy mefites, take heart.

*thinks* Or are all male bloggers hung like men who advertise in the backs of magazines?
posted by jokeefe at 10:51 AM on April 16, 2003

God. Penises are SO. UGLY.

I'd agree that the flaccid flutes shown here are much more biological than anything remotely erotic. The mashed up hairy bits have a face only a medical professional can love, but damn the torpedoes I can see how some of the engorged members have an appeal. I mean jesus, I have to admit I'm impressed by the sheer size of some.

Now I'm a heterosexual, so I'm not sure how much "might makes right" in this world, but I would venture to guess that at least a couple of the guys pictured here have dance cards that are eternally full.

Someone's been reading their spam and using the products.
posted by mathowie at 10:54 AM on April 16, 2003

If those examples of masculine ... um ... prowess, or whatever, actually belong to the bloggers who submitted the pictures, I'll eat my hat, so to speak.

fact: gay men have bigger, tastier dicks. your loss.
posted by patricking at 11:00 AM on April 16, 2003

I was always under the impression that size didn't matter...?

*crickets*

fact: gay men have bigger, tastier dicks. your loss.

But straight men's dick smell better.

*crickets, only louder*
posted by UncleFes at 11:03 AM on April 16, 2003

I've been introduced to my fair share of penises, and most of them were of far more modest dimensions

Evidently, gay men all have bigger penises than I do.

It's because, like any muscle, they get bigger with frequent exercise.

[/homosexual supremacist]
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:31 AM on April 16, 2003

fact: gay men have bigger, tastier dicks. your loss.

Well, I have to say I don't really feel like I've lost anything -- I'm sure I put it around here somewhere -- nope, no dick to be seen. Oh well.

Wolfdaddy, can you corroborate this Bigger, Tastier, statement? Uh, speaking for your people, and all that?
posted by jokeefe at 11:36 AM on April 16, 2003

Whoops! He beat me to it, so to speak.
posted by jokeefe at 11:36 AM on April 16, 2003

Also, a Big Mac may be bigger and tastier, but it doesn't mean that it's more nourishing, or eventually more satisfying, than a perfectly done sirloin tip.
posted by jokeefe at 11:44 AM on April 16, 2003

*mutters to self* Jesus, girl, get back to work.
posted by jokeefe at 11:45 AM on April 16, 2003

jokeefe, I'm still firmly of the mind that it's not really what you have, but how you use it. All the perceived benefits one has from an impressive member pale into nothingness if one doesn't know what goes where, and why.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:46 AM on April 16, 2003

I'd venture that those penises really belong to those bloggers. Except for one or two, they're not really huge, and I think most gay men who take pictures of their nether regions no how to photograph them to maximum effect.

Also, size matters a great deal to some people and it doesn't matter at all to others. (And for those to whom it matters, bigger may not be better.) To get even more general than that is impossible.
posted by anapestic at 12:05 PM on April 16, 2003

But... they're all cut!
posted by dagny at 12:26 PM on April 16, 2003

They all looked kind of the same to me - except for 'Abe Lincoln'.
posted by troutfishing at 12:28 PM on April 16, 2003

One of those pics back there, was that hamachi?
posted by vito90 at 12:44 PM on April 16, 2003

But... they're all cut!

Look again.
posted by anapestic at 1:08 PM on April 16, 2003

Wouldn't you love to read the emails that went back and forth while this blog was in the planning stages?
posted by iconomy at 1:51 PM on April 16, 2003

Wouldn't you love to read the emails that went back and forth while this blog was in the planning stages?

Yes, they were just crackling with eroticism and raw carnality.

"Send me a picture of your penis for this contest."

"OK."

"Thank you."

Ribald!
posted by bradlands at 2:01 PM on April 16, 2003

BoobBlog.

You know, because it's difficult finding boobs on the web.
posted by Skot at 2:21 PM on April 16, 2003

Boobblog

No albums, no pictures.

