marry a Canadian

November 4, 2004 7:32 AM

Plotting your escape? Marry a Canadian. "Legions of Canadians have already pledged to sacrifice their singlehood to save our southern neighbours from four more years of cowboy conservatism." [via Gothamist]
posted by milovoo (47 comments total)

See also.
posted by muckster at 7:34 AM on November 4, 2004

I already have one in mind, I just have to find her number...
posted by milovoo at 7:37 AM on November 4, 2004

There are side benefits to this too, Canadians to do it doggie style so they can both watch the hockey game.
posted by jonmc at 7:37 AM on November 4, 2004

There are side benefits to this too, Canadians to do it doggie style so they can both watch the hockey game.

Would that then be considered the "six-hole"?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:44 AM on November 4, 2004

Plus, I've never met a Canadian who was not, at a minimum, better than average on the attractive scale.
Must be either the clean air and water or the pot.
posted by milovoo at 7:52 AM on November 4, 2004

Life up here sucks too, guys. You have Bush. We have no hockey.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 7:52 AM on November 4, 2004

As an expat Canadian living in DC, I have the worst of the both worlds. Bush AND no hockey!
posted by batboy at 7:55 AM on November 4, 2004

I've never met a Canadian who was not, at a minimum, better than average on the attractive scale.

This suggests there's an Anti-Lake Wobegon out there where everyone is below average. And you obviously don't watch hockey. So you'll never get through a citizenship test. Even if lacrosse is the national sport (there, I just gave you the answer to #34, subsection eh).
posted by yerfatma at 7:58 AM on November 4, 2004

Plus, I've never met a Canadian who was not, at a minimum, better than average on the attractive scale.

I'm betting that you've spent a lot of time in Quebec City. I visited there in high school, and the main thing I remember aside from beer, and heavy metal was that almost every girl on the street was jaw-droppingly gorgeous.

Shit maybe I should move to canada.
posted by jonmc at 8:01 AM on November 4, 2004

I'm imagining the next Toronto MeFi meetup - the Americans outnumber the Canadians 5:1 and even the least attractive Canadians are being assiduously courted.

[bats eyes at cute, single, politically frustrated Yanks]
posted by orange swan at 8:07 AM on November 4, 2004

[bats eyes at cute, single, politically frustrated Yanks]

Ahh, trying to given them an election, eh?
posted by eriko at 8:12 AM on November 4, 2004

Plus, I've never met a Canadian who was not, at a minimum, better than average on the attractive scale.


Hahaha, obviously you've never been to Saint John, New Brunswick. It's the city of the lumpen toad people.
posted by picea at 8:18 AM on November 4, 2004

well, I've been to Gananoque, Ivy Lea, Halifax, International Peace Gardens, Calgary and Winnipeg -
and so far no lumpen toad people (which may in fact be my new favorite phrase now!) Sounds like the deep ones from Lovecraft.
posted by milovoo at 8:25 AM on November 4, 2004

lumpen toad people (which may in fact be my new favorite phrase now!)


hehehehe I find that phrase funny too.

My Canadian experience in Calgary and Vancouver was very pleasant, but that might have to do with the clubs we frequented in the evenings after work. So hot, oh so naked.
posted by a3matrix at 8:29 AM on November 4, 2004

Damn, I'm already married. (No offence, honey.)
posted by aacheson at 8:33 AM on November 4, 2004

So what if you're already married? That must be legal up there, ehh? Strapping Yank male, wife and cute-as-button 8-month old daughter ISO hot Canadian gal to settle down.
posted by jalexei at 8:34 AM on November 4, 2004

[bats eyes at cute, single, politically frustrated Yanks]

Sadly I'm neither single nor cute, but I am politically frustrated. Can I at least get a wink or a facial tic?
posted by jonmc at 8:39 AM on November 4, 2004

I love it. If only I wasn't married to one of the great American brainwashed!
posted by rainbaby at 8:41 AM on November 4, 2004

Can I at least get a wink or a facial tic?

[saucy wiggle of the orange tailfeathers in jonmc's direction]

I almost got carried away with election fever and made a rash promise to Kerry voters Tuesday night, but I never thought I'd be called on to offer my hand, half my apartment, and a fair share of the 4 litre jug of maple syrup that's sitting in my fridge to some disheartened refugee Yankee liberal.
posted by orange swan at 8:54 AM on November 4, 2004

I like it. My email address is in my profile!
posted by rushmc at 8:56 AM on November 4, 2004

I used to be Canadian -- does that mean I can't take advantage of this? I've lived in the US for a number of years now, can I count as "american"?

Please?
posted by aramaic at 8:59 AM on November 4, 2004

picea: We need to have a meet!

And someone's in Fredericton too. Space something? I can't remember.
posted by ODiV at 8:59 AM on November 4, 2004

Not to brag or anything, but I married a Canadian in March (she was born in Toronto, but her parents were US citizens so she has a passport for both).

We're not planning on moving, but it's certainly nice to have the option if things get out of hand...
posted by titanshiny at 9:03 AM on November 4, 2004

Legions of Canadians

Just noticed that wording and it made me crack up. Honestly, dire as things may seem, you don't want to marry any Royal Canadian Legionnaires.
posted by orange swan at 9:16 AM on November 4, 2004

ODiv, schedule it for the summer and I'm there. No, really, I spend the summers on the Kingston peninsula when I can! Just promise you won't make me eat any dulse and I'm there!

