spinning teeth

May 23, 2005 12:34 PM

spinning gold & diamond teeth to match your spinning hubcaps
posted by tarantula (50 comments total)

So what starts them spinning? Deft tongue twirling? Retarded.
posted by zeoslap at 12:39 PM on May 23, 2005

Order now and we'll throw in a stable of fly bitchez! Call Pimps R Us now!
posted by jonmc at 12:40 PM on May 23, 2005

Wouldn't they just tear up the inside of your lips?
posted by oddman at 12:41 PM on May 23, 2005

The people in my neighborhood who have the spinning hubcaps have had the spinning teeth for over a year already. They like to pull up beside you and grin and show them off. I've heard that replacing the batteries is painful, however. Sometimes I roll down my window and say, "Dude, your teeth and your hubcaps are spinning in opposite directions." They hate that.
posted by anapestic at 12:47 PM on May 23, 2005

Up Next: Lowrider Hydraulic Equipped Breast Implants. You heard it here first.
posted by jonmc at 12:51 PM on May 23, 2005

thay just fo deckyrayshun yo.
posted by stenseng at 12:53 PM on May 23, 2005

thay just fo deckyrayshun yo.

"Woo woo!"
posted by bdk3clash at 12:59 PM on May 23, 2005

Wouldn't they just tear up the inside of your lips?

That's the price you pay for beauty.

Yo.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 1:09 PM on May 23, 2005

Matt/Jess- please, for everyone's sake, delete jonmc's comment before anyone gets any ideas... ;)
posted by mkultra at 1:12 PM on May 23, 2005

delete jonmc's comment before anyone gets any ideas... ;)

or let the photoshoppers go nuts...I suggest "Dre Day" for the soundtrack...
posted by jonmc at 1:23 PM on May 23, 2005

What concerns me the most is the pain they would cause your "partner" should pubic hairs become entangled as they rotate, winding them ever tighter. Do they turn off?
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:33 PM on May 23, 2005

that's hot.
posted by keswick at 1:35 PM on May 23, 2005

I assumed it wasn't real, but the site's too crappy to be a fake.
posted by originalname37 at 1:35 PM on May 23, 2005

Up Next: Lowrider Hydraulic Equipped Breast Implants. You heard it here first.

Clearly, there's a position waiting for you at Victoria's Secret. Genius!
posted by anapestic at 1:38 PM on May 23, 2005

Clearly, there's a position waiting for you at Victoria's Secret.

Cool. I've been in several positions with their catalog already.
posted by jonmc at 1:41 PM on May 23, 2005

This might go over really well with the ZZ Top set.
posted by greatgefilte at 1:46 PM on May 23, 2005

I bet they spin around like pinwheels, so you have to get a breeze going on your face before they really start to bling...
posted by Specklet at 1:56 PM on May 23, 2005

You heard it here first.

And no doubt we'll see it at Fark shortly.
posted by me3dia at 1:57 PM on May 23, 2005

And no doubt we'll see it at Fark shortly.

Ow. Memepool saw it already, on May 13. Second time in a week or so that's happened.
posted by gurple at 2:07 PM on May 23, 2005

Dear God and/or C'thulhu and/or Ba'al and/or Xenu:

After who knows how many eons of development, this is what we've done with the gifts of the wheel and fire. Sorry. Maybe you should give the dolphins or cockroaches a chance.

Please nuke us back to the stone age and take away all of our toys and as much stupidity as possible. Thank you.
posted by loquacious at 2:10 PM on May 23, 2005

I was really up in the air about whether to put my money into tech firms, or spinning teeth. I can't speak for everyone, but personally, I'm happy I went with the bling.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 2:14 PM on May 23, 2005

Golden teeth and golden tones, welcome to my presence!
posted by cavalier at 2:27 PM on May 23, 2005

This might go over really well with the ZZ Top set.

"Well I was movin' down the road in my V-8 Ford,
I had a shine on my boots, I had my sideburns lowered.
With my New York brim and my gold tooth displayed,
Nobody give me trouble cause they know I got it made.
I'm bad, I'm nationwide.
Girl I'm bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, I'm nationwide."
posted by 445supermag at 2:48 PM on May 23, 2005

Probably closer to Dmx than ZZ Top.

