Big Big Big Burger

May 3, 2005 3:19 PM

Hungry? A restaraunt in Pennsylvania is offering a 15-pound burger for only $30
posted by C17H19NO3 (59 comments total)

if you bring a bunch of friends and share it, it's a good deal, but it's a heart attack on a plate for one, i'm sure.
posted by amberglow at 3:28 PM on May 3, 2005

Hey folks! Tired of living in fear of e. coli and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease? Get proactive with the Beer Belly Barrel Bathos Burger! Comes with a side of agar.
posted by palinode at 3:28 PM on May 3, 2005

Thank goodness we've already solved world hunger problems or this would be like slapping hungry, malnourished people all around the world right in the face and saying "Nyah, nyah, nyah, sucks to be you."

Oh wait.....
posted by fenriq at 3:33 PM on May 3, 2005

if you bring a bunch of friends and share it, it's a good deal, but it's a heart attack on a plate for one, i'm sure.

Which is why I find it amusing that some 100-lb girl ate one.

Wait. That's not amusing. That's absurd and gross.
posted by frufry at 3:35 PM on May 3, 2005

When finally I open my vegan restaurant, I'm going to offer a 15-pound slab of tofu free of charge to anyone who can finish one.
posted by AlexReynolds at 3:35 PM on May 3, 2005

Now I know what to have for lunch after my Hungry-Man Breakfast.
posted by furtive at 3:36 PM on May 3, 2005

When finally I open my vegan restaurant, I'm going to offer a 15-pound slab of tofu free of charge to anyone who can finish one.

I'm pretty sure that's prohibited by the Geneva Convention.
posted by jonmc at 3:41 PM on May 3, 2005 [1 favorite]

Now I know what to have for lunch after my Hungry-Man Breakfast.

Furtive, that link is so massive and greasy it deserves its own FPP.
posted by AlexReynolds at 3:44 PM on May 3, 2005

I'm pretty sure that's prohibited by the Geneva Convention.

Probably. I've gotten interested calls from Condi Rice and Rumsfeld, so it must break some laws somewhere.
posted by AlexReynolds at 3:46 PM on May 3, 2005

Which is why I find it amusing that some 100-lb girl ate one.
It looks like the 100 pound girl ate the smaller, 6 pound with 5 pounds of toppings burger, not the 30 pound one. That's still gross; but not as gross.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:48 PM on May 3, 2005 [1 favorite]

Isn't "vegan restaurant" like "military intelligence?"
posted by fixedgear at 3:50 PM on May 3, 2005

I don't think its physically possible for a 100 pound person to consume 30% of their body weight in one sitting and survive. I'm sure someone will prove me wrong but it just shouldn't be possible!
posted by fenriq at 3:51 PM on May 3, 2005

just think of the calories that you burn lifing and eating the thing, though!
posted by C17H19NO3 at 3:51 PM on May 3, 2005

they should serve it at this place : >
posted by amberglow at 3:59 PM on May 3, 2005

> A restaraunt in Pennsylvania is offering a 15-pound burger for only $30

Yeah, and if you eat it by yourself, they kick in $30 towards the cost of your funeral!
posted by The Dryyyyy Cracker at 3:59 PM on May 3, 2005

fenriq, while the price of the burger is $30, it weighs 15 pounds, so the the 100 pound girl would have consumed 15% of her weight - if that was, in fact, the burger she ate and not the smaller one. Still, though, that's just a ridiculous amount of food.
posted by Frisbee Girl at 4:11 PM on May 3, 2005

This burger looks très nouvelle cuisine to me.
posted by NewBornHippy at 4:13 PM on May 3, 2005

> Still, though, that's just a ridiculous amount of food.

Note that this abomination has now its own web site.
posted by NewBornHippy at 4:20 PM on May 3, 2005

Furtive, that link is so massive and greasy it deserves its own FPP.

