Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight

May 17, 2005 11:58 AM

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight is just about the wackiest story I've heard from Cambodia. Then I noticed the URL. Used to settle a bet between friends (successfully tricking one friend), the lions vs. midgets website has the full backstory on this spoof.
posted by mathowie (38 comments total)

I wonder why whoever is making these spoofs keeps choosing Cambodia?
posted by TetrisKid at 12:04 PM on May 17, 2005

I used to argue with my friends about who would win in a fight between The Jolly Green Giant [without Sprout] and the Keebler Elves. This sounds similar.
posted by sciurus at 12:14 PM on May 17, 2005

Matt really loves wacky things. It's so cute.

sciurus, don't keep us in suspense!
posted by iconomy at 12:23 PM on May 17, 2005

so, anyone here want to argue that 40 midgets could win in a fight with a fullgrown male lion?
posted by Kattullus at 12:28 PM on May 17, 2005

Seriously, wouldn't the Green Giant just smoosh the midgets?
posted by yodelingisfun at 12:29 PM on May 17, 2005

People, please, the real question is--which would win, a lion or a grizzly?
posted by Turtles all the way down at 12:36 PM on May 17, 2005

I was really disappointed that this wasn't real. Not that I have anything against midgets, but the idea of a Cambodian Midget Fighting League whose mission statement is that they will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine," is ridiculously awesome. I smell a FOX show.
posted by billysumday at 12:37 PM on May 17, 2005

The Jolly Green Giant [without Sprout]

I like that you included the no tag-team here. Is sprout really that powerful? I would think he'd get crushed in the melee just like all the cookie throwing elves.
posted by mathowie at 12:42 PM on May 17, 2005

Well sure, as Cambodian news stories go, this is out there.

Isn't the real question, how many midgets could you take on at once? No wimpy five year olds, these are full grown midget men and they know where your soft parts are.

I bet I could take on five before they overwhelmed me.
posted by fenriq at 12:43 PM on May 17, 2005

Turtles, as you can see, the lion pretty handily kicks the grizzly's ass.
posted by fenriq at 12:44 PM on May 17, 2005

Hmmm, I would have gone with the grizzly, but I submit to the wisdom of the masses.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 12:47 PM on May 17, 2005

Wait a minute...
posted by Turtles all the way down at 12:50 PM on May 17, 2005

...don't keep us in suspense!

We never came to a satisfactory conclusion. I ceded that The Jolly Green Giant would win if he caught all the elves in their tree, but in the open I think the elves would win through sheer maneuverability and tactical E.L. Fudge strikes. After that impasse, debating the Trix Rabbit/Toucan Sam/Lucky the Leprechaun melee only made things worse.

Aunt Jemima v. Mrs. Butterworth. Go!
posted by sciurus at 12:54 PM on May 17, 2005

Lions (lionesses, actually) have evolved to hunt in a group and take out a single animal. They usually select prey by finding an animal least capable of defending itself, favoring elderly, juvenile, or sick animals.

A single lion is simply not equipped to deal with 40 midgets working together. So long as they don't retreat in fear as the lion picks them off one-by-one, surely they could restrain the animal without too many of them sustaining serious injuries. Though they may be small in stature, 40 midgets is still a lot of people.
posted by Eamon at 1:10 PM on May 17, 2005

However, in a ring, isn't the lion going to feel cornered and fight in a defensive, rather than offensive and hence tactical manner? And what midget *isn't* going to retreat in fear at the approach of a lion?

Eamon, I'm afraid I find for the lion.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 1:13 PM on May 17, 2005

i'm going with the lion on this one. while 40 midgets is alot of human to deal with, i'd still think the lion has the strength & dexterity advantage, not to mention all those sharp fangly things.
posted by gnutron at 1:37 PM on May 17, 2005

Well, the big problem is that only so many midgets can get within striking distance at once like maybe 10 at most.

And what are they going to do? I don't they are going to injure the lion by the soft impacts of their fists. Their only hope is to pile on the lion and crush him, which would also crush a few of the midgets on the bottom.

40 midges weighing 80 pounds each. Assuming that about 50% of the mass is pushing down on the lion, that means maybe 1,600 pounds. Hmm...

I guess that's enough. Still, if the lion was able to pick them off one by one, or the the midgets couldn't pin the lion, the Lion wins.
posted by delmoi at 1:39 PM on May 17, 2005

I think the elves would win through sheer maneuverability and tactical E.L. Fudge strikes.

Especially considering that the eleves have Judd Hirsch working for them.
posted by drezdn at 1:43 PM on May 17, 2005

According to this, the lion eats the christians

Oh, wait. That was supposed to be midgets, wasn't it?
posted by warbaby at 1:57 PM on May 17, 2005

Elves vs. Giants? Ptui. Let us never speak of it again.

