I know I'm naked, could you just tell me how to get back to the hotel?

April 24, 2004 3:33 AM

The Zompist Phrasebook may well be the only phrasebook you'll ever need. Unless, of course, you need to say something other than "The bellboy won't score me any coke!" or "Don't 'imperialist pig' me, my good man." (note: zompist.com covered here way back in the dark ages.)
posted by arto (12 comments total)

Pfft, like an American tourist is going to try speaking in a foreign tongue.

Tres amusant.
posted by ciderwoman at 5:47 AM on April 24, 2004

some of the spanish translations (don't know enough french or german to do more than guess at those) are hilarious. and which spanish-speaking country (countries? ;o) uses chileans as the sterotypical idiot in jokes?
posted by andrew cooke at 6:13 AM on April 24, 2004

hah! this is good.

I understand your language perfectly.
Je parle français comme une vache espagnole.
Hablo español como un gringo borracho.
Ich sprechen deutsch wie italienisch Fußballtrainer.
posted by amberglow at 8:06 AM on April 24, 2004

Ahem.

I admire you above all for your purity of spirit and your appreciation of the arts.
J'aimerais bien une petite gâterie, ma jolie.
Si quieres chuparme el pito, no voy a protestar.
Willst du mir nicht mal einen blasen, Schätzchen?
posted by Khalad at 8:21 AM on April 24, 2004

One of my favourites:

Where is the Cathedral?
Où est le bordel?
¿Dónde se da masajes?
Wo geht's 'n hier zum Puff?
posted by Johnny Assay at 8:31 AM on April 24, 2004

Können wir diesen Thread offiziell für tod erklären?
posted by oissubke at 9:04 AM on April 24, 2004

I recommend learning to duck before using most of these. Running shoes probably wouldn't hurt, either.
posted by tommasz at 10:15 AM on April 24, 2004

well, most of the translations are accurate, so it's not like you won't know what you're getting into when you say "Du bist sehr schön für eine Ausländerin". And the inaccurate ones (mostly quoted here already except for the directions) are pretty obvious.
posted by kenko at 10:38 AM on April 24, 2004

I have a Berlitz Hungarian phrasebook with the helpful phrase "Is your husband at home?"
posted by Nelson at 1:07 PM on April 24, 2004

Not sure about the other languages, but the german translations are great. You've got to love german idioms (girls with more wood in front of the hat can't rhumba very well).
posted by fatbobsmith at 2:31 PM on April 24, 2004

So far as I can see Heinlein is just a second-rate Ayn Rand.
A mon avis Heinlein n'est rien qu'un Ayn Rand manqué.
En mi opinión Heinlein no es más que un Ayn Rand de segunda categoría.
Soweit ich das beurteilen kann, ist Heinlein nur eine zweitklassige Ayn Rand.

*cleans chardonnay off of the keyboard*
posted by lazaruslong at 3:04 PM on April 24, 2004

Nothing compares to Joanna Russ's "Useful Phrases for the Tourist", published in Dangerous Visions.

Presented here in ghastly blue-tone copyright-violate-o-rama by someone I don't know (just a google result). Brilliant reading though.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:54 PM on April 24, 2004