I've actually eaten a Humgry Man breakfast. Everythings OK, except the pancakes, they don't microwave well.
posted by jonmc at 4:32 PM on May 3, 2005

Frisbee Girl, DOH! thanks for the reality check, still 15% of one's body weight in a sitting is insane!
posted by fenriq at 4:34 PM on May 3, 2005

Ah. Here's the current state of American morality: a restaurant offering a 15lb sandwich and all those who indulge are "evil" while ridiculously expensive organic grocery stores; prepared gourmet, healthy salads in a bag; and driving the freeway to work everyday in something other than an SUV are "good". Grossly excessive consumption that is slightly greater than the norm is in such horribly bad taste that examples of such cause right-thinking people to erupt into volcanos of smug indignation and self-righteousness. Grossly excessive consumption that is slightly less than the norm is saintly, the very model of virtuous restraint. It is the redeeming Power of Expensive Japanese Rice Cookers versus the corrupting Power of Greasy Fast Food. The eternal conflict—nothing less than the very battle for the soul of mankind—being waged in America's kitchens and restaurants, suburban fitness centers, and convenient shopping locations near you.

Stand in awe, world, and tremble at the spectacle of my transcendental virtue as I eat only the healthiest of foods!
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 4:45 PM on May 3, 2005

Kate Stelnick ate a hamburger weighing 11 pounds (6 lbs of beef); she weighs 115 pounds.

Will you marry me?
posted by sdrawkcab at 4:50 PM on May 3, 2005

EB, I just thought it was gross to think of eating that much meat at one sitting.

*shrugs*
posted by papercake at 4:55 PM on May 3, 2005

I ate a 21oz burger with blue cheese and bacon once on a bet. I won a single-malt scotch.
posted by jonmc at 4:57 PM on May 3, 2005

Wow. Kate Stelnick's feat is like "winning the Boston Marathon after never having run more than ten miles."
posted by Bort at 4:58 PM on May 3, 2005

"Akron, Ohio-based competitive eaters Eddie "The Geek" Vidmar, left, and Dave "Coondog" O'Karma get ready to taste a Beer Barrel Belly Buster."

And then the AP staff writer decided to retire from writing forever. The End.
posted by queen zixi at 5:24 PM on May 3, 2005

I ate a 21oz burger with blue cheese and bacon once on a bet. I won a single-malt scotch.

No Pepto Bismol chaser?
posted by AlexReynolds at 5:34 PM on May 3, 2005

EB, I can't speak for anyone else here, but my reaction has nothing to do with morality, self righteousness or transcendence. It's based in pure physical practicality: the thought of ingesting 15 pounds of anything in one sitting gives me anticipatory indigestion.

Maybe it's the result of having spent my adolescence in a farming community, where 'green apple quickstep' was considered a seasonal ritual, but too much of anything is still too much, regardless of its source, quality or PC quotient.
posted by Frisbee Girl at 5:35 PM on May 3, 2005

10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese... a cup-and-a-half of mayonnaise
here's to opening one's vein and inserting a cholesterol drip.

wow. i have to wonder - does it taste good?
posted by snack at 5:43 PM on May 3, 2005

Isn't "vegan restaurant" like "military intelligence?"

One of the best restaurants I've ever been to is purely vegetarian. And I'm a committed omnivore.

I think it's the "cup and a half of mayonnaise" that scares me most about this burger.
posted by Mercaptan at 5:45 PM on May 3, 2005

No Pepto Bismol chaser?

Actually, I had a fluffernutter, a beer, and half a hurricane later on that evening as well. I figure if I'm going to an early grave, I might as well go there properly marinated.

That's nothing compared to the surf & turf (double cheeseburger with a fish filet jammed in the middle) I had at White Castle a while back. It was invented in New Jersey, the counterlady told me. Figures.
posted by jonmc at 5:47 PM on May 3, 2005

We've had designs on that burger for a while now... (self link)

They haven't come to pass. Yet.
posted by tss at 5:52 PM on May 3, 2005

Frisbee Girl- what's "green apple quickstep"?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:59 PM on May 3, 2005 [1 favorite]

i thought it was the runs because you ate unripe apples?
posted by amberglow at 6:06 PM on May 3, 2005

i thought it was the runs because you ate unripe apples?

No, silly, that's the green apple spatters!
posted by C17H19NO3 at 6:10 PM on May 3, 2005

ThePinkSuperhero - "green apple quickstep" is a term for (apologies to the easily offended) for a sudden, often 'explosive' case of diarrhea, aka 'the trots' or 'the runs' as you had to rush to the loo in order to avoid a psyche damaging scatalogical episode. To the best of my knowledge, it started as a reference to said state soon after overindulging in fresh fruit at the beginning of each season and evolved from there.

