It’s kind of a radar for gayness, or a gay radar. It’s called… a homometer

November 25, 2005 7:37 PM

'Gay' horse jibe lands student in court
posted by ab'd al'Hazred (86 comments total)

I predict good things for this thread.
posted by mazola at 7:39 PM on November 25, 2005

Best URL evar.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:40 PM on November 25, 2005

Let me remix:
Equine gaydar.
posted by Nelson at 7:43 PM on November 25, 2005

OK... without commenting on the content of the link or its compliance with general mefi conventions (oh, the restraint!), just having one long URL like that makes the front page render funny (like, "oh, huh" funny, not "ha ha" funny). Admins, hook up some different link text?

On preview: I second Nelson's suggestion.
posted by rkent at 7:43 PM on November 25, 2005

So was the horse a homosexual?
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 7:45 PM on November 25, 2005

arrested in May this year after a drunken conversation with a pair of mounted policemen

Oh, the places I could go with the construction of this sentence...
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:50 PM on November 25, 2005

I think it's wrong to out a horse like that. It should be up to the horse to decide when he's comfortable letting everyone know he's gay.
posted by Bort at 7:57 PM on November 25, 2005

You mean 'gay'_horse_jibe_lands_student_in_court wasn't concise enough for you? Or was that too many words for you to read?

And I second S@L's question.
posted by eyeballkid at 7:59 PM on November 25, 2005

Basically, the police arrested him because he was trying to be all clever and studenty and they thought he was a fucking twat, which he probably is. They probably know the arrest is a bit dodgy, and he probably knows he wasn't being very nice to the police and being a twat.
posted by snoktruix at 8:00 PM on November 25, 2005

uh, ab'd, I thought you said that in your country they DIDN'T have alcohol.
posted by jonson at 8:00 PM on November 25, 2005

The horse's sexual orientation is irrelevant in this case, in fact, that it was even a horse is also irrelevant. What is relevant is that someone used the term "gay" pejoratively. I can't wait until I live in a world where people would be proud to ride on a gay horse.
posted by sexymofo at 8:05 PM on November 25, 2005

He is planning to plead not guilty to the charge...

Um, well it's like this, Your Honour. I've just got a thing for horses.

...and is considering mounting his own defence.

Ha! What WolfDaddy said would fit in nicely here too.
posted by sjvilla79 at 8:05 PM on November 25, 2005

What is relevant is that someone used the term "gay" pejoratively.

I have a feeling this has less to do with the sexual politics around how people use the word "gay" and more to do with snoktruix said. Drunkenly taunting the police down the street is not a smart move.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 8:11 PM on November 25, 2005

Does anyone else read this news story and find it depressing that it's news at all? Like, shouldn't the cop be too busy fighting terrorists and axe murderers and corporate profiteers to bother with some drunken dickweed?

Goddamn it -- what we need is BATMAN, not some stupid drunk oaf yelling at what is clearly a gay horse. Batman -- now there was a gay super hero.

I'm sorry, I seem to have wandered off to a place where everyone is staring at me without blinking.
posted by neek at 8:12 PM on November 25, 2005

This thread is gay.
posted by dgaicun at 8:18 PM on November 25, 2005

Of course, of course.
posted by ColdChef at 8:19 PM on November 25, 2005

Neighdar
posted by rob511 at 8:32 PM on November 25, 2005

He shoots, he scores!
posted by eriko at 8:37 PM on November 25, 2005

In think I've read about this horse...
posted by homunculus at 8:38 PM on November 25, 2005

And seen him in my dreams...
posted by homunculus at 8:39 PM on November 25, 2005

it must be nice to live in a country where the police have so little to do with their time
posted by pyramid termite at 8:42 PM on November 25, 2005

Well, sometimes you can just tell.
posted by maryh at 8:45 PM on November 25, 2005

Would it be OK if he just said that was a Dandy Horse?
posted by Balisong at 8:50 PM on November 25, 2005

ab'd al'Hazred's Profile
Name: ab'd al'Hazred

member since: June 6, 2000

What the fuck?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:51 PM on November 25, 2005

Will someone please post something, anything, to the front page in an attempt to un-break the startlingly blank top part of front page?

Hell, post a link to FARK. Post a link to Fat Chicks in Party Hats. Post a one line Newsfilter about Michael Brown's parents being proud of him still.
posted by loquacious at 8:52 PM on November 25, 2005

What the fuck?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken

Shutup, n00b.
posted by homunculus at 8:54 PM on November 25, 2005

Aw, fuck it.