Y'all gone MeFi lose my mind up in here, up in here
posted by Smedleyman at 3:00 PM on May 23, 2005

keswick stole my comment.
posted by ackeber at 3:23 PM on May 23, 2005

I'm more in awe over the web design than the product. I haven't seen something that bad in awhile.

It does remind me of a recent "yo mama" joke I heard though:

Yo' mama soooo poor she thought bling-bling was a panda.
posted by elwoodwiles at 3:30 PM on May 23, 2005

That site, with flashblock on and animated gifs disabled, is just fine.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:00 PM on May 23, 2005

These don't encourage a diet rich in fiber. A practical questions: are them teeth (spinner or just plain flat bling) meant to be worn all the time -- or is just just ornament you wear when you step outside?
posted by NewBornHippy at 4:14 PM on May 23, 2005

Ahhh, the dumbassification of the universe has just reached a critical mass and we're all about to be sucked into the vorpal black hole of retardization.

That someone would actually put this ridiculous garbage in their mouth and think its cool is about the funniest and saddest thing I've heard in a long time.
posted by fenriq at 4:44 PM on May 23, 2005

The raspberry seeds...oh god....the raspberry seeds....
posted by Baby_Balrog at 4:46 PM on May 23, 2005

I think we should use these bling-bling teeth as a metric: if you've got 'em, you fail the test of life and have to give it up. Perhaps we'll let someone from a disadvantaged country fill your shoes.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:51 PM on May 23, 2005

I think we should use these bling-bling teeth as a metric: if you've got 'em, you fail the test of life and have to give it up

A couple weeks ago, on the subway, I saw a guy with the crookedest buck teeth I've ever seen, yet every last one of 'em was sportin a shiny gold cap. Dude looked like Bling-Biling the Beaver.
posted by jonmc at 5:18 PM on May 23, 2005

Interesting. If it were a link to $300 worth of designer handbag, would it get the same caustic comments?

Different cultures, different status symbols. Get over it.
posted by sellout at 5:26 PM on May 23, 2005

Interesting. If it were a link to $300 worth of designer handbag, would it get the same caustic comments?

From most of us, yeah, especially if it looked this stupid.

Different cultures, different status symbols.

It's the very idea of "status symbols" that irks me about the whole enterprise.

Nice try, though.
posted by jonmc at 5:29 PM on May 23, 2005

Interesting. If it were a link to $300 worth of designer handbag, would it get the same caustic comments?

I'd mock that too thanks. Stupid and excessive is stupid and excessive, whether it's spinning rims for your car and teeth, overpriced bags and makeup, or those ludicrous neck rings and lip discs that some tribes sport.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 5:33 PM on May 23, 2005

Stupid and excessive is stupid and excessive, whether it's spinning rims for your car and teeth, overpriced bags and makeup, or those ludicrous neck rings and lip discs that some tribes sport.

...and making holier-than-thou comments on community weblogs. It all springs from the same place: someone trying to pretend they're not just like everyone else.
posted by jonmc at 5:37 PM on May 23, 2005

I'm not just like everyone else.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 5:54 PM on May 23, 2005

You and Ray Davies, dude.
posted by jonmc at 5:59 PM on May 23, 2005

It all springs from the same place: someone trying to pretend they're not just like everyone else.

Sorry, jonmc, that this isn't how I react when I see this stuff. And that I dislike when people do. It's just a personal preference. You roll your eyes at bling, I roll my eyes when you do.

I shouldn't even have commented on this thread. My apologies, I don't like to troll. Ignore me, continue as you were.
posted by sellout at 6:02 PM on May 23, 2005

You roll your eyes at bling, I roll my eyes when you do.

And I roll my eyes at your eye rolling.

