She's So Heavy

August 12, 2004 5:49 AM

Obese Florida woman melds with couch after laying on it for six years. Meanwhile.
posted by swift (91 comments total)

:(
posted by zeoslap at 6:02 AM on August 12, 2004

i think the couch was actually attempting to eat her.
posted by ZippityBuddha at 6:06 AM on August 12, 2004

disgusting.
posted by Hall at 6:06 AM on August 12, 2004

There's only one appropriate funeral: setee sati.

sorry
posted by Pretty_Generic at 6:09 AM on August 12, 2004

I don't know which I find more disturbing - her condition, or my inability to keep from gawking in horrified hilarity.
posted by gregor-e at 6:15 AM on August 12, 2004

It usually involves David Cronenberg
posted by Pretty_Generic at 6:26 AM on August 12, 2004

I feel nauseous after reading that, not a very nice way to go adhered to your couch.
posted by johnnyboy at 6:27 AM on August 12, 2004

i'm just one cookie away from this, i just know it
posted by ZippityBuddha at 6:34 AM on August 12, 2004

Someone explain how you become grafted to upholstery. I'm not being flippant. I honestly want to know.

IANAD, but over time the skin cells on your body are replaced with new ones. It seems her skin grew around the fibers of the couch, much like a plant grows around an obstacle and becomes stuck to it.

Then again, maybe it's a Zen thing.
posted by swift at 6:37 AM on August 12, 2004

Yikes. I imagine the funeral will be standing room only.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 6:57 AM on August 12, 2004

Okay. If she hadn't left that couch in so very long, then somebody had to keep bringing her food, yes? Wouldn't that person be culpable? At least somewhat?
posted by grabbingsand at 6:57 AM on August 12, 2004

Finally: a medical reason to go out and buy that buttery leather sofa I've had my eye on.
posted by luser at 7:00 AM on August 12, 2004

After lying on it for six years.
posted by rushmc at 7:02 AM on August 12, 2004

What, she was a liar?
posted by swift at 7:07 AM on August 12, 2004

Wouldn't that person be culpable?

- So much for rugged individualism!

(possibly sofaed)
posted by johnnyboy at 7:07 AM on August 12, 2004

Gosh, the "Meanwhile" link is even worse. Whaddaya tryin' to do to me, swift?
posted by psychotic_venom at 7:09 AM on August 12, 2004

How did she pee? Is that where the smell came from?

The family just has to be charged, surely.
posted by bonaldi at 7:12 AM on August 12, 2004

Whaddaya tryin' to do to me, swift?

Illustrate something about body identity, I guess.
posted by swift at 7:14 AM on August 12, 2004

Incredible that the man who lived with her never called in medical aid.
posted by orange swan at 7:17 AM on August 12, 2004

WARNING: MetaFilter Security Advisory Code Yellow in effect.
posted by ChrisTN at 7:20 AM on August 12, 2004

Holy Moly.
posted by agregoli at 7:26 AM on August 12, 2004

a medical reason to go out and buy that buttery leather sofa I've had my eye on

Mmmmm. Butter...
posted by amauck at 7:34 AM on August 12, 2004

This was funny until I started thinking about what the day-to-day living conditions must have been like... what kind of person allows this to happen to themselves? What kind of person allows this to happen to someone they care about? Truly horrifying.

Of course, the horror hasn't stopped me from IMing this to two people as an "omigod this is soooo funnay!" link.
posted by papercake at 7:36 AM on August 12, 2004

Man - of all the horrible ways to go, surely becoming one with a piece of furniture is the worst. I am so thoroughly horrified right now...
posted by MsVader at 7:37 AM on August 12, 2004

I actually prefer butter to kerosine whenever I roast my cousins.
posted by amauck at 7:37 AM on August 12, 2004

ChrisTN: So, exactly how scared are we supposed to be at the moment? Is it time to break out the Internet duct tape?
posted by oaf at 7:39 AM on August 12, 2004

they could just do like "what's eating gilbert grape." for the funeral, i mean.
posted by ZippityBuddha at 7:41 AM on August 12, 2004

How did she pee? Is that where the smell came from?