On preview: amberglow nailed it and C17H19NO3 took it to the much feared outcome.
posted by Frisbee Girl at 6:21 PM on May 3, 2005

One of the best restaurants I've ever been to is purely vegetarian.

And one of the best restaurants I've ever been to is purely vegan.

I can't see the connection between consuming an unnecessary amount of food primarily for the shock value/machismo (fear) factor and shopping at Whole Foods because their tomatoes actually have a chance of tasting tomato-like. The first is conspicuous consumption, on multiple levels, as a reaction to the common chorus of nutritional doom (and a publicity stunt that depends upon our outrage to succeed) ; the other is either a luxury to take for granted, a luxury that requires sacrifice in other fiscal areas, or a conscious decision to avoid pesticides and the like.
posted by bibliowench at 7:21 PM on May 3, 2005

90% of what I eat is cooked in a crockpot and lasts a couple of days. I walk or bike to work almost without exception (I usually drive about 20-30 miles a week). Aren't I allowed to be a little smugly indignant and self-righteous if I keep it to myself?

ridiculously expensive organic grocery stores; prepared gourmet, healthy salads in a bag; and driving the freeway to work everyday in something other than an SUV are "good"


I'll be the first to say that that is just a different type of gluttony, just gluttony with really good PR--and does very little promote a globally sustainable lifestyle.
posted by sourwookie at 7:21 PM on May 3, 2005

Frisbee : >
posted by amberglow at 7:42 PM on May 3, 2005

I'll be the first to say that that is just a different type of gluttony, just gluttony with really good PR--

actually, those places exist merely to persuade indie-yuppies that they can consume their way into a social conscience. Meanwhile, the kid punching the register making $7/hr realizes how full of shit they are.

As far as the burger gluttony goes, it's just sensation seeking, the same thing that drives people to guzzle Everclear punch and get lap dances. Nothing intrinsically wrong with it.
posted by jonmc at 7:45 PM on May 3, 2005

actually, those places exist merely to persuade indie-yuppies that they can consume their way into a social conscience.

That's exactly what I was trying to say, and perhaps what EB was saying also (So hard to convey nuance in type...).
posted by sourwookie at 7:51 PM on May 3, 2005

Now only if the bigger companies come out with their own 15lb burger. Now McDonald's, Burger King, Jack In The Box, Carls Jr. all have something to look up to.
posted by ArunK at 8:11 PM on May 3, 2005

Now McDonald's, Burger King, Jack In The Box, Carls Jr. all have something to look up to

There's that page where some high-school kid orders what amounts to iso-tuple cheeseburger or something in that vicinity. I can't remember whether he got it from JitB or Whataburger (or somewhere else), but it was... big. Lots of pictures of the kid picking out patties and eating them; IIRC he didn't actually finish, the big wuss.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:26 PM on May 3, 2005

broiled or fried? and in what sauce?
posted by jonmc at 8:35 PM on May 3, 2005

I've seen bigger.
posted by drezdn at 8:42 PM on May 3, 2005

For regular watchers of the Food Network, this is nothing new.
posted by me3dia at 9:12 PM on May 3, 2005

What America needs is a good ol' famine.
posted by alumshubby at 9:55 PM on May 3, 2005

"That's exactly what I was trying to say, and perhaps what EB was saying also (So hard to convey nuance in type...)."

Yes, it was. It's really not a huge deal; and all other things being equal, "eating well" is better than not eating well. But this kind of thing is a huge pet peeve of mine because in my view it perfectly illustrates the extremely shallow and narcissistic character of American morality (left or right).

I'm not arguing against doing something that is "right" if it is in absolute terms mostly incosequential but in relative terms notable—it's always better to do what's right than what's wrong. What really bugs me is the relative focus where such mostly inconsequential acts become the core of someone being self-satisfied about their morality and the role they play in the world. And it bugs me especially if they are harshly critical of those who don't share their particular mostly inconsequential habits.

