Dear God

October 7, 2006 8:46 AM

Kids say the darndest things.
posted by caddis (46 comments total)

oops, I forgot to add: (via the Presurfer)
posted by caddis at 8:48 AM on October 7, 2006

So, those are the originals to some of these? I dunno, I'd like to yell "fake", but I won't. :)
posted by soundofsuburbia at 8:57 AM on October 7, 2006

Looks like something Conan O'Brien would do. I vote "not really by kids".
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:57 AM on October 7, 2006

I vote "not really by kids"

I'd second that vote. The "kid" writing is too calculated, for one thing: an adult's attempt to write like a child.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:03 AM on October 7, 2006

I'm pretty sure the text started as a much-forwarded email. When these things get around enough to lose all their attribution, you can be pretty sure they've at least been altered, with people adding their own along the way. And what M_C_D said; the handwriting is that of an adult trying to fake a kid's writing.
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:04 AM on October 7, 2006

Someone needs to tell Jonathan that dinosaurs never existed, their bones are on the planet to test our faith in The Ford. He may be young, but he's got a lot to learn if he wants to keep up-to-date with the acknowledged "wisdom" of some world leaders.
posted by TheDonF at 9:18 AM on October 7, 2006

Yeah, this list is all over the place. First Usenet appearance I can find: 1998.
posted by dansdata at 9:22 AM on October 7, 2006

Looks like the letters came from a book.
posted by squeak at 9:24 AM on October 7, 2006

We read Thos. Edison made light...

Yeah, it's a fake. They'd have us believe that a kid would drop the "m" and "a" from "Thomas" but somehow remember the silent "h?"
posted by Iridic at 9:26 AM on October 7, 2006

Dear God,
I've ben reading the bibel and you used to do a lot of smiting. I think you should start doing more smiting and if you do, can you start with Karl? Can I watch?
Love,
Bob
posted by leftcoastbob at 9:30 AM on October 7, 2006

It's not a fake; these are Xeroxes of some pages of a book called "Children's Letters to God", which I had when I was young (about 25 years ago, oy). So, sorry all you Doubting Thomas-types; you're going to hell.

(I don't believe in God, but the book was cute.)
posted by tzikeh at 9:33 AM on October 7, 2006

Sorry 'bout posting twice so quickly:

This is the copy I had.
posted by tzikeh at 9:35 AM on October 7, 2006

Apparently the book was first published in 1966.
posted by bob sarabia at 9:38 AM on October 7, 2006

Missed it by that much.
posted by bob sarabia at 9:39 AM on October 7, 2006

Is Andy Partridge's letter to God in there somehwere?
posted by NoMich at 9:46 AM on October 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

Looks like there's a play based on it.

(And BTW, "in a book" != "real".)
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:49 AM on October 7, 2006

So that's what lonelygirl15 is up to nowadays.

Seriously, even if they were published doesnt mean they're authentic.
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:49 AM on October 7, 2006

obvious fake, because it's absolutely impossible that a kid could ever scribble a letter to god

*rolls eyes*
posted by pyramid termite at 10:03 AM on October 7, 2006

These letters were in an old fashioned paper newspaper. So I think that these are probably real too.
posted by monkeystronghold at 10:03 AM on October 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

I am agnostic on the existence of these letters to God.
posted by dhartung at 10:14 AM on October 7, 2006

Somehow I think if these were fake, they'd be dripping with a lot more agenda.

In any case, I thought they were cute.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 10:27 AM on October 7, 2006

I don't think the claim that these are children's letters to God is falsifiable.
posted by fleetmouse at 10:41 AM on October 7, 2006

Dear god: Please make this abuse of JavaScript stop.
posted by Artw at 10:42 AM on October 7, 2006

Uther Bentrazor : "Somehow I think if these were fake, they'd be dripping with a lot more agenda."

If they were written nowadays, maybe, but we're talking about something that predates 1967.

Iridic : "They'd have us believe that a kid would drop the 'm' and 'a' from 'Thomas' but somehow remember the silent 'h?'"

I hope that's sarcasm, but on the slim chance it isn't: "Thos." is (was?) a standard abbreviation of "Thomas".
posted by Bugbread at 10:44 AM on October 7, 2006

FPP? More like shit sandwich appetizer.
posted by dbiedny at 10:50 AM on October 7, 2006

It's not a fake; these are Xeroxes of some pages of a book called "Children's Letters to God", which I had when I was young

And I know the George Washington and the cherry tree story is true because that was in a book I had when I was young.

"Thos." is (was?) a standard abbreviation of "Thomas".

