People taste like green

May 11, 2004 1:33 PM

Are you on drugs without your knowledge? Take the quiz and find out! I scored high!
posted by shepd (31 comments total)

ABSTAINER / LOW-RISK
Excellent! You have scored within the Zone 1 risk level, which means you have a very low-risk for becoming alcohol dependent.

fuck, I'm lame
posted by matteo at 1:41 PM on May 11, 2004

That he or she has come home after school or after being out with the smell of mouthwash or breath mints to cover up the smell of alcohol?

Objection, Your Honor. Counsel is leading the witness.
posted by dfowler at 1:41 PM on May 11, 2004

The DEA: encouraging paranoia and mistrust in families since 1973.
posted by clevershark at 1:46 PM on May 11, 2004

Damn. I don't even do drugs anymore and apparently, I'm still High Risk. I guess I should call my mom and ask her if she wants to move a few thousand miles to keep an eye on me. ;)
posted by dejah420 at 2:00 PM on May 11, 2004

Teenagers will drink, and teenagers will smoke pot. Let them experiment safely and intervene only if it seems to have become a problem. Accosting them daily will only encourage the behaviour.
posted by Evstar at 2:05 PM on May 11, 2004

"HIGH RISK"

I entered answers for how I behaved when I was in high school, and I never touched alcohol or drugs (*cough*untilcollege*cough*). Yay for profiling.

Teenagers acting lazy and disinterested? Must be The Drugs!
posted by falconred at 2:35 PM on May 11, 2004

I'm HIGH RISK, but I am not too worried. According to this survey, so is my dog.

She is often:
* Carelss with grooming.
* Seems guilty when I ask questions about her whereabouts.
* Uses secretive or “coded” language with friends.
..
posted by gruchall at 3:01 PM on May 11, 2004 [1 favorite]

Life's a drug, so yeah.
posted by Gyan at 3:07 PM on May 11, 2004

High risk.

I answered honestly for how I was in high school, college, and post college (present time). I have never used drugs and never abused alcohol. I went on to read the tips on dealing with your child - tips about speaking with them and telling them that you love them and want to listen to them. Also, importantly, don't "lose it" when talking to your child, etc...

If the first time you treat your child this way (speaking with them and listening to them) then I think your average teen will be somewhat skeptical when suddenly their father and mother put on their happy game-faces and want to have a little chat.
posted by crazy finger at 3:13 PM on May 11, 2004

"If this is the first time..."
posted by crazy finger at 3:13 PM on May 11, 2004

Even one "sometimes" is moderate risk. :P
posted by abcde at 3:40 PM on May 11, 2004

Hehehe, I did this as if I WAS my 16 year old self (well, as best I remember) and scored a Medium risk. Did I drink alcohol as a teen? Hell ya. Did I smoke pot/drop acid etc? No, actually, I waited till my 20's for that and it lasted for only a few years - never did like it much. Did I hide anything from my Mom? Are you kidding? That woman was psychic! Every time I came home a little altered she made me wash the damn kitchen floor with a freakin toothbrush! Big lesson there: Action = reaction, Freedom = Responsibility.
posted by elendil71 at 3:40 PM on May 11, 2004

yay! It's not responding to ping for me... farked...?
posted by twine42 at 3:41 PM on May 11, 2004

Abstainer/Low Risk for alcohol, No problems Reported for drugs.

No wonder I am so bored with my life.
posted by dg at 4:17 PM on May 11, 2004

*^~@#huh? wuzzuh?#@~^*
posted by quonsar at 4:35 PM on May 11, 2004

High risk! Damn straight. Maybe these surveys work afterall.

All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me!
posted by Jimbob at 5:24 PM on May 11, 2004

High risk both answering now and how I was in high school. And I'm a 100% abstaner - now including soda. I change friends all the time, talk in code (I'm a software engineer) and am sluggish and run down because I only sleep 4 hours a night thank you very much.

Seems to me that a straight A honors student studying hard with friends would score high risk too. This test scores high risk on my lame-o-meter!
posted by woil at 6:29 PM on May 11, 2004

Another HIGH RISK, using my drug-free high school behavior as a guide for answering. My parents would have been urgently beseeched to intervene in my wholesome and natural life and snap me into shape with some tough love. May Satan himself brutally sodomize for eternity the architects of this nation's war on drugs, and the jackbooted cowards who carry it out with missiles and herbicides and batons and public education programs.
posted by squirrel at 6:29 PM on May 11, 2004

I put in my observations for my fiance (a former RA, who also advocated the idea of us having a dry wedding), and it turns out she's high risk also. Guess when she comes home from work tonight, we're going to have to have a little talk about that nail polish I found in the bathroom.
posted by syrcharles at 6:52 PM on May 11, 2004

Dude, I'm wasted.
posted by dogwelder at 8:10 PM on May 11, 2004

That he or she has come home after school or after being out with the smell of mouthwash or breath mints to cover up the smell of alcohol?

They'll be tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out Cubebs,
tryin' out tailor-mades like cigarette fiends
And braggin' all about how they're gonna cover up
a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen...
posted by hippugeek at 9:31 PM on May 11, 2004

My parents are on drugs...sob...
posted by lightweight at 10:11 PM on May 11, 2004

gruchall! I can't stop laughing.

a significant warning sign completely overlooked on this questionnaire, I might add.
posted by taz at 10:43 PM on May 11, 2004

Uncontrollable laughter is a symptom.
posted by lightweight at 11:25 PM on May 11, 2004

Funny, I just answered using the behavior I observe in myself and other graduate students - aparently we're all druggies!

or grad students.

heh.
posted by jearbear at 11:46 PM on May 11, 2004

It's funny till you get down to the part about inhaling products. Not every teenager who uses drugs is smoking pot and reading Sartre. I guess quizzes like this aren't going to make a bad parent into a good one, but at least they're trying.
posted by coelecanth at 8:56 AM on May 12, 2004

I clicked all the boxes in the "never" column, except for "careless with grooming." An "often" answer there scored me a MEDIUM RISK.

Apparently smelly kids are drug users.
posted by mrmcsurly at 9:00 AM on May 12, 2004

Evidence of drug paraphernalia such as pipes, rolling papers, etc?

Now why would that be a sign of drug use? It's not like they were careless with grooming or something devastating like that.
posted by Foosnark at 9:19 AM on May 12, 2004

Had a recent change in your group of friends?
Are careless with grooming?
Have lost interest in activities or sports that you used to enjoy?
Have been missing school?
Have had declining grades?
Seemsmore sluggish and run down than usual?
Frequently make excuses for not being able to attend family events or outings?
Use secretive or “coded” language with friends?
Have been taking/spending an increased amount of money with no explanation for where it’s going?

I plead guilty in the above, but only because the Kings are currently in the playoffs and they're losing..posted by Ogre Lawless at 9:24 AM on May 12, 2004

Oh no! Teenaged girls in possession of nail polish and hairspray! Code red!
posted by jennanemone at 9:15 PM on May 12, 2004

I'm High Risk too...yippie! As someone who didn't drink or do drugs in high school, and a very occasional social drinker who still doesn't do drugs now, that's pretty impressive.
posted by SisterHavana at 9:28 PM on May 12, 2004