As for the Canadians and attractiveness thingy, my wife to be is a nice looker, but then again her family were Loyalists so I'm not sure that counts. Montreal was always one of my favorite spots back in my single days. Toronto and Ottawa always kinda scared me, many, and I'm not saying all here by any means, of them women made me feel that the Kids in the Hall sketches were far more accurate than I had ever imagined!
posted by Pollomacho at 9:32 AM on November 4, 2004

I like it. My email address is in my profile, and I'm a GIRL!
I do have a boyfriend though, I hope that's okay....
posted by jessamyn at 10:00 AM on November 4, 2004

I'm not cute, but I'm single and Canadian, can I still do my part to rescue a nice liberal minded yankee boy?
posted by jacquilynne at 10:01 AM on November 4, 2004

Not to brag or anything, but I married a Canadian in March

That ain't nuthin'.

I married a Canadian in 2002... as an added bonus, her parents are both immigrants from Britain, so she has British citizenship whenever she files the paperwork, and that brings access to the whole European Fuckin' Union, me bucko. Not one but *two* ports in a storm for this sly ship.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:03 AM on November 4, 2004

These are pretty funny, too. Bonus points for humor:

Card carrying member of the GREEN PARTY! Yay! Not literally... I lost it at a phish concert.

I'll be in Toronto this weekend, bumming around and drinking coffee. ;-) All are welcome here too.
posted by Shane at 10:14 AM on November 4, 2004

picea: We need to have a meet!

And someone's in Fredericton too. Space something? I can't remember.

Well for better or for worse (which might be the case after yesterday) I've moved back to Austin, TX after INS surprised me by being merciful and allowing me to rejoin my American wife. It's too bad in a way, because there'd be something very odd and cool about a New Brunswick meetup. Saint John is my hometown though. I think it's the giant, stinky pulp mill that makes for the ugly people. The pollution twists their genes.
posted by picea at 10:24 AM on November 4, 2004

Ladies, looking for a UK passport?

Discreet service, minimal fees.

Don't delay, email today: [e-mail]
posted by cell at 10:41 AM on November 4, 2004

It's a great idea, but not for me. Not only am I already married, but I could never get used to saying "aboot".
posted by JeffK at 11:01 AM on November 4, 2004

If any Canadians or Europeans would like to marry me, I can promise them all the cheap beer they can drink until I run out of money.

Please?
posted by cmonkey at 11:09 AM on November 4, 2004

The pollution twists their genes.

Are you sure you're not thinking of Sudbury?
posted by aramaic at 11:13 AM on November 4, 2004

Right on.

22 year old cute boy in Canada. Will court independently wealthy American fitness/yoga/gymnastic instructors. No lumpen toad people need apply.
posted by will at 11:56 AM on November 4, 2004

Ah, and only women btw. No San Francisco refugees, thanks.
posted by will at 11:57 AM on November 4, 2004

will : P
posted by amberglow at 12:16 PM on November 4, 2004

does citizenship apply to same sex marriages?

That's a darned interesting question. I don't know if anyone's tested it yet. My guess is probably yes, it would.
posted by bonehead at 1:06 PM on November 4, 2004

I'll be in Miami & Key West first week of Dec. Should I open a booth to take applications for those who want to head to the EU? (Remember, marry into one country & get access to loads of others...I forget how many but it's going up evey year!)
posted by i_cola at 1:16 PM on November 4, 2004

I married a Canadian. Best thing I ever did - I highly recommend it. Canadians are almost without exception extremely nice people (but you knew that). Recently moved to Toronto, which is pretty great, much less boring than you might have been led to believe. And yes, the average Torontonian is way more attractive than the average Londoner. Way more.

Having said that, we are probably moving back to the UK next year since my Canadian wife misses it so dreadfully. I think she just wants kids with English accents who wear cute school uniforms.

If any T.O. MeFi peeps would like to meet up for a beer or twelve one evening, that would be awesome. Really, eh.

Oh, and you get used to the aboot thing pretty quickly...
posted by rikabel at 1:55 PM on November 4, 2004

I'd like to visit Canada, not move there, but yeah. Visiting would be fun. In summer. Cold weather makes the baby bargle cry. Or something.
posted by bargle at 5:16 PM on November 4, 2004

Darn it, I'm already married.

I can do the Canadian accent, though! And I can ice skate! Maybe someone could adopt me?
posted by litlnemo at 6:34 PM on November 4, 2004

Allright, I'm up for it as long as you bring up some proper liberal credentials, like a set of The Nation back-issues, just so I don't get duped by some infiltrating agent of the values set.
posted by Space Coyote at 9:17 PM on November 4, 2004

Right, liberal credentials required. It would also help if you have a nice body.

[seductively fans self with Canadian passport]
posted by orange swan at 8:25 AM on November 5, 2004

I'm up for adoption as a second mother, or a replacement mother, if yours doesn't suit you!
posted by kamylyon at 10:32 AM on November 5, 2004

i make cookies...
posted by kamylyon at 10:33 AM on November 5, 2004

any canadian lesbians interested in 'marrying' a gay american?
posted by moonbird at 7:11 PM on November 5, 2004