Well, that and the other waste removal process.

This is definitely the grossest MeFi post, so fa'. You just can't couch this in pleasant terms to try to cushion the blow. This is destined to become a deep-seated fear of mine.
posted by pardonyou? at 7:43 AM on August 12, 2004

I'm more grossed out by the grammar.

LYING on it! Jeez!

"Laying" on something is never right unless it's the laying on of hands.
posted by CunningLinguist at 7:45 AM on August 12, 2004

You just can't couch this in pleasant terms to try to cushion the blow.

I think she's been cushioning the blow for years.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 7:47 AM on August 12, 2004

>Wouldn't that person be culpable? At least somewhat?
I think so.
But it's likely similar to a gent begging for change: you feel guilty if you give and you feel guilty if you don't multiplied a hundred times if it's a family member.
posted by philfromhavelock at 7:47 AM on August 12, 2004

at least it looks like kind of a comfy couch though.

maybe too comfy...
posted by milovoo at 7:59 AM on August 12, 2004

Great post title for what is, alas, a very sad story.
posted by *burp* at 8:02 AM on August 12, 2004

.
posted by callmejay at 8:04 AM on August 12, 2004

Mmmm...couch potato.
posted by kirkaracha at 8:06 AM on August 12, 2004

Over two hours until the first couch potato reference. Fark would have made the linkage in 2 minutes. We've got kick it up some here!
posted by mygoditsbob at 8:10 AM on August 12, 2004

Lord knows on NFL Sundays I've tried to become one with the couch. But I never showed this level of commitment...
posted by kgasmart at 8:15 AM on August 12, 2004

Come on, pardonyou?, tell us how you feel from the ground up—whole story.
posted by rory at 8:15 AM on August 12, 2004

This is definitely the grossest MeFi post, so fa'. You just can't couch this in pleasant terms to try to cushion the blow. This is destined to become a deep-seated fear of mine.

Certainly typing those sentences is grounds for some sort of MeFi punishment? Can one person really be allowed to subject everybody else to such things as those puns?
posted by obfusciatrist at 8:19 AM on August 12, 2004

I think she's been cushioning the blow for years.

Come on! I had four puns in that paragraph. I at least deserve a groan, or someone telling me I'm going to hell, or even a MeTa callout, don't I?

on preview: Come on, pardonyou?, tell us how you feel from the ground up—whole story.

See above.

on preview again: Certainly typing those sentences is grounds for some sort of MeFi punishment? Can one person really be allowed to subject everybody else to such things as those puns?

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
posted by pardonyou? at 8:20 AM on August 12, 2004

Well, I'm going to the gym today.
posted by Beansidhe at 8:27 AM on August 12, 2004

The deeper the cushion . . .
posted by swift at 8:30 AM on August 12, 2004

Someone explain how you become grafted to upholstery. I'm not being flippant. I honestly want to know.

"Grinds was too large to get up from the couch to even use the bathroom."

then somebody had to keep bringing her food, yes?

actually reading the linked story can be quite helpful with questions like this, yes.
posted by quonsar at 8:31 AM on August 12, 2004

I like how the Meanwhile link suggests a good recipe for roasted family member: kerosene and coconut leaves.

mmmMMMm!! YUM!
posted by Peter H at 8:32 AM on August 12, 2004

See above.

You groan at mine, and I'll groan at yours.
posted by rory at 8:32 AM on August 12, 2004

Personally, I think a pun-in-response is more fun than a mere groan.
posted by rory at 8:35 AM on August 12, 2004

Yow, it is definitely time to put down the Twinkies when your body is trying to join with a couch. Holy crap! What a bummer.

Now to go and see the meanwhile link and sink deeper into bummer land.
posted by fenriq at 8:37 AM on August 12, 2004

Would she technically qualify as a cyborg?
posted by biffa at 8:39 AM on August 12, 2004

The roommate didn't do what he otta, man.
posted by Capn at 8:40 AM on August 12, 2004

Ohmy gawd, it does get worse! That CNN wedding story is awful. What is fucking wrong with people?