Explaining away stupidity as "cultural differences," does a disservice to any culture. Right after I clicked on the link and started laughing, two co-workers of mine (one black & one Latin, both from neigborhoods where bling-bling is quite prevalent) peered over to see what was so funny and immediately burst into hysterics themselves, because it's bling taken to a ridiculous extreme. And I'd laugh just as hard if it was some Texans foot-wide belt buckle or some preppies $1200 shoes. And I'm a big fan of garish and outre. But this...this is just stupid.
posted by jonmc at 6:11 PM on May 23, 2005

Or to put it more succintly: I refuse to let the ridiculous go unacknowledged as such just to spare your tender sensibility.
posted by jonmc at 6:19 PM on May 23, 2005

I refuse to let the ridiculous go unacknowledged as such just to spare your tender sensibility.

Hell, I'll just be direct about it. I read some of the comments here and I saw what looked like thinly veiled racism. I reacted. That was silly of me, I shouldn't have. It's Metafilter, not Stormfront. I lost my common sense and sense of humor on the way to the keyboard today. My dumb fault.

Again, ignore me. I don't like trolling. Go about your business.
posted by sellout at 6:44 PM on May 23, 2005

Hell, I'll just be direct about it. I read some of the comments here and I saw what looked like thinly veiled racism. I reacted. That was silly of me, I shouldn't have. It's Metafilter, not Stormfront.

OK, I can see where someone unfamiliar with my posting style could get that impression. It was literally the joke I cracked to my aforementioned freinds when I saw the site, they laughed, so I figured what the hell. The lowrider breast implants I came up with on my own (but I still stand by that one). I'm familiar enough with "urban" culture (I live in Queens and I've lived in other big cities) that i feel comfortable breaking balls about this stuff. But if I gave the wrong impression, I can understand and I apologize. You seem like a reasonable guy, so I wouldn't want to make an enemy.
posted by jonmc at 6:53 PM on May 23, 2005

Forgive me, but I'm having a bit of trouble visualizing the lowrider breast implants. How would they work exactly?
posted by dopeypanda at 9:26 PM on May 23, 2005

Do you have a grandma or know one? Add hydraulics and bling. Bumpin' sound system and pimped out upholstery optional.
posted by loquacious at 10:16 PM on May 23, 2005

I read some of the comments here and I saw what looked like thinly veiled racism.

Only if stupid is a race, man. Only if.

Low rider breast implants are only good if they've got the hydraulic bounce units as well.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:18 PM on May 23, 2005

And no doubt we'll see it at Fark shortly.

Ow. Memepool saw it already, on May 13. Second time in a week or so that's happened.

And Boing Boing saw it a week before that. Those wheels just keep on turning, don't they? (Sorry.)
posted by contraposto at 11:28 PM on May 23, 2005

I'm just grossed out by the fact that a lot of the people who opt to wear gold teeth grills (with spinning bling or not) often keep them in for a while without adequate cleaning as the grills are so hard to remove for proper oral care. Wearers of the grills end up not brushing/flossing enough or adequately and eventually their teeth rot behind the bling, leading to the teeth needing to be capped for real. Obviously, this can't be any sillier than women who undergo elective foot surgery to remove a toe, just so that they may squeeze their feet into Manalo Blahniks. Both instances are just signs of vanity and status losing out over common sense.
posted by mosspink at 11:46 PM on May 23, 2005

spinning gold & diamond teeth to match your spinning hubcaps

At least you matchin'.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 9:42 AM on May 24, 2005

Call me racist or whatever, but this is the silliest crap ever. How anyone can see someone with these teeth and say "damn, that's hot" is just beyond me. It's like the baggy pants at the knees and having to walk around holding them up. I have the hardest time not breaking into belly laughter when I see people dressed like that. And now this silly "bling." What a fricking joke. There was an article in the SF Chronicle a few months ago about how girls of all ethnicities are getting this as temporary accoutrements for their prom outfits. Blah.

Someday they will hopefull grow up and say "what the f was I thinking?" (Like I have done looking back at my goth stage, and even earlier, my ultra-pegged pants and shoulder pads and big cable knit sweaters in bright colors, and big pendant pins. Ugh. The 80's were bad.) But this is ranks as even worse.
posted by aacheson at 9:59 AM on May 24, 2005