It took courage to write this poorly, and it will take courage to read it.

October 10, 2005 12:58 PM

It was a dark and stormy night on some distant planet. Thog's Masterclass collects only the finest, most well-honed clunky sentences and mixed metaphors the science fiction community produces. Eat yer heart out, Bulwer-Lytton. [via the website at the end of the universe]
posted by arto (19 comments total)

Similar to the also amusing The Lyttle Lytton Contest: worst sentences to begin a novel.
posted by StarForce5 at 1:12 PM on October 10, 2005

Funny link, but is there any particular reason you provided two links to the same page?
posted by cerebus19 at 1:14 PM on October 10, 2005

`He lifted her tee-shirt over her head. Her silk panties followed.' -- Peter F. Hamilton, Mindstar Rising

Haha, that's a hell of a way to kill that romance novel.
posted by Mach3avelli at 1:15 PM on October 10, 2005

Some friends of mine were recently quoted in Thog's Masterclass. At least one of them was ecstatic and considers it a sign that he's "made it." I'm inclined to agree.
posted by JeremyT at 1:20 PM on October 10, 2005

`He absorbed Latin in two hours yesterday! It took me a whole year just to learn the Latin alphabet.' -- Brett Leonard & Gimel Everett, screenplay for The Lawnmower Man

LOL.
posted by delmoi at 1:50 PM on October 10, 2005

they obviously put a quota on robert jordan, else the entire webpage would've consisted of choice selections from the wheel of (wasted) time
posted by lord_wolf at 1:50 PM on October 10, 2005

Funny link, but is there any particular reason you provided two links to the same page?

One link in the 'link' feild, and one in the body, I would guess.
posted by delmoi at 1:51 PM on October 10, 2005

`He put the stomach back and began to feel around for the small intestine ... That's when something bit him.' -- Simon Ian Childer, Worm

...and that's when I put the book down and never picked it back up again. ugh.
posted by TheStorm at 2:07 PM on October 10, 2005

Non-1994 Thog is also available in more recent issues of Anisble.
posted by Artw at 3:23 PM on October 10, 2005

Best line ever: "You humans! Always leaking from one orifice or another!"

I've mercifully forgotten the book but the line will live on in my brain forever.
posted by mygothlaundry at 3:28 PM on October 10, 2005

`He lifted her tee-shirt over her head. Her silk panties followed.' -- Peter F. Hamilton, Mindstar Rising

Haha, that's a hell of a way to kill that romance novel.

You've never experienced the romantic experience of a candle-lit atomic wedgie?
posted by knave at 3:31 PM on October 10, 2005

`It was an Everest of understatement.' -- Robert Charles Wilson, The Harvest

That's beautiful.
posted by fleacircus at 3:32 PM on October 10, 2005

Well, I wish I could embroider and milk a cow. All along, I thought they were crocheted.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:48 PM on October 10, 2005

'Now that important Achilles heel was closed.' -- Geoffrey Jenkins, Firepoint

Beautiful. So very, very beautiful.
posted by flashboy at 4:02 PM on October 10, 2005

`He wasn't going to leave Pat Benson on her own, crabs or no crabs.' -- Guy N. Smith, Night of the Crabs

Wow.
posted by mkhall at 4:18 PM on October 10, 2005

These tainted my very laughter. Or maybe that's just the pneumonia coming back. Hard to tell...
posted by ancientgower at 6:41 PM on October 10, 2005

I'm surprised that I didn't see any quotes from The DaVinci Code on that list.
posted by Jon-o at 7:59 PM on October 10, 2005

Jon-o: They'd have had to've quoted the entire thing, which would have been as painful as the construction of this sentence.
posted by S.C. at 8:30 PM on October 10, 2005

this is priceless. thanks also for the little lytton link. Sometimes I think that we should make one exception to the double post rule: and that's to allow a little lytton link once a year when the new winners are announced.

and speaking of davinci code: best/worst moment? when he describes the protagonist as being "Harrison Ford in Harris Tweed," and then you see the author's photo on the back of the book is him in Harris Tweed. "Dan Brown, meet Gary Stu. Oh, you've already met? Fancy that..."
posted by shmegegge at 9:47 PM on October 10, 2005