Table of condiments that periodically go bad

August 7, 2003 9:28 AM

Sometimes, you really need to know when that ranch dressing is going to change into raunch dressing. For all of your organized condiment spoilage needs, there is the table of condiments that periodically go bad
posted by jearbear (17 comments total)

Vegemite 2 months !?

Two years, more like. Two Neptunian years, even. Vegemite never goes bad; it's half salt. That's why you can get it in 900g jars.
posted by rory at 9:35 AM on August 7, 2003

This is fun.
Now will someone please tell my mother that just putting stuff in the freezer doesn't mean it will keep indefinitely (she has stuff in there from the first Bush administration) and that a bottle of Key Lime juice first bought on a trip to Florida eons ago should probably be thrown out now that the contents have turned black.
posted by CunningLinguist at 9:35 AM on August 7, 2003

This is getting printed and taped to my fridge. Today.

The concept of "perishable food" does not exist in my husband's mind. (Or his mother's but that's a different story.)
posted by JoanArkham at 9:44 AM on August 7, 2003

I have trouble believing some of this (let alone reading it).

Mustard: 6-8 months
Honey: 8 months
Honey Mustard: 2 months

Anybody got an explanation for that one?

As well, honey can last centuries.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 9:45 AM on August 7, 2003

#32 Special Sauce 2 Months

Huh? I use a three-day rule of thumb for leftovers and hope for expiration dates on everything else.
posted by Frank Grimes at 9:46 AM on August 7, 2003

I find just thinking about CunningLinguist's mother embarrassing.
posted by timeistight at 9:47 AM on August 7, 2003

Oops, that picture's from this thread. Must be the bad BBQ sauce I just ate.
posted by Frank Grimes at 9:48 AM on August 7, 2003

This looks like it was prepared by the National Condament Association. Some of those dates are simply far too short.

Also, what in the hell is up with the design? The periodic table of the elements is designed to group elements by their characteristics for ease of reading. What in the heck do Onion Dip, Croutons and Lemons have in common?

It would have been nicer to just make a damned alphabetical list. And where is Ketchup? That's the one bottle that's been sitting in my fridge the longest, and the one I'd be most worried about.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:50 AM on August 7, 2003

Honey: 8 months

??? Honey may crystallise, but it doesn't go bad.
posted by transient at 9:52 AM on August 7, 2003

Some of these items I've had for years and they are still good. Pancake syrup, ketchup, and vinegar are the ones I remember off the top of my head.
posted by smackfu at 9:55 AM on August 7, 2003

And where is Ketchup?

It's in the upper righthand corner as "ketsup". I think that's the metric spelling of ketchup/catsup.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:59 AM on August 7, 2003

This list is waaaay too careful. Mayonnaise, ketchup, soya sauce, jam, peanut butter and the like keep for ages. I only use I use "best before" dates as a guideline - some things are still fine for sometime after - and rely on a smell, scrutinize and tiny dab taste test to judge if things are still edible. I figure best before dates are only partly a service to the comsumer and are in large part a way for the producer to avoid lawsuits and move product.
posted by orange swan at 10:14 AM on August 7, 2003

"Cheesewhiz: N/A"

Heh.
posted by jokeefe at 10:16 AM on August 7, 2003

Special Sauce: 2 months; 1,000 Island: 2 months. Hmmm.
posted by taz at 11:28 AM on August 7, 2003

Deciding if condiments are still edible is easy - just put it on the benchtop and watch. If it doesn't crawl off the edge in under 30 seconds, it is good to go.
posted by dg at 12:08 AM on August 8, 2003

I use the Five Senses Method:
Sight: If any part of the substance has significantly changed color, throw it out.
Touch: If it has significantly changed consistency (solid to liquid, liquid to solid, gelatinous to anything), throw it out.
Smell: If it smells like anything you wouldn't enjoy eating, throw it out.
Taste: If a small sample on your tongue does not taste like what's on the label (pancake syrup tastes like ranch dressing, or vice-versa), throw it out.
Sound: If it lets out an audible scream when you open the cap, throw it out.
posted by wendell at 3:47 AM on August 8, 2003

I'm just wondering what happens to vinegar when it goes bad. Does it turn into wine?
posted by hattifattener at 10:10 PM on August 9, 2003