For the season....

December 15, 2005 11:10 AM

Merry Christmas
posted by bluesky43 (152 comments total)

Uh oh.
posted by you just lost the game at 11:11 AM on December 15, 2005

LET MORTAL KOMBAT BEGIN
posted by selfnoise at 11:11 AM on December 15, 2005

:throws grand mal atheist grinch tantrum:
posted by fleetmouse at 11:12 AM on December 15, 2005

Fuck christmas
posted by cmonkey at 11:14 AM on December 15, 2005

this ought to be good.
posted by NationalKato at 11:14 AM on December 15, 2005

[I] won! [I] get to eat ALL the cookies! MMMMmmmmm!
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:15 AM on December 15, 2005

If this was to be the reverse of fuckchristmas, shouldn't it be abstinencechristmas?

Then again, with that design... maybe that's what the page is going for.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:15 AM on December 15, 2005

cmonkey

I second that sentiment.
posted by Mr_Zero at 11:15 AM on December 15, 2005

last post!
posted by Mach5 at 11:15 AM on December 15, 2005

don't blow your wad too early, Mach5.
posted by NationalKato at 11:15 AM on December 15, 2005

Happy Holidays
posted by plexiwatt at 11:16 AM on December 15, 2005

No way, NationalKato...if we all band together and work hard, this could turn into the new mushroom post!
posted by you just lost the game at 11:16 AM on December 15, 2005

last comment before deletion.
posted by killdevil at 11:16 AM on December 15, 2005

Oops...I meant, "No way, Mach5...", etc..
posted by you just lost the game at 11:17 AM on December 15, 2005

*bands together*
posted by NationalKato at 11:17 AM on December 15, 2005

GO GO SOLSTICE
posted by Protocols of the Elders of Awesome at 11:17 AM on December 15, 2005

Merry Christmas!
posted by prostyle at 11:17 AM on December 15, 2005

GO GO GADGET SOLSTICE

fixed.
posted by NationalKato at 11:18 AM on December 15, 2005

last comment.
posted by killdevil at 11:18 AM on December 15, 2005

another take
posted by moonbird at 11:19 AM on December 15, 2005

A man entered a pun contest with 10 puns, hoping one would win. Unfortunatly, no pun in ten did.
posted by Mach5 at 11:19 AM on December 15, 2005

Jean Teasdale would approve of this link.
posted by killdevil at 11:19 AM on December 15, 2005

I am so not clicking on any of these links.
posted by alumshubby at 11:20 AM on December 15, 2005

Last post.
posted by brownpau at 11:21 AM on December 15, 2005

"Letters sent to Santa become the property of Teckni-Corp., Ltd. - sponsor of this site."

So ... Santa works for Teckni-Corp now. And lives in Iowa?!?
posted by grabbingsand at 11:21 AM on December 15, 2005

Splendid Saturnalia!
posted by moonbird at 11:21 AM on December 15, 2005

Santa = fucking sellout.
posted by NationalKato at 11:22 AM on December 15, 2005

Happy Festivus!
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:22 AM on December 15, 2005

Scrooge
posted by bluesky43 at 11:22 AM on December 15, 2005

Merry Christmas from Focus On The Family.
posted by killdevil at 11:23 AM on December 15, 2005

Merry Fucking Christmas!
posted by Espy Gillespie at 11:23 AM on December 15, 2005

I'm just alarmed at being wished a "safe holidays". What do they imagine could possibly happen to people celebrating Christmas? Freak fairy-light accident? Mother-in-law? Mince-pie inferno?

I'm not clicking on any of the links either.
posted by squashy wol at 11:23 AM on December 15, 2005

Baby Jesus aproves.
posted by 2sheets at 11:24 AM on December 15, 2005

posted by killdevil at 11:26 AM on December 15, 2005

Santa's elves are drinking again.
posted by bardic at 11:28 AM on December 15, 2005

Look, Christmas is a time for being unapolagetically greedy, eating a bunch of crap, drinking port, and hanging out with my family watching Aliens and burning a Twinkie at the stake on the front lawn.
Lesson- holidays are what you make of them, so everybody shut the for the sweet love of god up, or Santa will kill you in your sleep.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 11:29 AM on December 15, 2005

Merry Chrismas item!
posted by bluesky43 at 11:29 AM on December 15, 2005

posted by Espy Gillespie at 11:30 AM on December 15, 2005

Chappy Channukah!
posted by Robot Johnny at 11:32 AM on December 15, 2005

John said it best
posted by bluesky43 at 11:32 AM on December 15, 2005

This thread will likely be deleted in the near future, so I'm putting in a few words in the hopes that after said deletion, my comment will be the last, which is a position of modest distinction and amusement. It is possible that this will not, in fact, be the last comment, so bravo to the lucky person who fills that slot. I will now make this comment, which, again, I hope, but do not necessarily expect, will be the last, when all is said and done.
posted by brain_drain at 11:33 AM on December 15, 2005

