Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, William Shatner!

November 4, 2005 2:25 AM

Protect your banana! Careful now. Don't bruise it!
posted by loquacious (38 comments total)

Do you have to take it with you to the store so you can pick out bananas that fit?

(I will admit that I can't count how many times I've taken "bananas to work or school only to find them bruised and squashed." Is this the solution? Not at 6 bucks a piece.)
posted by gohlkus at 2:31 AM on November 4, 2005

(Opens BananaGuard)

Honey, that's not a banana....
posted by eriko at 2:33 AM on November 4, 2005

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaguard!
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaguard!

I've got this feeling, so appealing
For us to get together and sing, sing!
posted by Rothko at 2:36 AM on November 4, 2005

Okay. Just put the egg nog back in the fridge and quit taking nose hits from the recently emptied brandy bottle.

I don't care how appealing your feeling, I refuse to sing about a damn banana cozy.
posted by bat at 3:13 AM on November 4, 2005

Protect your cupcake!
Protect your pocket!
Protect your crotch!
posted by furtive at 3:20 AM on November 4, 2005

Protect your banana!
posted by furtive at 3:31 AM on November 4, 2005

Eat my backpack!
posted by furtive at 3:33 AM on November 4, 2005

What if your banana doesn't curve like that?
posted by caddis at 3:39 AM on November 4, 2005

Dear Banana Guard,

I have a design suggestion for future banana guards.

Although the banana guard seems to be well-designed to prevent bananas from damage due to normal jostling and even accidents -- you could, for example, ride off an unseen curb while cycling and the banana could be ejected fom your backpack, waistpouch or banana bandolier -- (note to self: patent this now!), there is nothing in the design to prevent damage due to malicious intent/sabotage or even theft of one's precious, hard-earned bananas. If you pretend it can't happen you are just kidding yourself.

Therefore, I suggest future models of the banana guard be modified to include loops on each half that match up to allow attachment of a sturdy padlock or combination lock. After all, the name is "banana GUARD", so total banana security should be your ultimate goal.
posted by planetkyoto at 3:42 AM on November 4, 2005

Now THIS is effective use of the USPTO.
posted by antifuse at 3:44 AM on November 4, 2005

Holy crap, furtive! Is that for real?
posted by loquacious at 3:51 AM on November 4, 2005

I hear a peal of laughter from the gallery. :)
posted by gigbutt at 4:22 AM on November 4, 2005

gohlkus, caddis: read the first FAQ on the site - it's about getting bananas to fit it.
posted by edd at 4:42 AM on November 4, 2005

I dunno. I don't think banana-bending is kosher.
posted by loquacious at 4:46 AM on November 4, 2005

I don't want to make my banana fit that.
posted by caddis at 5:07 AM on November 4, 2005

Pardon me while I whip this out.
posted by eriko at 5:11 AM on November 4, 2005

What if the EU regulations regarding the acceptable range of sizes and bendiness of bananas was enforced??

Thankfully the UK got out of it...


Thinking about it, why has it taken so long for something like this to become available? It's just a cross between a lunchbox and a pencil case...
posted by Chunder at 5:21 AM on November 4, 2005

Does it fit cucumbers as well?
posted by gorgor_balabala at 6:50 AM on November 4, 2005

It's funny because it looks like a schlong
posted by TheDonF at 7:02 AM on November 4, 2005

Nice how battery attachments come up in the FAQ. No, no batteries, it's only for protecting bananas.
posted by Hildegarde at 7:18 AM on November 4, 2005

This makes me think of the heyday of Tupperware with their pickle packers, their deviled-egg carriers, their velveeta cheese protectors. Got a food? Tupperwear can enshrine it in plastic!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:17 AM on November 4, 2005

Pick a peck of pickle packers? Pickled peckers? Pecker picklers? Pickled pecker packers! Packapickledpeckofpeckeredpicklepackers!

**brisantly detonates in dyslexic fugue**
posted by loquacious at 8:34 AM on November 4, 2005

"To request more information about the Banana Guard, to place bulk orders or to suggest new Banana Guard colours you'd like to see in the future please contact us. "

In case nine colours of Banana Guard leave you feeling sd and empty.
posted by kozad at 9:01 AM on November 4, 2005

I have one (an orange one), and I can assure you it's a real conversation starter when I whip it out of my bag and eat my banana.
posted by kika at 9:06 AM on November 4, 2005

this thread is further proof that the word banana is one of the funniest words ever.
posted by splatta at 9:22 AM on November 4, 2005

Frankly, this device scares the hell out of me. Just look at what happens when you try to touch the banana in the opened demonstrator with your cursor.
posted by Huplescat at 9:38 AM on November 4, 2005

Ha ha, I get it! Because there are bees!
with apologies to TwelveTwo
posted by jenovus at 9:58 AM on November 4, 2005

They can have my banana when they pry it from my cold dead hand!
*cut to Chuck Heston*

That used to be me before banana guard. Hello, I'm Charleton Heston. Now, whenever I'm transporting a banana...
posted by Smedleyman at 11:08 AM on November 4, 2005

I actually own a product that is very similar to this; it's called the "Banana Bunker," and it bends in the middle to accomodate varying banana curves. Unfortunately, it doesn't snap together too well, and the two parts of the Banana Bunker often separate. It has, however, made for interested office conversation as it looks like a dildo.
posted by lunalaguna at 11:22 AM on November 4, 2005

I'll wait for the BananaGuard 2.0, with Rez integration.
posted by mkultra at 12:21 PM on November 4, 2005

**brisantly detonates in dyslexic fugue**

As if you'd unbrisantly detonate, and the fugue thread is thataway.

Personally, until it has WiFi and a TCP stack, I'm just not interested.
posted by eriko at 12:37 PM on November 4, 2005

Today's Banana Guard security alert rating is:

YELLOW
posted by Darkman at 2:30 PM on November 4, 2005

Does it vibrate?
posted by dov3 at 2:41 PM on November 4, 2005

metafilter: unbrisantly detonate, and the fugue thread is thataway.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 6:28 PM on November 4, 2005

PepsiYellow
posted by jewzilla at 8:23 PM on November 4, 2005

Here are some more banana storage options (although not for my banana thank you very much, I have better places to put my banana). via the presurfer
posted by caddis at 8:48 PM on November 4, 2005

this bananaguard... it's penile?
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 11:30 AM on November 5, 2005

thanks, edd--very helpful.

From the FAQ: Our testing indicates that over 90% of commercially available bananas will fit into the Banana Guard. Highly curved bananas can be straightened ever-so-slightly without harm to fit the Banana Guard shape. The opposite holds true of very straight bananas.

So they're saying that to save the banana, I have to destroy it?!?
posted by gohlkus at 6:15 PM on November 11, 2005