Ahhhh, I'm gonna go sit in my basement and pretend the outside world doesn't exist while cranking old Led Zeppelin.

Thanks for the truly disturbing beginning to my day.
posted by fenriq at 8:43 AM on August 12, 2004

Okay. If she hadn't left that couch in so very long, then somebody had to keep bringing her food, yes? Wouldn't that person be culpable? At least somewhat?

"Herman! Herman! Herman, you worthless piece of shit! Get me another bag of rice cakes and another chocolate shake!"

Sounds like a good defense to me...
posted by bafflegab at 8:44 AM on August 12, 2004

A KING FOR A QUEEN
posted by Peter H at 8:45 AM on August 12, 2004

The roommate didn't do what he otta, man.

She should have been chary of him.
posted by rory at 8:45 AM on August 12, 2004

Personally, I think a pun-in-response is more fun than a mere groan.

uh-oh. i smell Pun-smoke. stand back!
posted by mrgrimm at 8:45 AM on August 12, 2004

Would she technically qualify as a cyborg?

Davenborg.
posted by bafflegab at 8:45 AM on August 12, 2004

Man ... this is all way too heavy for my breakfast news.

I'd love to make a pun on this shitty situation but I'm too stuck on Quonsar's Sherlock Holmes/Batman solution of bathroom-use and permanent bond to the sofa!

Good job, sir, say I -- CASE. SOLVED.
posted by Peter H at 8:53 AM on August 12, 2004

divanborg.
posted by shoepal at 8:54 AM on August 12, 2004

(sorry amauck, didn't spot your kerosene joke before i made one)
posted by Peter H at 8:57 AM on August 12, 2004

Interesting how in the Philippines it's a faux pas to accidentally trip and touch a bride's bottom.
posted by swift at 9:12 AM on August 12, 2004

I guess I don't understand why this was posted here, but I can't help replying to pardonyou? by pointing out that the pun is, of course, the lowest form of humor, and that anyone who would stoop to such a cheap and easy way to get a laugh is clearly a LazyBoy.
posted by taz at 9:37 AM on August 12, 2004

I wanted to know how exactly she got 'grafted to fabric'
um...
posted by rhapsodie at 9:44 AM on August 12, 2004

mygoditsbob: well, i'm waiting for godwin myself. between this and the retarded kitten, it's bound to happen.
posted by moonbird at 9:44 AM on August 12, 2004

Kind of reminds me of this Snopes article.
posted by longbaugh at 9:51 AM on August 12, 2004

Don't be an Adolph Quitler moonbird
</the tick>
posted by Capn at 9:52 AM on August 12, 2004

You're sofa away from me...
/knopfler
posted by emelenjr at 10:29 AM on August 12, 2004

Did no one think to recline 'er?
posted by sharpener at 10:30 AM on August 12, 2004

Investigators say Grinds lived with a man named Chester Thomas, who says he tried to take care of her the best he could.

Poor guy. I wonder how Chester feeled.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 10:55 AM on August 12, 2004

Heart-warming stuff. This just started my day off right! =)

Poor guy. I wonder how Chester feeled.

with a ten-foot pole? *rimshot!*
posted by The God Complex at 11:04 AM on August 12, 2004

title should have been "chaise so heavy"
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:25 AM on August 12, 2004

what kind of person allows this to happen to themselves?

Someone who is clinically depressed or other mental illness.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:40 AM on August 12, 2004

Umm, yeah, I think what we are seeing here, all puns aside, is a serious case of neglect: there may have been underlying physical conditions which prevented her from moving easily, and the obesity drastically complicated that; and also what fish said, she was probably suffering mental illness (or her caretaker was). I'm thinking Baby Jane here, not the ultimate couch potato.
posted by jokeefe at 12:00 PM on August 12, 2004

Couch Au Gratin.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 1:19 PM on August 12, 2004

How the hell does this start? I mean, does she sit one day and just doesn't feel like getting up, then the next day she's too heavy to get up? Or, does she have her helper guy get her up and he hurt his back for a week and then when it was better, she gained so much weight she couldn't get up? Or, did she start by going sometimes 3-4 days without getting up, then a week, then a month, and one day she just stopped making the effort?