Tragedy
posted by vito90 at 2:31 PM on April 16, 2003

Matt, since you've got that extra server and all the bandwidth, why not create metapenis.com? We could all send pictures (members only, of course).
posted by Hildago at 2:54 PM on April 16, 2003

members only, of course

No joke required here.
posted by yhbc at 2:59 PM on April 16, 2003

Agreed, anapestic. What I found particularly interesting among the Farkette's was the real lack of penisperience, if you will. Most of the ladies liked #20 and #2 the best, and yet these were not the largest in the batch. Both, however, had trimmed and shaved down to the base, an old pornstar trick to make your dick look bigger. Evidently a lot of girls fell for it.

Of course, there's also the issue of going down on a guy and choking on pubic har, which might explain some of the preferences. However, I still can't understand how after years of a particular Sinefeld episode airing, women still don't appreciate the enormous difference between a 6" erect penis and a 6" flaccid penis. Most of the larger members were either completely or semi-erect. Sorry gals, that's not a big cock. Now, THIS is a big dick. (NSFW)
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:10 PM on April 16, 2003

Now, THIS is a big dick.

Ouch.
posted by eilatan at 3:31 PM on April 16, 2003

Yes, they were just crackling with eroticism and raw carnality

You think? I thought it would be more along the lines of a bunch of guys having a fun time, making good-natured remarks, and bonding with each other. Oh well.
posted by iconomy at 4:06 PM on April 16, 2003

PS I'm kidding. I reread my comment and thought it might be mistaken for a dig. I'm trying to imagine my reaction if I got a similar email. I've been involved in group projects a few times and I remember (fondly) the emails as being the best part.
posted by iconomy at 4:12 PM on April 16, 2003

iconomy I took it to mean that you had a fantasy about a bunch of guys falling on each other at the merest brush of one guy's finger on another guy's neck -- you know, like how it always happens with the lesbian scenes in straight porn.

I mean, you DO have a fantasy like that, right?

And C_D, you gave away a trick (so to speak) of the trade. How dare you! You are to be given unto the tender mercies of the Brothers of the Golden Fist for ... correction.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:30 PM on April 16, 2003

regarding a dearth of A-listers represented, this is pretty well a large subset of the a-list bloggers in the gay blogging community. remember, the weblog realm contains multitudes, and your social circle is not the same as everyone else's.

interesting reminder of how distinct these social groups are, though.
posted by anildash at 4:36 PM on April 16, 2003

Fine, fine, I'll eat my hat, not that I own one; all these are the Real Thing, ranging from medium to well done, belonging to the A list of gay male bloggers, all of whom, I bet, have interesting social lives. It's been many years since I've tripped down heterosexual lane, and my memory may be getting fuzzy...
posted by jokeefe at 4:52 PM on April 16, 2003

There are a few statistical abberations, lengthwise, but I'm willing to accept the veracity of these schlongs until evidence to the contrary is brought forth.
posted by Hildago at 5:49 PM on April 16, 2003

What I found interesting was that nearly every man didn't just take a picture of their penis, they instead felt the need to take a picture of their erect penis.

It kind of reminds me of the way all stuffed bears are made to look like they're attacking, even though that's the exception, not the rule.
posted by mosch at 6:39 PM on April 16, 2003

the infamous moto-penis
posted by madamjujujive at 9:40 PM on April 16, 2003

Nobody has noted the interesting parallel with the blog names? We have, for example, "bentkid", "clumsytwirler", "flutterby", "leatheregg", "littleminx", "sourcreamzengarden", "thecorky", and "wholelotofnothing". Okay, I made that last one up (sorry, Matt, couldn't resist!), but "leatheregg"?
posted by taz at 10:39 PM on April 16, 2003

Boobblog

that seems to be one guy's attempt to get pics of boobs from girls online. His nic is even "woody." And I thought it was gonna be a cool women's discussion type of thing.

Though the penisblog was kinda disappointing in that way too - it didn't seem any different than the back pages of queer mags, except for the one guy with the puppet situation.
posted by mdn at 6:54 AM on April 18, 2003