Now, Caveman vs. Astronaut. There's a debate.

p.s Joss is the big sky bully.
posted by Sparx at 2:15 PM on May 17, 2005

Shot the milk out of my nose reading this. Thanks for the post.
*pours another glass of milk*
posted by Smedleyman at 2:18 PM on May 17, 2005

Especially considering that the elves have Judd Hirsch working for them.

I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure it was actually Judd Hirsch doing the voice. Kinda wierd.
posted by puke & cry at 2:22 PM on May 17, 2005

you're right, it was Judd Hirsch. Family Guy has a surprisingly large amount of celebrities providing their own voices for their cameos.
posted by gnutron at 2:28 PM on May 17, 2005

You vs. 5 year olds
posted by Nauip at 2:44 PM on May 17, 2005

If I were pissed, I could take at least four midgets. Nine, if Sprout had my back.
posted by horsewithnoname at 4:00 PM on May 17, 2005

Delmoi, you're forgetting that midgets have teeth. All it would take is a few suicide midgets to hamstring that lion and the rest could finish the job at leisure.
posted by forrest at 4:39 PM on May 17, 2005

MeTa
posted by mlis at 6:07 PM on May 17, 2005

40 midge[t]s weighing 80 pounds each. Assuming that about 50% of the mass is pushing down on the lion, that means maybe 1,600 pounds. Hmm...

but unless you're suggesting an even spread across an extremely large lion, in which case it wouldn't be effective, a lot of that weight will be on other midgets, which means they'll be crushed to death as well. Basically, you need a good portion of the team to be suicidal to have much of a chance. 40 suicidal midgets could beat a lion, though.
posted by mdn at 6:34 PM on May 17, 2005

Oh, for crying out loud! It's so easy! You take one midget, stuff him in the lion's mouth, then dog pile! No problem!

But seriously (?!), I ask this: if the midgets formed a human pyramid ("... and I'll form the head!"), would the lion back off, thinking itself threatened by one enormous beast?
posted by SPrintF at 7:32 PM on May 17, 2005

Ok, so I was totally taken by this when my brother sent me the link.
posted by Toecutter at 7:37 PM on May 17, 2005

[ this is good ]

Thank you. It's been a crap day and I needed this!
posted by Space Kitty at 11:05 PM on May 17, 2005

OK, how about this: one midget distracts the lion, while 12 midgets grab his paws (3 per paw). After that the strongest midget jumps on the lion's back and starts strangling him, while another two also jump on his back, to help hold him down. To be doubly safe, they should have a replacement standing by for each of the above midgets, in case one of them gets injured.

30 is all you need, I say.
posted by epimorph at 11:27 PM on May 17, 2005

I was going to call a midget victory (by going for the eyes - it's a bitch to strangle a male lion, that's what the mane is for) until I realized it would be basically impossible for 40 midgets to corner a lion. It can just leap over them at will.

Long ago I read an account of a tiger attempting to fight off a similarly-sized pack of dholes. The tiger lost, but took 5 or 6 of the wild dogs with it, frequently by breaking the (border-collie-sized) dogs' backs with a single swipe of its paw. So - and I think size and strength correlate here - a lion doesn't need to devote a minute-long mauling to a midget in order to kill him.
posted by furiousthought at 11:41 PM on May 17, 2005

So, as long as 5 or 6 of the midgets are batshit crazy, the lion is probably doomed.
posted by graventy at 6:46 AM on May 18, 2005

http://lionvs40midgets.tripod.com/

:: Why the article was created:

- The debate:

It was created to 'settle' a dispute between a friend of mine in which he claimed that 40 weaponless midgets could defeat 1 lion in a hypothetical fight.

Here are the terms of the fight:

* Fight takes place between 1 full-grown, male African lion and 40 midgets
* The midgets are unarmed (no guns, baseball bats, tasers, etc.)
* The fight takes place in a closed arena (a racquetball court for example)
* Fight is over when either a) the lion is dead, or b) all 40 midgets are dead or unable to fight back (severely wounded)
* Lion is highly agitated, midgets know there's no way out until the lion is dead (they have to fight)
* The midgets are not specially trained to fight (not like the Cambodian fighting ones in the article)
* The midgets are given 5 minutes before the fight to prepare/strategize.
posted by thisisdrew at 7:50 AM on May 18, 2005

this would make a great multiplayer video game.
posted by thisisdrew at 7:56 AM on May 18, 2005

So, as long as 5 or 6 of the midgets are batshit crazy

Nah, wild dogs are faster, more agile, and have greater endurance than midgets, plus sharp teeth. A lion stuck in a room with dogs could jump over them for a while, but the dogs would outlast it, and could intercept its leaps by jumping up and biting. Midgets couldn't do that no matter how batshit crazy they were.
posted by furiousthought at 9:21 AM on May 18, 2005

Midgets have greater intelligence, the ability to communicate, and opposable thumbs. For example, enterprising fighters could quickly fashion clubbing and stabbing weapons from the bloody bones of their recently fallen comrades.
posted by Eamon at 11:15 AM on May 18, 2005