MeTa.
posted by loquacious at 8:55 PM on November 25, 2005

mindless, instinct-driven beasts hump each other and people see homosexuality in it. and homosexuals point proudly and go "see?!". unbeleivable.
posted by quonsar at 9:04 PM on November 25, 2005

quonsar transcends trollery
posted by ab'd al'Hazred at 9:12 PM on November 25, 2005

someone has quonsar's login. that or the tryptophan is doing weird things to the darlin'.
posted by stirfry at 9:17 PM on November 25, 2005

"Sam was adamant his equine gaydar was accurate,”

: >

this sounds like something PG would do.
posted by amberglow at 9:18 PM on November 25, 2005

For the last fucking time Mr. Hands is not one and the same as the guy from the recent news story and I'm tired of reverting the wiki you shits. The video predates the story by months. Stop abuse.
posted by moift at 9:34 PM on November 25, 2005

dont look @ me.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 9:49 PM on November 25, 2005

You don't know quonsar very well, do you stirfry?
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 9:59 PM on November 25, 2005

I'd just make that sinful devil horse stare at this XXX action until it was all cured:


Sorry if I'm mistaken, this freshly Googled pic is actually my first and only experience with the horse's naughty anatomy, but is the female horse designed to shit directly into its vagina?
posted by dgaicun at 10:08 PM on November 25, 2005

I'm sorry. I'm unable to process this image.
posted by SPrintF at 10:19 PM on November 25, 2005

I really didn't need to see that.
posted by maryh at 10:25 PM on November 25, 2005

That's not how you vacuum a horse anus noobs :/
posted by moift at 10:28 PM on November 25, 2005

*swoons*
posted by loquacious at 10:28 PM on November 25, 2005

I guess mazola has been proven right in his first-comment prediction: good things, indeed.
posted by donpedro at 10:29 PM on November 25, 2005

metafilter: horses' asses for viewing by everyone
posted by pyramid termite at 10:31 PM on November 25, 2005

Wait, is his name Alan Strang?
posted by dhartung at 10:33 PM on November 25, 2005

MetaFilter: Horses' asses.
posted by loquacious at 10:39 PM on November 25, 2005

Metafilter: Equus Anus
posted by Balisong at 10:41 PM on November 25, 2005

Well at least it wasn't a gaping anus.
posted by IronLizard at 10:41 PM on November 25, 2005

is the female horse designed to shit directly into its vagina?

alas, some of them are. This (undesirable) comformation is referred to as "a tipped vulva" and they generally sew up the vaginal opening to stop the mare from getting uterine infections.

You asked.
posted by fshgrl at 10:58 PM on November 25, 2005

Oh, wait. I'm sorry that wasn't a picture of a horse!:

Fixed:


posted by sjvilla79 at 10:59 PM on November 25, 2005

Shouldn't Snuffy's, um, 'tabernacle of virtue' be invisible to all but Big Bird?
posted by maryh at 11:21 PM on November 25, 2005

“Sam was adamant his equine gaydar was accurate"- HAHAHAHAH
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:21 PM on November 25, 2005 [1 favorite]

is the female horse designed to shit directly into its vagina?
If a horse shits directly into its vagina and noone is around, does it make a sound?
posted by moift at 11:23 PM on November 25, 2005

I love the arc of this discussion. FPP fucks up front page -> so is the horse gay or not? -> HORSE VAGINA
posted by Stauf at 11:36 PM on November 25, 2005

You asked.

I didn't!! GAH! Pppth!
posted by loquacious at 11:39 PM on November 25, 2005

I love the arc of this discussion

Yep, this thread is pretty much the turd that fell directly into MetaFilter's tipped vulva.

Or maybe the link itself is the turd and the discussion is better symbolized by the resulting uterine infection.

Anyway, you get the point.
posted by dgaicun at 11:50 PM on November 25, 2005

Err, can you elaborate? Perhaps in detail? Feel free to use any colorful metaphors you may think of.
posted by loquacious at 11:58 PM on November 25, 2005

I get it. It's like a train, that went off the tracks?
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 12:14 AM on November 26, 2005

I'm not sure this train was ever anywhere near the tracks.
posted by maryh at 12:17 AM on November 26, 2005

Narrow or standard gauge?
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 12:36 AM on November 26, 2005

Back on topic, it would seem the ticket was legitimate -- not because a name was called, but because he ran down the street after the officers, causing a disturbance. If he'd've just said it once and left it at that, the officers'd've kept going, but the Drunk Gaydar punk ran after them yelling. He was fined for the screaming, not the words in particular. He should pay it, here you'd get fined for public intoxication.
posted by vanoakenfold at 12:48 AM on November 26, 2005

Here in the US you'd probably get real nice and aquainted friendly like with an extendable baton, nightstick or cloud of extra hot pepper spray. Or worse.

