Do you suffer from chapped, cracked lips?

November 9, 2004 4:33 AM

Do you suffer from chapped, crack lips? Are you an addict? You may well be, and not even know it. Read how these evil peddlers hook the kids... and then move onto the adults. But never fear - you can always follow the 12 steps.
posted by mattr (39 comments total)

Loads of people seem to be addicted to lip-balm. Here’s my advice: when brushing your teeth, brush your lips too, briefly but thoroughly. Gently at first, but over a period, built it up to a good scrub. You’ll never need the stuff again.
posted by ed\26h at 5:25 AM on November 9, 2004

Here’s my advice: when brushing your teeth, brush your lips too, briefly but thoroughly. Gently at first, but over a period, built it up to a good scrub. You’ll never need the stuff again.

Because...you won't have lips any more? Ai-yee!
posted by ChrisTN at 5:42 AM on November 9, 2004

My ex-girlfriend was hooked on this stuff. First it was just a couple times a day, then she was re-applying it hourly. Before long, she was spending everything she had on chap stick, and I found a few things I thought I'd lost at a local pawn shop. By the end, I couldn't even recognize her lips anymore. They found her cold, lifeless body in an alley downtown with a stick in each hand.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:43 AM on November 9, 2004

ChrisTN: Don't be such a fanny.
posted by ed\26h at 5:47 AM on November 9, 2004

I don't have an LBA.

[applies "peaches and cream" Blistex]
posted by orange swan at 5:54 AM on November 9, 2004

I went out with this girl who was addicted to lipsmackers in university. It was retarded. Lean in, goodbye kiss, lean back, she was smearing the stuff on before I was six inches away.

It was like I was caustic or something.
posted by jon_kill at 5:57 AM on November 9, 2004

You'll take my Burt's Bees from my COLD DEAD HANDS!
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:05 AM on November 9, 2004

If you're not addicted yet, don't get Blistex Clear Advance for Men. It's the gray gateway lip balm, drying you out constantly so it needs a reapply every ten minutes.
posted by brownpau at 6:10 AM on November 9, 2004

Burt's Bees lip balm is about the best thing there is in wintertime, and I won't have anyone telling me it's an addiction.

Now gimme more.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:13 AM on November 9, 2004

hmm.. My lips feel chapped.. maybe I should try some.... Oh no! Peerpressure!
posted by dabitch at 6:25 AM on November 9, 2004

Watch out for the Carmex. Five years ago I went through two weeks of itchy withdrawal trying to shake that crap. In general, I think any lip balm that gives a (cool, refreshing) tingling sensation is bad news.

I've gone with plain Chap Stick ever since. Seems relatively benign.
posted by Galvatron at 6:26 AM on November 9, 2004

Am I just being a bit weird about this?

Whatever happened to men being men? Why don't guys want to look all craggy and used like Clint Eastwood, Lee Marvin and Tommy Lee Jones? Men using chapstick? Men using moisturiser? What the hell is with that?

Men should smell of cooked meat, smoke, diesel fuel and whiskey.

Please tell me I am not alone in this.
posted by longbaugh at 6:40 AM on November 9, 2004

Have you heard Oswalt's latest bon mot? It's the rage in all the salons.
posted by Hildago at 7:02 AM on November 9, 2004

Even Uncle Cecil wouldn't definitively answer this question
posted by briank at 7:19 AM on November 9, 2004

My high school choir director (many, many years ago) was a serious Chap Stick addict. While directing, mind you, one hand would mindlessly slink into his pants pocket, emerge with the Chap Stick tube, remove the cap, apply to his lips, replace the cap, put the tube back in his pocket. All the while he directed with the other hand. I don't think he even knew he'd done it.
posted by tippiedog at 7:24 AM on November 9, 2004

you are not alone in this, longbaugh.

Whatever happened to men being men? Why don't guys want to look all craggy and used like Clint Eastwood, Lee Marvin and Tommy Lee Jones? Men using chapstick? Men using moisturiser? What the hell is with that?

My theory is this. The gays are programming the straight women to dig the metrosexual poodles so's the gays gan have all us craggy, salty, weatherbeaten types for themselves.

Can we help it if we're irresistible?
posted by jonmc at 7:40 AM on November 9, 2004

Here’s my advice: when brushing your teeth, brush your lips too, briefly but thoroughly...
Because...you won't have lips any more? Ai-yee!

Well, the exfoliation is a good thing. I don't know about the toothbrush method though. You can also try, after a warm shower (when the skin is softened), just running a washcloth or towel briskly over the lips to lift off any loose skin.
posted by Karmakaze at 7:49 AM on November 9, 2004

Men should smell of cooked meat, smoke, diesel fuel and whiskey.

I don't see how this is incompatible with not wanting your lips bleeding for 2 or 3 months every year. I always chase lip balm application with a splash of diesel behind the ol' ears.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:03 AM on November 9, 2004

Touch my Dr. Pepper Lipsmackers only if you have a deathwish, punks.

/Dr. Pepper n' Lipsmackers deprived ex-pat
posted by romakimmy at 8:08 AM on November 9, 2004

I lament the death of my circa 2001 Apple Pro keyboard because the new Apple Pro keyboard has no space above the Function keys for my row of lipbalms. This is a travesty which has forced me to dedicate a mug to my already cluttered desktop just to hold my crack stash balms.

