Nobody's allowed to question the masks

March 7, 2004 5:59 PM

The Official Rules of Calvinball "Any player may declare a new rule at any point in the game. The player may do this audibly or silently depending on what zone the player is in. " It's so clear now. (via linkfilter)
posted by owillis (26 comments total)

I always loved the Calvinball strips in Calvin and Hobbes.

I started reading Calvin when I was a young child (six or seven years old) and I always wanted someone to play Calvinball with me.
posted by BackwardsHatClub at 6:26 PM on March 7, 2004

Any player may declare a new rule at any point in the game

Shouldn't it pretty much be The Official Rule of Calvinball then?
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 6:27 PM on March 7, 2004

man, they left out the best part: the sorry song (you scurvy scalawag!)
posted by dorian at 6:33 PM on March 7, 2004

This is weird. I was just thinking about seraching for an Official Calvinball Website yesterday. Thanks for saving me the time, oliver.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:35 PM on March 7, 2004

ooooh right, now we have searchifying action.
posted by dorian at 6:36 PM on March 7, 2004

Hrmm, If I am interpreting the rules correctly, I do belive a game of MetaCalvinBall is in order...

*passes the defumbilator to BackwardsHatClub and runs 6 laps around the margle to score 50 zoofas*
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 6:36 PM on March 7, 2004

But since I have the 7th post flag, I get to triple your zoofas and take yours too. So you have none, and I get 200 zoofas. I cloup the noonsought, and they're frozen! Race you!
posted by bonaldi at 6:39 PM on March 7, 2004

Sounds like a form of nomic.
posted by Mo Nickels at 6:55 PM on March 7, 2004

Wait...is it Opposite Day?
posted by biscotti at 6:56 PM on March 7, 2004

No it isn't
posted by Elim at 7:38 PM on March 7, 2004

Does that mean it is? *head explodes*
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 7:38 PM on March 7, 2004

That's what you get for standing in the David Cronenberg zone.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:41 PM on March 7, 2004

I'm claming the southern-hemisphere-resident 30,000 kumpwick bonus, which stats that any zoofas scored within the last 24 hours are forefit to me, plus I get to brandish a live trout with which I am permitted to beat anyone who says the word "Snark."

Also, you must all call me "Loretta."
posted by cheaily at 8:33 PM on March 7, 2004

Hmm... so it's Mornington Crescent for those who don't mind their knees getting skinned then?
posted by adamt at 8:46 PM on March 7, 2004

You spelled zoøfas wrong! I claim "no-slash priveleges" as stipulated on page 374 of the Invisible Book I Made Up. Everyone must hop on one leg until I say "tiddlywink".
posted by owillis at 9:18 PM on March 7, 2004

You can't call misspellings of zoøfas unless you're holding the silent flag or touching a tiger; You lose tiddlywink privileges for five minutes or until the next song by someone whose birthday is less than two weeks away from yours.
posted by fvw at 9:59 PM on March 7, 2004

I and my vicious gang of Keep Left signs will trounce you all.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:10 PM on March 7, 2004

"...plus I get to brandish a live trout" - Somebody called?
posted by troutfishing at 10:12 PM on March 7, 2004

No, we didn't.
*thwacks troutfishing with the CalvinBall* Score! You're a mumblethip!!
posted by SpecialK at 10:41 PM on March 7, 2004

ROU_X, it says here that any Keep Left signs you can't actually carry about the playing surface shall become extra bases, and every base loses you 50 zoofas.

Also, I retrofit my score under owillis' Invisible Book which I stole while he was posting, and after swiping the Drunken Posting flag, I wave it tauntingly at all of you, thus amassing infinity-plus-one zoofas for my bad self! Booyah! Puddle party by invite only behind the tree!

Your move, Casper!
posted by chicobangs at 11:02 PM on March 7, 2004

Somewhat sadly, you guys are by far not the first to try internet calvinball. I can remember examples as early as 1997 on what was then Universal's official Calvin and Hobbes forum (gone now).
posted by abcde at 11:12 PM on March 7, 2004

Well then, we have some catching up to do, then, don't we?
posted by chicobangs at 11:14 PM on March 7, 2004

As the score is now nippleclamps to 3-trans-cheesehostess, I believe I am victorious, unless someone has brought the goat with them.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:30 AM on March 8, 2004

Stavros: I've got the goat here. It's all lubed up, and the ramped slip'n'slide is ready... unfortunately, I don't have a pool of apple juice big enough to act as a goal.

I'm going to forefit 3 zoøfas so I can use the Pacific Ocean instead.

I am officially the Head Kneebone.
posted by cheaily at 5:07 AM on March 8, 2004

I've got the goat here. It's all lubed up, and the ramped slip'n'slide is ready...

OK, I think you've gone beyond CalvinBall to ... uh ... well, I'm not sure what, and I don't think I want to know.
posted by me & my monkey at 7:20 AM on March 8, 2004

The First Rule of Calvinball is... You Do Not Talk About Calvinball.

You're all out.
posted by wendell at 1:16 PM on March 8, 2004