Cops have a sense of humor, of course. Just not usually when you're running full-tilt towards them (presumably at night) while shouting incomprehensible drunken gibberish.

Hell, if anyone did that to me while I was out and about on foot or bike in LA at night I'd be in full defensive mode - probably analyzing the topological possibilities of putting my foot or bike up the ass of whoever was running straight at me and shouting stupid and/or crazy sounding shit.

Because weird shit just happens, sometimes, and it's nice to be aware so you can avoid it or deal with it before "weird shit" escalates to "crazy, fucked up shit" or even "'Holy fucking shit I can't believe this shit' shit".
posted by loquacious at 4:04 AM on November 26, 2005

Here in Oxford you get drunken student pranks all the time - at least the boy wasn't jumping off Magdalen Bridge into 3 foot of water a shopping trolley. That shit happens annually when we all go to all night parties and gather to hear the college choir at 6AM get taken to Accident & Emergency with broken bones.

"With the bridge falling in the city's alcohol-free zone, the police set up an 'alcohol amnesty', in which anyone could hand over beverages without facing prosecution." Hmm, that's an offence 'observed more in the breach' for some, obviously.
posted by dash_slot- at 4:39 AM on November 26, 2005

BTW , I also dispute that the original comments were offensive or abusive, unless one considers homosexuality in itself being offensive. The absurdity of a copper taking offence at his horse being called gay tickles me, but reveals the underlying pettiness and stupidity of the members of the force. They would have done well to ignore the bait, or engage the stude in conversation. Bah.
posted by dash_slot- at 4:43 AM on November 26, 2005

This gives the phrase "mounted policemen" a whole different nuance.

In the US, he probably would have gotten to do the Taser Two-Step.

"Who's gay now, asshole? Zap him again, Harry!"
posted by Enron Hubbard at 4:46 AM on November 26, 2005

Here in Oxford you get drunken student pranks all the time

Indeed.

The real story has nothing to do with horses or gayness, but is simply about the fact that a spoiled posh cunt is surprised that he got the same sort of treatment that sundry chavs, pikeys and scallywags get doled out to them in every other city in the country on a nightly basis.

Made me laugh my arse off -- and I'll laugh even more when the beak finds him guilty.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:53 AM on November 26, 2005

The second word in this story puts "accident" in a whole new perspective. The high-tech equivalent of "slipping on a cake of soap."
posted by warbaby at 5:54 AM on November 26, 2005

The old gay mare just ain't what it used to be...
posted by insomnia_lj at 6:34 AM on November 26, 2005

Peter:
well, my take is in contrast to yours - I'd rather that harmless, sarcastic commentary by chavs, pikeys and hooray henrys alike was ignored by those paid to protect us. 'Sticks & stones' is a song they'd all profitably learn by heart. I can't see how the underlying authority of the force would be harmed, as the coppers won't hesitate to get stuck in where they really need to.
posted by dash_slot- at 8:08 AM on November 26, 2005

Isn't this less about the guy calling the cop's horse gay and more about him being a drunken asshole in public?
posted by fenriq at 8:12 AM on November 26, 2005

Two words: pony baloney.
posted by Jesse H Christ at 8:29 AM on November 26, 2005

fenriq : " Isn't this less about the guy calling the cop's horse gay and more about him being a drunken asshole in public?"

Yup.

Luckily, we got some horse vagina out of it.
posted by graventy at 8:53 AM on November 26, 2005

Misty of Chincoteague.
posted by bardic at 9:23 AM on November 26, 2005

I'd rather that harmless, sarcastic commentary by chavs, pikeys and hooray henrys alike was ignored by those paid to protect us. 'Sticks & stones' is a song they'd all profitably learn by heart.

I disagree, I don't think there's any fundamental difference between verbal abuse, punching someone out in the street, having a riot, starting a war. They're all acts of abuse and disrespect, on a continuum.