It's not a habit, it's cool, I'm still alive...
posted by Dreama at 8:13 AM on November 9, 2004

If you're not addicted yet, don't get Blistex Clear Advance for Men. It's the gray gateway lip balm, drying you out constantly so it needs a reapply every ten minutes.

Now you tell me. (Been using for a year.)
posted by Tubes at 8:32 AM on November 9, 2004

I've been saying for years that lip balm is addictive because it drys your lips out and so it becomes a repetitive cycle.

I use good ol' Vaseline Petroleum Jelly when necessary and have no addiction!
posted by floanna at 8:40 AM on November 9, 2004

It's a real problem and can lead to serious health effects. Canada has begun speaking to the topic as they did with cigarettes: by showing the gruesome side effects on the packaging as a deterrent. Here's one example I've seen:


posted by picea at 8:57 AM on November 9, 2004

Real men use bear grease and bacon fat, just like the pioneers.

Did anyone else's lips suddenly feel dry reading this thread?

I'm seriously addicted to Carmex. Betty Ford oh won't you be my valentine.
posted by m@ at 9:16 AM on November 9, 2004

*cackles over large stash of Burt' Bees Beeswax Lip Balm*
posted by deborah at 9:30 AM on November 9, 2004

Jeez... I am amazed to see so many lip-balm users on this site. I don't understand what the attraction is to smearing your face up with some nasty-smelling petroleum product, then smacking your now-tacky lips together.

"Hey, Honey, the Exxon Valdez just crashed outside. Let's go for a dip in the effluence, then have mad weasel-sex on the shores!"

No thanks.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:56 AM on November 9, 2004

Wow, I decided not to make a lip balm for sale this year, because I figured not too many people would be willing to pay for an organic non-petroleum balm. (I make mine with coconut oil and beeswax from local beekeepers and it's more expensive to make than the cost of carmex at the store.) Perhaps I should reconsider that decision. I had no idea there were lip balm junkies.
posted by dejah420 at 11:04 AM on November 9, 2004

I personally own 10 lip balms; 5 that I use and 5 that have been shunned to the back of the cosmetics drawer for being inferior. I've gone without balm on my lips before, have even applied petroleum jelly: didn't work. Nothing can take my Blistex from my cold, chapped lips, nothing.
posted by lychee at 11:14 AM on November 9, 2004

Hi, my name is Rebecca and I'm addicted to lip balm.
posted by sadie01221975 at 11:14 AM on November 9, 2004

gah! i hate the stuff. every now and then i'll absentmindedly put some on (i have it sitting on my desk, god knows why) and then think 'oh shit, here we go'. then i'm in for 3 or 4 days of dry bleeding lips after the balm has sucked all the moisture out of them. bad news.

to all you addicts out there, get through the withdrawal period, your lips will thank you in the long run, i promise.
posted by christy at 11:21 AM on November 9, 2004

Uhhh, snopes has all about this stuff.

It's bunk.
posted by shepd at 12:20 PM on November 9, 2004

Trade Joe's has a lip balm called Lip Healer by Essence of Nature. It is petroleum free/cruelty free to animals, has aloe vera/vitamin E/calendula/chamomile, and is SPF-15. Plus, the tube is a cheerful red/yellow.
posted by lola at 12:23 PM on November 9, 2004

All snopes is saying is that urban myths about Carmex having crap in it are, well, crap.

The fact remains that people who use lip balm seem to be on a slippery slimey strawberry-scented slope to full-on reliance. I presume it's one of those give-your-body-something-and-your-body-stops-producing-it thingies. Where's a dermatologist when you need one?
posted by simcd at 1:21 PM on November 9, 2004

Wow. Civil_Disobedient just turned down mad weasel sex. What has this world come to?
posted by graventy at 2:34 PM on November 9, 2004

dejah, that sounds really good. Mmm, coconut oil and beeswax.

For all thee who need a scrub, grab some sesame seed oil and brown sugar mix it together as a runny paste and go scrub mad in the shower. Your skin and lips will thank you.
posted by dabitch at 4:40 PM on November 9, 2004

[UnPetroleum is good]
posted by kickingtheground at 4:52 PM on November 9, 2004

I have tons of lip balm. I hate going anywhere without it. My drug of choice is softlips french vanilla.

Admittedly, I don't get addicted to anything, but I wouldn't consider a desire to use lipbalm an addiction. I mean, I use moisturizer too, and my skin feels funny when I don't. I think you just get used to having nice soft lips. It's more comfortable.

Once, when I was in high school, my lips were so chapped they really hurt. No one had any lip balm. So I excused myself, went to my locker, and pulled out my lunch. My mother had packed me a bun with butter and cheese on it. I hate butter on my sandwiches normally, but that butter solved my chapped lip problem that day.

I've never told anyone that story. Let's just keep it between us.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:56 PM on November 9, 2004

"The more you lap, the more you chap!"

lipsmackers, carmex, blistex, chapstick, and softlips can't hold a candle to clinique superbalm.
posted by naxosaxur at 7:08 PM on November 9, 2004

ohhh....rachel perry cantaloupe. or body shop's mandarin or whatever they're calling it these days.

unfortunately, neither one moisturizes worth a shit, so i stick with burt's bees in the winter. i'm addicted. the other day i was cleaning out the car and saw a tin under the seat, stuck in the sliding mechanism. i actually took the seat out of the car to get it...
posted by littlegirlblue at 8:07 PM on November 9, 2004