Someone is mad that paid too much for their MCSE

February 2, 2005 6:30 PM

The clueless reviews the Mac Mini His chief gripes are "The Mini boots up into a stripped-down operating system which Apple calls OS X, similar to the stripped-down WindowsCE OS found on many handhelds." and "No serial ports, no way to connect a printer, no PS/2 ports, no floppy drive, no 5.25" bays." Let the hate mail campaign begin!
posted by StormBear (44 comments total)

For example, there is no Outlook Express for email, but Apple includes a program called Mail, which is like a stripped-down email client that can’t execute scripts or open attachments without user intervention.

I (heart) satire.
posted by cmyr at 6:37 PM on February 2, 2005

Best. Troll. Evar.
posted by pompomtom at 6:43 PM on February 2, 2005

I was browsing around the parent site (www.divisiontwo.com), and I found several of the pieces amusing. Should any of you decide to do the same, however, be warned that there is some seriously NSFW stuff in there. Specifically, the "Kelly's World" section. Surprised me, since everything else I has looked at seemed quite tame.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:43 PM on February 2, 2005

That's great. I love the confusion between the Mac mini and the iPod Shuffle.

"If you believe Apple’s marketing department, the new Mini is 'smaller than most packs of gum' and weighs 'less than four quarters'.  Well, we received our test unit from Apple yesterday, and let me say right off the bat that those claims are a wee bit of an exaggeration. "
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 6:46 PM on February 2, 2005

This article was funny, but just like the Onion, people are going to think it is real...
posted by bugmuncher at 6:46 PM on February 2, 2005

Did we need a clever ploy to make Windows fans look clueless? I thought that was already transparently obvious.
posted by drmarcj at 6:46 PM on February 2, 2005

Look out! Under the bridge!
posted by Mo Nickels at 6:55 PM on February 2, 2005

What would make this even better is if they posted the hate mail they get
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 6:56 PM on February 2, 2005

with the added benefit of being able to run Windows XP

Gave it away.
posted by justgary at 6:59 PM on February 2, 2005

Well, I thought that it was just clueless until:

When I consider that a good deal of my time is spent running applications like Disk Defragmenter, Scandisk, Norton AV, Windows Update and Ad-Aware--none of which are available for the Mac platform...

posted by KirkJobSluder at 7:20 PM on February 2, 2005

He left out the worst feature of these McIntoshes, which is the lack of helpful cartoon characters and expert pop-up windows to ask like, ARE YOU WRITING A LETTER? How am I supposed to know what I'm doing?
posted by digaman at 7:23 PM on February 2, 2005

Also interesting :
posted by xammerboy at 7:35 PM on February 2, 2005

Wow, these people are real dummies for not having an ad or two on this page. I hit lots of Mac sites during the day, this kind of Parody/Troll bait is exactly the kind of writing Dvorak employs to drive his hit count through the roof. I ? my Macs, but some of my fellow cult members can be super-embarrasing at times.
posted by Scoo at 7:52 PM on February 2, 2005

Grrr, that heart symbol worked on preview....
posted by Scoo at 7:53 PM on February 2, 2005

This is really, really funny. I'm gonna send it to my Apple buddies.
posted by fenriq at 7:57 PM on February 2, 2005

The Safari/MSN dig is the icing on the cake.
posted by trondant at 7:57 PM on February 2, 2005

The original model for this form of troll website is Adequacy, home of the most commented blog article of all time, "Is your son a computer hacker."


posted by By The Grace of God at 8:00 PM on February 2, 2005

Except Adequacy would have never put that limp satire disclaimer at the bottom.
posted by By The Grace of God at 8:24 PM on February 2, 2005

Note also the DeVry University (yes, the internet-degree mill) credential.
posted by randomstriker at 8:44 PM on February 2, 2005

Compare.

hee.
posted by Space Coyote at 8:50 PM on February 2, 2005

This is a really funny web site. I liked the guy building the Linux box for his grandmother, and the SLC straight-edge punk ranting about how he hates racism. Good stuff; much funnier than the Onion.
posted by fungible at 9:27 PM on February 2, 2005

Building a Linux System Even Your Grandmother Could Use:

I put Java and Limewire on it so she can start building a music library, and I installed CrossOver so she can run WinMX and Kazaa if she wants to leech some DivX rips.  I set up X-Chat to connect her to my favorite IRC network for warez, and as a courtesy I installed WineX so she can run Windows games if she wants.

I know my Grandma is on EFnet all hours of the night downloading warez and leeching DivX rips!
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 11:44 PM on February 2, 2005

Oh man, those articles were funny. It's so refreshing to see satire that doesn't go waaaay over the top. I could well believe people believing both articles as being genuine.
posted by salmacis at 2:39 AM on February 3, 2005

Linux for grandma.
posted by dong_resin at 4:46 AM on February 3, 2005

The horrifying thing is that I could see a CIO holding this up as evidence why Apple hardware wasn't worth spit. Or an analyst quoting this in one of those incisive reports you see getting press time on CNN. But that's probably because I worked as an analyst giving "advice" to CIOs.
posted by Mercaptan at 4:51 AM on February 3, 2005

I can't wait until this hits the Mac zealot sites. Can you hear the masses bursting into flames?

