I've Lost My Love Machete (In the Dense Jungle of Your Heart)

February 20, 2005 8:01 PM

Fake Jim Steinman song titles.
posted by kenko (17 comments total)

I don't actually know who Steinman is but "I Was One Yard From a Touchdown to Win the Super Bowl of Your Heart (But I Was Tackled by Rams Linebacker Mike Jones)" literally caused out-loud laughter.
posted by kenko at 8:03 PM on February 20, 2005

Paradise (by the Dashboard Light)...

Oh, wait, that's an ACTUAL Jim Steinman title.
posted by psmealey at 8:14 PM on February 20, 2005

Jim Steiman's solo album was entitled Bad News Travels Fast.

Dave Marsh's review read, in toto: "Not Fast Enough."
posted by jonmc at 8:20 PM on February 20, 2005

This is awesome.
posted by Vidiot at 8:23 PM on February 20, 2005

Meatloaf (=fatuous)
posted by ParisParamus at 8:26 PM on February 20, 2005

I get the feeling that most of those submitting titles never heard of Jim Steinman. Or, they are totally clueless about songwriting.
posted by mischief at 8:30 PM on February 20, 2005

And it reminds me of Calvin Trillin's proposed song titles. I'll see if I can dig some up.
posted by Vidiot at 8:34 PM on February 20, 2005

mischeif: I'm actually a big fan of Steinman's work with Meatloaf. Doesen't mean I can't enjoy some good-natured fun at his expense.
posted by jonmc at 8:35 PM on February 20, 2005

To quote Strongbad:

"Today is Alright 4 2Nite"

(from SBemail 106)
posted by bardic at 8:53 PM on February 20, 2005

The problem I see, jon, is that those titles don't even come close to satirizing Steinman.
posted by mischief at 9:00 PM on February 20, 2005

I can see what you mean there, mischeif, it's sort of the same syndrome that gave me the squicks in the Austin Powers movies. People satirizing a culture that they didn't understand or more importantly, have any affection for, which is the key to good satire.
posted by jonmc at 9:03 PM on February 20, 2005

Well, dammit daddy, some of them have a hell of a lot to learn about rock and roll...

"I Kill You With Bombast (Symphony For A Brooklyn Beethoven)" was funny though.
posted by beetsuits at 9:14 PM on February 20, 2005

To compare with "I Will Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" and "Objects in the Rear View Mirror (May Appear Closer Than They Are)", you need something like...

"You Ripped Out My Heart (Like It Was Ripped from the Headlines)"

"Light My Fire Baby (Close Cover Before Striking)"

"I Was the Funniest Home Video (When You Hit Me in the Crotch)"

"Just Another Late Show (And You're Not on My Top Ten)"

"Gone Down a Blind Alley (On Another Blind Date)"

"If That's Making Love (We're Both Making Mistakes)"

"I Googled for You (And Now We're at Yahoo!)"

I don't know if these are good... It's a fine line between Steinman parodies and bad Country songs... If you can imagine it being sung by anybody BUT Meatloaf, it just doesn't work...
posted by wendell at 10:01 PM on February 20, 2005

It's a fine line between Steinman parodies and bad Country songs.

Actually, wendell, the best bad country parody title is "It's Ok That You Left (But You Shouls Taken Your Mama With You)"
posted by jonmc at 10:06 PM on February 20, 2005

It's too bad there hasn't been a Meatloaf tribute album yet. I'd pay to hear, eg, an Opeth version of Paradise by the Dashboard Lights with Mikael Akerfeldt doing all the voices.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:44 AM on February 21, 2005

When Push Comes to Shove (I Can Shove Harder Than You)
posted by jeff-o-matic at 7:40 AM on February 21, 2005 [1 favorite]

As a huge Meatloaf fan, this is some entertaining stuff!

"Win The Drag Race For My Heart (But Don't Lose The Soul)"
"I Can Look Upon You With Both of My Eyes (But You Only Have One Eye For Me)"
...They actually sound like believeable Steinman songs to me.
posted by jmd82 at 11:51 AM on February 21, 2005