Worst. Reincarnation. Form. Ever.

October 29, 2003 7:55 AM

Fecal tongs throughout history.
posted by qDot (34 comments total)

Ah, the trifecta: salad, breach births and feces.
posted by jon_kill at 8:11 AM on October 29, 2003

Um, yeah. It's a cute concept for the first two or three entries. But why would someone go to so much trouble to set up a page like this? Does something so ridiculous even qualify as a "hoax?"
posted by soyjoy at 8:33 AM on October 29, 2003

Lacking a sensayuma, are we?

See the guestbook for more laffs.
posted by languagehat at 8:35 AM on October 29, 2003

I don't even want to know why you need a set of tongs to deal with your feces.
posted by trbrts at 8:38 AM on October 29, 2003

sigh... another shitty posting on mefi
posted by reality at 8:43 AM on October 29, 2003

Lacking a sensayuma, are we?

More like, lacking a sensascrollthruscreenaftascreenaftajokesalreadybeenhammadintoground.

But thanks for your concern.
posted by soyjoy at 8:48 AM on October 29, 2003

well. as an ignorant amurkin insulated from so much of the rest of the planet's customs and culture, i was intrigued. i still can't imagine WHY these things would exist, but the first time someone told me people still use rocks or go in open holes in the floor etc i couldn't imagine that either. i hadn't considered the possibility of a hoax - which DOES seem more likely the longer i attempt to muddle out the reasons these things could possibly have for existing, in so many decorative and personalized styles. on the other hand, when i ran this on blort, i got email from some woman who said she had heard these things existed but had never been sure until she saw the site. can anyone with a bit more worldly knowledge offer any information? hoax or human pooper-scoopers?
posted by quonsar at 9:07 AM on October 29, 2003

Do people use the tongs to remove their pooh? I'm just confused about the concept. And maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Has anyone checked Snopes yet?
posted by fenriq at 9:14 AM on October 29, 2003

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with these three damned sea shells.
posted by substrate at 9:17 AM on October 29, 2003 [1 favorite]

I'm so good at it, I can use chopsticks!
posted by stifford at 9:19 AM on October 29, 2003

Looks like you can buy your fecal tongs at Linens N' Things or Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I'm getting married in January. Perhaps I can add some to my gift registry. Glad someone came up with something to toss salads AND remove pooh.
posted by alou73 at 9:20 AM on October 29, 2003

I believe that something like this does exist in the armamentarium of modern medicine. They're used when someone is sufficiently constipated to have feces that are effectively ossified. I have no idea whether these tongs have the long and illustrious cross-cultural history that the web site describes.

I will offer that some of them look like they would be extremely painful to use.
posted by alms at 9:23 AM on October 29, 2003

I just use my fingers.
posted by angry modem at 9:27 AM on October 29, 2003

Some discussion here, including some attempts at debunking.

Google didn't show me much, and what I saw were all links back to the fecal tong collection site.
posted by ursus_comiter at 9:36 AM on October 29, 2003

Of Related Interest (first entry and several others NSFW).

These are useful for those who wish to use fingers or chopsticks in place of tongs.
posted by alms at 9:54 AM on October 29, 2003

This page reminds me of Buddy Hackett's modus operandi, wherein a basic joke is repeated over and over to make sure everyone gets it. Although, apparently, even that doesn't work...


Meanwhile, back in reality, I imagine that a doctor would just use some forceps to pull out anything (ossified shit, gerbil, etc.) from someone's rectum. Anything requiring more long-term usage would probably result in a colostomy.
posted by mkultra at 9:58 AM on October 29, 2003

Well dang, alms, I guess I stand corrected!
posted by mkultra at 10:01 AM on October 29, 2003

I didn't realize that so many different types existed. I still use the same set of wooden ones that I got at a thrift store in Hackensack years ago.
posted by GiantRobot at 10:54 AM on October 29, 2003

i would guess that the tongs are for *handling* feces, rather than removing them. i guess it makes sense. how else would you collect a stool sample? i vote no hoax.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:04 AM on October 29, 2003

"honey, have you seen the shitgrippers?"
posted by quonsar at 11:16 AM on October 29, 2003

Damn, I got all excited thinking the post said fecal thongs...
posted by vito90 at 11:58 AM on October 29, 2003

The fact that this guy got his first pair of fecal tongs for his bar mitzvah made me glad I'm a gentile.
posted by Oriole Adams at 12:33 PM on October 29, 2003

Otherwise this is just plain weird, not really funny, but this one cracked me up:

"One can see [fecal tongs] in Neolithic cave paintings in Lascaux, France"
posted by ikalliom at 12:37 PM on October 29, 2003

Another crappy topic.
posted by Trik at 12:39 PM on October 29, 2003

Damnit ikalliom, I was about to say that (exact same link, too).

vito90, this good enough for ya? But, well, the advertised site is... yeah.
posted by whatnotever at 12:45 PM on October 29, 2003

add some to my gift registry
Fecal tongs, the only enema in sterling silver.
posted by thomcatspike at 1:26 PM on October 29, 2003

Another crappy topic.

another crappy user with no contact info who is uniquely qualified to judge the topics of others while having not a single topic of his own to his credit.
posted by quonsar at 1:45 PM on October 29, 2003

quonsar, you don't think it was, you know, a pun?
posted by widdershins at 1:51 PM on October 29, 2003

*blushes, slaps forehead, runs screaming from the room*
posted by quonsar at 2:04 PM on October 29, 2003

Pun, yes, but hardly original.
posted by soyjoy at 2:27 PM on October 29, 2003

Roughage is the answer, my friends.
posted by Hildegarde at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2003

I'm sure snopes will eventually get around to this... right now they're probably too busy writing up this story.
posted by soyjoy at 2:42 PM on October 29, 2003

quonsar = teh jealous of my cleverosity ;p
posted by Trik at 3:14 PM on October 29, 2003

Nice Demolition Man reference! Terrible movie.
posted by inksyndicate at 11:28 PM on October 29, 2003