Verbal abuse can be extremely cruel, ask any below average size junior school kid (in other words, 'Sticks and Stones' is a load of horse crap).

Granted, what this guy did was just petty, but no doubt it pissed off the police, it was perceived as disrespectful, lippy and flippant. They disrespected him back by treating him like a criminal.


I believe that often weak and hateful people hide behind verbal abuse - too afraid to get physical, they try to get at you from a distance with words (always from the safety of a group of similarly minded cronies).
posted by snoktruix at 11:06 AM on November 26, 2005

The horse *was* clearly gay, by the way.
posted by nthdegx at 11:13 AM on November 26, 2005

I don't think there's any fundamental difference between verbal abuse, punching someone out in the street, having a riot, starting a war. They're all acts of abuse and disrespect, on a continuum.

That's the fucking stupidest thing I've ever read.

I believe that often weak and hateful people hide behind verbal abuse

Mmm-hmmm.
posted by Kwantsar at 11:32 AM on November 26, 2005

Verbal abuse can be extremely cruel, ask any below average size junior school kid (in other words, 'Sticks and Stones' is a load of horse crap).

Well, none of the participants in this little drama were of school age, so I wouldn't expect them to act in a peurile manner. Sticks & stones is all about ignoring the petty, the abusive, the disrespectful. I admit I've been on the receiving end of a fair amount of abuse in my time, I never really understood the only way to deal with it. I could never ignore a riot, a punch, a truly violent act. But I can ignore speech - indeed, we all do that repeatedly, every day.
posted by dash_slot- at 11:53 AM on November 26, 2005

Oh no, calling a horse gay isn't remotely puerile...


I like your ironic self-deprecation Kwantsar. Not at all fucking stupid, mmm hmmm.
posted by snoktruix at 12:14 PM on November 26, 2005

The word continuum implies difference as well as similarity. Opposites exist at the ends of a continuum. You could say there's no fundamental difference between conservativism and socialism as they both exist on the same continuum. Doing so, though, would be tantamout to writing the stupidest thing Kwanstar's ever read.
posted by nthdegx at 12:45 PM on November 26, 2005

PeterMcDermott, I find your use of the term 'scallywag' to be offensive. It has caused me “ alarm or distress.”

I'm calling the cops.

I hope "'the officers consider the comments to be a breach of the Public Order Act, and take you into custody, calling on two squad cars and six policemen to make the arrest."
posted by merelyglib at 1:10 PM on November 26, 2005

I disagree, I don't think there's any fundamental difference between verbal abuse, punching someone out in the street, having a riot, starting a war.

Oh dear. Hopefully someone will call you a witless twat, give you a good kicking and then bomb your mommy's house to help you sort out that absurd misapprehension.

Jesus Christ, some people...
posted by Decani at 1:46 PM on November 26, 2005

who here likes road apples?
posted by poweredbybeard at 3:09 PM on November 26, 2005

Clearly there's a difference, the question is what I mean by a fundamental difference. I guess the origin of my "absurd misapprehension" is that I feel the root cause of violence and conflict in all its forms, from the completely trivial all the way to global war, is human psychology. The same sort kind of human drives and face-to-face aggro propagates to all the levels. I thought it was kind of obvious that is what I was getting at, but apparently you're more interested in getting all personal and bitchy, so fuck you.
posted by snoktruix at 4:21 PM on November 26, 2005

My horse is gayer than your horse.
posted by super_not at 7:08 PM on November 26, 2005

What does a gay horse eat?




"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!"
posted by dgaicun at 7:46 PM on November 26, 2005

And what does a gay snake say?



"Thhhhhhhh!"
posted by hartsell at 11:44 PM on November 26, 2005

I thought it was kind of obvious that is what I was getting at, but apparently you're more interested in getting all personal and bitchy, so fuck you.

OWWWEEE! That's so hurtful! Couldn't you have just kicked me in the nuts instead?
posted by Decani at 11:30 AM on November 27, 2005

That's nothing. My horse is Jewish. The bris was a frikkin nightmare.
posted by Smedleyman at 12:59 PM on November 27, 2005

frikkin

Is that English? Perhaps imported from Hindi, like "pukka"? I don't watch many Bollywood films, so I apologize if this is an otherwise common word with which I'm unfamiliar.

Man, I'm glad I bought that umbrella today, because it's supposed to rain again tomorrow.
posted by gramschmidt at 12:40 AM on November 30, 2005