If there's one segment of the population unable to take a joke, it's the serious Mac users out there. Here comes Cap'n Pwn!

/long-time Mac user
posted by secret about box at 4:56 AM on February 3, 2005

MetaTalk.
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:04 AM on February 3, 2005

Since I wasn't sure if grandma Helen planned on getting under the hood of the boot process at all, I decided to install a boot switcher so she could choose between Lilo or Grub each time.

Lovely stuff.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 6:04 AM on February 3, 2005

While there is a Mac-style “donnnnggggg” when the Mini is first turned on, during normal operation the unit makes no sound whatsoever. This could make it very difficult for a novice user to know whether or not the computer is on.

The whole thing is quite hilarious. Thanks, StormBear.
posted by effwerd at 6:05 AM on February 3, 2005

But if you think that was funny check this this.

And no, I am not Chris either! :-)
posted by StormBear at 6:16 AM on February 3, 2005

The best use for Technorati to date is watching this troll spread.

Sample response from The Emporers [sic] old bias:

First I have to say, how did you find time to come up with all that text that say virtually nothing? And what about fact checking?

...

I expect a reply and have posted this on my blog and soon to be osNews.

followed by a CYA comment: "Just to let you guys know... this could be a joke that I missed badly (it happens now and then)."
posted by revgeorge at 6:25 AM on February 3, 2005

"plus shell out for some antivirus software"

This makes me so happy because the reason I always recommend the Mac to always-on cable and DSL at-home users is because one need not all of these things. Including the disk-fragmenter, etc...

Very very subtle, though. I like it.
posted by chrisabraham at 6:45 AM on February 3, 2005

As soon as I read "If you believe Apple’s marketing department, the new Mini is “smaller than most packs of gum” and weighs “less than four quarters”" I realized that something was amiss. Then I just got bored - this is some pretty weak satire.
posted by antifuse at 6:49 AM on February 3, 2005

I disagree, antifuse. I wasn't laughing out loud - or peeing my pants - throughout it, but there's a special roller-coaster sensation of gradually dawning consciousness that well set-up satire can achieve, and I appreciated getting a hit of that from this.

I went into it ready to get mad and smug at the reviewer's idiocy, and ratcheted that up (like the roller-coaster car going clackety-clack on the upgrade) on the two captions I read - first the Safari / MSN one, and then the half-price-at-the-gas-station one. When I read the third one (actually the first caption) referring to the lack of a 5.25" bay, I started saying, heyyyyyy, waaaaiitaminnnit... (top of the ramp) that's just ridiculous.... no one's that clueless... and then started reading the text more carefully, at which point the obviousness of the satire came rushing on like the downward swoosh of the roller-coaster car.

Unlike a roller-coaster, though, that was about it. Still, that initial moment is great. And StormBear's link is further fun.
posted by soyjoy at 7:39 AM on February 3, 2005

StormBear's link

Meaning, of course, this one. Missed the fact that StormBear posted the FPP till I read the MeTa handwring-a-thon.
posted by soyjoy at 8:17 AM on February 3, 2005

[quote]For example, there is no Outlook Express for email, but Apple includes a program called Mail, which is like a stripped-down email client that can’t execute scripts or open attachments without user intervention.  Personally I find it annoying, but if someone doesn’t depend on emailing their coworkers vbscripts like I do, they might be able to get by with it.  [/quote]
posted by nequalsone at 8:37 AM on February 3, 2005

WTF??!! Even most Windows users know at least something about Macs by now - they have been around for 35 years or so. This is the kind of ignorance that keeps Windows users thinking they're superior to Mac users.

I've got so many problems with this "article", I don't even know where to start. First of all, who's editing this stuff? A good editor would've never even let this see the light of day. How is this so-called "article" even still up on the Web?

Technology Insider my ass...
posted by hellbient at 10:11 AM on February 3, 2005

oh. nevermind. man, that's funny stuff...
posted by hellbient at 10:15 AM on February 3, 2005

ha.
posted by nearo at 1:32 PM on February 3, 2005

Hellbient: lol.
posted by delmoi at 1:40 PM on February 3, 2005

i guess they were happy with the volume of mac-fanatic hate mail. check out their latest endeavor: the (first?) dell rumors site!
quote from the site: "Why should Nick Ciarelli have all the fun? Check out a new rumor site I set up to give you the inside scoop on the next generation of Dell products.  I just hope Dell Legal doesn't hear about this!"
posted by Silky Slim at 1:51 PM on February 3, 2005

The Dell Rumors site gave me a smile, 'specially while I'm at work using the very Dell that's pictured on the site. Maybe I don't get out enough. Heh.
posted by raedyn at 2:45 PM on February 3, 2005

Note also the DeVry University (yes, the internet-degree mill) credential.

Lobo take classes from DeVry!
posted by chuq at 7:31 PM on February 3, 2005

As per my previous post on this subject (dismissed here) the mini was indeed intended to have a built-in iPod dock. The mini is just the latest in a long, rather painful process on the part of many manufacturers (Apple merely being one of the foremost) to turn computers into something more closely resembling a 'mass consumer' product.
posted by humannature at 1:51 PM on March 2, 2005