Granted I have a utilitarian-based morality; but it seems to me that the ultimate test of the correctness of one's actions are their consequences, not whether they are relatively more "correct" than the actions of one's neighbors. That one is a better person, in some sense, than most of one's neighbors isn't, in my opinion, that great a cause for a sense of moral self-satisfaction. This is especially true because I believe that nearly all Americans, simply by participating in American culture, are, relative to all other humans on this planet, on balance doing much more harm than good than most. Being marginally better than other Americans isn't such a big deal.

This is my leftist perspective, but it's shared by my counterparts on the right—they just have a slightly different focus. My sister, a cultural conservative and Christian evangelical and activist, finds right-wing American self-satisfaction in, for example, not tolerating Janet Jackson's nipple be shown on TV to be abhorent relative to the same people's indifference to the genocide in Sudan and the indifference to the starving children worldwide. Americans, left and right, are morally smug about the most trivial things and, in my opinion, this demonstrates our moral superficiality that is essentially a byproduct of our narcissism. We look at ourselves in the mirror, admiring exquisitely conditioned hair, botoxed faces, and don't see the rot within.

Those are strong, overdramatic words, but it's how I feel. Eating grotesquely large hambugers is the least of our flaws.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 5:35 PM on May 4, 2005

Americans, left and right, are morally smug about the most trivial things and, in my opinion, this demonstrates our moral superficiality that is essentially a byproduct of our narcissism.

*applauds*

*eats grotesquely large hamburger*
posted by jonmc at 5:54 PM on May 4, 2005

Ethereal Bligh's indignation is giving me indigestion.
posted by AlexReynolds at 7:25 PM on May 4, 2005

Then fart in protest.
posted by jonmc at 7:36 PM on May 4, 2005

*poot*
posted by AlexReynolds at 7:54 PM on May 4, 2005

As far as the burger gluttony goes, it's just sensation seeking, the same thing that drives people to guzzle Everclear punch and get lap dances. Nothing intrinsically wrong with it.

Well, it's often sad lonely people trying to blot out the meaninglessness of our existences that indulge in these activites rather than face and fix reality.

Their existences, I mean. I'm fine.

*eats whole can of frosting, watches anime for six hours*
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 8:16 PM on May 4, 2005

Kate's a hottie.
posted by Cyrano at 6:56 AM on May 5, 2005

Granted I have a utilitarian-based morality; but it seems to me that the ultimate test of the correctness of one's actions are their consequences, not whether they are relatively more "correct" than the actions of one's neighbors. That one is a better person, in some sense, than most of one's neighbors isn't, in my opinion, that great a cause for a sense of moral self-satisfaction.

Hear, hear.
posted by FormlessOne at 12:20 PM on May 5, 2005

Alex et al - the Hungry Man Meal has already been an FPP - circa 2003
posted by longbaugh at 12:58 PM on May 5, 2005

While I could never eat a whole one by myself, the fifteen pound burger makes me way happier than the hundred dollar plates of flavored air that have been making their way around these parts.

Both are undoubtedly excess, but at least paying $30 for a burger, you're not going to walk away hungry. But paying upwards of $100 to eat paper? Sounds like fun, but I don't think it's very filling.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:19 PM on May 5, 2005

I'm always surprised at how much skinny people can pack in. It seems like it would be really hard to cook that burger properly and a 10-lb slab of dried-out meat is...not appetizing. It's supposed to be able to feed a family of 10, though - and if it's any good $3/head isn't bad at all.

actually, those places exist merely to persuade indie-yuppies that they can consume their way into a social conscience. Meanwhile, the kid punching the register making $7/hr realizes how full of shit they are.

Actually, those places exist so I have somewhere other than Wal-Mart to buy my shit at. Frankly, I don't see what's so bad about stores existing to provide people with better food, from better companies, produced under better conditions. Am I missing something? The larger orgqanic food Co-ops in my area also do a pretty damn good job with benefits, wages (I think it's ~$8 starting), and treatment of employees. And I don't know what the cost of living is where you are, but around here $7/hr for a part-time register job is pretty decent. I know I'd take it over the $5.50/hr dishwashing job I had when I started working.
posted by nTeleKy at 9:31 AM on May 6, 2005

I'll be you this douchebag would eat it. He's never seen a burger he didn't like.
posted by thedevildancedlightly at 2:37 PM on May 10, 2005