Face it: your baby will not grow up to be a genius.

December 6, 2005 12:15 AM

Baby Bush: toys for the resoundingly average child. Also new from plinko design: Fancy Parking.
posted by kyleg (23 comments total)

[via]
posted by kyleg at 12:18 AM on December 6, 2005

The Terror Alert Xylophone is rad! I want one for my desk.
posted by Mijo Bijo at 12:49 AM on December 6, 2005

It's a shame they had to cram two ideas together. Just the idea of toys designed to make kids underachieve is good enough to stand on its own. And, in its own context, the Terror Alert Xylophone is pretty inspired. But here all the random Bush stuff seems a bit, well, random.
posted by chrismear at 12:58 AM on December 6, 2005

Wow. I really enjoyed reading Baby Bush. Then I giggled as I read Fancy Parking at all those people there who don't pay attention to *** wait a sec .... did I ever take the kettle off the burner from an hour ago?***

And so I get up from my computer, go to my kitchen and behold! My teapot is on fire, the plastic handle finally succumbing to the flames of the gas stove as it crackles merrily away. After putting out the blaze, I wonder, am I really smart enough to buy toys from Baby Bush or learn how to park from Fancy Parking?

So yeah. Thanks for the link, or my house might be burned down right now.
posted by Happydaz at 1:01 AM on December 6, 2005

Happy, I've done that same thing. Combining open flame with web browsing is NOT a good idea. :)
posted by Malor at 1:20 AM on December 6, 2005

Nor is combining web browsing with filling the sink with water. Ask my downstairs neighbors.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:37 AM on December 6, 2005

Those are some expensive toys.
posted by VillainousJester at 3:44 AM on December 6, 2005

It should be real. It SHOULD! I want them all! Damn.
posted by malusmoriendumest at 3:59 AM on December 6, 2005

I'm don't like Bush and I agree that he's not the most intellectual man to have occupied the White House, but isn't the "Bush is dumb" joke, in all its forms, about four years past funny? Nice graphics and all, good execution, but not so funny anymore? Maybe chrismear's suggestion is the right one.
posted by pracowity at 4:39 AM on December 6, 2005

I'm don't like Bush and I agree that he's not the most intellectual man to have occupied the White House, but isn't the "Bush is dumb" joke, in all its forms, about four years past funny?

It's not that it's past funny-- it's always been tragic that connections count more than brains or drive. Our head of state is dumb, in a 19^th-century inbred european prince style and we should be very upset about it. Saying "Aww! He's dumb! How funny and quaint!" seems to marginalize the situation.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:54 AM on December 6, 2005

As the old saying goes: "Never attribute to malice anything that can be satisfactorily explained by stupidity."

Sadly, I think we passed the "satisfactorily explained" point about 3.5 years ago.
posted by hank_14 at 5:46 AM on December 6, 2005

haha. babies are so stupid.
posted by eustatic at 5:57 AM on December 6, 2005

This is mean. And really funny. I take it the items are priced for the Pentagon.
posted by fungible at 6:09 AM on December 6, 2005

From the Fancy Parking FAQ:
"Where can I find images of the Moon and planets online?"

"There are a number of places, both in and outside of NASA, where such images are available. Therefore, a comprehensive listing of such sites is neither possible or practical."

And

"I'd like to meet other Fancy Parkers in my area. Are there any clubs or associations where we can meet up, and swap Fancy Parking stories?"

"Yes"

I'm gonna go grab a new cup of tea and some towels. Thanks for the comedy.
posted by fnord at 6:26 AM on December 6, 2005

Yeah... that was a regular laugh riot. "Holy crap, all they said was 'Yes.' They must be comedic geniuses!"

Full disclosure: I back in when I park. I cannot see why this is a subject of comedy, possibly due to my lack of sufficient distance from the issue.
posted by Eideteker at 8:02 AM on December 6, 2005

Why do you back in?

Really, I'm not trying to be antagonizing.
posted by state fxn at 2:23 PM on December 6, 2005

I don't think this site is a "Bush is dumb, hehe" site. It's more of a social commentary on the dumbing of America in general that is currently being overseen by Bush.
posted by Mijo Bijo at 2:24 PM on December 6, 2005

state fxn, compare the rear visibility required when backing into a space, with that required to back out of a space. When you're backing into a space, you're moving the car into a static space that you've already observed clearly as you drove past. When you're reversing out, you have to try and watch for oncoming traffic from potentially both directions, and your head is positioned so far into the parking bay that the cars either side of you greatly obstruct your view of the road.

That's why I fancy park, anyway.
posted by chrismear at 2:28 PM on December 6, 2005

Huh. Makes sense.

To me, I feel like there's an equal chance of random pedestrians walking in different places, be it through a parking spot or behind a car. As for the convenience factor, both types of parking scores about the same, since both requires backing out at some point. I guess I feel more comfortable backing out into a bigger space than a smaller one.
posted by state fxn at 5:50 PM on December 6, 2005

Pulling in head-first is lazy. Most people that pull in nose-first don't end up perfectly straight. That sort of parking is best suited for angle-in parking.

Besides, parking my motorcycle nose-in would just be retarded, especially when parking on-street.
posted by Eideteker at 6:57 PM on December 6, 2005

fancy parking just feels right!
...and uh, what chrismear said.
posted by pointilist at 9:38 PM on December 6, 2005

Mijo Bijo is right: the joke is far more than "Bush is dumb". I'd say it's about the wilful and complicit dumbing of America by what it sees as figures in authority (president/educators) in a culture where self-esteem is considered more important than either education or truth.

Having said that, I'd pay $24.99 for a Twisty Thing That Is Red.
posted by Hogshead at 10:02 AM on December 7, 2005

As a hotel valet, I was forced to "fancy park" because it was quicker/safer to retrieve the guest's car that way. Whenever I see a car parked like that, I always assume that person must've been a valet at some point in their life. Guess they're just fancy.
posted by mullacc at 2:03 AM on December 9, 2005