On the November 9 broadcast of his television show, Fox News host Bill O'Reilly said "I don't believe most people who aren't Christian are offended by the words 'Merry Christmas.' I think those people are nuts." Later, when guest Philip Nulman, an advertising and marketing executive, said that using the phrases "Season's Greetings" and "Happy Holidays" does not offend Christians, O'Reilly disagreed. "It absolutely does," he said. "And I know that for a fact."
posted by wakko at 11:34 AM on December 15, 2005

I am sorry to disappoint you, but applaud your effort and encourage you to try again.
posted by killdevil at 11:34 AM on December 15, 2005

I'm just alarmed at being wished a "safe holidays". What do they imagine could possibly happen to people celebrating Christmas?

Besides being killed by a drunk driver coming home from his Xmas party?
posted by NationalKato at 11:35 AM on December 15, 2005

We tortured an elf for this intelligence.
posted by Captaintripps at 11:39 AM on December 15, 2005

With apologies to brain_drain . . .

Shut your festering gob, you tit!
posted by JeffK at 11:41 AM on December 15, 2005

Wow, killdevil, that wreck was so bad it turned the train inside out!
posted by Pollomacho at 11:42 AM on December 15, 2005

...and then a donkey kicked a field goal to win the game!!
posted by BobFrapples at 11:46 AM on December 15, 2005

...and the bear says "you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
posted by lord_wolf at 11:48 AM on December 15, 2005

...And it turned out rosebud was the sled!
posted by drezdn at 11:49 AM on December 15, 2005

...And the hatch was an elaborate psych experiment!
posted by drezdn at 11:50 AM on December 15, 2005

...And the reformed racist was killed by a black kid!
posted by drezdn at 11:50 AM on December 15, 2005

...And the video game was just a test to recruit pilots!
posted by drezdn at 11:51 AM on December 15, 2005

...And it was funny because Chuck Norris didn't have aids, but gave them to the kid anyways!
posted by drezdn at 11:51 AM on December 15, 2005

...and then Snape kills Dumbledore.
posted by BobFrapples at 11:51 AM on December 15, 2005

...And Linus gave the speech to draw attention away from the fact that he was 16 and still carrying a blanket everywhere!
posted by drezdn at 11:52 AM on December 15, 2005

...And how come no one ever talks about Rerun, Linus's younger brother?
posted by drezdn at 11:52 AM on December 15, 2005

".. this is an ice rink, thre are no fish here."
posted by edgeways at 11:53 AM on December 15, 2005

...and the thread lived happily evar after.
posted by you just lost the game at 11:53 AM on December 15, 2005

Here you go, drezdn...
posted by BobFrapples at 11:53 AM on December 15, 2005

...And in the end his wife spends a bunch of time fantasize about men other than bloom, including the character loosely based on the author!
posted by drezdn at 11:53 AM on December 15, 2005

THANKS!
posted by drezdn at 11:54 AM on December 15, 2005

Spoilers, drezdn!!! Now I'll nevar read Ulysses!!!
posted by you just lost the game at 11:58 AM on December 15, 2005

Grrr.
posted by meh at 11:59 AM on December 15, 2005

...and it turns out "to serve man" was actually a cookbook.
posted by koeselitz at 12:04 PM on December 15, 2005

Spoilers, drezdn!!! Now I'll nevar read Ulysses!!!

Meh, it's all down hill after Chuck starts thinking he's got aids.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:04 PM on December 15, 2005

...and everything Marcel remembers turns out to be the feverish dreams of a madeleine-induced coma.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 12:07 PM on December 15, 2005

...and, predictably, the meek do end up inheriting the earth after all.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 12:09 PM on December 15, 2005

...and it turns out that he's in suspended animation 150 years in the future, and his whole life after Sofia said "open your eyes" was just fabricated by his subconscious, and he decides to leave suspended animation and wake up.
posted by koeselitz at 12:11 PM on December 15, 2005

...that cancer's a bitch Lance, and now your nuts are gone.
posted by underer at 12:11 PM on December 15, 2005

...the whole thing was just the fantasy of the autistic kid gazing into a snow globe.
posted by JeffK at 12:11 PM on December 15, 2005

...no, virginia, there isn't a santa claus
posted by milquetoast at 12:12 PM on December 15, 2005