Maybe I should switch to C2.
posted by graventy at 2:12 PM on August 12, 2004

I know weddings are expensive but surely they could afford a few pork chops
posted by dodgygeezer at 2:12 PM on August 12, 2004

I think she's been cushioning the blow for years

or blowing the cushion
posted by Keyser Soze at 2:19 PM on August 12, 2004

Sad how this thread dissolved to puns and jokes so quickly. Not that it isn't bizarre.
posted by agregoli at 2:22 PM on August 12, 2004

she was probably suffering mental illness

Um... I think it is just as likely that she simply became too
obese to move. This happens, you know.
posted by amauck at 2:32 PM on August 12, 2004

There is hope!
posted by inpHilltr8r at 2:51 PM on August 12, 2004

Poor guy. I wonder how Chester feeled.

with a ten-foot pole? *rimshot!*

No, he was Russian. But very tall, yes.
posted by Dark Messiah at 2:53 PM on August 12, 2004

From inpHilltr8r's link: He was so big that charity workers from the League of Human Dignity arranged for him to be driven to a local livestock scale to be weighed.

Dignity???
posted by stonerose at 4:03 PM on August 12, 2004

Yes. The League for Human Hilarity also submitted a treatment plan, which consisted entirely of poking the poor man with a stick.

Amauck, we did get that she had become too obese to move. That accounts for Day One of not being able to get off the couch. The "mental illness" part comes in when, after, say, Day Three, you don't realize that it's a problem and attempt to do something about it.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:49 PM on August 12, 2004

I'd say the "mental illness" part comes at about day -300, when one starts having physical difficulties with getting off the couch. That's when some sort of survival mechanism should be kicking in, getting one to the doctor.

That she didn't get help, and continued to decline to the point where she was unable to get off the couch, speaks volumes as to her mental condition.

Very sad.

My best guess, however, is that both the now-deceased and Chester were mentally ill or mentally retarded. Quite likely they slipped through the cracks at social services.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:27 PM on August 12, 2004

Over two hours until the first couch potato reference. Fark would have made the linkage in 2 minutes. We've got kick it up some here!

Yes, because making Metafilter more like Fark is a noble goal towards which we should all strive vigilantly.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:23 PM on August 12, 2004

I suppose it could have been worse - she could have started out on the other piece of furniture in the room.

Then she would have ended up as chair and chair alike.
posted by yhbc at 7:59 PM on August 12, 2004

I'd say the "mental illness" part comes at about day -300, when one starts having physical difficulties with getting off the couch. That's when some sort of survival mechanism should be kicking in, getting one to the doctor.

That she didn't get help, and continued to decline to the point where she was unable to get off the couch, speaks volumes as to her mental condition.

And/or the family's inability to pay for medical treatment...
posted by jokeefe at 8:48 PM on August 12, 2004

In terms of supporting a bleak and desolate world-view, this is good news fer Nietzsche.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 1:43 AM on August 13, 2004

That's when some sort of survival mechanism should be kicking in, getting one to the doctor

I don't remember any medical professionals or couches, back on the African Savannah 50,000 years or so ago. Back when we stoped evolving.
posted by Kwantsar at 1:49 AM on August 13, 2004

I'm surprised you can remember back that far. I have difficulty remembering yesterday, let alone the thirty-odd years I've been around.

However, when I'm unhealthy, I usually seek help from someone. Were I a caveman, I'd probably be seeking it from my clan or the witchdoctor.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:29 AM on August 13, 2004

Exact reaction when I read this.

OH MAN ALIVE NO!

Just what I needed to be reading just before bedtime. Thanks.
posted by feelinglistless at 3:36 PM on August 13, 2004

New details.
posted by CunningLinguist at 7:34 AM on August 18, 2004

How sad.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:04 AM on August 18, 2004