Uh, yes, the question is whether little kids in the '60s knew and used that abbreviation. My vote is for "no."
posted by languagehat at 10:51 AM on October 7, 2006

According to the census, I'm in a minority in the U.S. .. but cute or not, I just find these letters sad. Imagine the waste of time, energy, imagination and talent spent wondering / worrying / praying to a nonentity.

Sniff. It makes me sad for their immortal souls.
posted by DoubtingThomas at 11:08 AM on October 7, 2006

OTOH, fantastic link,, monkeystronghold.
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:11 AM on October 7, 2006

Dear God,

WTF.
posted by Stauf at 11:14 AM on October 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

Dear God,

I think the stapler is one of your greatest invention

Ruth M

Real or no, this is just damn funny.
posted by quin at 11:39 AM on October 7, 2006

Imagine the waste of time, energy, imagination and talent spent wondering / worrying / praying to a nonentity.

they didn't have metafilter back then, what else were they to do?
posted by pyramid termite at 12:00 PM on October 7, 2006

Dear God,

I think the stapler is one of your greatest invention

Ruth M

A young Larry King writes to God.
posted by cerulgalactus at 12:01 PM on October 7, 2006

languagehat : "Uh, yes, the question is whether little kids in the '60s knew and used that abbreviation. My vote is for "no.""

My dad did.

Of course, his name was Thomas...
posted by Bugbread at 12:11 PM on October 7, 2006

Dear God

You let Satan murder Job's family and ruin his life to settle a bet. How do you live with yourself, you sadistic bastard?

Up Yours,
The Confessor
posted by The Confessor at 12:26 PM on October 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

Dear God,
I'm gonna getcha, you dirty bastad. Don't think I won't.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:43 PM on October 7, 2006

I won't vote fake or otherwise. The logic is quite kid-like and believeable. The entries do have suspiciously good grammar though. Almost all are complete sentences. I guess there must have been other entries not chosen, though...
posted by scarabic at 1:45 PM on October 7, 2006

I did know that Thos. was short for Thomas, Bugbread, but like Languagehat, I assumed that a kid young enough to be composing her letter in crayon wouldn't be too up on parish registry-style name abbreviations. It's interesting that your dad knew and used his abbreviation, though. Did he use it often? Does he still?
posted by Iridic at 1:52 PM on October 7, 2006

It looks like they've been compiling these letters in different editions continuously since the 60s. Here's a more recent edition.

Fake? I dunno. It's sold over a million copies and I can't find anyone on the web calling the letters' legitimacy into question. Maybe the compilers explain their methodology in the intro or something. We are an exceptionally skeptical bunch here. Which isn't a bad thing, necessarily.

If legitimate, the compilers likely had a large number of candidate letters to select from. The selected letters would represent extrordinary examples.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:17 PM on October 7, 2006

I was a kid in the 60s and yes, abbreviations like Thos. and Chas. and Wm. were a lot more common back then.
posted by iconjack at 2:33 PM on October 7, 2006

Imagine the waste of time, energy, imagination and talent spent wondering / worrying / praying to a nonentity.

Whatever. Do you believe in the value of meditation in terms of helping to center one's self, or to quiet the mind a bit and adjust one's perspective? Prayer is essentially the same thing.
posted by psmealey at 2:42 PM on October 7, 2006

Do you believe in the value of meditation in terms of helping to center one's self, or to quiet the mind a bit and adjust one's perspective? Prayer is essentially the same thing.

And if that doesn't work, there's always Thorazine.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:26 PM on October 7, 2006

Dear God,

Why did you let my sister marry your kid? I suppose you think cloistering a lesbian in a nunnery is amusing, somehow. Grow up.
posted by Sparx at 4:43 PM on October 7, 2006

FPP? More like shit sandwich appetizer.

Those who live in glass houses ...
posted by caddis at 6:01 PM on October 7, 2006

Iridic writes "Did he use it often? Does he still?"

Unfortunately, I don't know if he did it a lot. It only came up when I saw something that said "Thos." in a collection of stuff from when he was a kid.

As for nowadays: No, he gues by Tom, so it doesn't really come up. My mom, Maria, does still write "Ma.", but she's Spanish, so we're talking slightly different rules.
posted by Bugbread at 8:40 PM on October 7, 2006

Dear God,

What are you going to do about all the doubters?
posted by blue shadows at 10:32 PM on October 7, 2006

dbiedny writes "FPP? More like shit sandwich appetizer."

MetaFilter: Shit Sandwich Appetizer.

scarabic writes "The entries do have suspiciously good grammar though."

Are you talking suspiciously by modern standards? Because standards for grammer and spellng wer mutch stricker bak than.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:12 AM on October 8, 2006