....and that hot chick was a man!
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:13 PM on December 15, 2005

...some more crazy shit happens, there's no real resolution, but Agent Dale Cooper is still pretty sweet.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 12:13 PM on December 15, 2005

...James Bond does it with the chick.
posted by selfnoise at 12:14 PM on December 15, 2005

...And it turns out that Anyong had been living in the walls all along.
posted by drezdn at 12:14 PM on December 15, 2005

...Mario saves the Princess.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 12:15 PM on December 15, 2005

...And the kid could see dead people because he was beating them over the head with the ring video tape at the technology-less religious community that he lived in which was within a national park!
posted by drezdn at 12:15 PM on December 15, 2005

...And Superman is a dick!
posted by drezdn at 12:16 PM on December 15, 2005

..And the call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:16 PM on December 15, 2005

...dry land is not a myth!
posted by Espy Gillespie at 12:16 PM on December 15, 2005

..They are all put in jail for not helping a guy who got in a car accident.
posted by drezdn at 12:19 PM on December 15, 2005

... And after seeing the dead body, he grew up to become Stephen King!
posted by drezdn at 12:19 PM on December 15, 2005

...And the name of that shy child who didn't speak for his first 20 years was... PAUL HARVEY, and now you know the rest of the story.
posted by drezdn at 12:20 PM on December 15, 2005

::dryly, but with a bit of chipperness at the end:: Good day.
posted by drezdn at 12:21 PM on December 15, 2005

...and they found out that each one of them is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 12:21 PM on December 15, 2005

It's "Your hompage for the Holidays", you know.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:23 PM on December 15, 2005

...and he wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette!

p.s. item rocks!
posted by gohlkus at 12:28 PM on December 15, 2005

... And they all graduate and go to college where another TV show is made about them.
posted by drezdn at 12:30 PM on December 15, 2005

...In the end it turns out Keyser Soze is a kid in his twenties with some trouble making friends.
posted by drezdn at 12:32 PM on December 15, 2005

...And Soylent Green is PEOPULLL!! IT"S PEEEEE-PULLL!!!
posted by BigLankyBastard at 12:32 PM on December 15, 2005

...Screech did it.
posted by ericb at 12:34 PM on December 15, 2005

...It was Bugs Meany, Enyclopedia Brown figured it out when Bugs told him that he was at the library reading up on the Penguins in the Artic.
posted by drezdn at 12:35 PM on December 15, 2005

...Paul JR. and George Sr. get the bike done in time, and it just so happens that the episode is a subtle ad for gillete razors. Mikey does something funny.
posted by drezdn at 12:36 PM on December 15, 2005

...And Darth Vader is Luke's father.
posted by rxrfrx at 12:37 PM on December 15, 2005

...Kong dies.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 12:37 PM on December 15, 2005

...And the kids learn a valuable lesson about sharing.
posted by drezdn at 12:38 PM on December 15, 2005

...and that's why he's so mean!
posted by Floydd at 12:39 PM on December 15, 2005

...and it turns out they were inside a videogame. But are they still in it?
posted by brundlefly at 12:39 PM on December 15, 2005

...And no one ever had to drink beer again, as we were all intoxicated on love. Love, I say!
posted by moonbird at 12:40 PM on December 15, 2005

...and you all are really missing out on a much wittier bunch of mefis. Chomsky would appreciate the recursion.
posted by bluesky43 at 12:40 PM on December 15, 2005

..and even though the thread only had enough fuel for one or two comments, a gentle moderator looked down on the mefites with compassion and the thread burned for more than 100...
posted by brevator at 12:41 PM on December 15, 2005

...and that's how we sodomized the bastard Christ.


posted by fleetmouse at 12:43 PM on December 15, 2005

Ha! I only clicked on the thread to see why there were so many comments! How absurd.
posted by voltairemodern at 12:44 PM on December 15, 2005

...and, my word, look at the time.
posted by o2b at 12:46 PM on December 15, 2005

...and knowing is half the battle.
posted by Mr T at 12:48 PM on December 15, 2005

...and then Dave became a giant space baby.
posted by jefbla at 12:52 PM on December 15, 2005

...and God bless us every one!
posted by Mr T at 12:57 PM on December 15, 2005

... I don't think I can stand sixty-seven more of those.
posted by Floydd at 1:00 PM on December 15, 2005

...and Beedogs.com is the premier online repository for pictures of dogs in bee costumes.
posted by wakko at 1:01 PM on December 15, 2005

ps, christmas isn't for another few weeks..
JUST AN FYI
posted by jdg at 1:02 PM on December 15, 2005

...and still it moves.
posted by frecklefaerie at 1:03 PM on December 15, 2005

...and christmas came early that year.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 1:04 PM on December 15, 2005

Walker told me I have AIDS.
posted by mazola at 1:06 PM on December 15, 2005

...and that's how my girlfriend became my arch-enemy, my arch-enemy became my best friend, and my best friend became my girlfriend. But, hey-- that's high school.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:17 PM on December 15, 2005

Hey Matt where are you?????????????/
posted by bjgeiger at 1:18 PM on December 15, 2005

So has anyone actually bothered to flag this post?
posted by mazola at 1:21 PM on December 15, 2005

...and if I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.
posted by Floydd at 1:21 PM on December 15, 2005

I have this green shit on my balls, is that bad?
posted by eyeballkid at 1:21 PM on December 15, 2005

Wait, this isn't anonymous AskMeFi is it?
posted by eyeballkid at 1:22 PM on December 15, 2005

Hey kids, here's your chance to send a letter to Santa Claus!
Santa will even write you back - if you get your parents' permission!
posted by wakko at 1:24 PM on December 15, 2005

Khaaaan.
posted by NationalKato at 1:24 PM on December 15, 2005

i mean, Khaaaan!
posted by NationalKato at 1:25 PM on December 15, 2005

...and Lazarus Long goes back in time and fucks his own mom.
posted by alumshubby at 1:25 PM on December 15, 2005

Texas rangers are experts in these things mazola, take heed!
posted by AllesKlar at 1:29 PM on December 15, 2005

...and then the Cutters taped Dave's feet to the pedals and he beat those frat house pricks, those rich jerk-offs with their fancy cars and hot girlfriends.
posted by fixedgear at 1:29 PM on December 15, 2005

wakko (or whomever he linked to) has a valid point: if non-xians aren't offended by "Merry Christmas," why should xians be offended by "Happy Holidays"?
posted by mrgrimm at 1:31 PM on December 15, 2005

Also, Merry Christmas just jumped the shark.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:32 PM on December 15, 2005

...and that's how I got crabs. For the second time.
posted by kookywon at 1:34 PM on December 15, 2005

stop trying to derail, mrgrimm.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 1:35 PM on December 15, 2005

posted by mazola at 1:36 PM on December 15, 2005

posted by mazola at 1:37 PM on December 15, 2005

... and we'll never know what rosebud was.
posted by dd42 at 1:38 PM on December 15, 2005

...and that's when Joshua learned that the only winning move is NOT TO PLAY.
posted by BobFrapples at 1:38 PM on December 15, 2005

... The point is that I am now a perfectly safe penguin, and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs ...
posted by AllesKlar at 1:43 PM on December 15, 2005

...and, even though some people wanted to spoil the fun, Santa guaranteed that CHRISTMAS WILL LAST FOREVER THIS YEAR!
posted by koeselitz at 1:44 PM on December 15, 2005

... and that's when the CHUDs came for me.
posted by brain_drain at 1:45 PM on December 15, 2005

His wife just turned up, IN MEXICO!
posted by fullerine at 1:53 PM on December 15, 2005

I think teh funny has finally run out.
posted by NationalKato at 1:57 PM on December 15, 2005

obligatory google fight
posted by mrgrimm at 2:05 PM on December 15, 2005

My gift to you!
posted by mazola at 2:06 PM on December 15, 2005

It's "Your hompage for the Holidays", you know.

So I guess the fuckchristmas site would be "Your humpage for the Holidays"?

(I've got to remember to use that one. "I'm gonna go out and get me some humpage tonight!")
posted by Durhey at 2:12 PM on December 15, 2005

I, for one, will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's homo-abortion-pot-and-Commie-jizzporium.
posted by chuq at 2:14 PM on December 15, 2005

...and they all ended up in jail after a series of nostalgic recollections to a small-town courtroom.
posted by plexiwatt at 2:15 PM on December 15, 2005

*frrrrt*
posted by Evstar at 2:21 PM on December 15, 2005

.
posted by SassHat at 2:27 PM on December 15, 2005

last comma before excretion: ,
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:39 PM on December 15, 2005

and here it goes....
posted by gallois at 2:46 PM on December 15, 2005

Oh fuck off
posted by Joeforking at 3:05 PM on December 15, 2005

...when I died they washed me out of the turret with a hose.
posted by foot at 3:05 PM on December 15, 2005

You know, I have never understood the point of commenting in these train wreck threads. Yet for some reason I feel an incredible compulsion to do so.
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 3:07 PM on December 15, 2005

posted by milquetoast at 3:09 PM on December 15, 2005